This fic examines in greater detail the acceptance of Jonas Quinn as a member of SG-1, from his point of view. It focuses mainly on Redemption and Descent, but does reference events from "Meridian" up through "Descent." I tweaked a few details; Teal'c mentioned in "Descent" that their examination of the mothership was his first mission, but he'd traveled through the Stargate at the end of "Redemption," presumably on a mission. So, I just removed the departure at the end of Redemption and had Jack (since he's the team leader) tell Jonas about being on SG-1 when they found out about Anubis's mothership.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: SG-1. I did lift some lines directly from the episodes, so anything you recognize (including characters, lines, etc) belongs to its respective writer(s).

Dedicated to Midknight Rider and bethanyactually, who betaed this work for me and were generally awesome people.

Jonas didn't know what else he could do. For three months, he had been adjusting to life at the SGC and trying to make himself useful to the personnel there. He'd memorized almost all of Dr. Jackson's work, and was doing his best to learn the ancient languages of the Earth in order to help SG-1 and the rest of the base communicate with anyone they might encounter through the Stargate. Unfortunately, despite his best efforts, he'd been let off of the base only once, and that was only because of his "acquisition" of the naquadria. He did love the translation work, and Dr. Jackson's work was interesting, but Jonas was restless. He wanted to get out there and explore. He wanted to contribute, to feel like he was doing something to help the galaxy. He didn't want Dr. Jackson's sacrifice to be in vain. He tried to be patient, to let the personnel adjust to him. Sometimes, though, he was so frustrated he wanted to scream. Nothing he did seemed to be enough. When was he going to get his chance?

He guessed it was a good thing that most of the personnel had been at least cordial. The only one who had actually been hostile was Colonel O'Neill. The overall politeness of the base personnel didn't stop Jonas from feeling like an outsider, though. It didn't help that Major Carter had shot him down pretty hard when he said he wanted to join SG-1. He'd tried not to show how much that had hurt, had tried to play it off with a smile, but he'd had to rush out of there before the Major could see him break down. He tried not to take her comments personally. He understood, at least intellectually, that it would be hard for SG-1 to accept him, especially considering how close the team seemed. The loss of one of their own had hit them hard, he could tell, and he knew that it would take a long time for them to trust him. He was beginning to feel like that would never happen, though, and that he would forever be the guy that got Dr. Jackson killed. Ascended, he reminded himself. He's not actually dead. Jonas wasn't sure it mattered, however. Dr. Jackson was still gone, and there was nothing he could do to fix it, no matter how much he wished he could.

Teal'c was the first member of SG-1 to accept him. Perhaps the Jaffa felt a kinship with him. They were both aliens, and had both betrayed their native leaders in order to help Earth. In any case, Teal'c had seemingly decided that Jonas was worth his time and his trust. He'd even tried to teach him how to box, though Jonas found it hard to believe that people on this planet actually considered it fun topunch each other until one of them could no longer stand up. Sometimes he appreciated the boxing lessons, though. It gave him an outlet to express his frustration in a non-destructive manner, and it was a sign that at least someone on SG-1 was willing to spend extended periods of time with him. Oh, Major Carter had come by to visit occasionally and regale him with stories of each one of Dr. Jackson's nine disastrous replacements, but things had been awkward since he'd asked about joining SG-1. He imagined that his rejection had more to do with Colonel O'Neill than with Major Carter, though. Jonas was almost sure that the reason the older man seemed to hate him was because he blamed him for the loss of Dr. Jackson. The thing was, the Colonel also wouldn't let him do anything to fix the situation.

"How am I supposed to make up for what happened if he won't even give me a chance? " Jonas asked, frustrated. He thought for a minute. "Tell you what: if I manage to knock you down, you gotta talk to Colonel O'Neill for me. Maybe he'll listen to you."

Teal'c nodded his assent and they started sparring again. The Jaffa knocked him down more times than Jonas could count. I'm definitely gonna be feeling this tomorrow, he thought. He didn't give up, though, and he finally managed to get the man to hit the ground. He was almost sure that Teal'c had let him win, but it was nice to have someone in his corner. He just hoped Teal'c would get through to the Colonel.

Jonas never got to hear the results of that particular conversation, as Teal'c left that day, and Anubis attacked soon after. The whole base was frantic, trying to find a way to shut off the Stargate and stop it from blowing up Colorado and making life on Earth impossible. They'd even brought someone in, a Dr. McKay, to help Major Carter solve things, though the major didn't seem very happy with the idea. She actually seemed to actively hate McKay, though she wouldn't say why. I guess I'm doing something right if she likes me better than that guy, Jonas thought, though I can almost see why. While he could see that Dr. McKay was intelligent, he also seemed condescending and arrogant; and he didn't really care for being called "the alien with the wacky naquadah." That conversation was far from his mind, however, as he stood in the embarkation room staring at the Stargate. How did they manage to get the Stargate in here? He wondered. None of these doors are big enough to fit it. His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Major Carter.

"Bet you regret coming here now," she said.

"Well, we can't really look at it that way, can we?" he answered.

"So, what are you doing?" she asked. He repeated his thoughts about the Stargate, and she explained that the ceiling retracted, and that they'd lowered the Stargate down with a crane.

"Does it go up?" he asked, hoping it might spark an idea

"Moving the 'Gate won't shut it off. I mean, there is nowhere on Earth that..." And there it was. Finally, he could be useful. Even better, it seemed that his help had convinced the major that his status at the SGC was worth considering, and he'd heard that she'd advocated for him to the colonel. Unfortunately, it seemed as if Colonel O'Neill was not going to accept him, no matter what he did. Even after he'd worked with Dr. McKay and Major Carter to save Earth, O'Neill was still hostile towards him. It was then that Jonas decided he'd had enough. He was done tiptoeing around this guy, hoping he'd see reason. I'm going to find that man and make him listen to me, he determined.

Now if he could only figure out where O'Neill had gone.

He managed to find Colonel O'Neill outside the elevator.

"Colonel! Do you have a moment?"

O'Neill looked annoyed, but at least he didn't ignore him. "Carter told me everything you did to help out. We all appreciate it. Thanks a lot. See you later." He tried to leave.

"Colonel, Dr. Jackson is gone."

"Yeah, I noticed that," he said shortly, looking annoyed.

"Not a day goes by when I don't think about what happened. I stood by and watched while he saved my people from disaster. It should have been me who jumped through the glass and disarmed the device," he said passionately, "and he's gone because I didn't. You have to live with that. So do I." He knew he sounded annoyed, but he was so tired of trying get through to this man.

"You want me to make you feel better?" the colonel replied in a condescending tone. "It wasn't your fault. I don't blame you." He rolled his eyes and turned away.

Jonas wasn't going to be just dismissed like that. He knew Colonel O'Neill didn't really believe what he was saying. Jonas was determined to get this man to listen to what he had to say, though, whether O'Neill liked it or not.

"If I could go back and change what happened, I would do that, but I can't. All I can do is try and change what happens from now on. I don't want you to exonerate me," he explained, growing more and more frustrated. "I just want to be given the opportunity to prove that I can make a difference."

O'Neill looked unimpressed. He got into the elevator without a word and left.

A few days later, Jonas got his answer. He was in Dr. Jackson's former office – he'd been using it since he arrived at the SGC - it was where all the man's work was housed – when he got the news.

Colonel O'Neill came in and simply said, "Sensors picked up what looks like a Goa'uld mothership in Earth's orbit. We're supposed to go check it out. Gear up and be in the Gateroom in half an hour."

He left without waiting for an answer.

Jonas didn't even try to contain his excitement, letting out a loud whoop in celebration. He thought his cheeks would burst with the width of his grin. He knew he only had a short time to get ready though, so he frantically began packing his stuff. He packed an extra set of clothes and the schematics of a Goa'uld mothership, just in case. Twenty-five minutes later, he was completely packed and sprinted out of the office towards the embarkation room.

Two hours later, he was aboard the mothership with SG-1. Major Carter had briefly introduced her father and the other unfamiliar faces, explaining that they were here to help determine if they could - or even should - salvage the mothership. So far, they'd all been friendly, if not overly talkative.

He heard Carter and O'Neill discuss the situation in the background as he looked in wonder at the view outside the viewport of the bridge.

"What are you smiling at?" the colonel asked, looking exasperated.

"Well, it's just that it's my first time. In space." He couldn't contain his excitement. It was just so thrilling, finally getting the chance to explore the world through the Stargate. He almost couldn't believe it was happening

O'Neill raised his eyebrows. "Ah."

He was still beaming. "We'd only begun to consider the possibility of space travel. To actually be out here is…it's amazing."

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed, smiling.

O'Neill looked bored. "Until something goes…horribly wrong."

Jonas was stopped from responding by Major Carter and Major Davis discussing the status of the mothership in question. They decided to go and investigate it further, but when Jonas tried to join the team, Colonel O'Neill shut him down. Despite his protests, the Colonel reminded Jonas that he didn't have to explain his orders to him, and promptly left with the rest of the team.

Jonas tried not to look too much like a kicked puppy, but it was hard to hide his disappointment. He'd finally made it onto SG-1, and he still wasn't being allowed to actually do anything. He figured Teal'c had been left behind to ring them back and pilot the ship if there was any trouble, but he was pretty sure he'd been left here because Colonel O'Neill just didn't want him around. That idea hurt more than he'd like to admit.

Jonas thought a couple hours of sitting around on the cargo ship waiting had made him feel useless, but this was worse. What could be best described as ninja Jaffa had ambushed both the team on the mothership and him and Teal'c. Both times, he'd been unable to help. They had done their damage on the Ha'tak before the team even noticed anything was wrong, and when the Jaffa ringed over to the cargo ship, he'd been so surprised he froze, and Teal'c had had to pull him back before he got shot. By the time he'd regained his senses and armed his zat, the other man had taken care of the intruders.

I can't seem to do anything right, he thought. It didn't help that now the rest of the team was careening towards the ocean. While they were mounting a rescue mission, Jonas still felt guilty. Teal'c had tried to reassure him, reminding him that the team had been ambushed, and that he wouldn't have been able to help anyway. He also reminded him that his quick thinking had helped save the world from Anubis's weapon. Still, Jonas thought, I'm beginning to think that the rumor that Colonel O'Neill only put me on this team to avoid having to let a Russian join was more than a rumor. He supposed it was good that he wasn't as bad as the Russians in O'Neill's eyes, but it was a small comfort At this rate, I'll be stuck in that base for the rest of my life, he thought dejectedly. I'll never be able to prove myself to the Colonel.

It seemed that his luck was finally changing for the better. Major Carter had the idea to use the death gliders still left in the hangar bay in order to escape the sinking ship, but she couldn't access the forcefield for the bay from her panel.

"Glider bays have forcefields that allow ships to go in and out without having to depressurize the compartment," Jacob explained. "If she can't get it online, she won't be able to open the doors without flooding the hanger."

Jonas remembered the schematics of the motherships that he'd studied. There was an auxiliary panel on this level, and he could use it to turn on the forcefield. He told Jacob not to wait for him, and he ran off to find the panel. Maybe I can contribute something to this mission. He just hoped he could get to the panel in time to keep the ship from being completely submerged - Or exploding, he grimaced - before they could get out.

He was in luck. While the compartment containing the panel had already flooded, Jonas was able to swim to the controls and reroute the panel. He swam over to the rings and transported himself as close to the others as he could get. He just hoped it worked.

"We're about to find out." Colonel O'Neill said. "Come on."

They ran into the hangar bay and paired off to board the gliders. Teal'c and Carter took one, and he got into another with O'Neill. O'Neill powered up the glider, and they started to attempt their escape.

Jonas breathed a sigh of relief when the forcefield held. They made their way out of the hangar and up towards the surface. It was a bumpy ride, but they made it out in one piece.

"Everybody alright?" the colonel asked over the glider's radio.

Carter answered him. "Yes, sir. We're fine."

Jacob cut in from the rescue submarine, "This is Jacob. We're a little seasick down here, but we're in one piece, too."

"Glad to hear it." Jack answered.

"What about Jonas?"

Jack paused for a few seconds, then replied, "All members of SG-1 present and accounted for."

Jonas started at that. He'd finally proven himself to Colonel O'Neill; he was finally an official member of SG-1. He beamed, and looked out of the cockpit's window at the sky. This is so cool, I'm actually flying. He was practically bouncing with excitement.

"Are you smiling?" Jack asked.

"First time in a death glider." Jonas explained happily.

Jack smirked at that. "Oh, well..."

And he spun the glider. Jonas tried his best to keep upright, and shook off the dizziness once the ship stopped spinning. Whew, it's a good thing I haven't eaten lunch yet, because I would have lost it after that.

Okay, so maybe his acceptance onto the team didn't keep him safe from Colonel O'Neill messing with him a little bit. Jonas found that he was okay with that, though. The colonel wasn't doing it out of malice anymore, and he could handle a little good-natured teasing.

He knew he could never return home, but he finally felt he'd made a new home on Earth.