My biggest flaw is starting a new fic whilst in the middle of another. so im sorry about that.

Cameron angst, minor hint of rape. It is set in the aftermath however, so nothing graphic in the slightest.

Chameron and Cameron/Cuddy friendship

R&R please.

My heart shattered. Shards lodged in my lung so i cant breath. In my Throat so i cant speak, and in my head so i will never be the same again.

The pain in my abdomium could be imaginary, and the blood surrounding me could be fake.

All i know is i wont ever recover, i wont ever be me again.

Sure i'll look the same, smile the same, laugh the same and talk the same. But i wont be me. Alison Cameron died in the early hours of the morning on November 22nd. And all that was left in her place was a damaged soul, a shell of a woman. with none of the passion and none of the sparkle.

Paramedics and flashing lights and a grief filled voice and my name. Confusion and shouts of 'Alison' and the reassurance that 'Its going to be ok.'

no it wont. it will never be ok. Fuss and mess and i just wish they would leave me be. To lye in the blood stained snow.

But They dont. They stretcher me away, sirens and all.

Crying yourself to sleep wont help, and i know this. yet the first time back in my own bed and the tears wont listen. So i give in, fall into his arms and let the tears fall too. He doesnt mind, tells me he still loves me and he will do what it takes to make me better again. Its not his fault. He didnt do this to me. His kisses are soft and gentle and hes everything i need. Everything i don't want.

He understands and will wait for me, wait until im ready. He said he wont even mind if we never have sex again. Im safe and thats all that matters.

I don't believe this, im sure a year his views will change and he will be screwing the pretty nurse in our bed.

But i can't get mad at him for something that hasnt happened yet.

Two weeks later and everyone tells me how well im doing, how good i look and how brave i am. Thats until i break down in the toilets. Cuddy finds me. We were never friends but she hugs me anyway and surprisingly i feel safe. I Cling like a child and she makes soothing noises like my mother used to when i'd cut my knee.

I think i will need more than a plaster this time.

Kissing my head softly she tells me how much she admires me and says she knows how difficult this must be.

She confesses she wouldnt cope and im surprised when she tells me how she never hated me, she was just jealous. Jealous i could get through to House, Jealous about my relationship with Chase, Jealous of my 'downright sexy figure.' I smile and tell her i always thought she was pretty, and just how jealous i was of her.

We laugh at our stupidity and I tell her i wish we had been friends from the start. The boss invites me to dinner at her place.

She serves me my favorite and apologizes it took something this tragic to get us here. I dont mind, and the pasta is suprisingly good.

Chase shouts. I should have told him where i was going. He was worried. I apologise and his face softens. He can't stay mad at me, of course not im a charity case.

I wonder if thats all i have become. Poor little Alison Cameron. Just someone to feel sorry for.

I scream and i smash a plate.

Blood pours from my right hand and Chase is pale from shock.

I dont know what im doing anymore.

Im an emotional wreck and i must be damn near impossible to live with.

Chase hugs me.

Christmas is a welcome distraction.

Chase buys me a diamond necklace. its perfect. I dont deserve it.

Cuddy gives me a sweater. she has great taste. Its too good for me.

House gives me a mug of coffee and a grumbled 'merry christmas'

I smile.

A year and a half later, and here i am.

I have a ring on my finger and a child in my womb.

I have friends and a family and i'm happy again.

I can feel again. The numbness faded and i began to think straight. Chase loved me and i allowed myself love him back. now we have a house and a daughter on the way.

We even have a dog.

This is what i dremed off as a little girl.

Cuddy admires the diamond on my finger and wilson and chase to teach the dog tricks.

Then we all sit on my patio, sipping lemonade and discussing baby names.

Our laughter can be heard three blocks away as the mischievous puppy pees on Wilson's leg.

and as i go to find where i left the mop it looks as though Alison Cameron's life is perfect.

Its a shame, i sigh, Alison Cameron died a long time ago.