The Hardest Word
By: AndiKaneUnderwood
AU: Alpha/Beta/Omega, Hudmel Home Timeline*
A continuation of Watch Me Burn.
Someone asked for a sequel and I've had this in my notebook for a bit wondering if I should publish it. Wondering if it was worthy enough. But after much deliberation between me, myself, and I, I decided to let you all be the judge of worthiness. So, without further ado, enjoy!
Kurt woke up in his big brother's room with swollen eyes and a painful headache.
He sat up and looked around when the pain had cleared itself out a bit. "Finn?" he asked, sweeping his eyes across the room.
Kurt vaguely recalled Finn carrying him to bed when he'd been mostly asleep and too tired to care about being carried around like a toddler. He guessed by "let's get to bed", Finn meant the Alpha's bed, not Kurt's.
"Kurt!" The exclamation snapped the brunette Omega out of the spiraling thoughts in his mind, "You're awake." Finn came in with a glass of water and a few unidentifiable pills.
Kurt hoped the pills where Tylenol or Aspirin, because his headache was coming back for vengeance.
"How are you feeling?" Finn set the glass down on the nightstand and sat down on the edge of the bed, holding out the pill, which were now identified as Ibuprofen.
"I feel..." Kurt took note of the pounding headache behind his eyes, and down his neck, and the pain of the emotional beating he'd been through the night before. The headache suddenly came back with the promised vengeance and Kurt's hands flew up to his temples. The smaller teen whined, a soft, small, pain filled noise as the pain faded and his grip on his head lessened. As the physical pain faded back, the emotional and mental pain came to the forefront of Kurt's mind and his eyes filled with tears once more. "Ow." he murmured, more for Finn's benefit than his.
Finn's chuckle was halfhearted as he offered Kurt the pills again. Kurt took them and swallowed them with a drink from the water glass Finn had set on the nightstand.
Kurt would've glared at the Alpha who'd claimed him, but his brain felt like mush and his eyes hurt too much for him to try.
"Has Blaine called?" Kurt asked, voice hopeful as Finn took back the glass.
"He came by last night to talk things over with me, said he wanted to apologize Alpha-to-Alpha so I wouldn't kill him before he apologized to you." Finn replied, setting the glass back down on the nightstand and Kurt didn't even have the energy to lecture Finn about water stains on wood and how difficult the furniture would be to repair or replace. "He said to tell you that's he's very sorry and whenever you're ready or willing he'd like to talk to you and apologize properly."
"I don't think I'll be up for talking just yet. I need to process things first." Kurt murmured, rubbing his temples again as he waited for the painkillers to kick in, and for once, he didn't care one bit about causing any wrinkles in his skin.
"I know. I'd be dragging you out of bed far earlier than this if it weren't Saturday." The last sentence was said in the teasing tone that Finn used when he wanted to help Kurt, but understood that it was something Kurt had to do himself. Like with Karofsky, like with the bullies, like with his coming out to his Dad.
Kurt smiled, because he knew that tone and knew what it meant and he loved Finn for that.
(Finn would later sit down on his bed in his room and count small victories because it kept him from going out and beating on Blaine's face like he wanted to. He promised Kurt that he wouldn't go after Blaine and Finn wanted to keep that promise because Kurt meant the world to Finn and his heart would break if he disappointed his little brother again.)
"I've gotta call Rachel and talk to her about Regionals. Holler if you need something, okay?" Finn stood and Kurt thought quickly.
"Can you help me back to my room?" he asked teasingly.
Truth be told, Kurt didn't really need the help, but he appreciated Finn waiting at the stairs for Kurt to get back to his own bedroom.
As he closed the door, Kurt heard Finn let out a half relieved, half saddened sigh, then he was on the phone talking about the original song idea that Kurt was completely on-board with.
Kurt may actually write an original song himself. Maybe for his family, maybe about his obstacles in life, maybe about Finn, maybe about Blaine, he hadn't decided yet.
Thinking about Blaine brought a fresh wave of pain to light, so Kurt pushed that thought down and went to the bathroom to see the damage yesterday's breakdown had caused.
His eyes where puffy and there was a tinge of red, but otherwise nothing looked bad. Kurt met his own eyes in the mirror and sighed, sitting down at his vanity's seat.
His thoughts drifted back to a less than safe memory that had been dragged up from the lock box he kept memories like than in and no matter how hard he tried to push it away, the memory refused to be banished.
A sob hitched in his throat as Kurt's eyes teared up. "Please," he begged his brain, "Please, not this one."
His brain, and the God Mercedes, Rachel, and Quinn all believed in, didn't seem to care what he wanted and the memory flickered to life anyway.
Glee~Glee~Glee
It wasn't long after Finn had lain his Protection Claim** on Kurt.
The Alpha Kurt had been dating, Johnathon Perkins, was very kind to him.
Or, at least, he was. Until Johnathon pushed Kurt's shoulder into the brick wall while trying to convince Kurt to come back to his house.
Kurt yelped, hand going to his shoulder as pain blossomed from the fresh scars.
"What's wrong?" Johnathon asked, looking at Kurt in confusion.
"It's nothing!" Kurt exclaimed, trying to focus Johnathon's attention somewhere else, anywhere else but on his Mark.
Not because he was ashamed, no he was proud, but because he wasn't sure how Johnathon would react and he was a little scared to find out.
"Kurt, you know better. Tell me what that was." Johnathon put just enough of the Alpha Tone in his voice to make Kurt weak in the knees and fairly compliant.
(Kurt had almost broken it off with Johnathon when the Alpha used that voice to try and get Kurt into his bed. That was the final push for Finn to lay his Protection Claim.)
Kurt had to step back and breathe deeply in order to be calm enough for any sort of deep conversation. "You have to promise me you won't get angry," Kurt pleaded, "Promise me you'll stay calm and try to understand"
"I promise." Johnathon replied, stepping back and folding his arms over his chest.
Kurt's hands trembled as he reached up and undid the buttons on his shirt. He pulled the fabric aside and exposed the Mark Finn had given him.
(And Kurt wouldn't let anyone take it from him. He loved his brother and loved that Finn cared so much about him that he'd given Kurt a Mark to warn other Alphas that the tiny brunette bearing that Mark was protected and no one was to harm him.)
Johnathon examined at Kurt's week-old Mark and looked up. "Explain," he demanded.
"I have a SoulMate," Kurt began softly, "He's my older brother, Finn. I realized it a few years ago, but he's not attracted to boys, not like me. When I explained the situation to him, he had a minor meltdown, then agreed that we'd remain Platonic SoulMates. He gave me this Claim this past weekend. I'm supposed to Mark him in return this Friday."
"No." Johnathon's voice was dark and harsh.
"No?" Kurt repeated curiously.
"You won't be Marking him. You won't be Marking anyone."
"Johnathon, you can't-"
"Shut up." Johnathon spoke calmly, but his voice was full of that specific tone that sent Kurt straight to the bottom of his Headspace.
Kurt often mused that the worst part of it all was that Kurt had a rare genetic mutation that meant he remembered what happened when he was in Heat or Headspace, but it also meant that he was powerless to do anything of his own freewill. So when Johnathon forced Kurt into Headspace, it basically meant that Kurt was physically completely docile and at the Alpha's mercy. And completely unable to forget what was about to happen.
Kurt's eyes slid closed in a blink and he gave up, pulling his last card and tugged hard on the newly formed Bond.
Kurt? Finn asked, shock coloring his voice.
Unable to muster the will to formulate words as panic set in, Kurt sent a mirage of all the emotions churning in his stomach.
HelpDangerPleaseSaveMeScaredWorriedHurtPanicPleaseAlphaHelpBrother.
Finally, Kurt managed to pull his thoughts together enough to send a single word. Finn.
Kurt's train of thought was broken as he heard Johnathon's zipper come down. He was mumbling under his breath. How Kurt was his Omega and "no Omega of mine's gonna have another Alpha's Mark" and "I'll take care of this, then that stupid Alpha" and Kurt desperately wanted to shake off his Headspace and fight Johnathon off, but the harder he tried, the more the feelings of safety and security blanketed him.
Slowly, as his struggling eased, Kurt realized that those feelings weren't just his Headspace. It's alright, Kurt, I'm coming for you, just hang on a little longer, I'm almost there.
Kurt could've started crying, but he didn't want the Alpha currently pulling off his shirt to see.
He felt hands at his waist, on his designer jeans, fingers sliding under his waistband and brushing against his smooth, bare, skin and Kurt really did start crying.
Kurt had never been happier to hear the overprotective growl coming from the alleyway's entrance.
Finn, he choked out over the Bond.
I'm here, little brother, I've got you. Finn reassured his younger brother. His eyes held a steel behind them and Kurt was just so happy to see him, anger and all.
Out loud, Finn spoke to the Alpha about to assault his brother. "What are you doing to Kurt?" he snarled.
"Mind your own damned business. It's my Omega." Johnathon snapped back.
"See that's where you're wrong. I'm no good with words, but for my family I try my damnedest and when you hurt them, it pisses me off. And you just pissed me off hard. Here's why." Finn held up a finger, "First off, anytime you have to put an Omega into Headspace to have sex with them, you're clearly doing something very wrong.
"Second, that specific Omega not only goes to my school, but is also my friend, so I know that he wouldn't consent to having sex at his age, and never in a dirty alley prostitutes frequently use.
"And last, but not least, he isn't your Omega. He's not anyone's anything unless he chooses to be and I swear to you, he hasn't chosen you to be his Alpha. He. Chose. Me." Finn punctuated the last three words with pushes against Johnathon's chest.
Johnathon wasn't given any time to respond because Finn flattened him with three quick rights as hard as he possibly could and Johnathon went down and stayed down.
Once Finn was sure Johnathon wasn't getting back up, the football player rushed over to Kurt and slid to his knees next to the brunette Omega. He quickly checked him over, babbling all the time. "Kurt, you're safe now. Oh, God, please tell me you're okay.
If he'd been able to truly answer the Alpha, Kurt would've snapped off some sarcastic remark about almost being raped, but he couldn't make his mouth form the words Kurt wanted to say. Instead, Kurt's mouth moved of its own will. "I'm okay." he repeated in monotone, looking up at Finn with blank, glassy eyes.
"Oh, Kurt. It's alright, I've got you. Big brother's here, I'm here, Kurt. Come up, Kurt. Come on, come back to me." Finn hugged Kurt to his chest as the Omega Core retreated and Kurt came back to himself.
Finn continued whispering such soothing nonsense as Kurt blinked and tears came rushing down his face as sobs tore themselves from his throat.
Kurt completely broke down, tucking himself into Finn's chest and curling in on himself as he gripped Finn's shirt with one hand and covered his mouth with the other.
"It's alright, Kurt. I've got you, it's all gonna be alright." Finn whispered over the tears.
Kurt's sobbing didn't die off for a long time, but Finn never once left his side.
Glee~Glee~Glee
Kurt snapped out of his flashback with a sharp gasp as a knock came from the door.
"Kurt?" asked Finn's voice.
"Just a moment!" Kurt called back, quickly erasing any signs of new tears from his face. A glance in the vanity mirror said that there where new tear tracks cutting down his cheeks, but Kurt couldn't find it within himself to care.
Kurt fixed his hair into something a little more presentable, but didn't bother changing. Blaine or no, you'd have to kill him to make him stop wearing as he pleased in any kind of setting. Anyone who didn't like it would have to deal with it.
Kurt breathed in deeply as he settled his hand on the doorknob, the breathed out his nerves and opened the door.
Finn stood in the doorway and his scent was the first to hit him, the comforting scent of metal, copper, and leather. Underneath, however lay another scent and as it hit his nose, Finn gave him a questioning look. "Okay?" he asked, gauging Kurt's reaction carefully. Kurt had no doubts that if he reacted badly, Finn would throw out their house guest with no hesitations.
Kurt hesitated the briefest of seconds, then nodded. "Okay."
Finn nodded back and stepped away, He hurts you, he's dead.
A soft smile flickered across the brunette Omega's face. I know. Thank you, Finn.
Kurt turned his attention to their guest and cleared his throat softly.
Blaine looked up and Kurt was fully aware of the flash of jealousy before it was hidden deep within amber eyes. "Kurt," Blaine murmured.
"Hello, Blaine." Kurt replied.
"I came by last night, but you'd already gone to bed. I talked to Finn and hashed things out with him, so I could come apologize to you without him killing me."
"Yes, Finn told me." Kurt hugged his arms to his chest.
"Kurt, I am so, so sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to make you cry or to drag up bad memories and I would never intentionally bring those up. I understand that those memories are painful and the people behind them hurt you and I'm so sorry for getting so angry and not listening when I had absolutely no understanding or knowledge as to what was going on." Blaine rambled on until Kurt finally took pity on him.
He took in every word with understanding and patience Blaine didn't expect from him. Kurt cut him off with a sigh and opened his door wider. "Come in, sit on the bed."
Blaine did as he was told and Kurt left the door open in favor of going to sit next to Blaine.
Kurt bit his bottom lip and looked Blaine in the eye, reciting a well-worn promise, the same one Finn had been witness to when Kurt had lain his own Protection Claim almost three years ago.
"I am Omega, only to you. Because of your interests and preferences, you will not have me as a traditional Mate, but we cannot survive without each other. Instead, we remain as friends, as brothers, and I will respect this as long as we are SoulMates. As your friend, I will be there for you when you need help with school and I will give you advice when you ask it of me. As your brother, I will support you when potential Mates come and go and I will help you in any way I can. As your Omega, I will comfort you when a potential Mate rejects you of life becomes too difficult for you to bare on your own. As all three, I am yours for as long as you'll have me. I am yours to love as you please. I belong to you until you decide I am no longer worthy of your affections. Friend to friend, brother to brother, Alpha to Omega."
Blaine nodded as Kurt fixed his glasz eyes on him. Confusion was evident in his voice when he offered, "It's beautiful." It was clear he didn't understand why Kurt was telling him that or what it meant.
Kurt hummed, a smile lighting up his face. "That was my promise to Finn the night I marked him with my own Protection Claim. We recite the promises to potential Mates to warn them, so they know what their getting into, if the pre-existing Marks don't drive them away first. If you and I are going to work out, you have to understand that Finn is just as much a part of my life as you are. He's my Alpha, it's always going to be him, and there's nothing I can do to change that. I'm sorry. If you can't accept that, then here is where we part ways, because we won't be able to be together."
Blaine thought about it for a bit. He loved Kurt, he did. Kurt was it for him, and it would be hard watching Kurt be Finn's SoulMate, but he loved Kurt more than anything in the world and Kurt was amazing. Blaine would be stupid to give up one of the few things that had gone right in his life for something as petty as jealousy. With his mind made up, Blaine looked at Kurt. "You know, they say that the hardest words to say are 'I'm sorry'. Well, I have harder words to say, I'm going to tell them to you now, okay?"
Kurt nodded, preparing himself for another break-up, preparing to suffer the heartbreak that always came with it.
"I," Blaine cut off, cleared his throat, and tried again, "I get it, I'll respect it, and it's going to be... So hard to learn how to live with this, but I love you too much to lose you to something petty and beyond either of our control."
Kurt let out the breath he'd been holding, his eyes watered again and a smile broke out wide on his face. "You... You do?"
"Yeah," Blaine smiled back, happy that he could smooth this over, he didn't want to lose Kurt.
Kurt launched himself at Blaine with a laugh as he hooked his arms around the older teen's neck. "I love you too!"
What do I do to make you love me? What have I got to do to be heard? What do I do when lightning strikes me? What have I got to do? What have I got to do? When sorry seems to be the hardest word.
"Sorry may be difficult to say, but not sharing a Mark with you is harder, Kurt. I may not like it, but I'll respect it, I can't lose you from this. I love you."
* First off, I screwed with the timeline, Burt and Carole met four years before the Pilot episode and have been dating for roughly three years, they still get married as they do in the show and everything else is still the same.
** Protection Claim feels really self-explanatory, but just in case, here's the full explanation. In the rare case of SoulMates staying platonic, Alphas will Mark the Omega as a warning to others and vice versa. It's a warning to stay loyal and not hurt the Claimed Omega. It's the only other Mark that won't go away (because when SoulMates Mark each other and then go separate ways, the Marks scar over) and scars because it was born of love, not lust.