Hey Guys, this is a little one shot I thought of while listening to The Name of the Game by ABBA (Go listen to the song if you don't know it, it's really good), This could possibly turn into something more substantial one day, but not for a while, so for now it's a one shot :) I hope you enjoy it :)
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The Name of the Game
Katniss' P.O.V.
I toss and turn, but it's no use I know I won't be able to sleep. My night terrors are not only plagued by images of the games, but now I keep seeing the poor man from 11 being shot over and over. I don't remember much else from 11; I remember talking about Rue and Peeta offering some of our winnings to her family, but I've blacked out the rest. We've only been on the victory tour a week, but it feels like a year. I've only seen Peeta twice so far and that was at the station and for our first appearance in District 11. I'd been avoiding him, but I had to face him when it was time to give our speeches. If he still felt any hurt from my rejection he didn't show it. Like always he was the perfect gentleman, always checking if I was okay. I always was, every time I heard his voice it calmed me down and reassured my fears and his smile made my heart flutter in a way I've never experienced before. I don't want to love him, everyone I ever love gets hurt, and I don't think I could live with myself if anything ever happened to him. But it's getting harder to conceal my emotions.
When the cameras appeared we played up for them. Each kiss we shared felt more real to me than the last, and each kiss probably killed Peeta, thinking he was kissing someone who didn't love him. He was even prepared to take a bullet for me when the unrest started. That was when I knew he still loved me. And when I finally confronted my feelings for him; I thought I was acting, I convinced myself I was acting, but now maybe my feelings are real. Maybe now I love him too.
Ever since 11, I've been hiding out in my room. I can't see him because the next time I see him I might do something stupid like tell him how I feel. Effie knocks every hour to check that I'm eating. She gave up actually trying to get me to leave my room days ago. Even Haymitch has tried to talk to me. The only person I secretly want to see hasn't knocked. What hurts more than the thought of losing Peeta is thinking about the future we can never have. We can never have any privacy; we can never have children as they most certainly would get reaped for the games. It's easier to hide in my room and try not to think about these thinks, than see him and become overcome with emotion.
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I eventually I give up trying to sleep. I decide to mentally note the pros and cons of telling Peeta how I feel. Pros; we wouldn't have to pretend anymore because it would be real, we wouldn't be going through it alone as we would have each other, I wouldn't be bored all the time as I could start hanging out with Peeta again. Cons; it would hurt more if anything happened to him, he might not want to be with me. I know the last one probably isn't true, but I can't keep the thought of him rejecting me out of my head. I then feel guilty as I realise how much it must have hurt him when I rejected him all those months back. As I realise the pros outweigh the cons, I leave my room and go to Peeta's before I lose my bottle.
There's no light shining from under the door, but I know he's awake. Another perk of wining the games means you never sleep alone again. I check that Haymitch or Effie aren't lurking around before quietly knocking on the door. Peeta answers wearing only his sleep bottoms and my eyes are immediately drawn to his chiselled torso. I force my eyes to meet his.
"Can I come in?" I ask quietly. He nods and retreats back into his room leaving the door open for me. He sits on his bed. I stand awkwardly surveying his room. Paper is scattered everywhere which means he's been having nightmares; he always sketches what he's seen in his dreams. I decide sitting next to him is a safe option. We stare at each other for a while, then I realise I was the one to come to his room and I should probably start explaining why I'm here.
"Sorry to disturb you," I start, "I just wanted to talk."
"I wasn't asleep." He states as an invitation to continue.
"I've, um, been thinking a lot and I just needed to talk." I clear my throat,
"Um, first of all I'm sorry I've been avoiding you, it's just every time I'm with you, you make me open up and talk about things and you make me feel things I've never felt before and no matter how hard I try to conceal them, they begin to show." I pause,
"I, uh, thought that I was impossible that no one would ever be able to reach me, but every time I look at you I can see that you can see right through me and you can tell exactly what I'm thinking. I just find it hard to trust people, but I think that I can trust you and I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love you."
As soon as the words leave my mouth, Peeta leans in and kisses me. I kiss him back with so much force we fall back onto the pillows. I throw my arms around his neck, and run my fingers through his hair.
"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that." He says in-between planting feverish kisses down my neck.
"I love you, I love you, I love you." I shout and he laughs. I don't even care that I've probably woken up this half of the train; I haven't felt this happy in forever. He hovers above me, looking at me like I'm the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.
"Say it back." I whisper, looking into his deep sapphire eyes.
"I'm in love with you Katniss; I'll never stop loving you." He whispers. Our lips crash together in a heated frenzy. Our tongues battle for dominance and our hands roam where they've never roamed before. This is foreign territory for both of us, but it feels so right. He shivers as my cold hands wander his torso; I pull him closer to me, needing to feel closer to him. His hands slide up my legs and rest on my hips making me tingle all over. Suddenly, he pulls away and rests his forehead on mine.
"We should stop." He says breathlessly.
"Why?" I whine. He rolls off me and pulls me into his side.
"Because I want our first time to be special, I want it to be somewhere where the walls don't have ears." He says quietly. Although I'm disappointed I can't help but agree. I sigh and burrow into his chest, he intertwines our legs and I trace the lines of muscles on his stomach.
"Can I stay with you, I can't sleep alone?" I ask, already knowing the answer.
"Always." He replies as he kisses the top of my head. In that moment I forget all about Snow, and Gale and the games; I just relish the feeling of being happy. And after that night I never sleep in my own room again.
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Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it :) Leave a review if you did! xox