OKay, me and my friend Josh were up till like 4AM just talking one night. And because it was like 4 in the morning we were laughing at every little thing one another said, or did. We even laughed at stuff on the walls, or on the floors. We began to talk about things and laugh about them, well soon we tumbled onto a conversation about the Mortal Instruments books, and Josh decided to rant on about Jace, Clary and Simon. He was making me laugh so hard. I mean we were up till 4AM and weren't making much sense, so I don't know if this came out as funny as I remembered, but Ah who cares. So I decided to write down what he said and share it. I personally think this is funny. But who cares, I just want to see everyone else's reaction to this

SO the whole idea is my best friend Josh's, I hardly have ANY credit for this. The only thing I did was add a little bit of a story to it, just to have it make more sense. So I made it like Josh was a new character in The City Of Ashes. lets see what you think.

***Warning: DO NOT READ if you are a big Simon fan*** You have been warned.

Inconvenience

For weeks now, Josh has been stuck with this group of teenagers, having to listen to every complaint. arguments and constant yelling. He was very close to getting a migraine, at least he thought so as he rubbed his temples while sitting quietly between Simon, Clary and Jace.

The group stared at one another. Before anyone could think of a single thing to say, a sharp noise cut through the room, making Clary start. Hot coffee spilled onto her wrist and she gasped at the sudden pain.

"It's my Mother," said Alec, checking his phone. "I'll be right back." He went over to the window head down, voice too low to overhear.

The shrieking noise from Alec's phone, along with Clary's outburst squeal made a jolt of pain shoot through Josh's skull. He squeezed his eyes shut as a response, keeping his fingers slowly massaging his temple. No body seemed to notice his distress, or maybe they just didn't care.

Seriously, he could care less himself. He wished beyond anything that he wasn't here, or anywhere near here. That werewolf just had to chose him to attack, and couldn't just finish him off? No, instead he left him injured and now he carried the curse. Great. It would've been fine if he were turned into a werewolf like maybe… in sixth grade at least by now he'd be over the transformation stages and he could control it.

No.

He had to lie to all his instructors at NYU, tell them he would be leaving the city in a emergency. The real reason was because he needed to be secluded while dealing with the transformations of being a werewolf.

Missing classes when you're in college is a whole heap of bullshit! Whether you're sick with the flu, or get hit by a car, or even if you get kidnapped by Hannibal Lectur and he makes you join him for supper, you still have to make up work! And most of the time you're up 24/7 for a month trying to catch that shit up! Sometimes College sucked! Especially when you get bitten by a werewolf!

"Let me see," said Simon, taking Clary's hand. There was an angry red blotch on her wrist where the hot liquid had scalded her.
"It's okay," she said. "No big deal."
Simon lifted her hand and kissed the injury. "All better now."

"Pul-lease," said Josh. "I asked my mother to kiss my boo-boos better….. when I was five!" Another words, Josh was saying it was both unnatural he being her boyfriend, and the fact that they were both too old to know that kisses on the boo-boos did not make the boo-boos go away! He knew Simon was only showing off for Jace. OR he was one of those weird boyfriends. You know, the ones that sounds a little obsessed, a little stalkerish? They always do things that make you… extremely uncomfortable? Yea… he could be one of those. He heard Jace smirk from beside him, but made no point to look up at anyone. But judging by the startled expression and noise from Clary…. Yea… Simon was definitely one of those creepy boyfriends

"You're a Shadowhunter," Jace said. "You know how to deal with injuries." He slid his stele across the table toward her.
"Use it."
"No," Clary said, and pushed the stele back across the table.
Jace slammed his hand down on the stele. "Clary-"
"She said she doesn't want it," said Simon. "Ha-ha."
"Ha-ha?" Jace looked incredulous. "That's your comeback?"

Josh was sitting quietly in between Clary and Jace; he had his hand up and over his eyes frustrated with the ridiculous nipping at one another.

"Oh shut the fuck up, you guys are acting like fucking over grown children!" He nearly shouted at them. All of them turned to look at him with glaring daggers from their eyes. "first off," he motioned towards Clary. "You're only resisting because he," Josh pointed to Simon and made a whiny tone "doesn't want you to. And you!" He spoke to Simon. "Was that really mature? C'mon grow the fuck up!"

They all stared at him with angry daggers shooting from their eyes. "What?" Josh widened his eyes, after removing his hand from his face. "Pissed off because I spoke the truth?"
"Talk shit to him!" Simon pointed at Jace.
"No!" Josh interrupted before Jace could respond. "I'll keep on telling the truth about all three of you!" He turned to face Jace. "Starting with you!" Jace's eyes widened in defense, but then sat back in his chair with a smug grin, almost like telling him to bring it on. Josh continued.

"First off, I know that no matter what I say it will only encourage you to be a smartass, but I guess I'll make the sacrifice… you know… just to get it off my chest, One; give her a break, dude. She's only trying to think rationally in this obviously… crappy situation. And the rational thing is to NOT date your brother! Two; why do you keep on trying to make him look like an ass?" Josh pointed at Simon. "First off, he already looks like an ass, the problem is he doesn't look like an ass to her! So the more you give him shit, the more you look like an ass!" Simon grinned smugly giving Jace another "Hah!" Josh spun around in his chair and pointed a finger right in Simon's face.

"Hey! I'm saving you for last, Four-Eyes! Don't make me get started on you right now!"

Jace grinned smugly at that, he couldn't help it. Clary and Simon protested, but Josh ignored them. Josh then turned to Clary who looked like she was about to strangle him.

"And you." He smiled deviously. "You seriously need to look at this whole image from an outer view! You're only using him." He pointed at Simon. "And you are purposely torturing him!" He pointed at Jace. "Which is fucked up, that makes you a tease, and even though you're a virgin, a tease is just as much of a slut in my book, sorry hun!" Clary growled at him, but Josh laughed at her sudden immature outburst. "You stick up for this douche bag even when he's down right wrong!" He motioned at Simon. "You side with him because he's your friend and you're afraid of losing him. Okay." Josh put a hand up gesturing that he understood. "I'll by that, but here's the fucking truth! If he was a good friend, he wouldn't be pissed off that you couldn't love him back the way he wanted you to. Yea… he should be upset, maybe even a little broken hearted, but throwing a tantrum? That's fucking retarded. Love doesn't work that way, babe! You either love someone or you don't. You are either attracted to someone, or your not. Make up your damn mind."

Clary went to argue, but Josh quickly continued so she couldn't speak he knew that she would only ask something like, "Are you suggesting that I be with my brother?" No, that's not what Josh is saying, but he would definitely make it clear.

"Also, if you were a good friend, you wouldn't use him. Maybe you don't realize that you are using him, but you definitely know you're not attracted to him." Josh said that last part with a grin. "You'd be a better friend for just telling him the Goddamned truth! Than stringing him along while he watches you check out this guy." He pointed a thumb at Jace. "You keep accusing Jace for being the Devil, you my dear, are the devil, because you are playing them both!" Josh said that whole last sentence with a much more serious tone.

"Now you, my favorite." Josh said to Simon with a large grin upon his face. "You know why you're my favorite?" He asked him.
"No why?" Simon's voice was hard.
"Because you are the most pathetic out of the group, and that makes it all the more fun to insult you! One; you know she's only using you, and yet you stay with her, why? Because this is the only way you can have her, and that my friend makes you desperate, and being desperate is not often a good thing! Also, you know what you sound like to people, like me?"

"What are people like you?" Simon snapped.

Josh let out a laugh that held no humor.
"I'm way to old for this shit, which is sad, because I'm only 22. I'm in College paying my own tuition, bills, car payments, rent, insurance, internet, electric, gas, and most of all I work and go to school! So what I'm saying is people like me don't have time to listen to your whiny ass bullshit, it's like someone is stabbing a syringe into my fucking ears!" Josh screamed out that last word. "All you do is bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch! Shut the fuck up! If this were a story the readers would stop reading just because of your fucking annoying ass character!" Josh proceeded to mimic a baby tone. "Waaahhh, my best friend since I was 2 isn't in love with me! Waaaahhhh she likes this hotter looking guy better than me. Waaaaahhhhh I'm just a Four-Eyed little band geek and nobody likes me!" Josh stopped his baby mimic. " And on top of that, you have to bitch every little thing else! Whether it be about the way the institute looks, or how the grass feels against your feet when you walk. Again… Shut… The… Fuck… Up! And just admit it, not 100% of this is because you are in love with her."

Simon, who was about ready to hit Josh across the face looked confused at his question. "What are you talking about, I love her, loved her since we were in kindergarten!"

"Ah see" Josh made a tick sound with his mouth and shook his head. "That's the illusion. You assume that just because you've been best friends since you were babies that you automatically fall in love later. Not always the case, bud!"

"Well then you tell me, Mr. Know-It-All. Why else would I fight for her?" Simon folded his arms and sat bolt straight in his chair, trying to look tough.

"Because you're sexually threatened." Josh said with a smirk.

That hit a nerve in Simon, but only a nerve that made him back off. Simon slumped back in his chair, obviously defeated. He looked down at his hands, obviously keeping his eyes focused on his fingers. He was avoiding eye contact with anyone, Clary, Jace, and Josh.

"Hey man, it's okay." Josh said. "All guys get sexually threatened at least once in their lives. You just need to take it like a man, no offense but… you pretty much take it like a pussy." Josh can see Jace trying extremely hard not to burst out in laughter. His ribs must've been in pain from the restraint. It seemed that only Josh picked up on it, he figured he wouldn't even bother to comment on it.

"It's not her fault, that she doesn't love you in that way. Forcing her to side with you on everything, by threatening your friendship is completely fucked up, dude! Sorry but you can't have everything."

Simon's eyes were still very focused on his twirling fingers in his lap. Clary watched him closely. Obviously feeling sorry for him. Josh cold only roll his eyes at her. She was at it again. "Hey!" He called for her attention. Her head snapped in his direction. "Don't be feeling sorry for him, just because he was told the truth! He obviously knows it's the truth, if not than why isn't he arguing?"
"Because you embarrassed him!" Clary snapped.
"Who gives a fuck!" Josh nearly shouted in frustration. "You guys annoy me! But you don't see anybody rubbing my back, do you!" He searched her face for a protest. "Somebody should!" He continued "After spending a day with you three!" He slammed his fist against the table, making Clary jump in her seat. Josh stood up and marched his way out of the loft apartment. Leaving everyone in silence.

"What's going on?" Alec said walking back into a room of Magnus, and even Jace snickering.
Magnus finally took enough breath to say. "These three just got served!"
Jace finally let out the loud laughter that he'd been holding tightly in his ribs for what felt like forever. "Why are you laughing, pretty boy?" said Magnus. "You were dissed too."
Jace finally calmed down enough to speak. "So what! I'm just glad that for once someone noticed that it wasn't just me."
"Besides, it doesn't matter what you say to Jace." Alec interrupted. "He takes pride on being an arrogant dick."
Jace smiled widely. "Of course! And at least I admit it."
"Yea and Josh knew that." Said Alec.
"No shit." Jace was still laughing.

All the while Simon and Clary were still sitting dumbfounded in their chairs. "I can't believe you guys think that was funny!" She almost shouted. "He was downright rude and cruel." Simon continued to sit quietly in his chair. I'm just going to be quiet from now on. He though.
"No." Magnus protested against Clary, still trying to calm his laughter. "I've been watching that poor boy, he's been stuck with you guys and nothing but your bickering for weeks now! I'm sure he's just finally up to here," he pointed a finger to his temple. "with all that you three carry on. Because believe me… I am ready to kill all of you too, and I am almost 600 years old, little girl. If a 22 year old can't take childish behavior, how do you expect anyone else to take it?"

Josh stood on the outside of the door laughing maniacally from hearing the fact that Clary was still in denial about their behavior. He had finally lost it, he couldn't stop laughing. More than anything he couldn't wait to be back at his apartment with his roommates and beer and be all done with this bull!

LIke or don't like. You be the judge!

Hey I may even continue more if anyone wants. I personally think its done here, but whatever. =p