Human AU. I do not own anything here. Just couldn't sleep and decided to write this. Calthazar ahead!
He was aware of how he felt before the accident. Those blue eyes, shining with innocence and joy always greeted him in the morning, an arm pulling him closer as sleep was nuzzled away. The nose that would crinkle when Balthazar did something to embarrass him or the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. That beautiful honest smile that was rare but always welcomed, always welcoming. The way the trench coat would hang off of his body or how he would always fall asleep with the cat on his chest before Bal had to carry him back to bed. The cat always protested but that wasn't really Bal's fault. Castiel would always snuggle closer, eyes closed and arms snaking around him in search of comfort. The way he would frown and whimper in his sleep, the nightmares coming back to haunt him for possibly the rest of his existence.
But Balthazar was always there to chase the nightmares away, always there to brush his hair out of his eyes in the morning, always there to carry him to bed and kiss his crinkled nose. He wanted to give Castiel the world on a string because he honestly believed he deserved it and he always would. Even after death do them part, he would always hold onto Castiel and never let him go, not once. He kept this promise to himself after it happened. It was an accident, a pure accident. He was driving with Castiel to the beach, having promised to take him for the longest time and finally getting to do so. Cas was excited, his eyes glowing with life and love as he held one of Balthazar's hands. His other hand on the wheel, he smiled slightly as his eyes were kept on the road. They had stayed on the road the whole time yet he couldn't see it, couldn't see the car that ran the red light, he couldn't see much after the collusion, fear filling him as he heard metal hit metal. He wrapped his arms around Cas, knowing it was too late.
He still held onto him, feeling his arms wrap tightly around him as well because this was it. It had to be it; there was no way anybody could survive what happened to them. When he woke, a florescent light nearly blinded him as the sound of the EKG beeping filled his ears. He tried to sit up and look around but a pain in his side stopped him. A nurse placed her hand on his chest, her words barely making sense after the words "car accident" and "rest" left her mouth.
"Castiel…where is he? Is he alright? I need to see him…please." He pleaded, nearly begged.
"I'm sorry, sir. He's…he's comatose and I'm afraid you can't see him right now. You can't walk."
He didn't hear her, he didn't want to anymore as he began to tug at the various wires suction cupped to his chest. He wasn't aware the doctors held him down or that he had a sedative inserted into his IV drip until everything began to blur and run together.
"No! Cas…" was the last thing he said before passing out onto the pillows.
When he woke a few hours later, his throat was scratchy with a dry mouth and a heavy heart included. He just laid there, staring at the ceiling as the beeping filled his ears. Castiel was comatose and it was his fault, all his fault. He sat up slightly, taking the small plastic cup and drinking from it when he saw a figure standing in the doorway. Castiel hadn't spoken to his family much after moving out to San Diego with Balthazar, his family highly religious and not accepting of his sexuality or hedonistic object of affection. Yet there his older sister stood, tall and frowning slightly. Her red hair was pulled out of her face and into a bun, sleep lining her eyes as she stood there.
"Can I come in?" She asked
If he could have found his voice, his reply would have been something like "Of course you can, it's just a matter of if you may or not." But he couldn't find his voice and so he just nodded. She came in and stood at the foot of his bed.
"They called me…late last night and said there was a car accident. I didn't believe it…because Castiel has always been cautious and I know he was really cautious about even moving out here with you." She said as she smiled sadly, "He was always writing me…telling me about you…calling from some payphone every Sunday morning when he knew I hadn't been to church in three years." She swallowed hard then.
He laid there and listened, frowning slightly. Castiel talked about him? Castiel talked about him to one of his family members and that really sunk in deeply.
"Well…I'm Balthazar…" He finally said after a few unwanted moments of silence.
"Anna…" She replied.
"Is he doing okay? I mean…for being…" He couldn't bring himself to say it, nearly being stuck on the 'c' of the word.
Her hand on his leg stopped him completely, making his glossy eyes stare at her.
"The doctors aren't sure what's going to happen…" She admitted finally to both of them.
"I see…" was his reply.
Balthazar wouldn't forgive himself if Castiel died from him. He wouldn't forgive himself for killing the only person he loved and all because he just wanted to take Cas to the beach.
"May I be alone for a moment, Anna?" He asked, feeling the tears begin to sting his throat.
The redhead nodded before leaving him to silently cry. Even as the nurse came to check his vitals, he silently cried as he grasped the sheets tightly. This was his fault, all his fault. That was pounded into his head, which was pounding with a headache itself. How long was he going to have to wait until he could see Castiel again? And how many of his siblings were in the hospital right now? He didn't want to think about that…meeting Anna was enough for him. Although, he didn't get much of a choice on that but he just wasn't up to talking to anybody about this.
Especially since it had been three weeks before he was well enough to go see his lover. It was awkward for a while because Anna, Gabriel, and Michael were in his room. Anna was sleeping in one chair, Gabriel was reading the paper, and Michael was staring at nothing in particular. That was until Balthazar made his way into the room, hospital gown clinging to him as he grasped the metal of the bar that held a bag full of anesthetics. The only thing stopping him from crying out in pain as the bones in his leg had been fractures, the muscles torn. He sat down, looking at Castiel. He was completely and utterly comatose, nearly lifeless as he lay there with various tubes coming in and out of him. Castiel wouldn't have wanted him to blame himself but he did, oh he did. He always would too, possibly even after he woke up. He hadn't even told Cas he loved him and that was painful in itself.
Their relationship had begun as nothing more than sex, a way to get away from the past with booze and promiscuity but as time went on, things changed. It especially changed one night when Castiel had a nightmare. He had a shaky hand and raised it to knock on Balthazar's door when it opened. The blonde quivered as did the dark haired man. He looked at Castiel, waiting for some sort of explanation or something when his wrapped his arms around him. Balthazar had stood there, frozen for what seemed like forever but was only a few short moments. He wrapped his arms around him in return and held the now crying and shaking form. He whispered sweet nothings into his hair as he shut the door and pulled him to his bed. Balthazar just laid there, wide awake and holding him that night. That's when he realized things were growing to be much more, that's when he began to notice his eyes, his smiles, his crinkling features.
He often wondered if Castiel would happen to notice anything like that about him but what he obviously didn't know is that he did. He just didn't mention these things out loud because he didn't feel a need to. He didn't want to ruin whatever it was you could have called it before now. They were young and reckless and now one of them was nearly dead and the other hopped up on morphine. They always made quite the unique and interesting couple but this time he didn't want to be interesting or unique. Balthazar just wanted Castiel to wake up, to sit up and grin and tell him it was okay.
But it wasn't okay and the glare he always received from Michael would remind him of that. For two more weeks, he received that glare. Even after he was discharged, he stayed in that room. He ignored the glare, he answered Gabriel's questions with snark and a smile, and Anna would just smile slightly while listening, holding Castiel's other hand. This was the way things were for two weeks. And in those two weeks, he had learned a lot he didn't know about Castiel from things like learning how to ride a bike to smoking his first cigarette.
"He was always rebellious…" Gabriel smiled fondly, "Always sneaking out and doing every immoral and sinful thing possible."
"We were always worried sick about him." Anna said, smiling as well before standing.
"Come on Gabe…I want a cup of coffee."
Gabriel nodded, agreeing silently as he thought that would sound nice. He stood, going with her and leaving Balthazar alone with Michael. Michael was silent for all of this time and then he finally spoke.
"I don't hate him. I can't."
"Pardon?" Balthazar sat up straighter, stiffening slightly.
"After he left, I was mad because he was free…to do what he wanted. I try so hard to be a good son…my dad doesn't even know about my fiancé Adam." He sighed softly, "but I want Castiel to know. I want him to wake up…so we can start over again."
"You can't just start over with people because they're dying." Balthazar said before adding, "You don't do that to people. He was a mess when he came to me because he thought all of you hated him, found him to be the black sheep abomination of the family."
Michael fell silent once more, not planning on replying to that. He would make amends with Castiel, with or without Balthazar's consent. He stood, muttering about coffee for himself before leaving Balthazar sighed as he reached out, grabbing Castiel's hand. Cas' hand squeezed his gently, making him look up at his face.
"Bal…" He spoke, voice a bit raspy from not being used for nearly a month.
"Hey Cas…how long have you been awake?"
"Long enough. Are you okay?" He asked him, seeing the bruise on his neck and the few cuts on his cheeks.
Balthazar nodded, "Haven't been better, really…" He was just glad that Castiel was awake.
"You have bruises…you…I probably look awful." He said, looking away from Balthazar.
He had his fair share of gauze and marks but there was something Castiel didn't quite understand, apparently.
"No…you're beautiful."
He turned his head, looking at Balthazar again. A small smile crept up onto his features, growling slowly into that bright big grin as he squeezed his hand gently.
"I love you…" the words came out smoothly, easy enough.
"I love you too, Bal…" the reply was just as smooth, a whisper.
His siblings had come back into the room, before everybody was ushered out of the room by a nurse and doctor. In that moment, Balthazar knew that no matter what, through the worst of everything and through the best too, Castiel was his. Especially as they resume their lives, laying there in each other's arms. Something he has said has made Castiel laugh, eyes crinkling as he grinned. Balthazar couldn't resist kissing him, arms pulling him closer. As they lay there, pressed against each other and panting into the dark, a thought came to his mind: He's beautiful.
Castiel smiled up at him and curled close as he had his own silent thought, arms wrapping around Balthazar once more as the sheet was pulled up. The thought that crossed his mind was the exactly same as Balthazar's. Neither one of them had to say a word because they both knew and they knew that the other knew because of the smile before another stolen kiss.