Don't Cry Over Spilled Tomato Juice

Timmy felt bored. Cosmo and Wanda went on a long holiday trip, the first one they took in a long while and Timmy was for the time being all by himself. Dad spent most of his day away from home and Mom was way too busy with dieting in hopes to finally get her hourglass figure back.

The little boy was glad that the mean babysitter won't come today, but he felt lonely and did what most preteens would do in this situation. He called over his friend Chester, since unlike you guys reading this story, he doesn't have a dirty mind… yet.

Chester came to Timmy's house. One could smell the foul trailer certain-president-voter scent even before he arrived at the house.

"What should we do?" asked Timmy.

"I'm starving. As long as you give me food, I'll do anything!" replied Chester.

"Let's make a bet. We play hide and seek and whoever wins, has to pay for a whole Mike E. Mozzarella's Pizza Fun House" suggested Timmy.

"Deal. I'll hide and you need to find me in 5 minutes, or I'll win. "

Timmy agreed to this, turned around and started to count to 50. Chester wasted no time, he quickly ran and looked around the house. He noticed an empty mailing box just lying there. He put it on the floor, crawled into it and sealed the lid from inside. It looked like a brand new unopened box.

"Ready or not, here I come!" yelled Timmy

He searched the house, but Chester seemed to have vanished, although his stench still remained.

"Where is he?" asked Timmy, he then saw a big box just randomly on the white carpet.

"That wasn't here before, maybe it's a present for me!" Timmy joyfully ran to it and noticed that whatever it is, it's really heavy and the lid doesn't want to open since it appears to have been taped from the inside.

"What could it be? A big toy? An ice cream maker? A potion to fix my messed up body:head ratio?"

There's only one way to find out and Timmy quickly grabbed a big knife to cut it open, but just as he wanted to use it, he saw something written on the box.

"Don't open with knife!"

"Oh fine" said Timmy, putting the knife away and picking up a more appropriate opening tool. He quickly cut the box with an ax. As he did that, a loud crack was heard and red liquid first splashed out of the box and shortly after that even more of the ketchup like sauce poured out beneath the box.

"Mom, the weight losing tomato juice order arrived so that you can finally reduce Dad's trophy to a more appealing size" screamed Timmy loudly.

Timmy's mom came down the stairs, she wasn't in the best mood. She muttered to herself "That teleshopping network promised me that they'll send me that juice two months ago. They're late and they made me nervous and because of them, I ate twice as much cookie dough per day! They better used some quality stuff for their product, because if they sent me Monsanto garbage, I will go ballistic!"

As soon as she came downstairs, she saw a horrid sight.

"Oh my God! Timmy! What have you done to my floor?!"

"I spilled some tomato juice" said Timmy.

"You know darn well that ain't no tomato juice, son. It's blood! Do you realize how much BLEACH it takes to get it out!? "

"Hopefully not all 16 seasons" replied Timmy quickly.

"That's it. Are you aware how serious this situation is Timmy?" asked Mom. "Not only did you mess up my carpet, but this is the third time it happened this week. My garden is already over fertilized with corpses of your bratty friends. Not to mention that the neighbors might find it a little suspicious that the number of kids is getting lower every day" she said with concern.

She then opened the box and saw Chester's head divided in two. "Well, at least this one won't be missed! What did he do?"

Timmy answered "I swear it was an accident, but we did play a game of hide & seek and had my ax not found him, then I would have to pay for the entire Mike E. Mozzarella's Pizza Fun House order."

"Oh my God, do you realize how much of your allowance that would cost? Your allowance, that consists entirely out of my hard earned money! Now I'm only half as angry as I was a few seconds ago. Don't worry Timmy, I'll clean this up. You don't have to regret this, he would have been on America's most wanted in less than a decade with that parental influence of his. But you need to stop with this hobby of yours. It's getting pricey for me!" scolded Mom.

"Yes, mother" said Timmy in a sad voice.

"Oh don't be sad. Here's a shopping list, go to Wallmart and buy these things and have some fun there. Maybe you'll find some friends there, surely they'd be better than your last one."

Timmy went to buy the groceries and returned two hours later. He immediately noticed that something wasn't right. The house smelled like moose piss, dirty footprints went to it and the door was also smashed in.

"Those darn Jehovah's Witnesses must have come over again!" sighed Timmy.

He went inside and expected boring lectures about how sky-daddy knows all the answers. Instead of that, he saw a bizarre sight. Mom was standing cornered on a chair and Chester's dad was hissing at her like a stray cat.

"Where's my boy?!" he yelled while foaming from the mouth.

"I swear I don't know, leave me alone!" begged Timmy's mom.

"Do you think I'm stupid? I can smell that he's somewhere here and I can also smell bleach, lots and lots of bleach! If you don't tell me immediately where he is, I'll bite you and just so that you know I haven't gotten a shot in 30 years!" he intimated her.

"No! I'm allergic to rabies!" whimpered Mom.

"Haha! Rabies is the least deadly thing that my opossum girlfriend gave to me!" said the insane man confidently.

Timmy had no time to waste. If his mom goes to the hospital, he'd have to spend several weeks with Vicky! And nobody, except for some twisted viewers at home, wants to see that.

He quickly ran towards them. Chester's dad noticed him and laughed "Ha-ha! I hope you're not counting on him to get you out of this jam! What could a brat like him do?" He then turned his head back to Mom.

A fatal mistake, since Timmy grabbed the ax and hit him just like he did his son. The corpse fell to floor and Mom was saved.

She was over the moon "Timmy you saved me! I would have died of embarrassment if I had to go to Dr. Snipowitz to get treated! Forget about me scolding you earlier."

After the delight, Timmy's mom finally looked down to the ground. She gasped "Oh my floor! Again!"

"Don't worry mom, I have a solution for this!" said Timmy, while pulling out a bottle of Ultra Super with XP-21. Its special formula was made to get rid of the deepest blood stains and the most stubborn brain particles with ease. One sweep and the problems are gone.

"Timmy, you saved the day. Where on earth did you get this? "

"At Wallmart of course. They have everything!"

"They sure do Timmy, they sure do."

The End

A/N I know the original store name has one l. So does the word lawsuit.