Disclaimer: As usual I must say that the content of this chapter doesn't belong to me. The Vampire Diaries belong to the channel CW, the writers and producers employed there and the author of the books this show is based on. The Beauty and the Beast belongs to Disney. This is part of my fantasy and has no bearing whatsoever on the material it is based upon.
A/N: So I have heard multiple times Bonnie and Damon being compared to the Beauty and the Beast and I wanted to see how they themselves would react to such a comparison. That's why I decided to find my old DVD of that Disney classic and as I watched it I imagined the commentary the judgy witch and the homicidal vampire would spout if they ever got together and watched it themselves. As it's almost Christmas the time period was chosen as well and because it's me they are already in love so I don't have to go through all the angst getting together must have taken.
O0o0O Beauty and the Beast O0o0O
(…) 0.00.00 (…)
"Why do we have to watch a children's cartoon on Christmas, I bet there are other… more pleasant activities we could enjoy instead."
"It's not a cartoon Damon. And we are going to watch it because I loved it when I was little and I can't believe you haven't ever seen it."
"I'm a hundred and seventy eight years old and you think I spent that time on Disney?"
"You can be a thousand for all I care because you are still going to sit here and watch the Beauty and the Beast with me or I will never have sex with you again."
"You wouldn't."
"Oh I would."
"Shhh… look at that, the credits are starting."
"…"
"Stop grinning, you know you're probably going to regret this."
"Maybe, but it'll be so worth it. Imagine all the stories I'll be able to tell Caroline about this."
"You're evil."
(…) 0:00:58 (…)
"A spoiled prince I wouldn't have guessed, you do know there aren't any other kind right?"
(…) 0:01:07 (…)
"She's a witch isn't she? I wonder if you are relate… ouch dammit Bonnie."
"You deserved that."
"No, I don't think I did. And I knew it. Hah he's so dead do you have any idea how petty and vengeful witches can… well obviously not all witches, there are nice… lets just watch alright?"
"Smart boy."
"No, not at all petty."
"What was that?"
"Nothing, I didn't say anything."
"Good."
(…) 0:03:24 (…)
"She thinks her town is full of little people? My kind of girl."
"That's not how she meant it and you know it. You just want to impose your muddled views on people as meals onto everyone else."
"No, no don't be gentle say what's on your mind."
"As if that injured puppy look would bespell me. If you want that blatant manipulation to work on a girlfriend go find Elena."
"Mmmm, you smell nice. If only you could learn that I don't want Elena."
"I know. Now stop trying to distract me and watch the movie, it's barely started and you're already trying to charm yourself out of here."
(…) 0:06:00 (…)
"A book obsessed goody two shoes, I think I see why you like her Judgy."
"No regard for the sanctity of life, obsessed with his looks and following around a pretty girl because of how she looks. Maybe you're more like Gaston than I thought."
"..."
"I'm sorry I didn't mean that like it sounded."
"It's fine."
(…) 0:06:45 (…)
"I'm nothing like Gaston."
"…"
"Anymore. I'm nothing like Gaston anymore."
"Closer."
(…) 0:11:25 (…)
"He's alone, lost in the forest and there are creepy shortcuts. Don't tell me the papa's gonna meet his painful and horrific end soon."
"It's a children's movie, he isn't going to die."
"But something bad is about to happen."
"I won't argue with that."
"And I thought you argued about everything."
"Do you want another migraine?"
"…"
"Didn't think so."
(…) 0:12:50 (…)
"Wolves, pathetic little creatures."
"Don't let Caroline hear you say that."
"Have you met me?"
"Oh I apologize, what was I even thinking? You said something similar to that polite thought only yesterday."
"Exactly."
"Don't look so smug about it, I heard she was planning to retaliate rather spectacularly."
(…) 0:15:30 (…)
"You know who that doggy chair reminds me of?"
"Don't."
"It's almost as if…"
"Don't."
"You sure? Because…"
"Just don't."
"Cough, cough Jeremy cough."
"I said don't."
(…) 0:16:20 (…)
"Well he's in a bad mood. I wonder who bit off his paw."
"Would you give it a rest already? Tyler apologized."
"Not to me."
"Have you met you?"
(…) 0:17:14 (…)
"Please tell me he didn't arrange a wedding without asking first."
"…"
"He's an idiot."
"And your not?"
"I have never done something that stupid."
"You tricked me into a date with you by telling me that my father was in danger."
"You wouldn't have gone out with me otherwise and it's still not as demented as what this Gastron fellow is doing."
"That's debatable."
(…) 0:18:59 (…)
"You know Damon. He still rather reminds me of you, he has a pig on his head you're a pig. See the resemblance?"
"Ha ha."
(…) 0:21:56 (…)
"I'm starting to enjoy this. It would be just like you to go to a cursed castle to save someone only to be roped into breaking the spell by stalker furniture."
"You're enjoying this too much."
"I thought that was the point in making me watch it Bonnie."
(…) 0:23:13 (…)
"That's eerie."
"What now?"
"Nothing, nothing. It's just this Belle is almost as stupidly self sacrificing as you."
"I thought you liked that about me."
"I really don't."
"Don't be rude."
"I'm not being rude, you just fail to notice how really not okay I am with your constant efforts of putting yourself in danger."
"I can't believe it. Damon Salvatore just said something sweet."
"Don't get used to it."
(…) 0:25:30 (…)
"Wow, he really doesn't know how to talk to girls."
"He's not that bad."
"Are we watching the same cartoon?"
"It's not a cartoon."
"If you say so. Looks like a cartoon to me."
(…) 0:28:20 (…)
"He should really tone down that narcissism of his."
"…"
"Don't raise your eyebrows, I'm nowhere near as bad as that."
"…"
(…) 0:34:18 (…)
"You know the Beast is growing on me, I like his style."
"You would."
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh nothing."
"Are you implying I have trouble controlling my temper?"
"Would I do that?"
"Yes!"
(…) 0:35:07 (…)
"If that was you, you would stay in that room forever."
"You think so?"
"Most definitely. Except you might spend it by trying to make a rope from sheets and escape through the window."
"You think so little of me? I would blast a hole in the wall and walk out, I do have some dignity."
"How double-crossing of you."
"Thank you."
(…) 0:36:02 (…)
"Erm, you do know I see you as more than a monster now don't you?"
"I think I got the message by the point where you kissed me."
"Remind me again, I think I'm starting to forget… mnnn nice."
(…) 0:42:37 (…)
"Is she flirting with a clock?"
"A little."
"Well I suppose that's one way to get information. You should try that sometime."
"Really? I did hear Matt was keeping some kind of secret recently…"
"Don't you dare, that boy is in love with you. If you go anywhere near him I'm going to…"
"…"
"Erm, what I meant was that you can talk to anyone you want because I don't own you and you would set me on fire if I ever implied otherwise?"
"Precisely!"
(…) 0:43:53 (…)
"Books distracted her? There might be something wrong with that girl."
"Damon, I'm well aware that you're a book buff. All this talking down of her interests is very see through."
"…"
"Don't pout."
(…) 0:44:06 (…)
"She might be sneakier than I gave her credit for."
(…) 0:45:44 (…)
"Don't you think it's sad how he wouldn't let her near his… enchanted rose?"
"He had to protect it, it had lost enough flower petals."
"But he'll change his mind eventually, won't he?"
"He already has Bonnie."
"We're not talking about the Beast are we?"
"No."
(…) 00:48:32 (…)
"Belle really is just like you, you know?"
"In what way?"
"You didn't let me die either."
"Which time? I seem to be in the habit of saving your life."
"Don't feed your ego."
"Excuse me, did I overhear you right? Were you just talking about my ego?"
(…) 0:49:07 (…)
"Does that remind you of someone?"
"No. We don't sound anything like that."
"Are you sure, because I coulda' sworn…"
"YES!"
"Well if you're sure."
"Do not start smirking and if you tell Alaric that we act like the Beauty and the Beast, I'm going to…"
"Relax, do you really think I'm ever telling my best friend about this night? As far as he will ever know we had passionate, feral sex the whole night and I still won't know the Beauty's name."
"Keep it that way."
"Do you think that after we're done watching this we could…"
"If you haven't ignited my temper by then."
"But Bonnie we do our best…"
"Shut up!"
(…) 0:53:35 (…)
"Will you look at that? His eating manners are as atrocious as yours."
"You only say that because of my food group."
"True."
(…) 0:56:59 (…)
"We could skip this part."
"Why it's not like I want to be human again. It's a song number not a sharply worded insult."
"I could insult you if you would like that better."
"You need an excuse for that?"
"Not really, but it would be nice to have one."
(…) 1:02:57 (…)
"Okay, so maybe we are a little like them."
"It's the fighting isn't it?"
"No, it's the mutually agreed upon dislike that changed because of saving each others life."
"I never disliked you, where did you get that idea from?"
"You almost draining me might be a clue."
"To be fair I thought you were Emily at the time. And I didn't hate you, your morals annoyed me and it was fun getting you angry."
"That makes me feel so much better."
"It wasn't supposed to."
"Of course not. And besides we are friends now."
"The fact that I know how you look naked and smell after sex suggests we're a little bit more than just friends."
"The fact that you just said that is making me rethink it."
"No it's not. You love it when I talk dirty."
"That was dirty? You can do better."
(…) 1:06:23 (…)
"I can't believe he just let her go. He'll never see her again."
"It's a Disney movie Damon, a happy ending is a given."
"Still shouldn't have let her go, although I suppose you can't keep a bird in a cage. What am I saying that girl is nothing like a bird, you Bon Bon on the other hand have that air about you. There's an idea, I might just have to start calling you my Little Bird."
"I'd rather you didn't."
"Are you blushing?"
"No."
"You are, Bonnie Bennett's blushing."
(…) 1:07:19 (…)
"That's what I said. The clock understands."
(…) 1:10:28 (…)
"Tell me she's not about to… she did. That's just cold."
(…) 1:10:56 (…)
"And suddenly Gaston reminds me of my father."
"He couldn't have been that bad."
"He was worse. All those people with pitchforks would gut their own children if he had told them they're possessed."
(…) 1:14:42 (…)
"Do you know who that doggy chair still reminds me of?"
"Don't."
"Are you sure it's really good."
"Don't."
"Cough, cough Jeremy cough."
"Oh for the love of… Jeremy isn't my puppy."
"You said it not me."
(…) 1:18:51 (…)
"Don't be an idiot, just let him go so he falls to his death. He'll stab you in the back if you show any mercy."
"You're really getting into this aren't you?"
"Hey it's your favorite movie, as if you can cast any stones."
(…) 1:19:27 (…)
"Told you. Now you'll die, shoulda' killed him when you had the chance."
"Disney Damon."
"Yeah, yeah. Oh look the bastard got what was coming to him."
(…) 1:20:08 (…)
"Just kiss him already."
"Are you crying?"
"No it's just a movie, why would I cry over a scene in a movie."
"You are. You're such a girl Damon."
(…) 1:22:45 (…)
"I liked him better as the monster."
"Everyone likes him better as the Beast."
(…) 1:23:56 (…)
"And they lived happily ever after. The most cliché end ever."
"It's sweet too."
"Yeah, but that's not how the real world works. The Beast never gets the girl here."
"You got me."
"But I'm not brainless enough to think I'll get to keep you."
"Always the pessimist, our story's not over yet. The end isn't written in stone."
O0o0O The End O0o0O