In the Mind of Durza:
Disclaimer: I don't own the Inheritance Cycle, Eragon, Durza, Arya, Elves, Rocks, Trees, Fire or anything else that appears in this story. Except for the Spirits and I don't want to own them...
Wind howled through the night. A tall shade stood in the shadow of a tree, eyes closed, his mind expanded to encompass all the nearby forest.
He waited, barely conscious – the three spirits possessing him had fallen asleep at this point – as the long hours passed by.
One alien mind brushed against his consciousness, then another and another. The shade's eyes flicked open. The spirits within him awakened.
"I feel elves." said the First Spirit, a simple death spirit. "Kill them all. Now."
"You haven't considered the possibility of a trap." responded the Second Spirit which encapsulated most of the intelligence of the eldritch intelligence in the void. "We should not proceed with your kill them all strategy until we have assessed the probability of our ambush being counter-ambushed and if we could possibly foil their counter-ambush with a counter-counter-ambush and whether they have considered that elementary counter and responded with a counter-"
"I hope it's a trap." interrupted the First Spirit. "Then we ALL die. More death is always better, more blood is always better, more pain is..."
"I don't want to spend another 18000 years in the void, thank you. It would take ages to find another gullible schmuck to possess."
The amalgamated mind of Durza peered round a thick tree, his spirit-vision cutting through the gloom. He couldn't see the elves yet, he was just trying to ignore the bickering in his mind. At least Spirit Three hadn't got involved yet.
A sharp crack rang out through the forest. Durza cursed, one of the stupid Urgals must have stepped on a twig.
Spirit Two hadn't wanted to include Urgals in this mission, it had said it was a suboptimal use of resources and that it would be more efficient just to drain all energy from the Urgals and store it in the diamond in the pommel of his thin sword.
Spirit One had countered by pointing out that all evil shades needed minions and that more creatures dying had to be better and Spirit three... well Spirit Three thought that the Urgals were cute.
Durza stood unnaturally still, his stance not betraying the chaos in his mind. His searching gaze swept through the forest.
There. A silvery glint caught his eye. An elven horse. They were close and trotting right into the ambush.
"I see elves, kill them all. " cooed Spirit One.
"Killing them all would contravene our mission parameters, idiot." responded Spirit Two. "Our objectives clearly state that at least one be captured alive for interrogation purpose-"
"Shiny Elven ponies! Can I have one Durza?" pleaded Spirit Three; Durza's pre-possession memories provided no clue as to how this one had possessed him.
"Point of order!" cried Spirit Two. "The "shiny elven stallions" point is not relevant to the kill or capture debate, I would suggest that I be awarded extra time to make up for the interr-"
"Shut up, All of you!" roared the amalgamated consciousness of Durza into the depths of his mind. "I'm trying to plan an ambush here."
"Can I do that for you?" asked Spirit Two. "My intelligence is 3.8 times greater than our combined intelligence. The other spirits drag us down, give me full control."
"No." snapped Durza. The other spirits, piggybacking on the intelligence of the amalgamated mind, knew what would happen if Spirit Two gained control. It would try and drive out all the other spirits immediately.
"Fine." huffed Spirit Two. "Try to do the thinking without me."
Durza felt his intelligence shrink as spirit two withdrew itself into mental hibernation.
"Spirit Two." Durza cried out in the darkness of his own mind. "Come back."
Silence answered him.
"Maim! Kill! Destroy!" shouted Spirit One gleefully.
"Please don't get blood on the ponies." pleaded Spirit Three.
The elven stallions drew closer. Durza could see them more clearly now. There were three of them, riding in a line. At the front rode a tall, thin man and behind him a raven-haired woman.
Durza's amalgamated mind was trying to calculate the best time to strike with what little intelligence remained.
"Those horses pretty." said Spirit Three. "Me want to have one. Make the elvsies give me one."
"And I will." crowed Spirit One. "With fire and blood and torture and pain and-"
For a fleeting instant Durza felt his intelligence increase.
"I would just like to interject." interjected Spirit Two. "But I would like to criticise the absurdity of the ridiculously small amount of guards for a top secret, incredibly important mission. Are you sure these are the egg-carriers and not just some tourists or something? Relations with Islanzadi are strained enough as it is."
"War with elves means BLOOD and DEATH and WAR and BLOOD..."
"That is all well and good, but does war and blood and so on act in synergy with our goal set?"
"Me want ride those ponies"
"shut up!" shouted the amalgamated mind.
"You do not command us." said Spirit Two. "Just because you are the amalgamated mind of all of us does not give you the right to undermine our autonomy. Possessing spirits have rights too, you know."
Durza smashed his head into a tree.
"Ow!" chorused all three spirits in unison.
"Shut up." shouted Durza. "Let me savour my triumph. The elves are walking into my trap!"
"Technically it's my trap; my intelligence provided the –"protested Spirit Two.
Durza smashed his head into the tree again.
The elves looked startled as they heard the thunking sound and tightened their grip on their weapons.
At that moment the wind turned and blew towards the elves, heavy with the fetid stench of the Urgals which Durza had spent the whole mission trying to ignore.
The elves stiffened in their saddles, their eyes flicking from side to side.
"Told you so!" shouted Spirit Two. "Those Urgals have negative utility."
"You can't hate the Urgals." whined Spirit Three. "Look at their little horns, aren't they adorable?"
"Kill the elves. Kill them now. Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill."
The Urgals fired with a crack. Black arrows sped towards the elves, who whispered a few words. The arrows stopped in mid-flight and fell to the ground.
"See! Totally useless. You should sometimes listen to my advice you know."
"Kill them all! Leave none alive!"
"That was a tautology."
"Shut up."
"Don't hurt the ponies. Me want to ride the ponies. Me can't do that if they're dead."
"Garjzla." shouted the Shade and a bolt of red energy shot from his palm and struck the front elf who collapsed to the floor unconscious. The Urgals all shot him en masse.
"Idiots!" roared the Shade at the Urgals. "That contravenes the mission profile - KILL KILL KILL – no don't kill – KILL – Ponies! Don't shoot the ponies! –KILL – Pony—KILL – capture - BURN."
The Urgals all stopped shooting and looked in confusion at their master.
The two remaining elves took the opportunity to gallop off into the distance.
"Get them!" shouted the Shade. "Get the ponies!"
It was no use. The elves had gotten too far away.
"BURN!" shouted Spirit One.
"Fine. Just this once you get to indulge your pyromaniacal tendencies, but don't think this sets a precedent."
The Shade raised his hand, "Boetq Istalri" he said and the forest exploded into flames around him.
He climbed a slab of granite jutting out of the forest floor and surveyed his handiwork.
A circle of flame surrounded him, trapping the elves.
"Everything burns." whispered Spirit One reverently. "It's beautiful."
"Just like ponies."
"Just like BURNING ponies."
"Burning ponies don't last very long." said Spirit Three sadly. "They die before I'm bored of them. It's so unfair."
The shade heard several, short, guttural screams from behind him. He snapped his head around, his spirit-vision piercing through the darkness. Five Urgals lay dying in a heap, but they had managed to take down the remaining male elf. That only left the woman. She came pelting out of the forest and had almost reached the slab before she saw him. By that time his palm was already facing her and he said:
"Garjzl—PONIES! - AHHH did you have to do that right then?"
"You idiot!" screamed Spirit Two inside his mind. "We would have gotten her then."
"Just kill them already." said Spirit One.
The elf had fished a very egg-shaped looking object out of the folds of her robes and was holding it tightly. She mouthed frantic words.
"Not a tourist then." observed Spirit Two. "Of course she could be a decoy egg carrier."
"Look, she's trying to teleport the egg away, kill her NOW!" shouted Spirit One.
"Oh yes, good point." said Spirit Two.
The shade raised his palm. "Garjzla"
The egg disappeared in a flash of green light just before the red bolt hit her.
The elf collapsed.
"Oops." said Spirit Two. "That was unfortunate."
"PONY!" shouted Spirit Three. Sure enough, Durza spied one of the Elves' horses wandering about rider-less. "Me want."
"Fine." said Durza. He was too shocked at his failure to argue.
"Well, at least we have the female elf for interrogation later." said Spirit Two.
Durza retrieved the elven horse and tried to ignore the incessant cooing which was coming from Spirit Three. He confirmed the egg was gone, then picked up the unconscious elf and tied her to the saddle. He mounted the horse and made his way out of the woods.
He quenched the fires in his path but, much to the delight of Spirit One, left the rest to burn.