Hello, everyone! This is my very first fic, so please comment/critique. All I ask is that you be gentle, it took a lot of courage for me to post this. Thank you so much for reading! Xoxo, our-lady-of-hauntings
*DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. Sherlock belongs to the BBC.
It's been one year, 10 months and three days exactly. I've been so very aware of every painful second that has passed since he's been gone. Life hardly seems real. It's a nightmare I can't wake from. My best friend isn't here. Sherlock is gone, and I can't even forget him. He is everywhere. In the flat that Mrs. Hudson insisted I stay in. In every wisp of second-hand smoke I encounter. Every text tone makes my heart jump and my stomach turn. I can't sleep. This silence is unnerving. I miss his once obnoxious 3am violin sessions, the constant pacing and shuffling of papers and books. I miss hearing his baritone voice call my name, seeing his long fingers pressed against his lips while he's deep in thought. I miss his smile, the genuine smile that he gave to so few people … the smile that was always meant for me.
I love Sherlock Holmes, and I never told him.
I finally surrendered my attempt to sleep. With a deep sigh I threw my covers to the side and made my way to the kitchen. While placing the kettle on the stove, I heard a small thump in the hall outside the door of the flat. It was 1am so it was very unlikely that Mrs. Hudson was roaming about. I sat still, ears perked and eyes closed, listening. Thump again. I was positive it was near the door. Quickly I turned the stove off and grabbed the harpoon out of the corner of the study. Just as I was making my way to the door, the handle began to turn. Before I could hide, the door swung open, revealing a tall shadow-figure behind it. I raised the harpoon, poised to attack the intruder when it spoke: "John, no!" My whole body went numb. I couldn't breathe. That voice. It was unmistakable. The shadow stepped further in. I could make out a set of hands raised in defense.
The moonlight caught his face and my heart stopped. "Are you alright, John? You look a bit peaky". My mouth hung open and my eyes were wide. My arms fell lifelessly to my sides and the harpoon dropped out. "Impossible" I managed to whisper. His eyes were fixed intently on my face. "This can't be real. I- I saw you. You jumped. You had no pulse. How… how can you be standing here? You were dead." My voice was shaking, as was the rest of my body. "I think you need to sit down" he instructed as he slowly made his way towards me. He placed his hand on my shoulder and I jumped. It was real. I could feel him. His warm, firm grasp on me caused my heart to pound and my breath to become jagged. "Sherlock…" I gasped. "Yes, it's me. You really should sit down, you look absolutely aw-" Smack! Sherlock stumbled back and looked at me in shock. "You hit me!" he exclaimed. "My lip is bleeding!" My hand ached from punching his jaw and my knuckle had a cut in it from skimming one of his teeth. He wiped the blood from his mouth and furrowed his brow. "What exactly was that for?" he questioned. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK IT WAS FOR?!" I screamed. My face was hot with rage as I continued. "YOU MADE ME BELIEVE YOU WERE DEAD! YOU MADE US ALL BURRY YOU, MOURN YOU! YOU MADE ME LIVE IN COMPLETE AGONY FOR OVER A YEAR AND NOW YOU JUST WALTZ BACK IN THE DOOR LIKE YOU WERE OUT BUYING GROCERIES!" My throat ached from shouting and I was trembling. "John, keep it down. You'll wake Mrs. Hudson" he whispered. I cocked my fist back again, ready to strike, when he pushed his body against mine, grabbing my balled up hand and wrapping his long fingers around it.
His eyes were fixed completely on mine and his breath was warm as it gently lapped my face with each of his slightly quickened breaths. "John…" he murmured, "Please believe me when I say I did what I had to. I'm sorry I couldn't explain, and I'm sorry I hurt you". His expression was soft and I could hear the pain in his voice. Every ounce of rage within me instantaneously abandoned my body. I fell against his chest, weak from the shock of it all. He released my hand and wrapped his arms around my back, placing one hand on the back of my head. "Please forgive me, John. Please." he begged. I could feel his deep voice vibrating in his chest as he spoke. I closed my eyes and took him in. His scent, the feeling of his arm muscles as they flexed around me. "It all feels so real." I mumbled into his chest. He pulled back and gave me a quizzical look. I was overcome with the awful feeling that he would disappear, that this was all a cruel dream and Sherlock would vanish into thin air. I couldn't take my eyes off him, I couldn't let him go. I gripped handfuls of his shirt and told him "You will never leave me again."
In an instant, my lips were against his. They were warm like the rest of him, and smooth, but they were pressed tightly together, unsure of what was happening. I leaned harder against him, opening my mouth and sliding my tongue over his lips, showing him that I wanted more, that I wouldn't stop. He hesitated, but as soon as I detached myself from him and whispered his name, his lips parted. Our mouth's moved together, tongues caressing. I released my death-hold on his shirt and tangled my fingers into his hair. His hands traveled down to my hips, eagerly pulling my pelvis towards his. "John…" he purred as I began kissing down his neck. All it took was hearing him say my name with such longing, and I was hard. I heard his breath quicken and knew it was because he could feel my growing bulge through my thin pajama bottoms. Instinctively I began lightly thrusting, rubbing my erection against his crotch. He moaned as his cock began to stiffen.
It felt far bigger than I had imagined. Reveling in the feeling of our throbbing dicks rubbing against one another, we both began to pant. I couldn't take not having his strong mouth on mine, so I yanked his face towards me and kissed him feverishly. I could feel the pre-cum starting to trickle out of the head of my penis as Sherlock's large hands slid down from my hips and each grasped one of my ass cheeks. He squeezed tightly and thrust his hard-on once more against mine. I couldn't take it anymore. My dick was aching to be touched by Sherlock and I was going to make it happen. I relinquished hold of his hair and pulled away from the kiss as I shoved him against the wall.
His face was flushed, his eyes heavy with desire. Our heavy breathing and pounding hearts were cutting through the still night. I saw Sherlock's eyes drift down to my crotch and watched as he hungrily licked his lips. It sent me over the edge. Immediately my hands were at his shirt, yanking it open and sending buttons to scatter amongst the floor. I drug my hands down his broad chest and bare stomach, allowing my fingers to trace the outline of his hipbones. I fingered the hem of his slacks and made my hand linger at his belt buckle for a moment. "John… Please. Don't torment me." he panted into my ear. "I really should make you suffer," I teased, "You deserve it". "I said I was sorry. I will say it a thousand times if I have to. I'll say it as much as you want. I hate seeing you so angry with me." he said, heartache hanging from every word. A smile tugged at the corner of my lips. "I'm sure I will find it quite hard to be angry while having an orgasm." I asserted, looking up at him and chuckling as he grinned. With one swift movement I had his belt off and on the floor. He watched as I fumbled to undo the button of his pants and pull down his zipper.
I squatted down as I pushed his pants to his ankles, leaving nothing but a thin layer of boxer short material to cover his massive erection. Sherlock placed his hands on my shoulders and stared down at me with his mouth open. I could see a wet spot of pre-cum on his boxers and placed my mouth over it, sucking on the head of his cock through his underwear. "Ohh... god, yes" he moaned, digging his nails into my shoulder muscle. I drug my mouth and tongue along the shaft of his dick, letting him feel my hot breath all along his length. My penis was straight up now, oozing. I needed to see his erection unshielded.
I slid his boxers off and beheld his massive, slick cock. He gasped at the cold air now reaching his most sensitive area. My mouth was over his head without hesitation. Sherlock let out a deep growl and arched his pelvis up, sending him deeper into my mouth. "John" he crooned as I began bobbing up and down. He tasted so good. I let out an mmm while I was sucking on him, the vibration of which made his hips buck and caused me to deep throat him. I almost gagged but managed to pull off of him in time, replacing my mouth with my hand. I started to pump him, standing up so I could kiss him more. Sherlock bit down on my lip, causing me to cry out and pull back. "Sherlock!" I shouted. He had an absolutely devious smirk on his face, and it turned me on. "YOU are supposed to be making ME cum!" I said as I released his cock and stripped my pajama bottoms off.
My dick was exposed. It was at full mast and a small bead of pre-cum was about to drip off of it. Both of us were staring down at it, but Sherlock's hand reached down. He began swirling the bead with his thumb, rubbing down the slit of my head. I swear, I almost came right then. My eyes rolled back and I let out a deep aahhh! I rammed my hips up against his, rubbing our hard cocks directly alongside one another. I commanded Sherlock to wrap his hand around both of our dicks, and easy feat for him since his hands were so large. Once he had a firm grip on our erections, I began thrusting, grinding against his hand and his cock. The sensation was overwhelming. "Oh", Sherlock breathed, a sign that he both understood the position and enjoyed it. Sherlock began humping, his rhythm matching mine.
Our thrusts became deeper and deeper, more rapid. The pre-cum from us both provided sufficient lubrication that allowed our cocks to slide against each other, gliding us in and out of his hand. I could start to feel and orgasm growing deep in my stomach. I placed my forehead against his chest, closing my eyes and listening to the growing sound of our moans. "John…" Sherlock moaned, "I- I think I'm going to cum!" He started groaning loudly, tightening his grip on our cocks, thrusting faster. "Oh god, me too!" I yelled. "Don't stop!" I ordered. Our thrusting became rough, our breathing fast and loud. "John! Ohhhh, John!" he moaned. "Mmmm, please, Sherlock, don't stop. You feel so fucking good!" I growled into his chest.
I felt a sensation radiating from deep within my stomach spread to my balls and entire length, I was going to cum any second. Sherlock slammed his head back against the wall, closed his eyes, and with one last hard thrust, let out a loud "Fuck!" and spilled his cum all over his hand and coated both of our cocks. Hearing him swear with such lust in his voice and feeling his jizz sliding all over my dick brought me over the edge. "Ahhh, god!" I yelled as I rocked my hips, guiding myself through my orgasm. My cum shot all over Sherlock's naked stomach. He was still in the throes of his orgasm as he managed to look down at the scene. He used the hand that wasn't still cradling our steadily softening cocks to rub my cum off of his stomach. He placed his coated fingers into his mouth and sucked every last bit of me off. I leaned in and gave him a deep kiss. I could taste myself on his tongue. We pulled away and I stared into his eyes. "You will never leave me again, Sherlock Holmes." I stated, still out of breath. "I love you, and you must promise never to leave me". It was meant to be a statement, but it came off more like pleading.
His eyes searched my face for a bit until he pulled me close and made our foreheads touch. "I promise you, John Watson, I will never leave you again". There was no doubt in his voice. For the first time in nearly 2 years I wanted to cry out of pure happiness. "I love you, John. I will make sure you are aware of that every second of your life from this day on". One firm hand came up under my chin and lifted my lips up to his. It was the most honest, deep, loving kiss I have ever shared, and it came from the only man I will ever love.