Author's Note: Please read and give feedback. This is still quite new to me. Thank you!
When I think back now, I don't know what I did. And I suspect that it will always remain a mystery to me. We once were so close, the best of friends and now. Well, now we don't speak at all. At least they don't speak to me. We would call ourselves the three musketeers. And for birthdays and such would write fabulously funny stories.
It's not as if I haven't tried to talk to both of them. I have. I sent him facebook messages telling him of all that has been going on at work. All the gossip he used to love to hear and spread about. And I told her how shitty school was, how I missed talking to her. This was the thing, with my friendships with them it used to be a two-way street. If I wanted to talk to them now I have to make the effort. I feel unappreciated. As if they no longer care about me.
I think sometimes I should just forget them. I tried that. I couldn't last a day. The thing is when you try not to think about someone; suddenly they are all you can think about. Obviously I had been forgotten, erased from their memories.
It hurts. I was so stupid; I thought they were my best friends. But they dumped me. And foolish little ole me had said goodbye to my other friends so that now they are nothing but acquaintances. I can't blame this all on them, but I don't know what I did wrong. And I guess I will never know. I cant ask them because what if I haven't done something wrong? What if I have? Do I really want to know what I did? Would it make it any easier? Sometimes I think it would. I think that everything would be better.
So, how did it get like this? Well, I came back from a camp they didn't go on and we were still close, talk each day and chat all night. At work everything was normal too. And then he was moving far away. He had told me before but I pushed the thought away until it was a matter of days till he was going. He promised me we would stay close, nothing would come between us. I think I knew deep down that this would happen that he would leave me. I feel secluded in my own dark cave, haunted by the memories of friends I once had.
The first few weeks after he left, I cried myself to sleep. Some nights I felt so alone that I would stay up late, watching infomercials. I told her of my loneliness. "It's ok" she would say "he's not talking to me either." These were lies, lies I would not find out about until I overheard it at work one day. That I found out like that crushed my soul.
When she stopped talking to me I convinced myself that it was just because she was studying, she wanted to get in a good study pattern and things would go back to normal eventually. I was wrong. Things didn't go back to normal. The last time I spoke to her we were planning on seeing a movie. It has been weeks since then and I have heard nothing in reply.
She was the one I went to for advice. He was the one that comforted me. Now I need advice about what to do with my apparent failure of friendships and she isn't here. Now I need comforting about the fact they failed and people keep asking me about it and he's not here to make it all better.
I lost my two best friends within three weeks. Everyone else I had pushed away because they would take care of me, look after me. I had no one to turn to now. What would I become?