Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own it. Geez...

Pairing: Well, Inui/Kaidoh, hints of Tezuka/Fuji, Oishi/Eiji and Momo/Ryouma.

Warnings: Extremely pink. If you don't like pink, dont read.

Inui and the pink fairies

Inui knew it! He just knew it! From the minute he was awake he knew that something was wrong. First the sunlight wasn't supposed to be pink. He was clever; nobody clever would imagine that the sunlight can be something different from bright. The chance of this happening was 0. Yawning he remembered that he read somewhere that the miracles can't be calculated in per cents. Bullshit! Inui could! He was genius after all. Once, after long day of calculations he understood that is possible to mix rotten fish, cockroaches and eggs and it was still edible. And not just that. It was good for the health. Or so he thought. Everybody of his tennis team who tried it ended in the hospital. And what? They just had sensitive stomachs, nothing more. Although the cockroach juice increased the speed with 55 (He saw it when Momo rushed to the toilet with incredible speed, exceeding his limit almost twice…) the ungrateful idiots accused him of attempt of their lives. They just couldn't understand what was good and healthy for them. Fools. But Inui was strong! Things like throwing up teammates couldn't stop him. The next juice would be better and better and more lethal of course. Wait! Who said lethal? His juices weren't lethal. Healthy harmless bubbling liquids just weren't lethal. There was 23 chance that after drinking them his teammates would be alive. And in the Fuji's case it was almost 100. Almost, because there was slight chance that Fuji would choke.

Lost in thoughts Inui didn't notice the bright pink fairy flying around him. But if he had seen it he would think about what he can mix it with. After all in the books was written that fairies were delicious and good ingredients for healthy juices. Actually pink fairies were the best. Inui removed his sleeping mask from his eyes and placed his glasses fast enough for the pink fairy not to spot his eyes. She was confused. Why the hell (you thought pink fairies don't curse, didn't you? Yep, they do! If you were pink fairy you would swear too. It's just in their nature – mean, little, yaoi-loving, pervert fairies. Who wouldn't like them?) was this human so fast? That was unnatural. She had to ask him. The fairy which name was Pinky (Well, all pink fairies have names like Pinky, Pinkie, Pinkpinky, Pinkypink and many more pink names.) jogged Inui's shoulder with her pink wand and cleared her throat. Inui jumped frightened.

"You… You saw my eyes? How dare you!!!" Before Pinky could answer she was chased by one very mad Inui with fly-paper in hand. Scary! The fairy felt how her pink sweat ran down her neck. She started to fly around the room screaming for dear life. Inui looked like he was going to torture her slowly and painfully. She heard Inui insulting her and shouted back at him angrily.

"I'm what? Pink is the color, baka! Don't call me red!" Inui stopped for a second and glared at her through his glasses.

"I don't care! You saw my eyes!"

"I didn't, you paranoiac idiot! The chance to see your eyes is 0." Inui looked at her with new light. Well, she used calculations. May be they could go well together. Calculations were everything. Only if she liked his juices too…

"Oh, well, do you like my juices?" Pinky made a face.

"Your juices? Hell, no! I won't try them even if my life depended on them!" Inui was hurt. How could she? I he thought that she was one nice pink fairy, not such monster. But our mad genius wouldn't leave the things like that. He would fight for the good name of his juices.

"Oh, sorry. I was wrong – you're not red, you're purple." With satisfaction he saw how Pinky went red with fury. Wrong guy's juices to insult, darling! She just wasn't in his category. Inui was unbeatable. Inui was strong. He heard Seigaku's freshmen cheering for him.

"Inui-sempai, fight-o, fight-o! Inui-sempai!" Nice freshmen. Next time he saw them, he would treat them with his newest juice. He was sure they would appreciate it.

One thing Inui didn't know – the pink fairy was evil. She waved her wand and hit his head with it, spreading pink stars and teddy bears. Now it was Inui's time to go red. Or pink in his case. Yeah, Inui was shining bright pink. His skin was pink, his black hair flashed with pink, his pink glasses glittered, his pink lips were opened in pink shock. Well, Inui was pure pink creature. What the fuck? Why was he pink? Pink for god's sake! Pink. And the most terrifying think was that he felt pink. His feelings were pink, his thoughts were pink, his whole self was pink. Inui burned with pink rage. This fairy was going to pay!

"What have you done, you pink freak????" Inui glared pinkly at her. She deserved to die. Nobody messed with Inui and made him pink.

"Well, human, I'm showing you what means to be purple-red." Pinky smirked at him. She was very bad fairy and she was proud of it.

"Reverse the spell! The chance that this was going to happen was only 0, 5." Inui was desperate. She was kidding, wasn't she? How could a fairy be wicked? There weren't bad fairies in the child's fairy tales. Everybody knew it!

"Hn, I'll reverse it, but only if you're my slave for one day. When the sun sets I'll make you normal again." Inui thought about the chances the magic to be countered with a juice. 56. Not bad.

"And what will happen if I don't want to be your slave?" The fairy smirked evilly. She was good at this – making peoples lives living hell.

"Well, you'll be pink for the rest of your life. And no, you can't make a juice to turn normal again."

Shit, that pink bitch was good.

-

"Why the hell should I make pink juice???" yelled Inui angrily, calculating how many times he could kill the fairy. She ordered him to make love juice and he calculated that if he doesn't do it, he will remain pink forever. He felt depressed of course, but started mixing it. The rate of success of this juice was 87 and Inui was proud of himself – only little more work and it'll be perfect! No, no he didn't like the idea of love juice; it was too pink for him. But he was Pinky's slave for the day and all well-behaved slaves listened to their mistress orders.

-

Kikumaru Eiji, the cheerful Seigaku's acrobatic player saw something very… strange. No, funny! Well, the view was really grotesque. Crawling in the grass pink Inui was holding one glass of pink looking juice with maniacal smile on his lips. His glasses sparkled with sinister light. It gave him the creeps. His brain told him to run away but his body moved to Inui.

"Nya, Inui what are you doing?" The answer was sadistic smirk. What was wrong with Inui? He didn't behave like that normally – well, he did but not so lunatic. Eiji felt Inui approaching him and stepped back. Another step back, then another and another 'till he was pressed to the wall. Very bad situation…

"Drink it!" said Inui with calm cold voice. He was crazy and Eiji didn't know how to handle mad people. He swallowed hard and shook his head. Nothing could make him drink it.

"Drink it!" said Inui again. His glasses shined pink. Eiji felt frightened for his life. Why was Inui pink and what was with that pink juice? Eiji meowed quietly thinking for a way to save his life.

"Well if you don't want to drink it so much you can run 100 laps." Eiji signed with relief. 100 laps were much better than Inui's lethal juices. He started running…

-

"You know, Inui, you're awful person. I like you!" whispered the fairy in Inui's ear. His smile was "you-haven't-seen-anything-yet" smile and Pinky felt her heart beating faster and faster. He was so pink and sadistic.

"Just wait, Pinky… " Wow that was evil. Inui was evil. And pink. Well, the best evil was the pink evil – her pink fairy teacher told her that. She saw how Inui stared at the running Eiji with his wicked maniac grin. Poor Eiji. He was running his 95th lap and Inui's grin grew wilder and wilder. What was he plotting? Pinky was thrilled. She was observing how in slow motions Eiji stopped running and sat helplessly on the ground. He was so tired that he couldn't say "Nya" anymore.

"Chance of success – 100" whispered Inui and moved close to Eiji, wearing crazy pink grin on his face. Gothic melody rang out with scary pink notes. Eiji looked around bewildered searching for salvation. He felt like cornered animal – without chance to run away or defend himself. And then he saw the deadly pink juice flying towards him. Well, not actually flying but you see the point. Soon Kikumaru found himself with mouthful of horrible pink lethal liquid. Hell, it tasted like shit... pink shit. Bright light flashed across his eyes (Remember the color?) and he saw sparkling stars. Usually the stars were yellow, buuuut guess what? They weren't. Noooo! Not red. Baka! Nope, not blue at all. You think they were purple? Wrong. Did you say something about green? No! No! No! I'll tell you again - the color in this story is PINK! You need me to repeat myself? P-I-N-K. So the pink stars danced around Eiji's head in incredibly pink manner. Makes you want to puke? There is the bathroom.. Please don't spoil my keyboard. Pinky gave Eiji a wink and pointed the direction to the courts. Kikumaru's already clouded mind tried to assimilate the idea. Yeah, right! Now or never! Pink forever! He ran towards Seigaku's courts screaming:

"Oishiiiiiiiiiiiii! My beloved! Oishiiiiiiiiii!"

-

"Success!" Inui informed Pinky while spying on the Golden pair, which was making out happily pink. It was great. The confused look on Oishi's face, the pink light shining around Kikumaru, the sweet colorful kiss - that was heaven. Pinky waved her wand around and teleported them to their next target - Tezuka. Seigaku's buchou was adjusting his glasses not suspecting that soon they will spark pink towards our beloved tensai Fuji...

Another victory for our pink team. Game Inui and Pinky 2 - 0. Next match Pink team vs. Echizen and Momoshiro. Well... pretty pink again. No kidding! Beware the power of the pink!

-

Inui was born for matchmaking! The whole day hew was poisoning innocent tennis player with that awful pink juice. Not that they complained. For first time nobody cursed his juice and they were rather feeling happy than becoming sick.

"Oh, goddess of pink! Great creator of the magic we call pink! Grant me your powers. Let all the pinkness in their lost souls sparkle again. Exterminate all the chaos in the world that they name colors with your burning pink gaze. Air, Water, Fire and Earth - all become pink and unite in one brand-new world. Amen."

Today the new religion called pinkanism was formed. The pink fairies all over the world squealed and raised their hands towards the sky. What a joyful pink day! Many tears of happiness were shed. People believed again. And of course Pinky was chosen to be the great priestess of pink. But thats another story (Believe me, you don't want to hear more about pink).

Our main character was sulking. Thanks to his juice (I won't mention the color) everybody was happily in love with each other (Oh, noes! It's too tempting to say the forbidden color again.) . Only Inui was alone. Such a shame. He was all Pinky could have wished for right-hand man - i.e. so... errrrr I think you know the word. She took pity of him and decided to make his lonely pink (Sorry, I said the word.) face sadisticly smiling again. It was a simple task - she just had to summon Kaidoh and make him confess his undying love for Inui (You thought about pink, didn't you! Hehehe, not this time, darling!). Well, what was the summoning magic? Hell if I know! Pinky, you forgot? Shame on you! And you call yourself pink? I'm so disappointed! Punishment for Pinky later. Now let's involve Kidoh finally and get over with this.

-

Kaidoh, soon-to-be-pink-snake, was walking unsuspecting down the street, his legs slowly leading him towards his senpai. He turned into the nearest street (Why the hell is the pavement pink?) only to find Inui. His glasses were so incredible sad looking that Kaidoh's heart hurt. He wanted to make them shine again. After all Inui's glasses were reflection of his soul and Kaidoh didn't want his senpai so down. While he was wondering what to say or do, Pinky didn't hesitate. She sprinkled him with holy (pink) water and waited for the big bad BANG. Silence... 10... 9... 8... The world stopped moving... 7... 6... Nobody dared to breath... 5.. 4... The atmosphere was so intense that some people got heart attacks... 3... 2... 1... Pink! Kaidoh was kissing Inui like there was no tomorrow. Hands roamed everywhere, tongues battled for dominance (no making out described, sorry. You won't appreciate it believe me. It would be pink after all.) and so on... Pinky was making photos of the kissing couple like crazy. Imagine how rich she'll become after selling them to those scary yaoi fangirls behind the corner. That was the best! The perfect end of a perfect day! She reversed her pink spell on Inui before disappearing with... does the noises have color? I guess not, but for the sake of this story I'll say it. Please, don't kill me! So she disappeared with very pink sound. Inui felt something missing, but hell, who cares? He had his Kaidoh in his arms trembling and moaning (bad dirty thoughts!) and nothing could stop him to have his wicked (pink?! I don't think so.) way with him. His glasses flashed dangerously and he carried him bridal style to his home... bedroom... bed... now very messy bed... (Stop!)

End

A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it. I started writing this long time ago but due to crashed computer, no time or muse (lol my muse is actually a gay greek male muse called Muse-chan, but who cares ;D) Anyway I'm really glad that I finished this story. I won't ask you for review, because if you really think it's worth you'll do it :)