Grissom put his hand on my lower back as we walked up to a lawyer's house to look at his car. The man took an instant dislike for us as he looked at the warrant that Brass gave him. Brass moved the car out of the garage as I got down on the floor smelling it.
"Smells like bleach." I said, looking up at Grissom. He walked outside to talk to the man. I went out walking over to where the three men were standing.
Grissom led me back to the Tahoe parked on the street. We got in and then drove back to the lab. After shift I walked over standing at his office door looking in at him as he prepared to leave.
"Hey." I said, gently.
"Going home?" He asked, as he walked over.
"Yeah."
"You did a good job today." He said
"Thank's." I said
He locked his office walking out with me.
"Grissom, do you….want to go eat somewhere?" I asked
He looked around the parking lot taking out his keys.
"I really need to go home."
"Oh, okay." I said, walking away. He watched me leave then he walked away. I went home slamming my door walking over to the fridge in the kitchen grabbing a beer.
The next shift I worked alone since Grissom had meeting's. When he did appear I was in the garage working on the pieces of the car the lawyer owned. He walked over looking at everything on the floor.
"Find anything?" He asked
"Not yet." I said
I stood looking at him. He reached over taking my gloved hand in his. I looked down seeing I had cut my thumb with something causing blood to pool in my glove.
"When did you do this?"
"I didn't know I did." I said, looking at it.
"I have bandages in my office."
"It's not a big deal. I don't even feel it."
"Sara, you could contaminate everything."
I walked with Grissom to his office watching as he went to his desk getting out the first aid kit he had. He put it on his desk opening it. I sat on his desk swinging my legs back and forth. He put gloves on and then got a band aid as I took my glove off throwing it in the trash. Grissom cleaned the cut as I winched then he put the band aid on my thumb. He threw away his gloves looking at my hand.
"You're good to go." He said
"What, no bubble to work in?" I asked
He gave me a look before putting his kit away. I sighed sitting still as he looked at me.
"Anything else?" He asked
"Nope." I said, getting up. "Thank's."
He nodded watching me leave.
A month went by without another incident. Grissom and I worked cases at times. He was all about work then would go home afterwards.
On a Monday I was walking down the hallway going past a lab room when a loud boom followed by glass threw me against a wall hard. I fell down in a heap lifting my head seeing the body of the worker nearby. Glass was stuck in the woman's head with her eyes open. Coughing I lowered my head smelling chemicals as the sprinklers went off. Grissom ran through the hallways coughing watching people run out to the open air. I stumbled to the corner winching as I blinked looking at people running by me to the door. Grissom coughed telling people to leave as he grabbed his phone. He walked outside quickly as I made my way outside.
I came outside seeing the devastation outside. My foggy dazed brain looking around seeing people holding themselves as blood oozed from the wounds on their bodies. I wondered to a spot that was not occupied sitting down as emergency personnel walked past helping those in need.
Grissom raced around talking to people helping them. He walked looking at people taking in the chaos then he looked at his building seeing smoke floating up into the sky. He looked over seeing me sitting alone looking at the ground. From where he stood he could see the blood on my face and arm.
He walked over quickly kneeling down in front of me.
"Okay, you are really hurt." He said, looking at my wet hair dripping down onto my lap as a cut on my head bled down my cheek. He also saw that my arm was bleeding down my sleeve. "Sara?"
I slowly blinked shaking as I looked at him.
"Honey, you are bleeding." He said, touching my unstained cheek.
"I saw…a woman inside." I said "I'm fine, you should go help her."
"No, I want to help you." He said, touching my arm.
I looked down seeing that he was pulling up my sleeve seeing a jagged cut up my arm. He winched looking at it. I looked at him with no expression on my face. He reached up touching my cheek again.
"Sara, focus on me. I am going to go and find someone to help you."
"I can help clean up the mess." I said
"You need to be looked at." He said
I shook my head looking down.
Grissom turned signaling a paramedic over. He looked back at me slowly helping me up. He let me go with the man. The concern on his face was unmistakable. The man worked on me as I sat on the stretcher numb. Grissom came over looking at me. The paramedic walked over looking at me then at him.
"She's in shock. I had to stitch her arm and her head. Nothing is broken." He said
Grissom nodded touching my head then my cheek.
"I want to take her in make sure she is okay then she can go home."
I moved my head looking at Grissom nod.
"Okay." Grissom said
"No." I said
"Sara, they need to make sure you're okay." He said
"No, I'm fine." I said, getting off the stretcher. The paramedic put his hand on my arm.
"Miss. Sidle, I need you to lie back and be checked out at the hospital."
"I don't want to!"
Grissom motioned the man to leave as he touched my cheek coming closer to me.
"Grissom, I am fine."
"Sara, you think you are fine because you are in shock. You need to go to the hospital and be checked out."
I shook my head as he sighed.
"Honey, I know you hate hospitals, but they will not hurt you."
I breathed in and out fast getting off the stretcher running into the crowd. Grissom followed finding me sitting at the side of the building shaking. He sat beside me pulling me to him.
"It's okay." He said
I closed my eyes listening to his heartbeat. He felt me relax breathing calmly. Looking over he saw the paramedic walking over. Grissom pulled me closer protectively.
"Can we take her now?" He asked
Grissom looked at me then at him nodding. He slowly stood as I looked up at him dazed and sleepy. He picked me up with care walking with the man to put me on a stretcher. I laid against it unaware of what was said or where I was going.
I moved my head to the side as he gently smoothed my cheek.
The next day I arrived at work looking at the hallway that the explosion happened. Already it was being fixed. Grissom walked over looking at me with curiosity.
"Sara?"
"Hmm?"
"You shouldn't be here."
"I want to work."
He looked at the bandage on my head then he touched my arm. I turned looking at him.
"I don't want you here."
I nodded slowly then I looked back at the hallway. He looked over at it then at me.
"Why don't you go home?"
"Okay." I said, not moving.
He waited then he pulled me around walking me out to the front door.
"Go home and rest."
"What about work?"
"Don't worry about that now."
I looked at the front door then at him.
"I don't want to go."
"Sara, there is nothing you can do here." He said "Go home."
I nodded walking to the door then I stopped turning I walked back to him.
"Now what?" He asked
"I can help clean."
"No, you can't."
"Someone has to. I can sweep the glass!"
"Sara, no."
I nodded walking back to the front door. Grissom sighed getting his phone out. I stood at the curb as he came out holding his car keys.
"Want a ride?" He asked
"You have to work."
"No, not yet."
He said taking my arm pulling me to his car. I got in watching as he got in starting the engine. I put my head against the glass closing my eyes as he drove glancing at me concerned. He parked outside my apartment building as I opened my eyes looking around.
"Home sweet home." He said
I got out as he did walking to the stairs. He put his hand on my arm helping me up to my front door. I unlocked the door opening it looking at him. He motioned me inside then he followed closing the door.
"I want you to stay home the rest of this week and rest." He said
I looked at him watching as he came closer looking into my eyes.
"Do you understand?"
I nodded.
"Okay."
He watched me a minute before going to the door. I looked down as he looked back at me as he turned to door knob. He sighed closing the door walking over to me.
"Sara, are you all right?"
"Yes." I said, quietly.
"You're sure?"
I nodded still looking down.
"Look at me."
"My head hurts." I said
"Do you have aspirin?"
"In the bathroom." I said
He led me into the bathroom making me sit on the bed as he went in getting the aspirin. As he got the bottle he noticed a bandage in the trash can by the sink with a blood stain on it. He came out seeing me in the same position looking down. He took out two pills then gave me some water. I drank swallowing handing him back the glass. I laid down on my side looking at the wall. Grissom sat down putting the glass down on the floor.
"Sara, I saw a bandage in the trash with blood on it."
"That's from yesterday."
"Is your head still bleeding?"
"No."
He watched me close my eyes then he looked at the bandage on my head. Gently, he reached over taking it off carefully. I opened my eyes looking at him as he looked. The stiches were small and neatly done. He took the bandage all the way off seeing a blood stain on my middle part.
"I'll be right back." He said
I watched him leave then I closed my eyes again. He came back with a bottle of something. I felt a stinging which made me open my eyes winching. He was cleaning my head with a cotton ball soaked with peroxide.
"If you don't keep this clean it will get infected." He said
I swallowed moving some looking at him.
"I started drinking again." I said
He stopped to look at me.
"Not all the time, just when I needed a boost."
He shook his head dabbing my head again.
"I'm disappointed in you."
"Sorry."
"What is the reason this time?"
I didn't answer as I looked at him.
"Me?" He asked
"No."
"Yes." He said "Sara, you need to find someone that can treat you well and can fill that void in your life. I can't be that person."
"What will it take for you to see me?" I asked
He sighed putting down the cotton and bottle of peroxide looking at me. He put the bandage on my head then he sat back.
"I do see you."
"No, you don't. You think you do, but you don't."
"I saw that you were hurt yesterday. It scared me."
"You called me honey." I said
"Sara, if I had feelings for you then I would tell you, but I don't have any except as friends."
I nodded moving to look at the wall. Grissom stood looking at me.
"I should go."
"Bye." I said
He nodded leaving.
I came back to work the next Monday. Grissom took a case with Nick and I took one solo. He chose to avoid me for a while until I was over this silliness. One shift I was walking around a high school football field looking at tracks leading from the dead girl in the middle of the field to a shack on the left side of the field. I heard a noise behind the shack. Jumping I got my gun out slowly walking along the side taking a calming breath. Reaching the side I jumped again when a bloody hand grabbed the corner.
"CSI!" I shouted
A guy with blood covering him came out. I gasped seeing a wound in this stomach. He choked reaching out to me. I then watched him fall to the ground.
"I need an ambulance!" I yelled
A noise behind the shack caught my attention. Swallowing, I raised my gun again walking over slowly to look. Shining a light I saw nothing. I took a breath looking around then I turned to go out. A hand pulled me back covering my mouth. I was pulled away dropping my gun and flashlight. I breathed in and out fast as I was dragged into a door by I assumed a man.
"I don't want you here!" He said, against my ear. He threw me down on a hard floor then hit me hard in the head causing me to fall to the ground. Brass quickly walked over with Grissom to the shack to talk to the officer standing around.
"She can't have just vanished!" Brass said
"We found her gun and flashlight." The officer said, handing them to Brass. Grissom looked at the gun and the flashlight worried. He knew his feelings were not normal, but as he tried to suppress them they became stronger.
"Search everywhere!" He shouted
Grissom looked around stopping at the shack.
"Is there a way of getting in there?"
"Padlocked, the only one to have the key is the coach."
Grissom walked over looking at the padlock still in place. I slowly moved to my back feeling my head split. Voices outside were faint, but I could hear them. The room was pitch black. I groaned in pain closing my eyes. The man had long gone leaving me.
The coach walked over to Grissom and Brass with his keys in his hands.
"No one can get in here." The man said
"Your positive?" Brass said
"I check it over after I lock it. There is a back door, but I check it to." The man said, unlocking the padlock taking it off the door. Grissom watched Brass walk over slowly opening the door.
"Gil!" He said
Grissom flipped on his maglite seeing me lying on the floor.
"Sara!" He said, walking in kneeling down beside me. "Sara, can you hear me?!"
The couch walked in seeing me.
"How did she get in?!"
"Obviously you didn't check the back door." Brass said
"Jim call an ambulance!" Grissom shouted
I moved my head as Grissom touched my neck then he moved my hair.
"You're going to okay."
I was wheeled out to an ambulance with Grissom following. He got in the back with a paramedic. He took my limp hand in his.
I moaned a few hours later sensing I was not alone. Someone leaned over me touching my head.
"Sara, can you hear me?"
Slowly, I opened my eyes seeing Grissom. He smiled a little searching my eyes.
"Grissom?" I said
"Your going to be okay."
I closed my eyes drifting as he stood back rubbing my hand. Brass asked me what happened, but I could not remember. I sat on my couch a week later as Grissom brought me some coffee in a mug as he sat down beside me.
"It feels good to sit." I said
"I'll bet." He said
I looked at him drinking from his mug. He looked at me as I stared at him.
"What?" He asked
"I bet you're a good kisser."
He almost choked on his coffee.
"What did you say?!" He asked
"I said I bet you're a good kisser." I said
"That's what I thought you said." He said, shaking his head.
"Are you?"
"Sara, I can't talk about this."
"Have you ever kissed someone before?"
"Of course I have!"
"Then what did they say?"
"Nothing, can we talk about something else." He said, putting his cup down on the coffee table. I put mine beside his then I moved over facing him. He seemed stunned by the turn of events.
"I imagine you are." I said
"Sara…I.."
"Ssh." I said, touching his lips. My finger slowly moved across his lips. "You have pouty lips."
He almost laughed taking my hand away.
"I think we should talk about something else."
"Have you ever thought about kissing me?"
"No."
"I have about you."
He looked at me in silence.
"The first time I thought about it was when we were in that room in that apartment. The one where the guy blew blood out on the walls with his nose."
"Sara." He said
I slowly leaned in waiting for him to move or say something. I stopped before touching his lips then I went for it. Grissom closed his eyes allowing me to kiss him gently. I moved back opening my eyes looking into his.
"How was it?" I asked
He moved standing walking away. I quickly got up seeing him at the door with his back to me.
"Grissom, I didn't mean to offend you."
"You did more than offend me." He said
I walked over looking at his back.
"Look, please stay. I promise I will never mention this again." I said "I have always loved you from afar and it just got the better of me. I'm sorry."
"Is that all you have to say?"
"What else can I say?"
"Not that."
"I will do anything to make this right. I will transfer to day shift."
He turned looking at me.
"When I first met you I saw something special. I took you under my wing showing you how to better yourself in your field. You came here at a moment's notice and I saw how much you grew to become an exceptional person."
I watched him walk over to me.
"Then for some reason you changed. Our relationship changed into an uncomfortable daily struggle for me."
"Grissom, I'll leave."
"You can't leave."
"I will. You can hire someone else."
"Who do you suggest?"
"I don't know. Anyone that doesn't make you uncomfortable."
"The lab need's you."
"You've said that before. The lab does not need me." I said "I'll transfer."
He watched me walk away. He left as I laid on the couch hugging myself.
Grissom went home going to bed. He laid in the darkness looking at nothing thinking about me. His insides were hurting at the prospect of me leaving. He sat up turning on the lamp on the bedside table. His hands went to his head as he thought about me. He went out to the kitchen taking out a full bottle of scotch getting a glass pouring out a small amount then he walked into the living room sitting on the couch turning on the light. He looked down at the glass moving the liquid around in circles. Gulping it down, he winched as it went down his throat taking his breath away.
"I can't let her go." He said, out loud.
The next day I came to work walking to Grissom's office. He watched me hold out the paper to him.
"Transfer effective immediately." I said
He took it from me looking at it.
"I can't sign this."
"Why not, it's filled out correctly."
He stood leaving the form on his desk as he walked over shutting his door. He walked back over looking at me.
"Sara, you are not transferring."
"This is what you want."
"No, it's not. I want you to understand my view on this!"
"Okay, what is it?"
"Sara, I need you on the team."
"That's it?"
"Your not making this easy."
"I think I am making it easy. I go and you never have to feel uncomfortable again."
"You are one of my best CSI's. I need you on the team."
I sighed looking down.
"Grissom, either you sign that or….I am just going to have to leave. I can't do this anymore. It's becoming to painful."
He watched me walk to the door.
"Sara!"
I stopped turning to him.
"Even if I could…tell you that I….love you. It's not like I could act on it."
"Are you saying that you do love me?"
He swallowed looking at me pained.
"No, I…do not."
I walked over to stand close to him.
"Grissom, this is the time to act on it."
He stared at me not moving a moment then he turned getting a pen from his desk signing the paper lifting it up to me.
I took it looking at it then at him.
"Well, it's been nice to work with you." I said, walking to the door leaving. He leaned back against his desk sighing.