Title: Despair
Author: Lance Robert Weeler
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Up to "Red"
Disclaimers: I don't own the show or any of the characters. If I did, they'd be on HBO, where you know I'd be doing naughty things with them.
Summary: Following the events of "Red," Clark falls into a deep depression. How deep? Read and find out...
A/N: A little short, but it'll get longer and hopefully better. I honestly have no idea what's going to happen.
**********************************************************
Chapter 1: Breaking Down
~~~
"Hmm, so you thought if you brought me flowers, I would pretend like nothing happened?"
"You have to believe me alright, the things I said, the way I was acting...that wasn't me."
"Even the part where you said you had feelings for me?"
"Lana - "
"Clark, you can't have it both ways. Either it was you or it wasn't."
"I wish I could explain, but I can't"
"The story of your life."
"Lana, I really am sorry."
"I know you are, but it's not enough anymore. You think you can find your way home?"
"I hope so."
Deep in my heart, I know I can't. Things will never be the same - not now, not ever. She deserves an explanation, one I can't give. I make the long journey back to the farm, taking my time. A brisk wind blows against me, and for the first time, I feel cold, down to the bone. I feel a vacuum in my chest, soreness behind my eyes, and a sudden dryness in my throat. It has fallen dark and I know my parents must be wondering where I am, but for all the powers I have, the will to make my way home is lost to me. I feel my knees buckle, the weight of the world forcing my body to the ground. I hold my head in my hands and choke back the tears. I hurt the one person I thought I'd never hurt, and I all the sorry's in the world won't make it better.
~~~
"Lana, have you seen Clark today? He said he was going to apologize to you."
"Yeah, I saw him a while ago, Mrs. Kent."
"Do you know where he is now? He was supposed to come home for dinner...I've already called Pete, Chloe, and even Lex. Jonathan is out in his truck looking for him. I'm really worried."
"I talked to him for a few minutes when I was riding. He walked home. I'm sure he's alright, he always is."
"He should have been home hours ago. Listen if you hear from him - "
"I'll send him straight home, Mrs. Kent."
"Thanks, Lana. Goodbye."
I feel a little chill go through me as I hang up the phone. Clark Kent, missing in the middle of the night. That's not like him; maybe he's not back to normal after all. School's closed, as is the Talon, where else could he be? What if something happened to him on the way home? That can't be it. Nothing ever happens to Clark, it's never him that needs saving. I put my fears aside for now...there's nothing I can do. I pause before putting my head down on the pillow. For hours, I toss and turn, as my attempts to fall asleep bear no fruit. It is then I notice an eerie feeling that has crept into my heart. Guilt.
~~~
A rooster's call in the distance interrupts my troubled slumber. I cringe at the sun rising in the horizon as I realize I fell asleep in a field. I wipe the broken stalks of wheat and reluctantly use my super-speed to get home. Instead of going through the front door, I enter the loft instead. I climb up the ladder and collapse on the couch. For the first time in my life I feel powerless. There's nothing to fight, no one to save, nothing I can do.
I walk over to the window and peak through the telescope one last time at Lana's house. I find the case in the far corner. As I blow off the dust, I realize it has not been open in five years. I drag it over to the window and try to remember how to dismantle the telescope. After several attempts, I get finally get it right, and place the pieces in their respective compartments. Three round circles free of dust mark where it once stood. I take another look at Lana's house from my window before I place the case in the far corner. "You can't hide out here forever," - her words play back in my head. I close my eyes and shake my head. I sure can try.
Author: Lance Robert Weeler
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Up to "Red"
Disclaimers: I don't own the show or any of the characters. If I did, they'd be on HBO, where you know I'd be doing naughty things with them.
Summary: Following the events of "Red," Clark falls into a deep depression. How deep? Read and find out...
A/N: A little short, but it'll get longer and hopefully better. I honestly have no idea what's going to happen.
**********************************************************
Chapter 1: Breaking Down
~~~
"Hmm, so you thought if you brought me flowers, I would pretend like nothing happened?"
"You have to believe me alright, the things I said, the way I was acting...that wasn't me."
"Even the part where you said you had feelings for me?"
"Lana - "
"Clark, you can't have it both ways. Either it was you or it wasn't."
"I wish I could explain, but I can't"
"The story of your life."
"Lana, I really am sorry."
"I know you are, but it's not enough anymore. You think you can find your way home?"
"I hope so."
Deep in my heart, I know I can't. Things will never be the same - not now, not ever. She deserves an explanation, one I can't give. I make the long journey back to the farm, taking my time. A brisk wind blows against me, and for the first time, I feel cold, down to the bone. I feel a vacuum in my chest, soreness behind my eyes, and a sudden dryness in my throat. It has fallen dark and I know my parents must be wondering where I am, but for all the powers I have, the will to make my way home is lost to me. I feel my knees buckle, the weight of the world forcing my body to the ground. I hold my head in my hands and choke back the tears. I hurt the one person I thought I'd never hurt, and I all the sorry's in the world won't make it better.
~~~
"Lana, have you seen Clark today? He said he was going to apologize to you."
"Yeah, I saw him a while ago, Mrs. Kent."
"Do you know where he is now? He was supposed to come home for dinner...I've already called Pete, Chloe, and even Lex. Jonathan is out in his truck looking for him. I'm really worried."
"I talked to him for a few minutes when I was riding. He walked home. I'm sure he's alright, he always is."
"He should have been home hours ago. Listen if you hear from him - "
"I'll send him straight home, Mrs. Kent."
"Thanks, Lana. Goodbye."
I feel a little chill go through me as I hang up the phone. Clark Kent, missing in the middle of the night. That's not like him; maybe he's not back to normal after all. School's closed, as is the Talon, where else could he be? What if something happened to him on the way home? That can't be it. Nothing ever happens to Clark, it's never him that needs saving. I put my fears aside for now...there's nothing I can do. I pause before putting my head down on the pillow. For hours, I toss and turn, as my attempts to fall asleep bear no fruit. It is then I notice an eerie feeling that has crept into my heart. Guilt.
~~~
A rooster's call in the distance interrupts my troubled slumber. I cringe at the sun rising in the horizon as I realize I fell asleep in a field. I wipe the broken stalks of wheat and reluctantly use my super-speed to get home. Instead of going through the front door, I enter the loft instead. I climb up the ladder and collapse on the couch. For the first time in my life I feel powerless. There's nothing to fight, no one to save, nothing I can do.
I walk over to the window and peak through the telescope one last time at Lana's house. I find the case in the far corner. As I blow off the dust, I realize it has not been open in five years. I drag it over to the window and try to remember how to dismantle the telescope. After several attempts, I get finally get it right, and place the pieces in their respective compartments. Three round circles free of dust mark where it once stood. I take another look at Lana's house from my window before I place the case in the far corner. "You can't hide out here forever," - her words play back in my head. I close my eyes and shake my head. I sure can try.