Jeans POV

If you could go back in time before loosing someone you hold dear what would you say to them?

What would be the very last thing you tell them? Would it be something short and sweet? Or something long and sentimental?

I asked myself this so many times in my head as many of us have. Some people thought of Mina Carolina, Thomas Wagner, Marco Bodt, their parents their siblings and so … so many others.

Marco was my best friend in training . He was so nice and easy to talk to unlike Eren, who I despised dearly. Conny who was too hyper to pay attention to anything you said let alone give serious feedback. Bert and Reiner? …FORGET IT! They were not only intimidating and huge but they were already each others best friends and no one wanted to impede on that territory. As for the girls… couldn't talk to Krista because of Ymir. Couldn't talk to Mikasa coz' all she talked about was Eren. Sasha was plain ADHD so she mostly hung out with Conny. They were cute together so I didn't mind. And Annie… she was scary.

But Marco! He was so kind, and that's an understatement. Though he was nice, his personality was strong and solid. When something needed to be done or said, he didn't hesitate. He didn't allow himself to be stepped on due to his kindness either.

He always told me he thought I'd be a great leader but really it was him. He was already a good leader and friends with almost everyone so people would actually listen to him. I think its fair to say I admired him a lot.

No one ever wants to clean up their best friends dead body off the street. Or anyone's dead body for that matter. But I was on cleanup duty that day.

When I saw what was left of his face my stomach turned to knots. I didn't want to believe it was him but i took a few steps closer and sure enough it was. I could tell by the faded freckles painted on his cheeks. The cowlick in the front of his hair that was now hardened by dried blood (his own probably). His sun kissed skin turned pale as snow. "he's been here for awhile" I thought to myself. Before I could look or think anymore I turned around in a panic my hands met my knees and I began to vomit.

The woman I was working with looked over to me as she carried body parts to a black bag. She gave me a weird glare as to say "get your ass up and back to work" but also I could see sympathy in her face. As if she had been through what im going threw in this moment. After seeing that I was still alive she continued working and didn't say anything to me. Allowing me time to cope.

After my dizziness went away I managed to regain my balance and stand my stomach still felt terrible though. The closer I got to the corpse the more detail was revealed to my eyes.

His trainee jacket was ripped in half strings and seams of fabric were glued to his body with dark blood, His white shirt was stained with a light red substance and dirt. His body was completely mangled. Leg broken, arm missing and half of his face and upper torso was simply gone. I could probably see right into his organs if I wanted but I tried not to look that hard. I was curious but afraid to see if his insides had spilled out or if they were still intact. I guess I didn't really want to know the answer.

It felt like I was staring at him forever but it had barely been a minute.

Knowing that someone would have to move him I wanted it to be me. Especially since he was my friend. I wanted to take care of him weather or not he's alive. I knew he had younger siblings who would need to know their brother was taken care of properly. I was really nervous to touch him. I felt like I needed to ask his permission as if he would wake up in my arms and yell at me. I steadily but shakily maneuvered my hands and arms underneath his corpse. I lifted him into my arms it was awkward because I had nothing to grip since most of him was missing. I looked down at the empty shell I held, I gazed upon his face and into his once lively honey colored eye (the other one was gone). With his lifeless stare downward I could see his final view was of his own body bleeding out.

I felt very weird to say the least. I couldn't cry if I wanted to. I think my body was in such shock that I couldn't even produce tears. I felt that my face was blank while I carried his tall muscular and very heavy body to the black bag .

My arms were getting tired fast and began quivering I had to put him away. While setting his body down as gently as possible I felt blood trickle down my sleeve and lower shirt. I was shocked because I thought he had been this way for quite sometime but, maybe it doesn't take that long to loose color or warmth after you die. He wasn't cold but he wasn't warm either. I knew it was still his blood gushing out maybe it didn't happen that long ago maybe I was just a few minutes too late. I managed to trick myself into thinking it was someone else blood. That way I would loose it.

The woman had come up behind me as my tears finally found their way down my cheeks. She rubbed my back in a circular motion. Without a word being spoken she told me she understood threw her eyes. She gave to me a smile that made my body warm up. She took my gloves off for me and face mask as well. She said to take a break.

I thought and stressed myself out over it for several days and I wasn't the only one. Many of us were going threw ptsd. I couldn't sit and act like I was special or that I was the only one but still... my only friend was gone. Who would I talk to now? I guess I don't need anyone but it would be nice… all I thought of was looking over at Armin during the burning of the bodies. I don't know why I looked at him but he seemed just as upset I was. Then again, Everything upsets that kid. The more I thought about it I started to realize that Armin and Marco were friends too. I guess it's a good thing that it was me who found Marco and not Armin… the kid couldn't handle something like that, hell I barely could.

Anyways back to my original question, the last thing I would tell him I guess would be just how much he meant to me and how dearly I cherished our friendship. Even though he had a lot of friends and I don't think he really needed me. I needed him. I would also thank him for how much he believed in me and everyone else too. His optimistic outlook on bad situations was truly inspirational.

and that...

I loved him