my first twilight fanfic so be gentle. I havent quite adjusted to the characters personalities yet, but hopefully it'll get better. I am obviously not stephanie meyer, so dont expect perfection, cause unfortionatly Edward was all her creation :( props to steph meyer everything belongs to her.
He still won't change me. I've had almost 6 months to think it through in every possible way and I always come to the same startling conclusion: eventually, I will die while Edward continues to live. He says it would be selfish of himself to do it, to change me into a vampire, but in my heart and soul I know it is what I want. I really think it's what he wants, too, but he's afraid. He doesn't want to hurt me.
"Bella, I know you're awake," a smooth angelic voice whispers into my ear as I lie curled up in a ball on my bed. I realize how lucky I am that Edward can't seem to read my thoughts, because this specific string would certainly cause his temper to soar. "Open your eyes, my Bella."
My eyes open a peek and I see my angel lying next to me on my little twin bed. As always when I see him in the morning, I sigh in relief that he stayed by my side throughout the night.
"Did you sleep well?" he asks gently, brushing the few stray hairs away from my face so he can peer into my eyes. Just like every other time, his breath and eyes stun me and force me to have to concentrate on little things like breathing.
"Yes, I did," I reply, leaning towards his face a bit more, "And how was it watching my sleep?" I ask, sarcastically, knowing I must have said something embarrassing in my sleep-talking.
His eyes let on a bit of a troubled gaze, "What did I say?" I ask, worried.
"The usual things," he replies, ambiguously. I stare at him hard, but he doesn't relent.
"Alright, if you're not going to tell me, then I am going to leave," I go to sit up when he pulls me back down closer to his face.
"You said that you wish you could be closer to me," he says with a pained expression. I stare at him, realizing what I must have meant. Of course it puts a damper on a relationship when just kissing your boyfriend could potentially cause him to lose control and drink your very-sweet-smelling blood.
"I'm fine with how we are, Edward. I just can't help but think that—" Am I really going to have to make him angry after all? "I just know that if you changed me like Alice saw in her vision—" His eyes immediately darken and his brow furrows and I shrink back at the pained aggression in his expression.
"I won't do it, Bella. Not now, not ever. It would be killing you, can't you see that?" His voice holds none of the anger that his face portrays.
"But you would be allowing me to spend forever with you!" I try to reason, but he will have none of that. Instead he lets out a low growl and places his marble lips on mine and gently, safely, kisses me. I sense this is to divert my thoughts from the recent topic of the argument. I lose my thoughts completely and work hard at remembering to breathe. Soon, though, he backs off of the kiss, looking at me with hungry, dark eyes.
"I am sorry, Bella. I only want what's best for you. I want you to live and be safe. I can't take that away from you simply for my own desires," his eyes show that he is having great difficulty in even listening to himself. Well, it's nice to know I have that strong of an effect on him.
"But don't you wish we could have something more than a secret and guarded kisses? You can barely touch me without having to be careful. That's not how I want it to be for the rest of our lives, Edward." I try again with reasoning. But his head shakes, tossing his bronze hair against the pillow.
"What you say makes sense, Bella, but you aren't absorbing the fact that they are not lives!" His eyes close as he calms his suddenly rough voice. I place my hand on his cheek, knowing how he loves my warmth. "I don't want to give you this life until you no longer can live your mortal one. It would not be fair for you to miss out on living so you can spend eternity damned with me." I glare at his nonsense, but in the end I can do nothing but place my head against his chest and sigh. Yet again he has won the argument that we have several times a day. When will I be able convince him that I know what's best for myself?
Breathing in his scent, I lose track of time, "Bella, no matter how much I wish to stay like this, Alice is still waiting at the house for us." His voice softly breaks into my consciousness. I nod, removing my cheek from his stone chest.
"One human moment and I'll be right back." I smile and bounce up from the bed and into the bathroom. It's Sunday morning and Alice, Edward, and I are going somewhere—though I have yet to discover where. I shower and blow-dry my hair, tying it back into a fancy knot-type style Alice showed me before. (Of course it looks better when she does it, but I gave it my best shot.) I put on my jeans and a thin, white sweater that Esme gave me for my birthday. I run back to my room, eager to get back to my angel. He's lying out on my bed with a white t-shirt and black jeans on, looking like a model as usual.
"Breakfast-time?" he asks, smiling his white, shiny smile. His eyes flicker with a hilarity that he often associates with my human qualities.
"Yes, come on, Mr. Funny-Guy," I say, pulling him with me. This pulling is entirely unnecessary, for he overpowers me by a bazillion degrees, but he follows me all the same.
I pull a pop tart out of the box and open the packet. Sitting down at the table, I see Edward watching me intently, as he always does when I'm eating, or "hunting" as I like to call it. I down my breakfast quickly and stand up, ready to go. Edward's eyes still linger on mine as he stands and comes closer to me, embracing me to him.
"You are amazing," he says, his voice silken and seductive to the point where I can't resist lunging into a kiss. He freezes and turns to stone under the extreme pressure of my kiss. He backs away, halfway across the living room, panting, his eyes shut tight.
I realize my mistake, looking at him to see if he calms alright.
"Edward?" I ask tentatively. His eyes open and I see that they are very dark. I wonder how long it has been since he went hunting last. He sits, abruptly on the floor, his head in his hands, quietly cursing a long string of profanities under his breath.
I walk over and sit on the couch a safe distance away, "Is it bad?" I ask gently.
"Yes, but I'm stopping it. I am strong enough, Bella. I would never harm you," he seems to plead to me, perhaps trying to convince himself of this truth as well.
"I know you wouldn't," I say, smiling for his benefit, because inside my fear is boiling.
"It's my fault, Edward. My behavior is what caused it," I noted, trying to make him feel better, "Can I come closer, or—" Before I could finish he sweeps me off the couch into "his arms, hesitantly, bringing his cheek to rest on my cheek.
"It's tolerable now, though I need to hunt. Your scent is just so…" he trails off, breathing in at my jaw line. "…tempting." He decides with a sigh of self-disappointment.
He draws back and looks to make sure he hasn't upset me. Sure enough, my fear has subsided now that I rest in my angel's arms. He chuckles, astonishment marring his beautiful features.
"Why do you stay with me? You are obviously no ordinary human, Bella. You are my angel." He kisses my throat ever-so-softly and picks me up to walk out the door. Once inside his Volvo, we drive to the Cullen house. As we pick up speed I try to ask.
"Where exactly are we going with Alice?" His eyes stare at the road, but his mouth curls into my favorite crooked smile.
"It's a surprise." He states calmly.
"I hate surprises," I mumble, glaring at the speedometer reaching over 120. As I glance up to the sky, I see the sun breaking through the clouds.
"It's sunny today." I say, surprised.
"Yes, very, very sunny." His smile proceeds to grow at the notion.
"What are you smiling about? How can you take me anywhere when you'll be sparkling like a disco ball?" I ask, astonished.
"You'll see, it's a surprise." And with that he turns on the radio.
review pwwwease. i know, it wasn't too good, but i reeally wanted to write a twilight ff. so here we go. Thankiesss!