A little bit of TLC.
I park my car in front of Macs apartment and I remain in the car for a while, my fingers are tapping against the steering wheel and my thoughts are going back to the conversation I had with Christine earlier this morning.
Christine told me she was planning to leave Mac, something that was a very unpleasant surprise because I thought everything went well between them. But Christine said that Mac had changed since he was shot and that he often began to curse at her without a clear reason.
She could not take it anymore and that was why she wanted to leave Mac. And then she asked me to talk to Mac.
Perhaps Mac would listen to me because I loved him. Of course I love Mac, I replied, Mac was one of my dearest friends. That was not exactly what she meant. One way or another Christine had discover the secret I kept hidden for everyone and especially for Mac for years.
She knows that I am in love with Mac and it is not puppy love or a spur of the moment, no it's the real thing. I have loved Mac for years and the shooting has made these feelings stronger.
The first thing I said to Christine is that I can't talk about my true feelings to Mac and I certainly am not going to confess my love towards him, that will turn both out lifes up side down and I don't want to lose Mac as a friend or colleague. You're losing him as a friend and colleague, Don. Please talk to him, Mac has lost his way and maybe you can help him to find the way back. That's what Christine said and so I agreed.
And so here I am feeling like a sixteen year old boy on his way to his first date, nerves shriek through my body and my hands are clammy and sweaty. I sigh and take a couple of deep breaths and then I open the door and step out of the car and I pick up the six-pack of beer from the passenger seat on my way out and I close the door. I wander to Macs apartment and I hesitate a few seconds before I press the doorbell. I lean against the door post and I can hear footsteps approaching and Mac opens the door. My God he looks sexy in his blue shirt, the first few buttons are open and I see a small tuft of chest hair.
"Don what are you doing here?" asks Mac and his voice sounds gruff.
"I though you might like a beer, Mac. It's my day off and I thought let's go to Mac to see how he is doing," I say.
"This is not a good time, Don," says Mac.
"One beer, Mac, then I'm off again," I say.
"You're not going away, are you?" asks Mac and I shake my head.
"Come on in," says Mac with a growl.
I follow Mac to the living room and sit on the couch. I give Mac a beer and there is a brief silence. I keep staring at that tuft of chest hair until Mac lets me come back down to the ground again.
"Is something wrong, Don?" Mac says and I grin.
"I wonder how you're doing," I say.
"Good," says Mac but his voice sounds cranky.
"What's wrong, Mac?" I ask.
"Nothing, why must there always be something wrong," Mac replied testily.
"I know you better than that, Mac," I begin.
"I think they want to get rid of me," says Mac suddenly and his voice sounds uncertain and I glance at him with raised eyebrows.
"What gave you that idea?" I ask surprised.
"Every time I am told I can't go back to work, but physically I am fully recovered," Mac looks at me and his gaze is uncertain.
"Mac you were shot in the back and it is a miracle you survived. They are being careful that's all," I try to reassure Mac but I can tell by the look on his face it's not working.
"Chris wants to leave me," Mac says softly after a brief silence.
"I know, " I say calmly and Macs eyes shoot my way.
"How?" asks Mac.
"Why are you doing this, Mac? She doesn't deserve to be treated that way," I begin and Mac interrupts me.
"I feel I am not the Mac Taylor as before I was shot," says Mac with that uncertainty in his voice again.
"Mac, you're still as strong as you once were," I say.
"That is not how it feels," says Mac.
"There is more to this then you're telling me, Mac, I can feel it," I say and Mac looks at me.
"You know me too well," says Mac and there is a little smile on his lips and after a short pause Mac goes further.
"My memory is affected," says Mac.
"How do you mean?" I aks.
"I forget places I often visit or names of the people I know. Sometimes I don't know that the color of blood is red or the sky is blue. It makes me insecure," Mac says.
"There has to be something that can be done," I say.
"They have given me exercises to train my memory but it's going far too slow," says Mac.
"And what do the doctors say," I ask.
"That it needs time to recover," says Mac measured and I laugh.
"Have you told Chris?" I aks and Mac shakes his head.
"Mac, why haven't you told her? She can help you with your exercises," I say.
"I don't want to be a burden to her," says Mac.
"Mac, I am sorry to say this, but you're a moron," I say and Mac looks at me annoyed.
"I am an idiot," replies Mac.
"Yes, you are. You have to talk about this, Mac, instead of coping with this on your own," I say and Mac interrupts me.
"Like you talked to me after Jess was killed," says Mac and his voice sounds sarcastic and I grin.
"It would have saved me a lot of trouble if I had done that. But I have come to terms with Jess her death and she always has a special place in my heart. But we are talking about you, Mac Taylor," I say.
"I know you're right, Don. I just don't want people to find me weak," Mac says.
"No one ever would. Promise me you'll talk to Chris about this, Mac. For the first time since Claire died you have the chance to be happy again. Don't blow it," I say.
"Do you think she will give me another chance?" asks Mac.
"Yes, but you have to open up to her and let her into your heart, Mac," I say.
Mac rubbed his hand along his neck.
"Pain in your neck, Mac," I say.
"Yeah, there is a muscle in my neck that has been troubling me for days," Mac replies.
"You know, Jess always said that my hands did wonders to her muscle pain. Shall I massage your neck, Mac?" I ask.
"That would be nice, Don," Mac says with a small smile.
"Do you have oil?" I ask.
"I think I must have some upstairs in the bathroom," Mac answers.
"I'll get it, Mac," I say.
I walk to the bathroom and quickly finf a bottle of oil in the cabinet. I get a towel as well and head back down. Mac is sitting in front of the couch and he has taken his shirt off. Oh God does Mac have any idea how hot he looks right now, I want nothing more than to let my fingers run through his chest hair. I take a couple of deep breaths before I walk to him. I let a little bit of oil run on Macs skin and I start massaging his body, starting at his back I work my way up to his shoulders and neck. I have to control myself not to kiss him on his naked body, why must he still have such a tight and sexy body.
"Oh, this feels good, Don," sighs Mac.
I feel the tension leaving Macs body and I continue the massage until all his muscles are smooth again.
"Jess was right, your hands are a wonder drug for pain," Mac says with a smile.
I don't know why, my brains are screaming no but my heart is saying yes. I bow to Mac and gently press my lips softly on his.
Any moment Mac will push me away or he will curse or hit me. But it never happens instead Mac opens his mouth a little and I shove my tongue in gentle and I give Mac a brief yet loving and tender kiss. I break off the kiss and look into the astonished face of Mac.
"What just happened?" asks Mac aloud.
"I kissed you," I replie and my voice is tender but Mac looks puzzled.
"Why?" asks Mac.
"I am sorry, Mac, this never should have happened and I should probably go," I want to get up but Mac holds me back.
"Why did you kiss me?" Mac asks again.
"I..I love you, Mac Taylor," I tell him stuttering and I curse myself because I promised myself not to reveal my true feelings to Mac.
Macs eyes fixed themselves on mine and I feel nervous.
"Since when?" asks Mac.
"I think I have always loved you, Mac, but my feelings have gotten a lot stronger since you got shot," I whisper and I turn my gaze away from Mac because I don't want to see the disapproval in his eyes.
There is a moment of absolute silence between us and I feel how Macs hand lifts up my chin and I am forced to look him in the eyes, but there is nothing in his glance what appears to be anger or rejection.
"Show me how much you love me," says Mac and my mouth drops open in surprise. Did I really hear Mac say what I think he said?
"I can't, Mac," I say.
"Why not?" Mac asks.
"Because I don't want it to change our working relationship or friendship, Mac," I replie.
Mac puts his hands on my shoulders and I glance at him.
"At this moment I don't know who I am anymore and I doubt myself. You can take my doubt and fear away, Don. Don't you want to love me?" asks Mac.
"There is nothing I rather do than to show you how much I love you," I say.
"It's not going to change anything between us, Don," Mac says and I sigh deeply.
I take Mac by the hand and we walk towards the bedroom. My hands caress Macs face and I press my lips on Macs. This time the kiss is longer and more loving than the previous one and I throw my arms around Macs back and I pull him closer towards me and I feel how Mac embraces me. We remain standing still for a while with our arms around each other until I break off the kiss. I gently push Mac backwards on the bed and I lie beside him. My tongue is licking Macs nek and I make a trail towards Macs ears, from time to time I softly bite in Macs skin and I take my time to explore Macs body inch by inch. I lick and nibble on Macs earlobe before I move my attention to Macs divine upper body and I let my hands slide through Macs chest hair.
"What is your secret, Mac? How is it that you still have such a sexy upper body?" I ask and I can see that Mac feels flattered.
"I swim for an hour every day and I go for a run whenever I have the time. I eat healthy food as much as possible. You should try it, Don," is Macs somewhat witty response and I chuckle.
I continue to discover Macs body and sometimes I lick his skin or place gentle kisses on his skin. My tongue creates small circles round Mac nipples and I can hear Mac is softly sighing. I stroke Macs arms with my hand which he has folded under his head.
I detect a slight movement when I lick Mac in his armpit and I look up to him and he gives me a penetrating and warning gaze.
"Don't you dare, Flack or I will kill you," says Mac.
"Oh, Mac I am so scared," I say jokingly.
I gently tap my fingers on Macs armpits and I feel Mac moving under me, just as I thought he can't stand being tickled and I grin. The tapping of my fingers slowly turn into tickling and Mac shoots up to stop me. We begin to romp together and after a long romp I end up lying underneath Mac and I lick his neck.
"I warned you, Flack, you're dead," growls Mac and I grin.
However Mac suddenly gets his handscuffs out of his pocket and he chains me to the bed.
"What are you doing?" I cry amazed and a bit indignant and Mac grins at me.
"Now it's my turn, time for sweet revenge," says Mac.
Mac kisses me on my lips and I kiss him back eagerly and hungry. Our tongues playing with each other and after a while Mac breaks away.
I am so busy with the kiss that I never noticed that Mac got my handcuffs from my pocket and when I reach out my hand to touch him I give him the opportunity to chain my other arm to his bed as well. I growl in protest but Mac doesn't respond.
Mac starts to losen the buttons of my shirt but it's not going fast enough so he tears the shirt of my body with one firm pull.
"Hey, I just bought this shirt a week ago," I cry indignantly.
"I will give you five dollars later so you can buy a new one," is Macs witty response and I laugh.
Macs hands go over my upper body and from time to time he kisses my skin and his tongue plays with my nipples and I start to sigh softly. I know Mac wants to take revenge but he is in for a surprise. He tickles my armpits and growls when he finds out it isn't working and I laugh at his indignation.
"Sorry, Mac, it is just bad luck that I can stand being tickled," I say with a grin.
"Everyone has a weakness, Don and I'll go on until I have found yours," Mac replies calmly.
Mac continues touching my body and unfortunately for my he finds out what my weakness is by accident.
He gently licks my side with his tongue and I move for a moment, it is barely noticeable and I hope Mac hasn't noted it. But he looks up at me and a wicked grin appears on his face.
"Gotcha," says Mac.
"There is no point in begging you for mercy is there?" I ask and Mac shakes his head.
"Thought so," I say.
Mac pricks his fingers in my side and the pricking quickly turns into tickling. I start to laugh hard and I try to get my hands put of the handcuffs. Mac continues to tickle me until I sm out of breath and then he stops.
"I think you have been punished enough," says Mac and he crawls up to me and removes the handcuffs and I wrap my arms around him.
"You know what just hit me," Mac says suddenly and he looks at me.
"What?" I ask.
"I have known you for years and I never knew you loved men," Mac responds and I chuckle.
"After Jess died I went to homo bars for a while, I love both men and women," I say and I kiss Mac on the tip of his nose.
"Is this all there is or is there more?" asks Mac.
"There is one more thing, but I don't know if you want me to do that," I say and Mac looks at me.
"I want you to show me everything, Don," says Mac.
"If you want me to stop, just say the word," I say.
I take off Macs shoes and socks and start to massage Macs feet and from there I move my hands upwards along Macs legs and I stop when I feel a shiver going through Macs body.
"Okay there, Mac?" I ask.
"Yes, that was a strange sensation but I liked it," says Mac and I chuckle.
I pull off Macs jeans and underwear and I throw them on the floor. I keep massaging Macs legs for a while and I move my hands in the direction of Mac genitalia and another shiver goes through Macs body and I stop again.
But there comes no protest from Macs side so I continue. I softly lick Macs balls and take them in my mouth and suck them and sometimes I bite down soflty. Macs breathing is getting faster and I can even hear him soflty moan.
I take Macs cock on my mouth and lick it, I move it up and down and I hear Mac's moaning but I decide to tease him and I suddenly stop. Mac swears softly and I chuckle.
"What's up, Mac?" I ask playfully.
"Why did you stop?" asks Mac.
"This was for the handcuffs, I think you had enough for one day," I say grinning.
"It is going to cost you if you don't continue," threatens Mac and I stick my tongue out to him.
"Make me," I say with a mischievous smile.
Mac gets up and he is pricking me in my side and for the second time this evening we fight with each other in a playful way.
Just like the previous time I finish the fight at the bottom.
"I wonder," I say thoughtfully.
"Wonder what?" Mac replies.
"Why I always end up at the bottom?" I ask and Mac grins playfully.
"Oh, that's easy," Mac says.
"Oh why is that?" I ask.
"I am the alpha male and you are the other one that's always following the alpha male around," says Mac and I start to roar with laughter.
"Sure, Mac, dream on," I say jokingly when I am finished laughing.
"Okay, maybe not the alpha male but I am your boss and I order you to continue,"says Mac and I grin.
I move down a bit until I am directly under Macs genitals and I start to suck on Macs dick again.
"Uh, Don, what are you doing?" Mac asks.
"I am following orders," I answer and I keep on sucking Macs dick.
I continue to caress Mac and I flip him on his back and I hear his moaning is getting louder.
"Oh this feels good, oh yeah, go on," moans Mac.
I can't keep my excitement under control anymore and I also begin to moan with pleasure. My movements are getting faster and Mac is following the moves I make. Eventually I take Mac all the way up to the point he has an orgasm and I stop and I crawl back up to him and he puts his arm around me.
"Oh, Don that was quite a thrill," Mac says with a deep sigh.
"I found is very arousing as well, Mac," I replie.
"Don," says Mac after we have been in each others arms for a while.
"Yes, what is it?" is my response.
"Tonight was great and fantastic, but will you be offended when I tell you that I am going to do whatever it takes to win Christine back," says Mac and I grin.
"Mac, I am grateful that I oculd show you how much I love you. But I rather have you as my boss and best friend that as my lover," I say in all honesty.
"But if you're feeling down and you can't see your way out," I say after a pause and Mac looks at me and grins.
"I know who to turn to for a little TLC," says Mac.
W lie in each others arms for a long time until we fall asleep.