In A Perfect World.
Just an angsty little Nathan/Peter one shot - set before show.
Yes, this is slash - if it's not you're thing, don't read it...
Rated M for language and implied underage sexual situations.
He feels his hand on his back; the feeling his touch invokes is enough to pull him back from his thoughts.
"What are you thinking about?"
How does Peter answer that? Honestly? Sugar coated? He doesn't want to lie but he doesn't want to tell the truth either. So, he bows his head a little and chews on his lip. The hand is insistent, reaches up and squeezes his shoulder.
"Pete?"
Peter turns his head a little, acknowledges him.
"You ever just want to go somewhere Nathan, you know run away with me?"
He hears his brother scoff at such a notion and the sound of it cracks his heart open a little bit more. He moves his body away from that hand and moves over and out of reach,
"Oh, come on Peter," Nathan admonishes, sitting up, wrapped in a sheet and shirtless. Peter can feel rather then see his teasing smile. It doesn't help matters. It only makes him feel worse.
"You just don't understand," Peter says, sulking.
"Understand what?" Nathan's voice is sharper now, harder. It is the tone of a man who has had to explain himself one too many times and has now grown weary of it.
Peter doesn't answer him. He puts his head in his hands, shakes it.
"Understand what? That you live in a dream world, huh? Where we can actually have control over this – this…"
Peter turns angry eyes on his brother and Nathan pauses, lowers his voice.
"This situation," he finishes.
"You never loved me, did you?"
Nathan can't stand it. He can't stand the lies. This thing had grown wildly out of control and it's more his fault then Peter's. He should have ended things years ago but he knows he can't. He needs Peter, loves him.
How can he not know that?
He leans forward now and puts his hand around the back of Peter's neck and draws him to his mouth, kisses him.
"You know that's not true."
Peter pulls back and Nathan can see tears start to whelm up in the younger man's eyes. He feels his whole body start to shake and tremble in his arms.
"God sake, Peter – are you okay?"
It is with those words that Peter gets up and starts throwing on his clothes, leaving his brother to watch him from the bed, surprised to see him pacing about in a fury, sadness wafting over and towards his spot on the bed in waves.
He watches almost fascinated by this show of anger as Peter starts hunting around for his shoes.
"This is you're apartment, Peter, where the hell you going?"
Peter throws him a disgusted look and goes back to dressing, angrily pulling a shirt down and over his head. Nathan fishes around for his shorts and puts them on, slides his feet over the side of the bed.
"Are you going to ignore me?"
Peter doesn't answer.
"Just tell me what you want?"
Peter looks up, eyes swimming with his tears, his mouth a thin line of pain.
"I just want you," he says and Nathan sighs and gets up, goes to him.
"You have me, can't you see that? I love you, Pete."
"No, you only love you're self," Peter says, hotly, smacking away his brother's hand as he tries to reach out to him. He turns away in a huff.
"Yeah – and you're driving me crazy with you're goddamn bullshit," Nathan says, fed up with him.
Peter turns back, "Oh yeah," he says.
Nathan moves closer, gripping the younger man's arm.
"Yeah," he says, his voice a hot whisper, "what do you want, Peter, a marriage proposal, my divorce papers inked in blood – my fucking' soul?"
"Is that so wrong?" Peter says and he watches as his brother's eyes narrow ever so slightly and then he looks away from him. Peter reaches over for him, runs his hands down his chest and moves closer.
"Isn't that what you always wanted for us?" Peter whispers and Nathan reaches up and seizes his brothers hand and holds it to his face. When he replies his voice is hoarse, choked up.
"In a perfect world," he says, raising his eyes, "and this one isn't."
"I know," Peter answers and he does but it doesn't stop his wanting, his need to have this person as his own, to live together like they want. He is sick of the lies, of feeling guilty - of waking up in the middle of the night sick with it. He can't stop it and he doesn't want to. He just wants something better for them - as impossible as that is and it wouldn't matter if it was never there's to have, all he wants is for Nathan to want that too.
"I should have never..."
"Don't talk like that, Nathan."
"You were just a baby, Pete." Nathan says, releasing his hand. He takes a step back and turns and goes to the window, looks out at the New York skyline, sighs.
"I was sixteen, Nathan...I knew what I was doing."
Nathan turns his head as Peter comes up to him and joins him, Nathan reaches for his hand and pulls him to him, wraps a strong arm around his shoulder and draws him into his arms.
He breathes in Peter scent as he rests his cheek against the top of his head.
"You are the only thing in this whole shitty, fucked up world that matters."
The younger man smiles and pulls back slightly so that they are face to face, mouths inches from one another.
"Prove it," Peter says as there mouths meet and Nathan feels the slow heat of the fire between them start to burn, scorching them as it always does. Powerless, the kiss deepens.
"You got it," Nathan says and pushes his brother back towards the bed.