Content Warning: This story will contain heavily implied violence, gore, and other dark themes.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Elder Scrolls Series or anything within it; Bethesda does. I also do not own this cover art. It was made by the talented "sleepyhaze" over on Deviantart!
Bound Beyond Death
dark dark darker all lights grew until there's nothing left I knew except for you except for you
gold and white all colors alike taken by the blackness blight
carried on through silent wind for it knew that I had sinned
drowning me for their own blame suffocating forgetting all except your name
seeming like lifetimes in chains in vain but the black could never erase the pain of me seeing you so mindlessly slain
hatred redrum bloody murder but I could not completely hurt her
so then dark took me 'till today when suddenly I felt the day then night then day until at headman's axe I lay
the black grew wings took form of a powerful fabled thing of which tales of history sings
flame and jaws took the city but despite its goal could never slay me could never take me never ever Never eveR NeVER NOT IN FOREVER AGAIN. SEVEr tHE Black! SeVeR iTS bOnds with us JUST AS WE'VE ALWAYS SOUGHT!
In this new life we'll prevail, you and I, mother, we won't again fail!
Ah, how generous Ralof and his family are to provide so much! Provisions, weapons, and a place to rest for as long as need be, until I'm assured about traveling on my own accord. Such unexpected kindness! Courtesy like this hasn't been given to us in so long.
So, so terribly long...
...Mother, how long has it been? How long since we've seen the light? Seen another face? Everything had happened so fast, so suddenly that even now I'm yet to comprehend it all. It feels like a dream. This can't be real. It's an illusion. I know my memories! I've never forgotten! Before the dragon, before the binds, there was darkdarknothing at all - and then before that... There's no possible way -
And yet it's real. So beautifully... Tangible. Can you believe it, mother? I live again.
But of course, it can't be that simple to say. It never is! So I'll search for our answers we so desperately need - it's the only place to start. Ralof suggested I head to Whiterun and inform this "Jarl" of the vile dragon that we escaped Helgen from. That shrouded, darkened beast. I might just oblige his words - but not yet, no. We must find our place here once more, no matter how much time had passed!
As of writing this, it is 22nd of Last Seed, 4E 201. The Fourth Era. Year two-hundred-one. Everything is different - everything is wrong. Wrong wrong wrong! I knew things had changed, but I didn't expect two hundred years to pass.
I know this through general questioning of the townsfolk. They all answered accordingly, despite giving me the strangest looks. As if I was to know! Damn it mother, a few of those looks made me want to reach out and strangle them right then and there - but no. Of course they'd be bemused! They'd think I was a madman if I told them. Told them that I was born in the latter years of the Third Era; that I died two centuries ago.
This means we've lost everything, mother. Our home, our possessions. And most importantly I lost you. I failed you. I couldn't fulfill my promise even when it stood right in front of me! It was my chance to destroy the Night Mother. And I failed. The Brotherhood was free to live on, and I was sentenced to Sithis.
Now I truly know your pain.
The wretched black; the dark. The Void. I wish to sleep tonight but I won't; I've slept enough. I spilled some ink all over a piece of parchment to mimic the feeling of sleep. That poor, tainted piece of parchment. Too dark to be used - so I ripped it to shreds. I asked Ralof's sister for any spare clothes earlier while I washed away the dark off my own. Guess what I got? Black robes. BLACK! Ooohh, what guile they had, what humor... To put me in something so vile, so irredeemable... I loathed it but accepted it without complaint - because I also loved it. How familiar it is in this strange new time! So I will wear it. I will wear my enemy until I kill my enemy, as it's always been, for if I don't kill my enemy then my enemy will wear me. It will torment me as long as I know. Know the blight of the world, the shadows I see every time I close my eyes. Know that in there, somewhere, you're still trapped. Trapped like a beautiful bird in a cage of ugliness.
Ah, two birds struck down by the same hands - it's only natural they be locked in the same cage, right? That's how I know.
And so I know I won't sleep tonight. No, I'll be away while the town sleeps. I'll bring an axe, a bow, and a shield for good measure. I'll make friends with the shadows once more. I'll hate it - but we know it must be done. Whoever crosses my path will have their blood stain the earth!
A/N: So I like Mathieu Bellamont's character and find him sadly underrated. While he only visibly appears in one or two quests in all of Oblivion, his diary is what captures his actions and motives, his backstory that seems quite tragic once you really consider it. I even recreated him in Skyrim one day, which soon gave me this interesting idea - how would Mathieu react to events in Skyrim? If he was somehow alive in the time, keeping another diary for his mad rambling?
As for the story itself, it's experimental for me, as I usually don't write in a first-person POV, much less in the style of journal. Soo... The first draft of this sucked. But I rewrote entries #2 - #4 to the ones you've just read, so hopefully it's a little better now. :) And who knows, you may find this pleasantly different too. Also, if you found this story so far confusing or nonsensical, I made it like that. These ARE coming from a madman, after all, and the journal style in general doesn't give much room for vivid description. The trick is to read between the lines; think about the sentences and how they're conveyed, and you should start seeing a bigger picture. I didn't choose these words idly. ;)
I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to share your thoughts if you have any and give critique - I really appreciate it! Perhaps you'll come back?