Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor any of the characters, places, props or plots. I don't own the song 'Can't stop the rain' either.
Summary: Remus has weekly visits to Sirius' grave. Well, how else would he know what's going on? Slash. SBRL. Hint of RLNT, RWHG, HP??.
Cant stop the rain.
I can't stop the rain from falling,
I'm drowning in these tears I cry.
Since you left without a warning,
I face the dawn with sleepless eyes.
Every Wednesday Remus wakes up early. He's an early-morning type of person anyway but on Wednesday, he wakes up extra early. Maybe it's because he doesn't want anyone to see him leave the house, to give him that sad, knowing look that they all have whenever someone mentions him. Or maybe, he doesn't want to take the chance of someone asking to come with. It wouldn't be the first time. But they don't want to come for the reason he does. So, instead, he wakes up early and slips out of number 12 unnoticed. He doesn't leave a note; they know where he's gone and they don't expect him back for the rest of the day.
During the holidays, he takes Harry. Harry understands. He can trust Harry. Harry wont give him sad looks or glances of pity. They wont talk on the way, nor when they're there - at least not to each other - but they will on the way back. Remus will treat Harry to lunch and they'll go for a walk though a forest. Then they'll start to talk. A few questions, mumbled answers and then a small conversation in between not-so-awkward silences.
But right now, its February and Harry is at school. He's not happy, according to his last letter; dorm-mates are annoying, Snape hates him more than ever, there was something about that potion book again but the whole letter was in code and it was too late last night to figure it all out. He'll do it tonight. Hm, maybe he should have brought it with him, and read it aloud. Oh well, the order would be awake by now and he wasn't going to go back. Instead he keeps walking. Till he reaches a thick forest.
He knows the way by heart, he knows where to turn and where he's going. He doesn't get lost and doesn't even have to pay attention to get there. Before long, he passes a large tree that vaguely resembles the whomping willow, he's there. Behind the tree, there a small clearing. It's rather hidden with trees and bushes, you have to know where it is to get there. The only reason Remus know about it is because Sirius showed it to him. The man cant help but smile sadly at the memory.
They had been alone in the house that day, Remus and Sirius. The former was trying to do work while the latter was worrying about Harry, as always. When Sirius is worried - or annoyed or tired or sleepy or hungry - he gets restless. For the whole morning Remus tried his best to ignore his friend but Sirius was desperate. He wanted out of the house, just for a few hours as a dog. When begging didn't work, Sirius promised to show Remus a secret.
'Something that came in handy more than once for me,' He had said, winking. That had sealed the deal for the werewolf.
Now, Remus moves into the clearing. Sirius had told him that he used to hide here, in the clearing, to hide from his mother and the rest of his family. He would stay here all day till night fell and then, when he knew that they would be sleeping, he would sneak back in. Remus felt privileged that Sirius would show him such a important thing and from that day, any time they were alone in the house, Remus would take Sirius for a walk and they would come here. To talk, mostly, among 'other things'.
Now there's only one voice talking. And there will no longer be 'other things'.
Feeling saddened, Remus walks to the middle of the clearing. There is a large stone, a slab more like, of marble. It's engraved in gold; which had taken a while and was hard to do but was very much worth it. He should know: he was the one to do it, with his wand of course. Settling down in front of the slap, Remus reaches out - one pale finger tracing the words:
'Sirius 'Padfoot' Black. - Loyal friend, loving godfather and wrongly-accused hero.'
Remus lent back, plopping onto his backside and stretching out his legs. The stone between his calves so he could watch it. Letting his head fall down, he sighed and picked up a fallen leaf. He tore at it as he started speaking.
"Hey. Yeah, me again. No Harry today - he's still at school. You don't mind do you? That it's just me, I mean."
There was a pause, as if Lupin was slightly hoping he would get an answer back. When none came he nodded.
"… I'll take that as a no. I bet you're laughing." He said, glancing up at the sky. "Laughing at me for still coming down here every week despite it being -" He scrunched up his nose. "God knows how long. 6 months? Maybe, I've lost count. Too early too count." He heaved another sigh. "Too long."
There was another long pause. Remus finished ripping at the leaf and picked up a new one.
"I got a letter from Harry last night. I wish I had brought it with me; so I could read it too you. You were always better at getting his codes than I was. Let's see…" Remus cocked his head as he tried to remember some of the things that Harry had talked about. "He says Hermione and Ron are being more and more obvious. Apparently, the more they fight - the more they flirt. It reminds me of Lily and James. You remember: He would flirt, she would ignore and then they would fight. Didn't they have they're first kiss while arguing? Not including the one you forced them to have in third year with the mistletoe, of course."
The wind blow and Remus pulled his cloak more around him before continuing talking.
"You would believe how much Harry is becoming more and more like you. Without even noticing it! It's amazing. He barks out his laughter, just like you used to do. And he's picked up that little whine that you used to make. He cocks his head while doing it as well. Molly's a right sucker for his puppy dog eyes."
Remus paused here, taking his time in remembering all that Harry had told him.
"He says he has a date, this weekend. But wouldn't tell me who. Says it's a secret and he isn't allowed to tell." Lupin chuckled. "He told us last year, though, about that Cho girl… I suspect it may be a boy." Remus smirked. "Told you he was like you."
If there had been someone else there, other than Remus, this would have been an awkward silence… but since he was alone, he decided that you couldn't have an awkward silence with yourself.
"I think he knows. About us, what we are- well, what we used to be. Hell, the whole order have their suspicions! Maybe I should tell him…" Remus wondered aloud. "So he knows the whole story. That boy jumps into assumptions faster than James did when Snape was involved! Yes, I think I will tell him. Though, I think it better if he kept it quiet."
Remus nodded to himself before falling into silence. He stayed quiet for a long time, fidgeting on the ground and wondering how to approach the next subject at hand.
"You know…" He said slowly, swallowing heavily. "Tonks… err… asked me out yesterday. Startled me quite a bit. She's been acting odd around me for a long time… I had just assumed it was the whole werewolf thing." Remus shifted slightly, avoiding looking at the grave stone as though it was Sirius himself. "She says that she's like me for a long time and that… that she would like to take our friendship to the next step. … I think the shock showed on my face because she told me to think it over and then rushed out of the room." The man ran a hand through his hair and sighed, looking at the slap of marble with begging eyes.
"What do I do? If I say no, questions will be asked and the tension will be awful. But if I say yes… How can I date her when I'm still heartbroken over her cousin?" He shook his head sadly. "I'm so confused."
The wind blow harshly around him and he shivered, huddling up more into his cloak. Looking up, dark clouds were gathering and he felt sad at the thought of leaving Sirius' grave earlier than usual. But if he went back with another cold from sitting in the rain, Molly would have his head.
"You… you wouldn't be mad, right? If -" Remus cleared his throat. "- if I, maybe, thought about accepting Tonks' offer? I mean, you thought I was sad enough for not dating while you were in Azkaban. It would be... sad, really, to remain single even though…" Water filled golden-brown eyes and thunder rumbled above his head. "Even though you cant come back this time…" Blinking hard, the tears fell down Remus' cheeks. "B-But you came back last time… even though no one ever has! You came back t-to me… It had been t-thirteen years since we… we last saw each other but the passion… the l-love was - is - still…"
Remus broke off with a small choke. A heavy drop of water fell from the sky and landed on his head. He ran a hand through his hair to feel that a few strands were damp before grabbing the end of his cloak and using it to scrub furiously at the tears. His cheeks were red when he stopped. Figuring he should leave soon, he pulled a white lily from his pocket; it was small, a little crumpled and slightly dirty - he had picked it up on his way here, after all - but it would do. As another rain drop hit him, he scrambled to his feet and moved closer to the marble stone.
"This is just temporary, you know. Where your grave stone is, I mean. As soon as possible I plan to move it to Godric's Hollow. It's only fitting that you should be near Lily and James… well, not you obviously, as there… was no body…"
Remus trailed off with a shrug and let the lily fall from his hand, to drop to the ground next to the head stone. As it hit the ground, the rain broke above his with a crack of lighting. Water poured down into the clearing and the werewolf let his head fall back for a moment; relishing in the feeling of rain running down his face. His hair fell into his eyes as he looked back down at his friends grave.
"Well… See you next week, I guess, with more news and such…" He nodded a few times to himself before turning and walking out of the clearing. Like every other time, he paused right before leaving and glanced behind him; just to check, to make sure. But, as always, everything was fine. So he looked forwards and carried on.
I can't stop the rain from falling,
I'm drowning in these tears I cry.
Since you left without a warning,
I face the dawn with sleepless eyes.
AN: Inspired by Cascada's song 'Cant stop the rain.'
Reviews are encouraged, Constructive criticism is welcomed, flames are laughed at. Reviewers are given chocolate, because chocolate is the answer to everything. Obviously.
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