A/N: 0_0 ... So I'm not sure where the hell this came from. Seriously, what the fuck? You know, I think it's about a dream I had the other night. But more on that later. Anyway, this can be taken in a slashy (but morbid) way, or just in a friendly way. Enjoy... I think.
Justin looked at Mason's pallid face, noted the way it offset his flushed lips. His face was framed by his messy brown hair, and the way it was swept over to one side of his face brought attention to the boy's closed eyes. Dark eyelashes flushed out against his upper cheeks, almost as though they were trying to sweep away the white from his cheeks.
It was hard to look at that face and not feel guilty. He knew it wasn't his fault; he had been nowhere close when it happened, but… But all the same it was disturbing. He missed his chance with this wonderful person who was so full of life, love, and light, and he wanted to throw up. Shit, why hadn't he tried harder? All it took was a "Hi, how are you?" or a "Wanna go do something?" or even just a god damned hi-five. Friendship was so simple, and yet he had still managed to screw it up. And now… now he would spend the rest of his life regretting the lack thereof.
You barely knew him, came the reasonable response from his thoughts, and besides, how can you miss something you never had? He's not yours to grieve for.
Not yours.
It hurt, like a damn knife in his chest, but it was true; it wasn't his place to feel so terrible for someone that wasn't his. He was Alex's, his sister's. How could he even assume that they would've been great friends? If it was meant to be it would have happened.
Don't fucking kid yourself. Fate's no excuse for your mistakes.
Also true. Why was he so stupid? All those textbooks and courses and hours spent studying to open up opportunities for his future, and there, right in fucking front of him for months, there was an opportunity that presented itself again and again and again.
Is that all he was to you? An opportunity? Anyway, not like you can do anything now.
That was enough truth. If Justin had to sit there and struggle inside his own head any longer he thought he was going to explode. He leaned over and looked at the other boy's face more closely, studying each aspect in great detail. Then he put his face next to Mason's, lips nearly pressed to his ear.
"I'm sorry. I… I don't know what to say, but I'm sorry. I don't deserve you."
He pulled up a bit before lightly touching his lips to Mason's smooth forehead. "I'm sorry." And at that point, Justin had to leave. Tears threatened to burst from his eyes as he walked away, and although it was Mason lying in the casket at the front of the room, surrounded by flowers and pictures, Justin couldn't help but feel like two lives were taken that day. They had asked him to be a pallbearer and he had agreed. Now he wasn't sure if he could even stand any longer, much less haul away his almost-friend. He mumbled something about a spot on his tie, then fled to the sanctuary of the restroom.
He splashed his face repeatedly with the cold water from the sink, but his face remained puffed and his eyes were red and teary all the same.
Your fault, your fault. Should've tried harder. Is that all he was to you?
Not yours.
Justin finally gave up and cried. Alone in the bathroom, perhaps in the world, he cried.
A/N: So yeah. Kind of sad. Anyway, the basic idea behind this is never to let a possible friendship pass. I know we all have that one person that, for no apparent reason whatsoever, we just really wish we were friends with. DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY. Seriously, you'll regret it forever afterwards. It really sucks.