Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Check out Sakura and Ino's other adventures in my other fics.
Snake Lady
"Kakashi is always late, and he never has a good excuse." Sakura was complaining to her best friend Ino, as they watched their latest handy work, Temari and Kiba. The two were currently throwing water balloons off of the Hokage tower.
"The pervert's probably reading his little Icha Icha book."
"Yeah, I just wish he'd either tell us the truth or get an excuse he can tell us about, and if he can't do either he should just stop telling us excuses."
"Well, Sakura, I know what we're going to do today." Ino says, getting up and jumping off of the roof they were sitting on.
"Which is what exactly, Ino?" Sakura lands on the ground right beside her best friend.
"We are going to get lost on the road of life."
"In other words we're going to hook Kakashi up with a girl aren't we?"
"Sweetie, he needs it, and it's what we do best."
"Alright, but who are we going to pair him up with? I mean really, the man's an old pervert."
Jiraiya stops kissing Tsunade and looks up, his head swiveling from side to side, confused.
"What is it, Jiraiya? Why the hell have you stopped kissing me?" To say Tsunade's frustrated would be the understatement of the year.
"It's just that, I feel like someone's called me an old pervert, but I'm not peeping on some hot lady right now."
"You still do that! SHIZUNE!" Jiraiya visibly pales.
"No, please! Not her!" Tsunade smirks, it's too late for him.
"JIRAIYA! I'M GOING TO FOLLOW THROUGH ON THAT THREAT! I BORROWED SAKURA'S BLOW DRIYER YESTERDAY!"
"Crap."
"You better start running." Tsunade says, cackling evilly.
Sakura sneezes.
"Bless you."
"Thanks, and remind me, when this is all over I need to get my killer blow drier back from Shizune. I have a date with Sasuke tonight."
"Yeah, yeah, let's just get this started."
"Okay, but you never answered my question."
"Anko."
"The crazy snake lady? The second proctor?"
"The very same. She's crazy enough to not care that Kakashi reads porn, and she's scary enough to keep him in line. They're perfect together."
"Alright let's get this show on the road."
"There's only one problem."
"Which is…?"
"Well, I know they both like each other, but what I want to know is how we can get them alone together."
"Simple, I have a perfect plan."
"You do?" Ino is simply shocked. Usually it is she who makes the plan. Sakura's all grown up now, Ino sniffles. Where does the time go? It seemed like it was only yesterday when they were plotting to get Kiba and Temari together…wait…that was yesterday.
"Yeah, all you have to do is get a picnic ready by the training grounds, the one where Team 7 first had the bell test. The one with the KIA stone."
"Got it, what are you gonna do?"
"I'm going to get Kakashi and Anko there."
"At once? How?"
"Simple, go do your thing and don't worry about mine. Be ready by eight tonight."
Both girls head off in their separate directions. Ino is going to Choji for food, while Sakura's heading off to Kakashi's house.
She rang the doorbell and waited. And waited. And waited.
"KAKASHI HATAKE IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR WITHIN THE NEXT MINUTE I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU INTO A PILE OF KAKASHI-DOUGH AND THEN I'M GOING TO MAKE RAMEN OUT OF THAT DOUGH AND THEN I'M GOING TO GIVE THAT RAMEN TO NARUTO!"
It's pretty obvious that Kakashi came outside pretty fast. "Sakura, what are you doing here and why are you threatening me?"
"I'm here because I've come to invite you to train with me. I'm threatening you because I've been waiting on your doorstep for two whole minutes and you didn't open the door. I think you're avoiding me."
"What would make you say that?"
"Kakashi," she began overly sweet, "have you been avoiding me?"
"N-no?"
"Are you sure? Because you don't sound very sure." She said very slowly.
"No, Sakura I haven't been avoiding you."
"Good, now are you going to train with me or what?"
"Why don't you train with your boyfriend?"
"Mad at him." Total lie, but it would serve its purpose.
"Naruto?"
"On a date with Hinata."
"Ino?"
"The pig's way too weak for me to fight."
"Tsunade?"
"Most likely bedding Jiraiya at the moment."
"Shikamaru?"
"Will probably be with the pig. Listen, Kakashi, if you've got plans you can tell me."
"I…have…plans…" he stated slowly, afraid of how Sakura will react.
"Okay, you could have said that in the first place. I'll just be going then…." Kakashi breathes out a sigh of relief and starts closing the door.
She turns around and starts walking away before swiveling around really fast and bursting through the little space that's left between the door and its resting place. She makes it in before the door closes.
Sitting on top of Kakashi's chest she starts screaming, "YOU ARE AVOIDING ME! YOU PERVERT! TELL ME NOW THE REASON YOU CAN'T TRAIN OR I'LL RIP YOUR NAILS OUT ONE BY ONE!"
"Sakura, relax."
"NO!"
"Will you relax if I tell you?"
"Yes."
"Good, now get off of me." She silently obeys and waits for him to go on. "Alright, I have a date."
"A date? With who?" her eyes narrow, "Or should I ask, a date with what?"
Kakashi looks down sheepishly. "My Icha Icha books."
Sakura glares at him, "You will meet me at the training grounds where we had the bell test at no later than eight." Originally she was going to tell him midnight so he'd show up at eight but he was too afraid to disobey her now. "You will show up at exactly at eight. If you are not there at eight I will hunt you down and burn your porn right in front of your face. Got it?"
"But that's in ten minutes." Kakashi says meekly.
"You have a problem with that?" Sakura asks coldly.
"No." Kakashi says with a sigh.
"Good, I'll be going now." She walks through the front door and goes around the corner. "That was easier than I thought it would be." She smiles, next up find Anko.
Sakura didn't really know where Anko lived. She was kind of afraid of the lady and didn't really want to know where to find her. There was only one way to peruse this mission, as Sakura liked to think of it. Then she got it, sure she could go to Shikamaru and ask him where Anko lived, but this way would be more fun.
She jumped on top of the closest building she could find that was directly between the forest of death and the Hokage tower and yelled as loud as she could, "ANKO! I FOUND A SNAKE AND IT BIT ME SO NOW THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE AND A HARMLESS SNAKE THAT I WILL KILL IF YOU DON'T SHOW UP IN THE NEXT FIVE SECOCNDS."
Not even three seconds later, Anko shows up. "Where? Where's the snake? What did you do to it? If you aren't using the blood can I have it?" Sakura sighs, now she can see why Tsunade says Anko is a cross between Sasuke and Naruto.
"Nowhere, I'm not bleeding, there's no snake."
"Oh. Well you're lucky I'm not in a pissed off mood or else I would kill you for saying those things! I'm leaving." Just as she turns around, Sakura grabs her coat.
"Wait, listen to me!"
"What do you want kid? You have two minutes…starting…NOW!"
"Okay, well I wanted to train with you since I heard you're awesome with snakes and I admire that and you know how I'm dating Sasuke, well he always uses these snake moves on me and I was wondering if you would give me insight on how to fight back against them, what their weakness is. Tips, pointers, stuff like that, since you're so badass and all."
"Time. Well kid, I like you, so sure." Sakura smiled, she'd made up a convincing lie in exactly two seconds. She was getting good. Maybe it was because she did want to know these things, but you had to give her credit for thinking of this up so fast. She was proud of herself.
"Well why don't we head to the training grounds? You can start giving me pointers on the way there."
"Alright, well here's how it is…" They both head towards the training grounds and make it there right at the strike of eight. Ino's already there.
"What is this?" Anko asks, just as Kakashi poofs up.
"Alright, Sakura I'm right on time, no need for the torture." He notices Anko there. "What're Anko and Ino doing here? I thought you were afraid of Anko and you said Ino was weak."
"Heh," the two other women there glare at Sakura. "I only said that to get you here."
"We'll talk about that little bit of information later Sakura."
"Anyway, this is your romantic picnic dinner by candlelight. I hope you two enjoy, you're a special couple."
"And we're not just saying that."
"You two are the only ones who've seen us at our work; everything else we do is anonymous."
"And if you tell anybody, we'll kill you!"
"Umm…" Both Anko and Kakashi look at each other.
"Enjoy." The two girls leave them alone.
"They've gone to all this trouble, might as well eat."
"Or we could have a hot make out session?"
"Kakashi, I like your idea better, but I'm starving, I haven't eaten since breakfast."
"After we eat, can we have a hot make out session?"
"Sure." And the couple sits down to enjoy their meal.
Sakura and Ino are heading over to Sakura's house; Sasuke's supposed to pick her up at eight thirty.
"Wait!" Sakura starts heading towards the Hokage tower with Ino following behind confused.
"What?"
"We need to get my blow drier from Shizune."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that."
"You're the one who was supposed to remind me."
"So now we're even?"
"Whatever."
"SHIZUNE!" Sakura calls out to the woman who's headed back into the tower. She looks…content.
"Hey, Sakura. Ino."
"Do you have my blow drier?"
"Here," Shizune hands it over to Sakura. It's all melted and bent out of shape.
"What…"
"I used it to beat up Jiraiya, I'm sorry."
Sakura stares down at it. "No," she says blankly, "it's cool, as long as it was for a good cause." She turns towards her best friend, "Pig, can I borrow your blow drier?"
"Sure, let's go."
"See you Shizune!"
"Bye, girls!" The woman calls out after them, as they head towards Ino's house.
"We have got to find that girl a man."
"You got that right."
"But who?"
"We'll worry about that later, right now we need to worry about my date!"
"Forehead, you're so selfish."
"We all have flaws, Pig."
REVIEW! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA!
Tell me who I should pair Shizune up with.
I've been lazy, I'm sorry.
This fic has taken me a few days, but in my defense I've been sick. And it was raining.