Riverclan was a great clan; the best in the forest according to themselves - if only the other clans would see it. Sleek, well-fed cats, the ability only they possessed - swimming, a bountiful amount of prey... You'd have thought anyone would have been perfectly happy there and, for one cat, it was the most wonderful place they could be. An escape from the dangers of the world outside their territory, friends who supported her and somewhere she truly enjoyed being. She wanted it to stay like that forever but luck didn't seem that much in her favour.
Midnightflare wasn't always in a clan. She had left her family to escape the stress for a bit and the clan had accepted her. She had learned when to sneak out and visit her family and other friends and had maintained a balance in life. That was until a few moons ago.
She went to visit her sibling and they told her of new teachings they had learned that they wished for her to learn. This kept Midnightflare so busy that she had to stay there for quite a long time. She barely noticed the moons passing as she worked. The work and study of all of this kept her busy for ages and by the time she came back to having free time, it was a few moons since she had last been at RiverClan. Frantically, she hurried back.
Of course, the clan was delighted to see her back. She promised not to leave for so long again but she had to continue the work and so this happened many more times. Each time, she found it harder and harder to come back. She felt that the others were probably getting tired of how she kept disappearing. She was afraid that soon, they wouldn't let her come back to the clan, they would just reject her. She was terrified of being rejected.
Time moved on. The work became more stressful, life became more difficult to understand and Midnightflare didn't go back. She had reached the point where she felt that she had to choose between her family and her clan. Of course, her family was the most important thing to her in the world so she stayed with them, unable to find time to go back to the clan. Whenever she did have time, she got too scared and didn't even try.
She wanted to go back so much. She had made friends there that she missed and she had loved that place with much of her heart but she was simply too afraid. In addition, she didn't trust herself not to just leave for ages again. For a while she just watched them, still interested in them and how they were doing but now she didn't even do that. She wished life was more simple.
And now she waits, she sits alone, unable to think what to do. Too scared to go back. Loving the times with them too much to move on. Just stuck in one moment, awaiting what life would throw at her next.
I wanted to write this because I felt I needed to express myself. I wanted someone to know why I left and didn't return. I was in a forum and I loved it but life distracted me and I'm too scared to go back. This my story and a few of my struggles with a mind like mine.