The Circumstances of Unexpected Surprises

By Kekewey

A/N: Yes, yes, I know I should be working on Battle Cries of the Shadows (in fact I am, but I'm not done yet!) but this little plot bunny just bit me and wouldn't let go (you should see my hospital bill!). Got the idea actually from a fic called "Dreamer" by Katah. I took the Seto watching a sunset part and went with it, and it ended up going in a completely different direction. There are no pairings unless you count the magically influenced Anzu, the poor thing. Poor Seto, too. He needs our sympathies more. He did not enjoy this fic, but you probably will! Maybe there will be a squeal, but not to this fic particularly, but a telling of the further adventures of Seto Kaiba. -laughs evilly and watches Seto cringe- And now, on with the fic!

I didn't ask for this. Some might say I deserve this, hell, the inu make would say it to my face. I would even say to myself that I deserved this, some kind of punishment for all my sins and whatnot, but I neverasked for it. There's a difference. To paraphrase Tolkein, many people who deserve death live, and many who deserve life die. To be frank, I probably deserve to die, but I live.

After all, if I wasn't alive, who would take care of Mokuba? Oh, he'd be taken care of, all right, by the same people that took care of us when father died and left us alone. But I promised to take care of him, and I renewed that promise every year, as if I didn't keep saying it, it might wither away.

But the thing that I didn't ask for but deserved, it's not what you're thinking. I'm not talking about death. I may be on the borderline for suicide, I may not be all there when it comes to self-preservation, but let me get this straight to everyone who's bothering to listen: as of right now, I DO NOT WANT TO DIE. Got it? Good, let's go on with the program, shall we?

All in all, when the...thing happened, all I had wanted to do was watch a sunset. Is that so hard? Just a goddamned sunset. It was a clear night, I was bored sitting in my office, I had a balcony out front, and I just happened to look outside, and the sky was just a beautiful shade of orange, red, peach, and purple that I just had to go out and see it without looking through glass.

So I rolled my chair back from my desk, stood up, opened the glass doors, and walked onto the balcony and leaned on the railing. I had been standing there for about thirty seconds when my door burst open and an unscheduled appointment walked in. Before I could turn around and see who was behind me, the person tackled me.Tackled me, like they do in American football.

Now, my balcony is made of cement, and cement kind ofhurts when someone tackles you and makes you bang your head on the cement. So, suddenly I had two problems: one, a mysterious person is laying on me and two, I can't exactly focus because I'm busy trying to blink the spots out of my eyes. It kind of reminded me of whenever I hold a press conference and those fucking cameras are just flashing every two goddamned seconds! I've often had to give speeches half-blind because of the spots in my eyes, and after every press conference, I always swear to myself to never give another one, but always just four or five months later, I come out with a new invention or somethingodd anduneplainable happens (like in the disaster with the appearance of Duel Monsters all around Domino right before the battles with Dartz and his lackeys), and so I have to keep getting myself blinded and have to give speeches with stars in my eyes.

I'm sorry I keep boring you by babbling on and on, but I tend to do that when I'm recovering from a mild concussion and haven't been sleeping well the past few days. Why haven't I been sleeping, you ask? Two things: work and a brother with a bad cold that could develop into pneumonia. The doctors are keeping an eye on him, but to hell with me if I'll leave him alone again, especially after what happened the last time I did that. Even though I couldn't exactly help the fact I was in a coma, but...I'm getting off topic again. This time I blame you, because you asked me that question.

Where was I? Ah, yes, the balcony, the tackling, the concussion, and the stranger lying on top of me.

Well, I finally am able to gather my senses enough to realize who exactly was on top of me. And you'll never believe me, but it's one of Yugi's cheerleaders, the one who lectured me during Duelist Kingdom right after my duel with Yugi. Mazaki Anzu. Friendship girl. I don't like her, yes, but I admit I do respect her. However, the level of respect I held for her was dropping by the second.

"Mazaki, what do you think you're doing?"

"Oh Kaiba, I can't believe I didn't realize this before but you're so handsome and brave and strong and-"

"Mazaki, if you're not off of me in 0.5 seconds, you will not live to regret it."

Too bad my arms were firmly trapped underneath the combined weight of both our bodies, or else I would have been able to push her off of me by now and call security, because clearly the girl was delusional.

She didn't get off of me, she just kept prattling on and on about my physical qualities and my oh so wonderful personality. Hell, Iknow myself, and I know that I amnot a nice person. Any guy off the street can tell you that I'm rude, arrogant, obnoxious, cruel, homicidal, insane, etc. What the hell was this girl talking about and why was she talking to me and why the fucking hell was she still lying on me!

I'd had enough of this. And I'd managed to get one of my arms out from underneath me and used it to push Mazaki off. I quickly got up and straightened my suit, and then immediately had to extend my arm to keep the crazy girl from tackling me again.

"Mazaki, what are you ON?" Because it was clearly damaging her brain. I considered taking her to a doctor to get her medication to counter her mysterious case of suddenly being obsessed with me. No, not a doctor, a psychiatrist.

"I'd like to be on you, Kaiba-chan."

Kaiba-chan?This girl needed a fuckingteam of psychiatrists.

"Mazaki, whatever you are on, I'd suggest you stop taking it. Now. And get out of my office."

"But I'm not in your office; I'm on your balcony."

"Same difference. How the hell did you get in anyways?"

"Your secretary had her back turned."

"All of them and the security guards?"

"Um, I also know a bit of Tai Chi."

"You're telling me that a skinny pipsqueak like you beat my guards?"

"With their own tazer guns," she smiled proudly.

As soon as she got out, I was going to sue the service that provided my security and hire new ones. Pathetic, really. Pathetic that they had been beaten by a ballet dancer/cheerleader and pathetic that I had hired them. "Mazaki, GET OUT!"

With that, I pushed her off my balcony and pinned her arms behind her back, marching her out of my office. I try to slam the doors behind her, but damn it, that girl is fast. Quicker than a streak of lightning, she squeezes between the doors and tackles me again. This time I landed without pinning my arms underneath me and held her up and away, just as she, jeez, she really did pucker up her lips to try to kiss me. It was official. The girl had gone insane.

I adjusted my position slightly to try and throw her off me again when my door bursts open, again, and for a second I dreaded that it would beanother crazy girl to attack me, but, surprise of all surprises, it's Yugi. The last person I wanted to see. No, it's not Yugi, it was his other half. His eyes widened as he saw Mazaki harassing me and he quickly grabbed her around the waist and dragged her off.

"No! Kaiba-chan!" the girl reached out for me as Yugi's other half held her tight.

"Kaiba-chan?" the other Yugi asked.

"What the hell is going on? According to Mokuba, she was infatuated with you!"

"Kaiba-chan, I love you so, so, so, so-" Mazaki crooned at me.

"-Well, there was this spell and, wait-Anzu was interested in me?"

"-so, so, so, so, so-"

"...That's not the point. Mazaki is under a spell?" It's that idiotic talk about magic again.

"-so, much and you're so loyal to your brother and you so impressive on the dueling field and-"

"Isis has a lousy sense of humor," the other Yugi grumbled.

"-your strategies are incredibly complex and-"

"Isis? Ishtar Isis? What does she have to do with this?"

"-you're so smart and you run your own company and you're probably the most brilliant teenager in the world-"

"Apparently, according to Mai, Anzu, and Shizuka, she has a crush on you."

Ihate surprises, and Mazaki's compliments arereally starting to annoy me. "Me? She's seven years older than I am!" Not to mention is obssessed with the idea that I was a High priest in a past life.

"Mai is seven years older than Jounouchi, and that's not stopping them."

"-I bet you can build your own computer and I bet you have the highest IQ in the world-"

I massaged my temples. I didnot need this. Ok, I'll temporarily go along with the idea that Mazaki is under a spell, because nothing else could explainher current actions. After this, the hell with believing in magic. "What does Isis have to do with the spellthat is currently driving Mazaki insane, and will you shut up?" I screamed at Mazaki.

She smiled at me. "Whatever you say, Kaiba-chan."

"Don't call me 'Kaiba-chan'!"

"Yes, Kaiba-ch- I mean, Kaiba-san."

"Apparently, the spell also has deteriorated her brain," Yami remarked dryly.

I felt the vein above my eyebrow twitch. "Yes. So, tell me, what does Isis have to do with this?"

"She casted the spell."

Iblinked. "You're shitting me. You just saiud she liked me."

"She does."

I rubbed my forehead. "Ok, why?If she did like me, would she makeanother girl like me?"

"According to Mai-and Malik, who overheard the explosion-Anzu was trying to convince Isis to try and forget the crush on you, which developed into a huge argument. Isis casted the spell because Isis wanted to embarrass Anzu, who swore she would never, ever like an arrogant bastard like you."

I looked again at Mazaki, who had been staring dreamily at me the entire time, and felt goose bumps crawl up my arms. "Isis's spell defies logic."

"Not women's logic."

"Where the hell did you come up with that?"

"Mai was the one who warned me, and she told me that."

I sat down in the chair by the bookshelf on the wall. "Can you break the damned spell? I don't need a stalker."

"I think that once Isis gets the security tapes from your office she will lift the spell."

"She wants to blackmail Mazaki."

"Yes."

"Why would my love be considered blackmail?" Mazaki asked.

I covered my face with my hands. "Just get her out of here, would you?"

I heard the other Yugi's smirk in his voice. "Of course, Kaiba-CHAN."

"Shut up or I will shoot you."

I didn't look up until I heard my door slam shut on Mazaki's protests at being taken away from her beloved 'Kaiba-chan'. If I could, I would have sobbed with relief.

There had to be some divine intervention here to make me suffer, and admit that I believed in this magic nonsense that currently had driven Mazaki to have a few cards short of a full Deck.. All I had wanted to do was look at a goddamned sunset.