Benediction
She's used to loneliness. It's an acquired art. Not for the weak. She mastered it as a child; her father taught her well.
Silence is her friend, it allows her to think, to grasp scope.
She wishes she were different… more like Joe but she's always held this resistance within her, this need to be in command.
The moors are barren, harsh… but they are her home. She feels safe there.
She can lay people bare, can see their inner-workings but she's so protective of her past she can't focus… so she had a lover, had a baby… it ends the way it always does; with her alone.
Joe follows her. He tries to look after her and if she weren't so annoyed, she'd think it was sweet.
She doesn't know why she lets her mask slip in front of him… he's the only one. She trusts him. He would die rather than hurt her but he hurts her in a million unspoken ways.
Joe pushes her. She hates being pushed. Joe presses her buttons. No one else ever did that, except her father.
She wishes she could start again. Wishes life were that simple.
Outside the wind whistles and howls. She feels symbiotic. This is her father's house. Her childhood is encased in this bleak landscape. It's both comforting and alien. She wakes everyday with thoughts of him… excuses for him… but the resentment remains.
Joe tries to understand but he never can. He's had everything handed to him. He's never had to fight, to struggle for what he wants. Even Celine gave way in the end. Joe always wins.
She hears her thoughts clearest when she's alone on the moor. The stark landscape enfolds her and she feels one with it. Unity. Her team think she's cracked, think she's a tyrant… but she only ever gets frustrated by their shortcomings. Their own drawbacks. Human behaviour. Human failing. That's what she looks at week-in, week-out. Why she's so tired.
She's used to loneliness, hardened to it, but when she sees Joe go to his family, hears him on the phone promising to have dinner with the kids, read them a story… her heart stills. Because her father never spared her a thought and Joe only ever considers his children. He's a good man, she knows this. He's on the verge of becoming a good cop; but that means sacrifice and she feels she doesn't have the right to rob his children of their father. Because that's what it takes. It takes sacrifice. She has that capacity… but she's still not sure Joe does. So she sends him away. It breaks her heart but it's best for him. She sends him away and doesn't think about him twice. Because what good would that do?