Just a quick note to say that I didn't create the Ouran characters or series, obviously, and that my experience is pretty much limited to the anime, but I felt like telling a story. Some of it may not fit in with strict continuity, but I intend to make it as faithful as possible.
Classes have ended for the day within the spacious halls and rooms of the Ouran High School for the fabulously wealthy (and/or smart), so the girls have all gathered in front of music room three to wait patiently for the Host Club to open for business. The Ouran High School Host Club is a special organization run by a diverse group of some of the school's wealthiest young men dedicated to entertaining the women of their school in exchange for money (although club Vice President Kyoya Otari's request to have that specifically addressed in the public charter was denied) and the further spreading of positive vibes to the universe at large (although club President Tamaki Suou's request to add that to the public charter was denied as well. He sulked in the corner for the duration of that meeting).
Finally the doors of the music room open and the Host Club is open for business!
Each member of the Host Club stands together in a group pose, waving and shouting words of welcome to the ladies. Also, they happen to be dressed in large dog costumes with only their real faces exposed to tell who is who. As the other members frolic and interact with the girls, Haruhi Fujioka, the intelligent rational and "natural" Host club member (a natural at talking to girls because she secretly is one) goes takes a break to talk with Kyoya.
"Uh, Kyoya?" asks Haruhi in her white and black-spotted Dalmatian suit. "Why are we dressed as dogs?"
"Dogs are considered cute yet rugged, and with the many different breeds to choose from all of our members' unique talents can be showcased and all possible tastes of our clients can be satisfied" Kyoya answers as he browses his laptop wearing a large brown dog suit. "It was Tamaki's idea, and I seconded."
"I'm not surprised, but doesn't it seem a little bit like-" Haruhi pauses her statement as she notices Tamaki on his hands and knees begging some girl for a biscuit.
Haruhi shrugs and continues. "Like we're appealing to the lowest common denominator?"
"I admit it is quite a shift from our usual cosplay styles" he responds "but the Host Club is in business to appeal to a woman's every fantasy, and sometimes that includes a more primitive approach."
"So what your saying is, the whole theme of dogs is about sex."
"Basically, yes. Dogs are friendly and playful, but as these are not actual dogs but men on the inside, subconsciously the girls will be turned on by the thought of a man behaving like an animal."
"Did Tamaki come up with all that?"
"Do you really think he could have come up with that on his own? No. He wanted to bark like a dog, I made it work to the club's advantage."
"That figures." Haruhi again looks out into the room. "I'm not sure if Honey-Sempai realizes the bigger picture either."
Honey, AKA Misuchini Haninozuka, the very childlike looking "cute one", is at the desert table, wearing a black dog costume and burying his face in a whole cake. Not too far behind him is his cousin and loyal best friend Mori, AKA Takashi Morinozuka, a much taller gentleman in a white-coloured shaggy dog costume, catching a Frisbee in his teeth at the request of some girls.
"No, but to each their own" Kyoya says.
Haruhi wanders away, mumbling "Why did it have to be today of all days?'
Haruhi had been experiencing a lot of inner torment since breaking up with her boyfriend, Ritsu Kasanoda. Kasanoda was the first student at Ouran outside of the Host Club to discover she was actually a girl (she pretends to be a boy and works as a host to pay off a debt she owes for breaking a priceless vase, in case there's actually someone reading this story that doesn't already know that) and also the first to develop feelings for her. She originally pretended to misunderstand his advances to avoid blowing her cover to the other clients, but the truth was she was quite flattered by the attention and they started seeing a lot more of each other. She assumed everything was going fine and enjoyed being with someone who saw her as an attractive girl instead of taking her at face value. She did notice how tense Kasanoda seemed to become when she would go to Host Club meetings and functions, but she felt genuinely happy and thought he felt the same way. Then after three weeks, he brought her home after a date and told her gently that he didn't want to see her anymore.
It hurt Haruhi very much, as this was her first real relationship. She told the Host Club what had happened, but downplayed her feelings to avoid getting Tamaki riled up (He frequently thinks of the Host Club as a family and refers to himself as her father) which seemed like a good idea at the time but left her with no one to talk to about how she was feeling. Since the breakup, she has become disinterested in most every aspect of her life but carries on pretending to be okay. Last night she had finally managed to fall asleep without crying, but instead had experienced a strange and troubling dream, which she will explain herself later on.
And now it's the Host Club's dressing up as dogs and hearing Kyoya's explanations that are adding to her feelings of inadequacy. How could he talk about things like sex and turning women on so freely in front of her? It's like sometimes the Host Club forgets that despite everything, she is a girl, and wants to be viewed as one. She thinks it's her own fault, because she was so willing to play the part of a boy without much convincing that they thought she didn't care one way or the other, but the novelty has been wearing off for some time now. To see the way the Host Club charms the female clients makes her wonder why there isn't someone who could treat her the same way.
The only ones close enough to her she could talk to about this would be the Host Club, she just hopes she can avoid reaching her breaking point of stress before she does. Despite everything the club members seem to care for her, it's just their methods that sometimes worry her. She notices the identical Hitachin twins, Hikaru and Kaoru, both cohabiting the same oversized dog suit as they make growling noises pretending to fight over a chew toy.
"Why are you two sharing one suit?" Haruhi asks.
"We're Siamese dogs" Hikaru tells her. "Don't you remember the Siamese dog scene from Lady and the Tramp?"
"No, those were Siamese cats" Haruhi tries to explain. "And they weren't the 'connected at the hip' kind of Siamese.
"Well maybe it was Kick-Ass 2 we were thinking of", Kaoru adds. "That had dogs in it."
Haruhi smacks her forehead. "What next?" she wonders.
"Oh Haruhi!" cries out the voice of Tamaki from across the room. She turns and walks over to him to see what he wants. He sees what he is holding in his hand, a dog leash with a collar on the end, and gets a feeling of dread.
"Haruhi, I want to show these ladies what a good dog I am" Tamaki explains "so hold this leash and when I put the collar on around my neck, act like you're taking me for a walk."
Haruhi rolls her eyes. Bondage fantasy, too? Tamaki places the collar around his neck. Haruhi doesn't listen to him whisper "It's a little tight. Let me adjust it a little."
"Okay, lets get this over with." She starts walking away, pulling on the leash. Tamaki hasn't been able to finish adjusting the collar, so he is now seriously being choked out. Haruhi is still deep in thought and oblivious to Tamaki being dragged by the neck losing consciousness.
"Haruhi, stop walking" he tries to sputter out between coughs. "Help! Help!"
The girls notice what's happening and turn to look, getting the other hosts attention as well. The twins take hold of Haruhi, getting her to let go of the leash as Kyoya and Mori help Tamaki to his feet. Honey helps pry off the collar.
"Why, Haruhi?" Tamaki screams in an exaggeratedly hysterical way. "How could you nearly choke me to death? Where did I go wrong?"
He covers his face with his hands and starts sobbing.
Haruhi is surprised at herself. "Tamaki, I'm so sorry. I just wasn't paying attention."
Kyoya intervenes by speaking to the girls. "I'm very sorry ladies, but the Host Club's business is concluding early this afternoon due to an emergency mental health meeting. We'll see you again."
He rejoins the others. "Haruhi, I have noticed certain changes in your behaviour lately and I think it would be in your best interests to confide in us so we could help you deal with it."
"I didn't notice anything different", whispers Honey.
"Neither did we", the twins agree.
"That's what makes me who I am, and you who you are, no offense", Kyoya continues. "What happened between you and Kasanoda?
"Oh boy, story time!" the twins exclaim.
Tamaki is still sobbing. Mori elbows him in the shoulder. Tamaki raises his head.
"Man up" Mori tells him, in a barely audible voice. They get up and join the others.
"There isn't much to tell about the breakup, really" Haruhi begins. "We were out on a date, then he takes me home, we say goodbye, and he kisses my forehead. That's when it occurred to me that not once when we were together did he actually kiss me on the lips. I ask him about it and he says he never noticed. So I ask him for a kiss on the lips and he hesitates. Then he tells me he doesn't think we should see each other anymore. I asked why and he got real serious and left. He didn't answer any of my calls or speak to me after that."
"What? How dare that mafia rat treat my daughter that way!" Tamaki fumes. "I say we kidnap him and make him tell you the truth!"
"We can make it look like an accident", says Honey.
"That's not necessary" Haruhi tells them. "It was my own fault. I have an idea why he left. I had this dream last night."
She interrupts herself. "I'm sorry, I don't know if I can do this when we're all still wearing these ridiculous dog suits."
When she turns around, Tamaki, Kyoya, Mori and the twins are standing around wearing just boxer shorts, their costumes scattered on the floor. Honey is still wearing his costume.
"Is that better?" Tamaki asks.
Haruhi feels slightly embarrassed, but at the same time she is amused.
"In my dream I saw Kasanoda run into the music room so I followed him inside."
Haruhi's dream-self walks up to the music room's closet door, where Kasanoda must have gone into. She opens the door.
"Kasanoda, I'm sorry that I-"
Kasanoda is startled, as he was changing shirts and his white bra is visible. Something is different about Kasanoda. His skin is softer and his body is more slender.
"Kasanoda, you're a girl?
"Get out!"
The door slams shut and Haruhi is back on the outside. The Host Club members enter the room wearing dresses and wigs like the time they dressed as women for her so she wouldn't want to leave the club, but like Kasanoda they appear differently. They are real women.
"Hi Haruhi! Honey shouts with a giggle.
"Please excuse me, I have to stop off at the restroom" interrupts Kaoru.
"Oh, I'll join you" Hikaru tells him.
They run off to the ladies room.
"How are you today Haruhi?" exclaims Tamaki. His voice, and the others voices, now sound like a woman.
"Why are you all girls?" she asks, very confused as to what's going on.
"Someone has to be, and we didn't think you were interested", answers Kyoya. "The way you keep your hair short, and wear a boys uniform."
"I did those things so I could be a member of the Host Club."
"We were hazing you, it's what clubs do" insists Tamaki.
A powerful motor activates, and a large circular stage rises from the floor. Standing on the stage appears to be Renge Houshakuji, the Host Club's annoying self-appointed co-manager/fangirl, but she is wearing short hair and a yellow tuxedo instead of a dress.
"She's right, Haruhi" Renge says in a masculine sounding voice. "You've gotten too comfortable as a boy that it affected your relationship. Kasanoda saw you acting like a boy so much that he thought you wouldn't want to be a girlfriend for much longer."
"That's not what I wanted at all" Haruhi insists. "Sometimes I wish I could be more of a girl that guys find attractive and beautiful."
The doors open and another women runs into the room. It's Haruhi's father, Ranka Fujioka. Dressed as a woman, as always.
"Haruhi dear, I'm afraid I too, your adoring Father, have been keeping a secret from you as well. I'm really…. A man!"
Haruhi just glares. "I know that."
"And then I woke up" Haruhi finishes explaining. "I think the dream was trying to tell me that I have to be a better girl. Wear attractive, revealing clothes and makeup, and flirt with guys more to attract them. I realized what I was missing before I dated Kasanoda, and now I don't want to be single again."
"Well lucky for you, your closest friends are six of the most eligible males in all of Ouran Acadamy", says Kyoya.
"You're right" Haruhi agrees. "I should probably go out with one of you."
"Haruhi, I was joking" Kyoya clarifies. "Give yourself some time and soon you'll – mmmF!"
He was interrupted when Tamaki uses his hand to cover Kyoya's mouth.
"Disregard that last part" Tamaki tells her. "He was going to agree with you anyway."
"Oh well, okay. I've got to get home. I'll see you all tomorrow."
Haruhi walks to the door, turning back quickly to take one last look at the men in their underwear before leaving the room.
"What did you do that for?" Kyoya demands.
"Didn't you hear what Haruhi said?" Tamaki counters. "We basically have an open invitation to ask her out, and I won't have you spoiling it with your logic and reason!"
"I thought you preferred to treat Haruhi as a daughter", Kyoya responds.
"That was just a pick-up trick I learned back in France. By acting like a possessive father figure, I discourage other guys from wanting to ask her out while gaining her trust before I make my move."
"That is a good theory", Hikaru says.
"It prevented us from asking her out" Kaoru agrees. "But now that we know it was a trick…"
"And that Haruhi is making herself available…" Hikaru continues.
"I guess we can ask her out now!" the twins finish together.
"I should point out that Haruhi's exact words were 'I should probably go out with one of you'. One."
"You're right" Kaoru agrees. "I didn't think that there would be any girl to ever come between the Hitachin twins."
A powerful motor starts activates, and a large circular stage rises from the floor.
"Gentlemen, if I may" suggests Renge. "Since Haruhi can only go out with one of you when you all want to remain friends with her, and yourselves, the only fair way to resolve this is with a friendly competition. All day tomorrow, you each use any ideas you have to attract her and the one she leaves with at the end of the day will be declared the winner."
"Wait, Renge, aren't you surprised to find out that Haruhi is really a girl?" Tamaki asks.
"I knew the entire time, naturally" she explains. "One of my favorite video games features a girl disguising herself as a male escort to pay off a large debt or something ridiculous like that, so just like the rest of you, I had her role pegged right from the start. I didn't say anything because I respected her for her commitment to you all. Now, I bid you adieu!"
The stage sinks back into the floor, only to stop short a few feet. Renge's head is now at ankle-level to the Host Club.
"A gear must have gotten stuck" she theorizes. "Don't look at me!"
Tamaki gets things back on track. "I like the idea of a competition."
"So do we", the twins agree.
"I want some more cake", says Honey. He still hasn't taken his dog costume off.
"I think I'll stay out of this as well", says Kyoya. "Someone will have to take care of Host Club business."
"That's okay, Kyoya" Hikaru tells him.
"Yeah" says Kaoru. "We know you don't like girls."
Kyoya frowns. "What?
"We know you're not gay or anything" Kaoru continues "but you're always working. Even during Host Club hours, you're the one who never seems to want to relax."
"Have you even been alone with a women before?" Hikaru asks mockingly.
"Of course I have, but the Host Club is a business and a business relies on the hard work of a…"
"Relax, Kyoya" Tamaki interrupts. "So us three are in, and Kyoya and Honey are withdrawing. So is that it?"
Mori raises his hand and is about to speak.
"Yep, that's all of us" Hikaru answers.
"Everyone accounted for", Kaoru agrees.
Mori glares in a look of disdain over being ignored. The others don't notice. He turns to leave.
"So it will be us three" Tamaki repeats. "May the best man win."
Tamaki, Hikaru and Kaoru move in a semi-circle formation and lock their pinkie fingers together. Mori slams the door shut on his way out.
"What was that noise?" Hikaru asks.
"The wind, I guess", says Kaoru. "I have to stop off at the restroom before we leave."
"I'll join you" Hikaru tells him.
The next day the Hitachin twins both had the same idea to go to school early to start working on their separate plans to attract Haruhi. Naturally, they encountered each other but neither one knew what to say to the other. They felt no animosity to one another, but because it felt so awkward that they were both openly after the same girl, they both arrived together at the doors of music room three before they said one word to each other.
"So" Kaoru begins. "Have you decided what you're going to do to impress Haruhi?"
"Actually, yes." Hikaru answers bluntly. "Though I'm sure my natural charm will get me most of the way there."
Kaoru agrees. "Yes, your charm and good looks. Oh wait, I have both of those going for me too."
Sensing that an argument might begin if they stay on their current subject, Kaoru offers a different direction for the conversation.
"It's too bad the boss isn't a Hitachin. Tamaki is probably sweating pretty badly right about now."
Hikaru laughs along. "Yeah, what can he do that could make a girl like him more than us?"
In response to their question, they hear the sound of piano music from inside the room. They rush inside, and see Tamaki playing a tender ballad on a grand piano.
"Drat" Hikaru remarks.
"I forgot about that", Kaoru points out.
Tamaki has been playing the piano practically his entire life and frequently uses it as a tool to help him impress girls. He turns his head to look at the twins as they enter the room.
"Game on, bitches!"
Tamaki directed that at them, by the way. It wasn't a lyric to the song he was playing. The twins realize that they can never hope to match Tamaki's skill level on the piano, but it doesn't matter because they each have their own plans. In Hikaru's backpack, there is a container of delicious fancy tuna and a miniature angel-food cake. He heads to the back room to place these items in the refrigerator. He plans to ask Haruhi to have a picnic with him after classes, and then put some moves on her then.
As Kaoru's plan is reliant on what his brother is planning, he follows him to the back room. He hides behind the wall to avoid being seen when he overhears Kyoya speaking over the phone at his desk.
"Yes, it's no trouble at all. I'm happy to help you pay off your debt. Yes, we'll see you soon."
Kaoru rushes back out and interrupts Tamaki from his piano practice.
"Boss, I just heard Kyoya talking on the phone about paying off someone's debt. You don't think he meant Haruhi, do you?"
Tamaki gets enraged. "That snake! He goes behind our backs and cancels Haruhi's debt for the broken vase so that she'll be grateful enough to choose him! He is not going to get away with this! Kyoya! Get out here!"
Hikaru enters solo.
"Kyoya isn't in there anymore, boss. He left through the office window to use the helicopter pad."
"What?' Tamaki responds with confusion. "When did he put in a helicopter pad?"
"We've all got them, boss" he tells him.
"We are stinking rich, after all" Kaoru agrees.
Mori and Honey arrive as Tamaki is explaining to Hikaru what Kaoru discovered. Hikaru is angry too. Honey is still wearing his dog costume.
"I can't believe Kyoya lied to us about being interested in Haruhi. I didn't even think he liked girls."
Mori smiles at how stupid and paranoid they are being.
Tamaki and the twins decide to worry about Kyoya later. After all, Haruhi will probably be there any minute now. Tamaki returns to the piano. The twins watch the door intently.
"Mmm, cake!" Honey exclaims as he chows down.
"Where did you get that?" Hikaru asks nervously.
"From the fridge" Honey answers with a giggle. "It's delicious."
"My cake? I bought that for Haruhi!"
"Aha! I knew it." Kaoru replies.
"Sorry, Hikaru" Honey apologizes. "If I hadn't already eaten it all, I would have offered it back."
"Did you eat my fancy tuna, too?" Hikaru asks.
"No, it's still in the fridge."
Kaoru hears that and heads to the backroom to get the tuna before Hikaru or anyone else can. Mori stands over Honey, noticing his face is covered with white icing.
"You look like a mad dog", Mori says softly.
Honey's face lights up at the suggestion. "Yeah! I'm a mad dog!"
He gets out of his seat and crouches down on all fours. He faces Hikaru and gets an evil smile on his face.
"Honey-Sempai, what are you going to do?" he asks.
Honey starts barking at him. "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!"
Haruki tries to reassure himself that Honey, though playful and suggestive at times, would never really pose a danger to him by acting wild. Would he?
"Good boy" Hikaru tries to say, but Honey rushes toward him, still barking loudly. Hikaru walks to the front door, but Honey bites his pant leg with his teeth. Haruki freaks out and starts running away. Honey chases him out.
Mori leaves, and soon Tamaki is left with the room to himself. He plays the piano some more, and soon the door opens again. It's Haruhi, at last.
"Hi Tamaki. I could hear you playing from outside, it's really beautiful."
"Thank you, Haruhi. You look lovely today yourself."
"Thank you," she says, trying to keep from blushing too much.
"As long as you're here, Haruhi, would you like to help me warm up my fingers?"
"Sure" she tells him. "What did you have in mind?"
What Tamaki has in mind is another of his moves for picking up women.
"I'll show you." He takes her hands in his. "Close your eyes."
He places her hands on the sides of his face.
"Now, exercise your fingers by touching my face."
Keeping her eyes closed, Haruhi begins moving over his face with her fingers, touching his soft cheeks, his lips, his silky hair. Tamaki enjoys every second, and Haruhi starts to feel turned on just by how intimate it is.
"Haruhi, if you're ready" Tamaki says as he takes hold of her hands again "you can touch my body now."
Haruhi takes a breath. "Are you sure you don't mind?'
Tamaki settles her down. "I don't mind at all. This is a journey we're on. Together."
She starts by massaging his shoulders before moving down to his chest. She moves one hand to his arm and rubs the muscles while the other one caresses his nipple through his shirt. Before long, her hands meet at Tamaki's hips.
"Should I keep going? I want to, but if you feel uncomfortable with it, we can stop" Haruhi tells him.
"Don't worry, Haruhi. It's all part of the journey."
Receiving his blessing, Haruhi moves her hands behind the hips and starts slowly feeling his butt. Tamaki gasps with pleasure while trying to stay still and silent. Haruhi gets down on her knees as she moves her hands around his legs and thighs. She sweeps one hand over Tamaki's crotch as the other one moves in to do the same. She applies her thumbs over his pants, wondering to herself if it would be right to touch his penis. Only for a little while, she decides. After all, contact for too long might make both of them get excited.
Suddenly, a loud cough is heard from the doorway. Haruhi immediately opens her eyes and backs up a few feet away from Tamaki.
"Kyoya, I can explain" Haruhi says, out of breath.
"No need. It would appear that Tamaki is sharing his 'fingering' technique with you. I simply returned to grab my phone charger."
Tamaki remembers what happened earlier. "Kyoya! I demand you tell me whether or not you were conspiring to attract Haruhi behind our backs!"
"Of course not" he answers without missing a step. "There is nothing between Haruhi and I."
"Except for the time when you laid me into your bed" Haruhi reminds him.
Tamaki is aghast. "You… he… Haruhi… bed?"
Kyoya smiles. "Well, you two have fun." He leaves the room.
Tamaki blinks silently, and then shouts "Bed!" at the top of his lungs.
"It's not like we actually slept together or anything. He just made me an offer to cancel my debt if…"
"Cancel your debt?" Tamaki interrupts. "So it's true! He was calling you earlier this morning."
Haruhi is confused. "I don't know about any call, but this happened weeks ago, and besides, he wasn't going to do anything to me. I'm not sure if he even likes girls."
Tamaki tries to get calmed down. Ever since this started, he's had a horrible picture in his mind about Haruhi falling for Kyoya. If that really happened, would he be able to compete with someone like Kyoya, who is his intellectual superior in pretty much every way?
Haruhi takes hold of his hands and brings them to her face. "Come on Tamaki, let's finish the finger exercise. It's your turn to close your eyes and touch me."
"Yes, I'll do that." Tamaki has waited for this moment, to literally have Haruhi in his hands. To touch her. Kyoya is still on his mind. How did Kyoya touch her? Is she comparing them in her mind right now, he wonders. Is he doing it the wrong way? Is she thinking of Kyoya? Probably not, but Tamaki is, and he's having some trouble stopping. Even as he has his hands on Haruhi's cheeks, he can't help but picture Kyoya in front of him.
Tamaki imagines Kyoya's voice mocking him. "Thinking of me to get into the mood, eh? Well I can't say I blame you. She probably is."
"Tamaki, what's wrong?" Haruhi asks, noticing his silence.
"Yes, Tamaki, what's wrong?" Kyoya's voice adds. "Would you like me to take my shirt off?"
"No!" Tamaki shouts. He runs away in a panic. "I've got to be going Haruhi, see you later, bye!" he says as he runs out the door.
"Now that was weird", she says to herself.
At that moment Kaoru enters from the backroom. His face is completely covered with bandages and he is holding some sort of talking computer.
"Hello, Haruhi" the computer says for him. "It's me, Hikaru. My face is scarred from a mad dog attack, and my voice is strained from screaming at the dog. That is why I am appearing this way. Would you like to have a picnic with me after school? I will bring fancy tuba, I mean tuna."
"Sure Hikaru" she answers, not knowing the difference "but shouldn't you go home and get some rest? You look like you're in a lot of pain."
"Do not worry Haruhi, my doctor said the injuries will disappear by the time school ends" the computer voice responds.
"Well that's convenient, isn't it? Let's meet here in the music room later, okay?" she tells him.
"Sure."
They walk into the hallway and separate. Behind the wall the real Hikaru watches, fuming over what he overheard. His face and voice are fine, it was just his pants that were damaged by Honey's mad dog rampage. His twin brother must be trying to impersonate him, but wore the bandages and didn't use his own voice so that Haruhi wouldn't be able to tell them apart like she always has in the past. Well two can play the game of deception.
He pulls out his cel phone and sends a text message to Haruhi.
The text reads, "Haruhi, it's me Hikaru. Instead of the music room, could we meet outside, in front of the main entrance?"
"It's done, and now when Kaoru goes to meet her he'll show up to the wrong place."
A short while later, classes end for the day. Haruhi had been busy studying and didn't have time to check her phone, so she still believes Hikaru will be upstairs in music room three. Tamaki watches her walk by in the hallway.
"I've got to make it up to her for running out earlier, but how can I stop from picturing that rat Kyoya again? I've got it! If the room is totally dark, then I can't close my eyes and picture him or anyone else except my darling Haruhi."
He runs to put his books away and gets prepared to follow her up to the music room.
Haruhi is right in front of the doors to the room, when she finally checks her phone and sees the message changing the location for the date.
"My mistake" she said, relieved that she had seen it. "That could have been embarrassing."
Kyoya was inside the room at his desk, looking at pictures of naked women on pornographic websites with his laptop.
"And they think I don't like girls just because I spend a lot of time on the computer" he muses. "If they only knew."
Tamaki enters the room and immediately has to stifle his outward anger towards Kyoya. Put him out of your mind, he tells himself, and focus on Haruhi.
"Kyoya, whatever you're doing, please take it elsewhere. I'm expecting Haruhi any minute now.
"Very well" he abides, unplugging the computer and carrying it with him.
"And turn the lights off, please" Tamaki asks as he starts closing all of the window blinds. Soon all the lights are out and the inside of the music room is pitch black.
Outside the music room, Kaoru is finally finished obsessing over his clothes and hair, and is ready to step inside. He has given it some thought how he would explain to her how Hikaru's "injuries" had taken a turn for the worse, explaining why the other twin has arrived to take his place.
He opens the door and quickly comes in, seeing that all the lights are off and not wanting to disturb the mood. It seems Haruhi has planned a romantic surprise for him.
Tamaki sees the door quickly open and shut. Haruhi is here, at last. Not being able to see, he extends his hands to guide, by feeling, his way to her.
Kaoru goes further into the room and is met by a pair of soft, milky hands. It must be Haruhi. She places her hands on the sides of his face and says "Let's finish what we started before. Let me touch you." Kaoru notices her voice is more feminine-sounding than usual.
As Tamaki moves his hands across his unseen lovers' face, he senses more willingness to let him have her, and he likes it. He rubs her soft lips, looking forward to the moment of their first kiss.
Kaoru trembles with anticipation as she touches his lips. He wants to kiss her, he has to kiss her. He moves closer and puts his arms around her waist.
Tamaki returns the embrace and takes hold of her slender, girlish form. They kiss.
Kaoru doesn't want to let go, so he pulls her forward, trying to land both of their bodies on the sofa. They roll around, kissing and touching each other.
Suddenly the lights get turned back on by Kyoya. "Sorry, I forgot my pen. Didn't mean to disturb you.
With the room lit, Tamaki and Kaoru find themselves together on the sofa, in mid lip-lock. They pause for two seconds, and then scream at each other.
"What have you done with Haruhi?" Tamaki demands.
"What have I done? What were you doing? I thought you were Haruhi!" Kaoru raves.
"I thought you were Haruhi too! Oh my God! Kyoya, we must never speak of this to anyone!"
"I'm already trying to forget" Kyoya responds "but if your wondering about Haruhi, she seems to be outside."
They look out the window. Haruhi is waiting for Hikaru, who is absent.
"Hikaru must be behind this. Where is he?"
Hikaru walks in, as if on cue. "I'm right here, Kaoru. It sounds like you found out that I intercepted Haruhi and told her to meet you outside instead of the music room. Were you embarrassed?"
"Why would I be embarrassed?" Kaoru snaps. "Absolutely nothing happened in here!"
"Double nothing!" adds Tamaki.
Kaoru calms down. "The truth is, Hikaru, that I pretended to be you to get a date with Haruhi. I thought that if it came down to the two of us, she would pick you, so I took advantage of that. I'm sorry."
"I forgive you" Hikaru tells him. "The truth is, I'm a little flattered that you were intimidated by me enough to do that."
"But if you were meeting Haruhi outside" Tamaki asks Hikaru "then why aren't you out there now?"
"Well, it turns out we couldn't go out today. She texted me to say her father broke his leg and she had to go straight home right away."
"But she didn't" Kyoya points out. "She's right outside."
Hikaru looks out the window and sees her. "Hey, she lied to me."
Tamaki interrupts. "All right Kyoya, explain yourself. Do you have something to do with this? Kaoru overheard you on the phone today. Did you pay off Haruhi's debt to the Host Club to sabotage us?
"You must be joking" Kyoya explains. "I would never let her off the hook from a debt that high. No, that phone call was with Mori-Sempai. He came up with the idea to send the Otari family secret police to train at the Haninozuka family dojo. After all, Honey-Sempai has humiliated them more than once. They would be wise to learn from him directly."
"What does that have to do with paying off a debt?" Tamaki asks.
"Well, you know how connected Mori is to Honey. He feels he owes it to him to look after him, but when Honey is busy in the dojo he doesn't need anyone to do that. So he thinks of it as a debt that has been payed."
"Boss, look" Hikaru says, pointing to the window.
"Mori is out there with Haruhi" Kaoru finishes.
As the others watch from the window, Mori hands Haruhi's phone to her.
"Thanks for letting me borrow it", he tells her. "Sorry if I took long. I had to wait for just the right moment."
He turns his head to look directly at the window, and sees the faces of Tamaki and the twins, just to let them know that he knows they are watching, and then turns back to face Haruhi.
"It's no problem, Mori" Haruhi tells her. "I was supposed to meet Hikaru here, but I don't think he's coming. I thought after yesterday that he or some of the others might try something with me while I was still feeling vulnerable, but I should have known they wouldn't want to do that. They can be better friends than I give them credit for some times."
"Yeah" he agrees. "Well, I hope you won't be disappointed."
He holds up a pair of tickets in his hand, and offers one to Haruhi.
"Honey-Sempai had tickets to the circus tonight, but can't use them now that he's working at the dojo tonight. Would you like to go with me?"
Haruhi is a little surprised, but happy. "I'd like that. But on one condition."
Mori raises an eyebrow inquisitively.
"This might be the most I've heard you speak to me, Mori", she tells him.
"Well, I don't open up to just anyone" he responds with a half smile.
"Well, I like it when you do. I'll go with you if you talk to me more often. Deal?"
His smile grows. "Deal."
They walk away together as the other Host Club members are amazed at what they just saw.
"You realize what this means, don't you?" Tamaki asks rhetorically. "Mori must be the greatest pick-up artist in history"
The End.
Epilogue Ending.
A month or so later, everybody has moved past what went on before and have gone back to business as usual. Music room three is full of girls who are being entertained by the Host Club members.
"Hikaru, Kaoru" Kyoya calls to the Hitachin twins. "That woman sitting in the chair next to the tea party sofa is a first time client and has requested the company of both of you."
"Both of us?" Hikaru repeats. "I think we know what this means."
Kaoru nods. "It means we can play a round of the 'which one is Hikaru' game."
The twins head over to meet this woman, giggling with excitement. They are dressed the same, of course, with their hairstyles identical to the letter.
"Hello, miss Kun Yi" the twins speak in unison. "How would you like to play a game with us? Can you tell, which one is Hikaru?"
"You are Hikaru" Kun Yi says, pointing to the one standing on her right "and you are Kaoru" she says, pointing to the left.
"Intriguing proposal" says Hikaru.
"How can you be so sure?" asks Kaoru.
"I am sure because I am reading your minds right now" she answers.
"We are psychic, and from the moment we walked in…" an unseen girl says from the backwards facing chair on Kun Yi's left.
"…the room, we could sense how arrogant you were just…" continues a masked third girl, who now stands on the opposite side of Kun Yi's chair.
"…because you're twins" Kun Yi finishes. "We may not be identical…"
"…but we can make you see us that way" adds the girl on the left.
She turns around in her chair and the girl standing removes the mask. Thanks to their powers, they look identical to one another.
"Oh no" Kaoru realizes. "It's our one weakness."
"The weakness of every set of twins" Hikaru agrees. "Telepathic triplets."
"So which one of us is Kun Yi", asks Kun Yi.
"Which one is Fun Mi?" asks Fun Mi.
"And which one is Yun Li? Asks Yun Li.