AN: I haven't yet seen past this point in the series. I'm getting on it as quick as I can, but I'm new to the Buffyverse (I know, where have I been all these years? I really should have listened to my BFF in high school...lol). Because of that, this story may be totally inaccurate after this point. I really, really don't want spoilers for the series, so please don't put any in the reviews. I just wanted to give a little heads up as to anything that may happen in the next episode or two that makes something written here not make sense. Hopefully it will also explain any character inaccuracies. My first Buffy fic, obviously, so please be kind!
Oh, and I own nothing. Not even plot really, just the one character's take on it. Buffy, Spike, etc, all belong to Joss Whedon (though what I'd like to do with Spike if I owned him, I tell ya...heh)
I heard the tremor in her voice as she spoke to me. I assumed it was because she was talking to me. But as she confessed her very soul to me-to me, of all people-her unspoken words told me a different story.
I had been left out.
And because of that, I was the only one she could trust with her experience. The only one she wouldn't hurt.
In that moment of clarity, the ultimate betrayal I'd felt by being left out of the Scoobies little magical escapade vanished.
All I wanted to do in that moment was wrap my arms around her and take her pain from her. I'dve felt it a hundred times over if it meant she could feel happiness again.
God-whatever that word means these days, I dunno-knows that she deserves the happiness more than me. But I remembered her words. Her scathing declaration that my only chance with her was if she were unconscious. I knew that if I were to touch her, I'd inflict more damage than any jolting return from Heaven could ever have done.
I may be a monster, but I'm not evil. Not anymore.
So I fought my desires and simply listened. And as she walked away, I accepted her orders of secrecy. As she rounded the corner, I said only one word, much softer than I knew she could hear.
"Forever."