Fandom:Shingeki No Kyojin

Pairing:Jean x Mikasa

Prompt: Mikasa thanks Jean for saving her. (requested by anonymous)

Words:751

Notes: I'm not sorry.

"Not everyone can just die for Eren like you."

The thought had been bouncing about her mind since she'd woken up that morning, surfacing in full force every time she attempted to think of something else. It lingered in the back of her conscious, just within reach, but never slipping beyond, and the only thing she could ask is why?

Why was she remembering this now?

Of all things, why those words?

It was making her stomach churn and her head spin. Something pulled in her chest at the thought of him, but she couldn't place it for the life of her. This was a similar occurrence, one that had been going on for almost a week now, and she had hopped it would pass, as everything did, but it ended up growing stronger. Stronger and stronger until she could feel it weighing her down, forcing all of its weight onto her chest. Her nights were plagued with nightmares and in the mornings she woke with an emptiness that she couldn't quiet explain.

Heaving a sigh, she swung her feet over her bed and propped her elbows on her thighs, letting her head rest in her hands. She swallowed hard and stayed still for several moments, accompanied only by the sound of her breathing and the light patter of rain against the window. The occasional clap of thunder shook the cottage, but it was a fitting thing, wasn't it? - dark and gloomy, just like the emotions bubbling within her. She pushed herself from her bed and dressed slowly. Her movements were stiff and lethargic, and she found herself almost completely drained despite getting a full night of sleep.

The door to her room creaked open and Eren shuffled in, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Oh, you're already up." He mumbled.

She simply hummed in response and seized her coat from its place on one of the reclining chairs and slipped it on.

"Where are you doing?"

"Out." She stepped past him as she buttoned her jacket.

The rain had picked up. It feel from the heaven like torrents of needles, pelting the earth below. The temperature had dropped so drastically from the day before, and as soon as she opened the front door, a blast of cold wind greeted her. She pulled her hood over her head and stepped outside. Her feet sank in the mud and water, staining the pants of her uniform, but she paid it no mind – they'd seen worse days.

Far on the other side of the path, standing just before a long stretch of pine trees, was alone oak. At the base sat a large, crude stone. A myriad of wilting flowers surrounded it, their petals floating in the large puddle that had formed before it.

The sight of it brought about the pull and her stomach flipped. And in that moment, something dawned on her. The answer to all of the things she'd been feeling, why she'd been thinking about it so much, it was all right beneath the thick branches of the tree.

"You have such beautiful black hair."

Before she even realized it, she was sprinting forward, sloshing through the soft earth, until she came to a stop before the marker. His name was etched into the surface with deathly precision. At first she allowed her eyes to trace each letter, memorizing the curves and angles, but after a moment she dropped to her knees and reached out to touch them. A shiver shot down her spine.

She hung her head, inky bangs curtaining her face.

"Let go of her, you bastard!"

The words entered her mind at full force, and she could have sworn she heard it. Breathing suddenly became so much more difficult as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her midsection. The memory came flooding back to her – he had risked his life to save her, something she wouldn't have expected the others to do, and in an attempt to save her again he'd been killed – done in by a titan that had crashed into him.

A muffled sob tore itself from her lips.

Whether she'd been willing to admit it to herself or not, since their trainee days, he had somehow wormed his way into her heart – the very heart she had closed off and erected walls around, and he had broken them down without her even knowing.

Sneaky bastard, she thought bitterly.

"I…thank you." She choked out. "Thank you…thank you."