Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with, The Mortal Instruments or any of its characters.
Summary: CoFA and possible CoLS spoilers (from what I think may happen due to CC's tumblr teasers. Alec while on a walk to clear his head, runs into Jace in the park.
0o0
The only sound in the almost eerie silence was the crunching of dirt underneath Alec's duct taped combat boots and the only light was coming from the center of his palm, courtesy of a witch light. It was around midnight, and Alec had gone to the only area he could think of to clear his head. It was a park he used to go to with Jace and Isabelle when they were younger. They used to play and train and fight and do all the things normal kids were supposed to do, well "normal" in Shadowhunter terms at least.
While Alec could never fully convince himself he was a kid again there were times he could go there, sit on a bench while closing his eyes and for just one second he felt like a kid again. He would think of that one time, during an impromptu training session it had begun to rain, and despite Alec's hatred of the rain he remained at the park to please Jace and Isabelle. They had returned to the institute sopping wet, covered in mud with smiles plastered on their faces. Alec found himself laughing at the happy memory.
"Do you remember when you used to come here as kids?" A voice, barely above a whisper, asked.
Alec's eyes snapped open at the familiarity of it, and gasped as he saw Jace appearing from behind a tree. Alec just blinked, unsure if this was real or imagined, lately he wasn't too sure of anything.
"I'll take the stunned silence as a yes," Jace said, chuckling.
Alec still just stared, though he was now sure that Jace wasn't a figment of his imagination. What did you say to him now? He hadn't seen his parabatai in weeks since he had disappeared from the hotel with Sebastian- they had only heard of the terrible things Jace was doing since said departure. He mentally cursed his inability to say anything clever or intelligent at a moment's notice, instead stunned silence seemed to be his reaction to nearly everything.
"Wha-What are you doing here?" Alec stammered, leaping to his feet.
That wasn't the reaction one should have to their brother, but it was for Alec. He didn't know this Jace.
Jace's smile faltered for just a second and Alec was unsure of what emotion flashes across his brother's face, maybe a bit of disappointment? Whatever it was, it wasn't there long enough for Alec to know, and the smile was back.
"Not the reaction I was expecting," Jace admitted, stepping closer to Alec, attempting to close the distance between them. Alec however did the exact opposite, stepping backwards and putting his hands up in warning.
Jace blinked, "I'm not going to do anything Alec, not to you."
Alec didn't say anything. Jace stepped forward again, this time Alec remained where he was.
"You should know that, you're my best friend, my brother, my parabatai for the Angel's sake." Jace stated, more emotion in his voice that Alec thought was possible.
"I don't know much anymore, especially after . . . "
"After I ended up on the Clave's Most Wanted list," Jace joked.
Alec blinked, "What are you talking about? The Clave has no most wanted. . "Alec stopped himself, realizing it was probably some pop culture reference he just simply didn't catch onto.
"Oh, I think you're making some sort of reference I don't understand."
Jace laughed a genuine sort of chuckle that was different from the bitter, biting laugh from earlier.
"I've missed stuff like that, I swear Sebastian understands more pop culture than you do."
Just like that, the conversation was sour and untrusting again. Alec felt a surge of rage, hurt, and maybe a bit of jealousy. Not the kind of jealousy he once felt for Clary, no he had Magnus now, he had that real type of love you found in a boyfriend. It was something else, like being replaced as best friend, being replaced by the evil son of a bitch who killed his little brother without a second thought, who tried to kill Isabelle and even him at one point. How could Jace just bring his name up so casually?
Jace, realizing his mistake, spoke up.
"Alec, you don't understand what's happening alright! I don't even know, not really. These past few weeks, it hasn't been me . . . but it has been at the same time and I don't know what to do. . . "
There was a pleading sound in Jace's voice that sounded incredibly strange coming from him. Jace never begged or pleaded, he was much too proud. Whatever was happening, it must have been bad. Alec had to choke down the sympathy he felt for the golden haired boy in front of him. Regardless of how Jace felt now, he had done terrible things with a terrible person and he wasn't the Jace that Alec knew for so many years, he wasn't Jace that Alec loved.
"What are you even doing here Jace?" Alec demanded.
Jace blinked and if he was taken aback by Alec's tone it didn't show.
"I'm not sure actually. I thought maybe"
Alec cut him off, "You thought Clary would be here?"
Alec wasn't sure why he said that like a question; of course Jace was here for Clary. No matter how much Jace changed, Clary would always mean everything to him.
Jace answered with a shrug, "Maybe."
"I'll take that maybe as a yes."
Jace offered a half smile at Alec's mimicry of his earlier statement, "Then yes."
"I didn't know she even went to this park, after all it's not very popular among mundanes."
Alec seemed to notice what he said, because he tried to correct himself.
"I realize she isn't a mundane but she used to think of herself as one so I figured she never went to this park before and I didn't realize she came here since she found out. . . You took her here? I guess that makes sense because she could probably train here or just get away or…"
Jace chuckled, interrupting Alec, and Alec wasn't sure if it was the laugh of his parabatai or Sebastian's … whatever the hell they were.
"Yeah, I took her here."
Alec swallowed; he had no idea how to talk to Jace, not this Jace at least. But no matter what Jace did, controlled by Sebastian or not, Alec would never have the heart to arrest him, despite that Clave's warrant for his arrest.
"I haven't taken Magnus here yet," Alec blurted out, because for some reason he had no idea what to say.
Jace raised his brow probably surprised as Alec was, "Hmm, why not?"
Alec shrugged, still not sure why he shared that tidbit of information with Jace, "I don't know really. I guess I never had the time, after the war we travelled the world, and then came back here. . . "
"And I screwed everything up." Jace finished for him looking so broken Alec had to say something.
Alec looked at his parabatai sadly, "No, Jace don't act like that. This isn't you- this isn't your fault."
"Then why isn't Clary here? She must hate me now," He was looking at his feet as he asked.
Alec shook his head, "No, Jocelyn just sort of has her on lockdown right now, but knowing her she'll find a way out, it is Clary after all."
He ended his statement with a sort of laugh and Jace looked up at him, golden eyes shining.
"Does she hate me?" Jace asked, with move vulnerability in his voice that Alec had ever heard.
He shook his head, "No, she just wants to help you."
It was Jace's turn to shake his head, "Don't let her Alec, as much as I need her in my life, I don't want her to see me like this, to see this side of me."
Alec stepped towards him, as Jace had done with him before, "Jace, she knows it's not you, we all do at least all us that know you."
"You don't know the things I've done Alec."
"I know it isn't you, just like Clary does. I mean you should have heard her when Jocelyn told her not to go looking for you . . . I've never seen her so fiery and it's Clary."
Jace chuckled at the thought. That was his Clary, never one to back down.
"Do you really think I could convince her not to come after you?"
Jace looked his parabatai in the eyes, gold staring into blue.
"You could try."
"I could but it wouldn't work."
Jace stayed silent, knowing Alec was simply speaking the truth. Clary wasn't one for listening to others, sometimes that was a good thing other times not so much, but it was Clary's way.
"Why did you come here looking for her if you don't want her to come after you?" Alec whispered.
Jace gnawed on his lip, "Because I'm a selfish bastard I guess, and as much I know she shouldn't see this part of me, I want her with me all the same. I mean, maybe if she was there somehow . . . things would be a little bit better, I wouldn't feel so bad."
Alec nodded, a part of him wishing he could help his brother, but knowing there was nothing he could do.
"You should show Magnus this place," Jace said suddenly, and Alec cocked a brow.
"Why?"
Jace shrugged, "Because Clary was the first person I gave everything to, and at first I thought it was scary as Agramon but in the end, it really paid off and I think you need that."
Alec blinked, still unsure of how this came up, thankfully Jace continued.
"I don't know what's going to happen with me, with this but you need to move on Alec. Nothing you or Magnus can do will help, he knows that you have him on your side and he knows what to do to avoid detection. I know you tried to track us, but it didn't work."
Alec wanted to interrupt, but Jace clearly wasn't going to allow it.
"Go back to his flat tell him where you were, take him here, tell him all the times we had here- the good and bad. Let him in on everything because I wish I had told you this earlier Alec, but you deserve to let someone in the way I let Clary in and I know you love Magnus and he really loves you so please just do that."
Alec nodded finally, "Okay Jace, I will . . . "
Jace nodded, "Good, it's just that maybe if I had let more people in, this wouldn't have happened."
At Alec's confused look, he went on.
"If I had let you and other people in, maybe I would have gotten the proper protections and this wouldn't have happened to me. After all, you have the best memory for boring facts of anyone."
Jace looked up at his parabatai to see if his joke had eased any of the obvious tension. It hadn't.
"I have to go soon, but I just want you to know that I love you Alec, I really do. Becoming your parabatai was one of the best decisions I ever made, because having someone who loves and fights the way you do at my side has probably saved me more than even I know."
"Jace why are you talking like you're dying?" Alec choked.
Jace shrugged, "Death is what I deserve, and it'll get rid of him . . ."
"Jace, no! Stop talking like that, none of this is your fault."
A few hours ago, Alec wasn't sure of that. He still wasn't if he were 100% honest, but he knew this wasn't the Jace he had grown up with, he knew he could be saved.
"Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa"* Jace whispered, and Alec knew what he was saying right away.
"Jace it's not-"
But he was already gone, as quickly as a vampire he had vanished.
"- your fault. It's not your fault." Alec whispered, hoping Jace somehow heard him.
And then it started to rain, but unlike in his memory, Alec was alone.
0o0
I know Jace may have been OOC but he's a hard character to write (for me at least) and I think the CoLS him will be different from the spoilers CC has given. I also think this Jace may be a bit more suicidal and so he's speaking to Alec as if he may never get the chance to again.
*This line was taken from CoB and CoFA, it is directly quoted from her CC's works.