"I left you alone for five minutes and you managed to fuck up everything!"
Roy was toast. Burnt toast. The charred remains of a neglected piece of toast that ends up in the garbage kind of toast.
He was dead. So dead. Hawkeye was going to kill him. He slunk down further in his chair as she continued to yell at him at the top of her lungs.
"Five, five god-dammed fucking minutes, Roy!" She slammed the clipboard onto his desk, sending the neatly stacked piles of paper she had made that morning into disarray on the floor. He flinched and tried to push himself deeper into his chair, she never used his name. Not unless she was really, really pissed.
"How can you be such a complete dumbass?" Honestly, he just counted himself lucky that she hadn't pulled her gun out on him yet. Yet. "Well?"
She held out her arms in exasperation, waiting for his response.
"I ah, I umm."
She lunged across the desk to grab him by the collar and pull him to his feet. "I want a fucking answer, Soldier!"
She was so pissed. She was going to kill him. "I." He sputtered.
"How could you?" She yelled in his face, her anger not allowing her to care that spittle sprayed from her lips.
He recoiled, terrified of her aggression but frustrated, he didn't have a clue what his grievous crime was. "How could I what? What did I do?"
She threw him back away from her, he tripped over his own chair and fell to the ground with a hard thud. Her hands dropped to her sides and she lowered her head, anger rolling off her in waves of heat he swore he could see. "I can't even leave you alone for five minutes without you fucking it up."
Roy sat up on his knees and reached over to the clipboard that had so offended her. He slid it over to himself, eyeing her as she stood hiding her face. Had he signed a declaration of war or something? He finally pulled the clipboard off the desk and sat on his butt on the ground to read the offending piece of paper.
The Fullmetal Alchemist, Major Edward Elric is hereby permanently transferred under the direct command of Major General Hakuro.
It was written on the official Amestrian military letterhead, and the key sentence was surrounded by military jargon and pompous fluff as such documents were, but it was there, clear as day. A transfer order. It was signed by both Hakuro and Roy, and at the bottom, the boy's scratchy and smeared signature finalized the whole thing.
Roy stomach sunk three floors. He didn't remember signing this. He lifted his head to tell Hawkeye as much. His words got stuck in his throat as he saw her body begin to shake and tremble as her emotions shifted, the anger fleeing and sadness coming to drown her.
"I didn't. I don't. I would never." He paled as she tilted her head to look down at him. Her amber eyes hard and practically leaking in her disappointment at him.
"Is he…?" He trailed off, not sure if he wanted to know what his subordinate had done upon reading the form.
"Understandably he stormed off after signing it." Her voice was, justifiably, openly hostile.
Roy looked back down to the form, the date beside his signature was a mere two days previous. This was all wrong, he wouldn't transfer Fullmetal. Fullmetal was part of the team. Alphonse was part of the team. He wouldn't transfer them. No matter how much the little shit pissed him off some days. He had to fix this. He shot to his feet. "Havoc!"
There was a moment as Roy could hear the men of his team scurry away from the door they were eavesdropping at to let the blond smoker open and enter the doorway. "Yeah, Boss?"
Roy held up the paper, "I need you lot to track down any all possible copies or variations or even mentions of this document, get them all and get rid of them."
He handed Havoc the clipboard as the man approached the desk. "And I shouldn't need to remind you to listen to the lieutenant."
The woman in question raised her head at mention of her rank. "And where are you going?" Her words were laced with anger and accusation.
"I'm going to go find Fullmetal." Roy moved around the desk to collect his coat, his lieutenant's eyes following his every move. "I have to explain to him what happened. I have to fix this."
"No offense, Colonel, but, how are you going to find him? It's pouring rain and he left over half an hour ago." Fuery piped up from his position at the door.
"By looking for him, dammit!" Roy shoved his way past the doorframe crowded by his own team, inarticulate in his frustration, and angry at himself.
"You want any help with that, Boss?"
"No!" he turned to glare at Breda, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "No. Just, just get rid of all evidence that anyone tried to transfer Edward. General Hakuro put in the order, the bastard's wanted the kid since he made state alchemist, but keep quiet about it so-
"No record of the transfer order, no record of us getting rid of the transfer order." Falman finished for him.
Roy opened his eyes. "Yes. Is that clear?"
The four men snapped to salute him and gave a small chorus of "yes sir". His eyes fell to Lieutenant Hawkeye, as she stepped out of his office and put on her own coat.
"Lieutenant?"
She looked up at him as she straightened her jacket collar. "Someone has to tell Alphonse what is happening. The boy will be worried. Edward said that they were going to go to the library today after he had finished his paperwork, I can't imagine that happening now."
She picked up the car keys from her desk and Roy was struck by how royally he had fucked up. He had a loyal team of men, and a woman, who would do any number of legal and illegal activities to keep their team safe. A team who knew what needed to be done without explanation. A team made up of people who thought and saved him from things he hadn't considered.
Fullmetal and Alphonse were part of that team, having them leave was no different than if the lieutenant herself left – they simply wouldn't be the same team. They might not completely collapse in on themselves the same way they would if she left, but a hole just as large and gaping would still exist. He would fix this, they would fix this.
Roy nodded to himself. "All right then, let's get to it men."
"What sort of slimy, no-good, all-bad, nasty, old, crusty-ass, knucklehead of a bastard does he think he is?" Ed said to himself as he flung a fistful of mud at the poor brick wall he was targeting. The mud hit the wall with a satisfying slap. He picked up another fistful, imagining the wall was the colonel's face as he threw all his force into hitting the wall with the brown sludge.
"Fuck you, you useless piece of shit!" He yelled at the wall before letting his head hang limply.
He should've seen it coming. He had always just been a career boost for the man, he should've seen this coming.
The novelty had worn off, the toy wasn't as shiny any more, but every other commander in the military would jump at the chance to have the Fullmetal Alchemist on their team. The bastard had probably traded him for a promotion or some stupid shit. He should've seen it coming. He really should have.
You couldn't trust people in the military, Teacher had said as much. The fucking colonel himself had said as much. Hawkeye, Hughes, Armstrong, everyone – they had all said as much at one point or another. He should've seen it coming.
But instead he'd let himself get deluded into thinking that he was safe, that his position on the team was stable, permanent. But nothing was permanent, nothing lasted forever, especially good things. He should've seen it coming.
Ed walked over to the wall he'd been flinging mud at for the past twenty minutes and leaned his head against the wet brick. Pathetic Fallacy, he thought distantly as the rain continued to pour down around him, washing the wall of his muddy anger. It would rain today. Just to make his day that much better.
The blond winced as the tender flesh around his shoulder port gave a sudden flare-up of pain. His leg port didn't feel much better and he shifted his feet to ease his weight to his right leg. Pathetic fallacy and a side of literal pain to go with it. But he deserved this pain, he'd let himself get complacent, comfortable. He was in pain because he had allowed himself to be comfortable. He should've seen it coming.
He snarled and punched the wall with an automail fist before spinning around and dropping down to the muddy ground, his back against the wall and legs splayed out in front of him. The man hadn't even bothered to tell Ed himself, just let him read it in a fucking transfer order. "Yeah, well fuck you too Mustang." Cowardly asshole.
What was he supposed to tell Al? "Sorry Little Brother but Colonel Bastard turned out to be a jackass and got me transferred over to a new team."? It would kill Al. He had always been so adamant that the colonel was a good person, was going to look out for them for as long as they were in the military. Wouldn't trade them like they were pawns in his little game to reach the top.
Ed dropped his head forward onto his chest. "You should've seen it coming, Dumbass."
The blond teen stared down at his hands in his lap and let the rain pool in the palm of his soaked and muddy gloves. His bangs began to drip water onto his face and he ran his fingers through his hair, tugging it out of the braid in anger and losing his hair tie somewhere in the mud. Because the day wasn't finished making him miserable.
He knew that he needed to head back to his room in the dorms. At the very least he couldn't expect Al to stay cooped up alone all day. Ideally, he needed a couple ice packs and a warm, dry bed to sleep away the storm in. He could tell from the sky that it would only get worse, in the distance he could hear thunder, could feel it in his joints.
But he wouldn't tell Al, not yet. Al didn't need this, he wasn't in the military, it wasn't his job. The storm would at least buy him some time to figure out how to tell Al. He'd rather tell Al he was in pain than break his little brother's heart just yet.
Maybe if Ed played his cards right he would even be able to get away with not telling Al he'd been transferred. Maybe. Maybe if he… If he.
The alchemist's shoulder's slumped, there was no way he could hide this from Al for any length of time. And the longer Ed didn't tell his brother, the angrier Al would be when he did find out.
Ed leaned forward to pull himself to his feet, completely soaked as if he'd taken a swim in a muddy pond fully dressed. His hands and feet seemed to sink into the mud as he put pressure on them to stand up, carefully avoiding putting too much weight on his automail. He'd have to figure out how to clean himself off before he faced his brother. Just because he threw a temper tantrum didn't mean that Alphonse needed to know he did. He tried to wipe off the mud and tame his hair.
"Fullmetal? Fullmetal, thank god!" Ed paused in his attempts to pull his soaking hair away from his face without a hair tie.
"Fullmetal, Edward." Ed spun on the spot to see the bastard colonel himself reaching out a hand as if to grab Ed by the shoulder.
Seeing his almost-former superior officer, Ed did the most logical thing he could think of. He dropped his hands from his hair to pull back and punch the man across the face with his left fist. Ed watched in satisfaction as the man stumbled backwards to land on his ass.
Roy raised a hand to his face and wiped at his nose, pulling away to confirm that he did in fact have a nose-bleed now. But it wasn't broken, best he could tell and was grateful that the kid hadn't used his right hand. He supposed he completely deserved that punch. He put his gloved hand back to his nose to try and stem the flow, or at least stop it from going into his mouth.
The man stared up at his subordinate. He tried to collect himself but remained seated in the mud, coughing to clear his throat. "I deserved that. But let me explain."
"I'm not listening to your bullshit excuse, Bastard!" Fullmetal's fists were clenched tightly at his sides and the teen practically vibrated in anger. "I would've thought that you'd at least tell me yourself when you were done with me, but I guess even that's too much to expect from you."
The blond alchemist began to walk past Roy back to the street from the muddy enclosed park they found themselves in. Roy scrambled to follow. "Fullmetal! Edward! Please."
The dark-haired man reached out to grab the teen's arm. The moment that his fingers connected with the boy's sleeve the boy rounded on him, his fist flying in Roy's direction. The man barely caught the arm before the fist made contact. Again.
"Enough, Fullmetal! Please, let me explain." The teen yanked his left arm out of his superior's grip, but Roy held fast to the teen's automail arm, refusing to let him go.
"Fuck you! I don't have to listen to you!" Fullmetal yelled in his face.
"Well I'm fucking ordering you to listen to me, Major!" Roy yelled back, and instantly knew that making it an order had been a bad idea.
"You always say that I never listen to orders, why should I start now?" The kid hissed through gritted teeth and renewed his struggles to get away from his superior.
The two grappled, one trying to flee, the other trying to prevent exactly that. In the slick mud, it was inevitable, and they quickly fell to the ground in a thrashing mess of limbs and confusion.
"Fuck off, Old Man! Leave me the hell alone!"
"If you would just let me explain!"
"I'm not listening to your bullshit excuses!" Ed got the upper hand with an elbow to Roy's stomach and the boy struggled to stand up again. Roy grabbed the boy's foot and tugged him back to the ground
"Oof." The hard landing knocked the wind out of the boy and left him gasping, his face caked in mud. "Asshole."
He rolled over onto his back, scraped mud off his face and flung it at Roy. The mud landed squarely on Roy's half-open mouth and the man sputtered. The two sat in the mud panting for a minute, Roy flat on his back, Ed on his butt, clutching his area of his leg port and nearly encased in mud.
"Edward, please." Roy continued to pant, blood and mud making its way down his throat. "You're not being transferred."
"Really, what the hell was that fucking piece of paper labeled transfer order then?" The teen snapped back, continuing to scrape mud off of himself and out of his hair.
Roy coughed, his words beginning to muddle as the blood began to congest in his nose. "It was a mistake-"
"You fucking signed it, didn't you?" Fullmetal leveled a glare at his commanding officer.
Roy pushed himself to his elbows, and then properly sat up. He hung his head, at least gravity lessened the congested feeling. "Yeah, I signed it."
"Then how exactly is it a mistake?"
"I didn't read the form before I signed it." He had thought back over the last two days as he had looked for his youngest subordinate, trying to determine when exactly he had signed the damned piece of paper. "I was signing your expenditure reports for the year. The best I can guess is that Hakuro slipped it in and hoped, correctly I guess, that I wouldn't read it. After that it immediately went to be signed by you. Hawkeye wouldn't have let it even pass to me if she'd known it was there, much less let it go to you."
"You didn't read the paper you were signing?" Fullmetal said in disbelief. "What the fuck? All you gotta do is sit in your comfy office, in your nice plush chair and sign things on your big, fancy desk. The least you could do is fucking read the papers!"
"I know." Roy replied dejectedly, refusing to look the kid in the eyes. He let himself mope a little, covered in mud and soaking wet, he was sure that he looked every bit as pathetic as he felt.
"So, what does all that mean?" The blond's voice was quiet, and Roy could barely hear it over the rain that continued to fall. The kid sounded as miserable as him.
"It means that someone, General Hakuro to be specific, tried to take you away from me." Roy looked up to catch Ed's eye. "But no one takes my team away from me, or even a part of my team. You aren't going anywhere, Fullmetal. You, Al and all of us, we're a team. And our team, we're all in this together. Fighting for each other. You and me, we're in this together."
Roy sniffed and cleared his throat, swallowing his pride at the same time. "I'm sorry that my own stupidity nearly ruined all that."
Fullmetal glared at Roy, he clearly wanted more answers. The boy ducked his head. "I thought you hated me though. I can understand you liking Al, everyone likes Al, he's Al. But I'm nothing but trouble, I thought you hated me? If Hakuro gave you an out, why didn't you take it?"
The question stumped the man, the cocky Fullmetal admitting that he was difficult to deal with was not something Roy ever expected to hear. He spoke carefully, cautious to not scare the kid with obvious affection. Even if it was obvious affection that made the man go out into the rain after the kid and order his men to destroy government documents. "I hate you as much as I hate Havoc, or Breda, or Fuery, or Falman or the lieutenant."
Roy grinned as he thought back to his team, his brilliant team who, he was sure, were already impatiently waiting for him to return with their shortest team member. "Which is to say not at all, Pipsqueak. You're all gonna drive me to an early grave you stress me out so much, but I don't hate you."
"Oh." The blond raised his head as his face turned red. "Don't call me- ack!"
Roy grinned as the handful of mud made contact with the boy's mouth. He stood up as the teen spat, trying to rid his mouth of the wet dirt.
"C'mon, Fullmetal. Everyone is waiting for us back at command." He reached out a hand to help the kid stand.
Fullmetal grabbed a hold of Roy's hand and grinned like a Cheshire cat. Roy realized what was happening a moment too late. "Don't you d-"
Roy was tugged back to the ground and face planted into the mud before he could finish his sentence. Beside him, Fullmetal burst out into laughter.
"How? How could you?" The boy was rolling in laughter as Roy sat up to face him. "How could you fall for that? You even did the whole set-up yourself."
Roy hid his own grin as he took in the boy's look of sheer joy. "Know what, I change my mind, I do hate you."
"Good, because I hate you too." The teen sobered himself as he stood but said with a laugh in his voice.
Roy silently frowned at the way Fullmetal tried to not put any weight on his automail limbs and rolled his eyes at his subordinate's teenaged antics. The man followed his subordinate and stretched to his full height, reclaiming his proper place as a foot taller than the teen. "Well then, you know what they say: friends close, enemies closer."
Roy moved to the teen's left side and stood close enough that he wouldn't have to reach far if the teen fell if his leg gave out. Fullmetal couldn't have decided to throw a temper tantrum somewhere dry and indoors, no he had to do it outside. In the mud no less. Just had to make everything harder for himself and Roy. Typical Pipsqueak.
Fullmetal snorted and stepped around so that Roy was on his right side again, clearly having seen what the man had been subtly trying to do. "Enemy? Nah. You're more of an annoyance than anything else."
"Oh, I'm only an annoyance to you? I'm suddenly remembering all those annoyingly time-consuming lab and mine inspections that need to get done that I was holding onto until I found something useful for you in the area, but I guess, I can't only be an annoyance to you, I've gotta step up my game." The pair began to walk towards the exit of the park.
"You wouldn't." The teen shot the man a dark look though it lost its effect when the boy's left knee began to wobble in the mud
"Oh, I wouldn't, would I?" The man smirked, grabbing the teen by the scruff of his jacket to stop him from falling. Fullmetal got his feet straight and continued to walk.
"Bastard."
The man snorted to himself. "You're welcome, Runt."
Not pictured: Riza off to the side with Al watching the whole thing, shaking their heads and sighing, "boys."