Fear of Theirs'
Summary: After this alternate version of the spore fear episode, Splinter has them all sit down to discuss what they have gone through. It's hard, listening to each other's fears, but they all have just the right thing to tell each other to help them. But when it comes to the youngest, who always seems to out do everything sent his way, can they really help this?
A/N: Just a little one shot. It's alternate from the spore episode in the 2012 series. So here, you get some different fears, and explanations for them. You also happen to get a look at everyone being vulnerable and family fluff. Also, Mikey is still my favorite character, so he;s super broken...maybe. Hope you enjoy!
Fear of Theirs'
The six teenagers were all quiet as they sat in their living room. April, Leo, and Casey were sitting on the couch. Raph and Don were on the floor in front of the couch. Mikey was across from them, on the other side of the coffee table, hands hidden in his lap. Master Splinter sat on his chair as he felt the depressing and scared aura emitting from his children. He also felt that something was very wrong, and why did he smell light traces of blood? He sighed, gaining their attention. "My children, what has you so upset?" he asked, worried for the kids in front of him.
"There was a fungus or something in the sewers. It was releasing spores that made you face your deepest fears." Donatello explained, voice soft and scared.
"We were all facing our fears when a part of the sewers caved in and the sunlight killed the mother fungus. We checked to make sure before coming home." Leo added. Raph was quiet as he nodded. Mikey and the two human teens remained silent.
"And I take it, that these fears are what have you on edge?" Splinter knew that was the case, but wanted them to confirm it. They all nodded silently. "I see. You know, children, the best way to get through this is by talking it out with those who care for you, and can help you with it." He noticed that they all tensed up, obviously not expecting their sensei to suggest such a thing. "Would it be easier if I told you what my greatest fear is first, so that you can gain strength from that?" he asked them. They were hesitant before they nodded.
"If you could Master Splinter, it would help." Raphael, surprisingly, was the one who agreed to it.
"Very well. I face my fear every night, almost. I fear, that even with all the training you are given, that one day, my children, you will not return to me. That you will one day be gone from this world before me, and I will have to face that you are never coming back. And that scares me more than any thing in this world." Splinter told them. He had never meant to tell his children this fear. "That is why I train you so hard. Because I want you to come home to me when your patrols are finished." They were all silent, now that they knew for certain. All of them suspected that their sensei's biggest fear was them not coming home. But it was finally confirmed, and they didn't know how to handle that.
"Sensei," Mikey began, gaining every one's attention. "You have taught us all that we know. Us not coming home one night, that's a risk we take. It is what we have all accepted. But you have trained us well, and we will not go down with out a fight, or without honor. If the day comes, that one of us is lost to this world, it doesn't mean we're gone. Our spirits will always be there to continue supporting our family. And while it will hurt, you can rest assured that we are safe, and in a more forgiving place." Mikey finished, blushing at his family's looks.
"Thank you, my son. Your words bring me a sense of peace." Splinter told him, not having expected the peace that came as a result to his admittance. Mikey nodded, looking down again in his embarrassment. They chuckled. April was the first to find the courage to continue.
"My fear isn't that bad, I don't think. But, my fear is that my father, while he's mutated as a bat, will forget me. As of now, he still recognizes me. He knows who I am. And I'm afraid that I'll lose him forever if that happens." April finally admitted.
"April, no fear is worst than another." Leo began first. "And I don't think he'll forget you." Leo said.
"I agree with my son. A father's love for his child, especially in your case April, will over rule other settings in the brain. He loves you greatly, and it would take something big for him to forget you." Splinter told the girl, who was reassured by their words and nodded. She did feel better after hearing such words from her friends, her second family.
"I thought my fear would be bugs, ya know?" Raph began, getting his courage up. They all focused on the red-banded turtle before he continued. "But instead, it was something worse." He took a calming breath before he continued. "You were all afraid of me. I lost my temper and you were afraid!" Raph stressed this part. "I only want to protect you all, but instead, I made you fear me." Raph choked up a bit before he finished. "How can I protect you, if the one you feel you need protection from is me?"
"Oh Raphie." Mikey murmured, softly as Don and Leo hugged the turtle in comfort. He accepted their hugs. Mikey looked longingly, but didn't move from his spot. Instead he settled for speaking. "You might lose your temper sometimes, big brother, but you have never hurt us. And we are never afraid of you. We are afraid for you." Mikey said. Leo and Don nodded.
"When you lose your temper, you put yourself at risk. And what will hurt us the most is if we lost you to it. But never of you." Donatello insisted, needing his big brother to understand.
"They're right, Raph." Leo said. "We stress about your temper, but it's because we're afraid that one lost temper will lead to a forever lost Raph. Who would protect us then?" Leo said, a soft smile on his face. One the family hadn't seen in a while.
"Thanks bros. I love you guys." Raph admitted. He felt so much more at ease, now that he heard his brothers' sincere words.
"Love you too, Raph." They answered.
"Believe it or not, but my fear was rats. Lots of tiny rats." Casey began. "When I was little," he said, "I got lost in an alley way. It was late and dark and honestly, I was seven at the time, so it was scary. Well, I came across a homeless guy that had died in his sleep. It was winter, and cold, so that was expected I guess. But what scared me even more was that the mice, rats, and squirrels were eating the guy." Casey explained uneasily. "They saw me, and they rushed at me. I got some nasty bites at the time and came down sick due to some of the diseases they had been carrying. I've been afraid of them ever since. I was being chased by these rats, and bitten. Then I fell, and they started gnawing at me. After I got them off, the nightmare had finally been over." Casey finished, not comfortable that he just told those he respected and admired, his worst childhood memory.
"I can understand better now, Casey, why I scared you so badly on our first meeting." Splinter began. "I'm sorry that you had such a trauma as a child. That is one of the many things that can rob a child of their innocence, and I hate that it happened to you so young."
"Thanks, Master Splinter." Casey said softly.
"That's scary, witnessing something like that. Casey, we're all right here. You don't have to keep that a secret. We can help you." April told the boy, who nodded his thanks.
"I can't imagine having something gnawing on me like that." Don admitted, some nausea in his voice. "For you to survive that, Casey, and not lose your cool." Don shook his head in wonder. "That's pretty brave Casey. And so are you." Don told the boy. Casey looked at the purple banded brother in awe before giving a thankful smile.
"Thanks Don, that means a lot, especially from you." He told the turtle. They all knew what he meant, because their previous animosity with each other was just a need to impress and be accepted by the other, and this was a big step towards that. Don blushed and looked away, mumbling about mushiness. What a Raph line from him.
"My fear", Leo began, finding his voice next. "You all told me I was an awful leader. And a worse brother. I mean, my plans tend to fail often. And you all always get hurt. I'm afraid that you'll not want me as your brother anymore, because of those failings." Leo said uneasily.
"Leo, you're an amazing brother and an awesome leader." Donatello said. "You're there for us when we need you. You never let us down." He insisted.
"Don's right, Leo. The main reason those plans go wrong is because I cause you problems. So, it's just as much my fault as it is yours." Raph added, embarrassed at admitting his failings also.
"Besides," Mikey told his oldest brother with a wink. "We all make mistakes. And we learn from them. You're new at being a leader Leo, and you're learning as you go. There will be some bumps, but we can overcome them because you're there to pull us through it." He told the blue-banded turtle. Leo looked at his brothers.
"Th-thanks, you guys." Leo said, feeling his weight being lifted. Why had they never done this before?
Donatello was the next one to find his voice, as he gained courage from those around him. "I- I'm afraid, that one day, one of you will get really hurt. Like, so hurt I must … operate or something. And that thought scares me. I'm an engineer, not a doctor. I know I say that all the time, but it's true! And if I do have to operate on one of you, what if I mess up and you die on the table? It would be my fault, and I just…I don't know what I'd do if that happened." Don told them his deepest fear.
"Oh Donnie." Raph said with a soft sigh. "We know you do everything you can for us." He told the turtle.
"And if one of us gets that hurt, and you have to do that…We know you'd do your absolute best to save us. And you wouldn't ever give up on us." Leo added.
"Even if one of us did die, Don." Mikey began. "We'd never blame you for it. If we die, it was our time." He told his smart brother. Donatello looked at those around him. Those he loved more than anything.
"Thanks, I know that." He said. And he did know it. Now, at least. They all basked in the comfort before Mikey gave a sad sigh. One that surprised them.
"I was hoping for the dark. Or squirrelanoids. Or even the shredder or Kraang. You know?" he said softly. They nodded.
"Why were you hoping for those things, though?" Casey asked.
"Because they're easier to deal with." Mikey muttered. "I was faced with something I thought I had a few more years before I had to deal with." He admitted. He gave them a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I saw your deaths." He began, making them stiffen. "I was the killer. Because I couldn't keep a grip on my own mask. The one I wore for over ten years. I lost it, and in the process, I lost everything I loved and cared for. I lost the reason for keeping it up in the first place, by my own hand." He looked up, tears in his big blues. "Do you know how hard it is, to see your family dead by your own hand?" he asked. They all shook their heads, not saying anything. They were too shocked too, but they also knew that Mikey needed to continue. "It was so real. I was so afraid. I hated myself. I hated you guys for a minute too." He admitted. Their eyes widened.
"W-why?" Don asked.
"Because you didn't defend yourself! You just let me!" he cried, sobs increasing. He was crying for a moment before he spoke again. "I didn't know it wasn't real." He told them, sounding ashamed. "All I knew was that I refused to live any longer." His eyes were down cast, so he didn't see the widening of their eyes. The fear of what that might mean. "I decided to end it. Right then and there." He reluctantly brought up his wrist, undoing the bandaged strap. On his wrist was a long and extremely deep cut.
"Mikey!?" Don cried, vaulting over the table to his brother's side. He gently brought Mikey into a hug as he started bawling with more pain and volume.
"I'm sorry! Everything returned to normal after I cut my wrist. I was so shocked and ashamed. I covered it when I heard you guys nearby. I'm sorry!" he sobbed.
"Oh, my son." Splinter said softly. That there was such darkness and depression in his youngest who was usually happy. 'But, was that only a mask? Why would he keep it up?' Splinter watched his sons for a moment. Michelangelo's wrist was still bleeding and Donatello, Raphael, and Leonardo each had a hand on it, to slow the bleeding. April and Casey both had hands rubbing soothing circles on his shell. "Let's get your brother to the lab. He needs treatment." Splinter gently told them. Soon the youngest's wrist was bandaged and stitched.
It was silent for a while. How do you comfort your youngest memeber in the clan, when he had tried to take his own life after being forced to see himself murder those he would rather die for. "My son, we will get through this. It may take a while. We can't deny this. But as we do, I promise we will heal you, and we will come out of this together as a family." Splinter looked at all six teenagers in front of him. "All of us." he said, determination, love, and assurance in his voice. The teens shared looks before nodding. Determination and love filled them. They would come out of this healed and together.
A/N:There we go, this love and family fluffed filled little one shot as an apology for late chapters. R&R! Hope you enjoyed this story.