A/N: this is my very first BL (boy love) fan fic.. this is my first south park fanfic too... hehehehe. (´ε｀) R&R please! and well tell me what you think so far. I will bring Kyle back don't worry. (´ε｀)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any south park characters! they are from Matt and Trey thank you!

Dear journal,

My name is Eric Theodore Cartman I am currently 18 and not living with that whore of a mom I have. She's become disparate, despite how far she would go for some sexually pleasure.. She is getting old now and not a lot of men want her. I live in an apartment that Stan's uncle built a while back. Me, Craig, and Kenny live there. Craig well he finally thought he should live close by me since we are SUCH GOOD FRIENDS. Kenny he is sick of living in that poor shit hole he use to call home. They both work for me, they are both some what my 'family'. Other people live there that I pretty much don't give a damn. I give my mom enough money for her needs. So does Kenny with his family and Craig I don't know what he does with his. I have enough money well for anything... Why you ask? Because I do what I want! Not only do I got to South Park High with a bunch of hippies and fags! But I am also a very successful business man! I run a high class Mafia! Nice huh. The Gattino Family. Why do I live in an apartment? To try to lay low. And why am I writing in this journal? Because this FAGGY ASS THERAPIST IS MAKING ME!

I looked up to see the old man staring at me. I was about to insult him until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see lighting blue eyes and a reassuring smile mocking me... God dammit Kenny why look at me like that.

"Come on boss don't take it bad the dude just doing his job might as well do what he says." Kenny sighed..

Sigh

Okay since I was young I had three friends, one stood by me all my life and his name is Kenny McCormick. You shrink should know how he looks like so I am not describing him! He is now my right hand man in my Mafia. Always there when I need him. Giving his life on the line all the time. For me. I don't feel bad or guilty because he comes back to life! I pay him well!

I can hear that idiot giggle in the back god dammit Kenny!

My other friend who doesn't know I own a Mafia. Stan Marsh. He is muscular, black hair and blue eyes same height as me. We go to school together and I make fun of him for going out with his bitch hag of a girlfriend! They have been together for I don't know how many years! Poor man. I've been wanting to put a hit on her so I give him hints to see if he is okay with her getting killed. He usually ends up throwing a bitch fit like a little pussy! He puts up with me and finally when i got him 'bitchy' ...god that sounds gay... he told me the only reason he is friends with me because he thinks my life is empty and hallow because i have no JEW!

which brings me to my other friend... Kyle Broflovski. He also doesn't know about the mafia. Well he left when he was 13. He went to live in Israel. Why i don't know. Stan was the only one who kept in touch with him. He would tell me every day how he was... and every time he does i would rip on everything Kyle had said. Stan had a pissed off look on his face all the time i did that but he would never defend him.. i never under-

I look at the old man, I can't take this anymore! HOW IS THIS HELPING ME?

"Okay old man how the FUCK! is this helping me?" i shouted he looked at me and just stroked his beard.

"let me see what you have so far.." he let out with a sigh.

I looked at him as he observed my peice of art. He than looked at me and back at the paper.

"Now Eric, I see the problem now. I told you to write about your life and you did as what i told you to. It is in the human nature that a person would write about what they are pleased about the most in life and then to what is stressing them out. You start out with living alone and about your Mafia and Friends... The Gattino Family. May I ask why you chose to call your Mafia The Kitty Family?" He said while eating a muffin.

" My cat was name Mr. Kitty. He died a while back so i honored him." I said with pride for my cat.

"hmmm interesting. You chose to keep it in Italian to keep the tradition in a Mafia, No?" I just nod my head. The truth is that Mr. Kitty was my true family since I was little. A traditional Mafia in Italy or in an Italian family would keep the last name in the Family no matter what. Mr. Kitty was my family his name meant more to me than the name Cartman.

"Yes well as I was saying as a human you lead to the thought of what stresses you out the most. The test in this psychological observation was to see when you would snap. You stop writing and started yelling when you started talking about..." He said while he was reading over my paper and i knew exactly what he was going to say..

Don't say it..

"It seems to be about this friend named..."

Don't you fucking dare say he is the core of my problems...

"hmmm..." he took a deep breath and looked up at me

Don't you dare...

"Kyle Broflovski.. am I not correct?"

fuck... I looked up at him and I notice he had fear in his eyes.. well no fuck he can see how pissed off i am.

"so your telling me... this jewish fag. that i haven't seen in 5 years... is the core of my stress...?" I said it surprisingly calm.

He looked up at me and gulp "Do you want to hear what you want to hear or the truth?" he said trying to cover the fear in his voice.

I have to admit the old man has some balls but I can't let him be the clever one. hehe funny because he is suppose to be the clever one.

"I am paying for my answers, not for yours, so you tell me." I snapped back. He took another gulp. He than threw his muffin away. I guess he's not hungry no more.

"well yes, Kyle Broflovski is the core of your stress..." he yelped in a way.

I just sighed... Kenny was giving him an awful sorry look. I than got up and Kenny grabbed my coat from the coat hanger and open the door. Craig walked in with a shot gun.

"So boss was it a good talk or a bad one?" Craig said with a smile thirsty for blood.

"Craig what do you think?" I yelled at him. He than winked at me with a grin.

"Anything for you boss" he said while pointing the gun to the therapist, "Sorry old man but the boss is a very important and busy man. He doesn't have time for your idiotic theory's." and with that he let out a chuckle and pulled the trigger.

"thats new.. I guess this shrink knew he caused problems so he was ready for his death. weird huh boss?" Craig said with a toothy smirk with a shirt covered with blood. He did shoot close ranged. I couldn't help but chuckle at the scene.

"God damn it Craig! you and your crazy obsession with kills... I tell you what I am glad your my hitman! imagine if someone got to you first! I would be dead long time ago! You know I appreciate your work?" I said in total honesty.. I mean sure we had problems when we were little but I really did see him as a brother..

"Oh man boss hehehe... your too modest. If it weren't for you my life would be empty and hallow.." he said put his arm around my neck with a chuckle. those words burn into my heart as i remember what Stan said. "Hey Craig how'bout you get out of that shirt and go start the car." I said Craig just took his arm and with a smirk he nodded his head and ran out while taking off his shirt.

"Boss... this is the fifth time in a row..." Kenny said looking at me with eyes filled with saddness. I felt kinda bad. these dudes cared about me a lot. Well I did pay them.. a lot...

sigh

"Kenny i accept it okay.. I need some one to feel hate for in order to relieve the stress from my crazy mafia life." I said.. wanting to sound truthful but for some reason i feel like i am missing something and i can see Kenny thinks so too.

"Eric.. I am your right hand man.. we have been through a lot. I've done a lot of dirty work for you, died plenty of times for you and yet i am not tired of being by your side. You are the world to me..." I looked at him in shock as he got on his knees and grabbed my hand and kissed my mafia ring "I will be honored to be tortured by you as your little Jew..." he said with a devious smirk..That son of a bitch! "Kenneh get your faggoty poor ass off the floor and lets go!" i yelled noticed my accent came back. "Haha Cartman you should have seen your face!" he laughed while patting my back.

Then he stopped. I turn to look at him and saw how serious his face turn. Kenny really changed a lot. He is still thin but healthy as ever and his blue eyes still catches a lot of women. He had a face peircing, literally a face pericing on his up left corner of his cheek just under his eye. It was a form of a small blue upside down triangle. His teeth were in perfect shape because of the braces i bought him 2 years ago. He let his hair grow a lot he kept it in a pony tail and had bangs that covered his eyes, that were right now casting a dramatic shadow under his lighting blue eyes.

"Eric... You need a real friend that isn't part of the family. Stan is your friend and I know you care about him.. But you don't know him.. Eric he is just your connection to.. well Kyle.. and with that you just know him as 'Stan who talks to kyle and talks to me about it.' Even Stan noticed it. Why do you think he tries not to yell at you when you insult Kyle.. Eric... *sigh* I don't even know anymore never mind.. forget it.." Kenny ended with a whisper.. i notice how he started off with confidence but ended up with fear.. I look to stare out the window to see Craig waiting in the car. GOD dammit! why am i even stressed out? I just need to get through with this one package i need to send to japan! fuck come on! I look back at Kenny and see he is still looking down as if he was searching for the answers in the life on the tip of his shoes.

sigh

I patted Kenny on his back.. he seemed to jump a bit.

"Thank you.. Kenny." I whispered hoping he heard. I knew he was stressing out too. AND i guess i kinda get out he was trying to say.. he just didn't want to disappoint me.. He looked at me with eyes of joy but also of sadness as if he was happy being my right hand man.. but also regreted it. What he did next surprised me a lot. he hugged me. He turn and wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Kenny?" i whispered in his ear. He then let go and got on his knees with his eyes shut and grabbed my hand.

"I am so sorry boss! I didn't mean to i just.. i.." he said and i couldn't help but laughed! god damn did a lot change..

"KENNEH! GOD DAMMIT YOU POOR PIECE OF SHIT! Hahahaha You are always my friend first and then my Mafioso.. understand?" i said with honesty. He looked at me like if he had just learn the meaning of life.. and he smiled.. He got up and looked at me in the eyes.. "I was just kidding Fat-ass!" he said with a chuckle. "I'M NOT FAT! I'M BUFF! now come on and lets go home.." i said with a hidden smirk.