DISCLAIMER: Sadly I dont own Supernatural...(sighs)
WARNING: For Dean fans , maybe the older brother can go out of character... but in the inside he is just so sweet...and the one and only Sammy tends to awake this feelings.
A/N: I was reposing this one, because for some misterious reason, my program delete some parts , so... i just read it and write again ...hope you enjoy...
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FEARS
...That one was hard...the last vision that Sam had was a very painful one. Even Sam's nose began to bleed and he lost consiousness for a couple of minutes...that scare the hell of Dean, his little brother has a lot of nights sleeping just for no more that two or three hours, and this insomnia routine was worrying Dean... so this night, after the vision, he slip a couple of Nyquils in Sammy's coffee...If is the only way to make him rest...so be it.
...And now in the early hours of night he can at least take a rest of this journey that is become very hard and scary... Dean sit in his bed, watching Sam sleep, his brother just look so pale and gaunt, dark circles under his eyes scream all the lack of sleep and rest that the younger man has... and watching there, at sleeping Sammy he just look so young...Dean snort at that...."He look young... he is young... almost a kid, he just turn 23 years... and he got over his shoulders a very heavy charge..."
...Just when Sam is sleep Dean can let his own feeling show, without fear or shame... he know he was very tired... and sometimes he just want to run and no stop , but he has Sammy, he has his little broken family to take care... Sam never was an easy child, while he was grown up, he was always very smart – so much for his own good- and inquisitive... and have the guts to fight their Dad, sometimes he tell all the things Dean want express but dont doit, even he run away for them, for the life he dont want... Dean always will remember the last words Sam say to him, before go...
"I know there is a better life, Dean... I know the things can be different.. I want that.. I want to have a better life... I just...just want to give you a better life...I want you to be happy... an very proud of me...why you can undestrand that??"
"I like my life Sam... who name you redentor.?... I like that I have, live with Dad.. and you...and make me proud!!... be a good son... thats enough..."
"I love you Dean... when I come back, I want to give you a better life. Ok... and I need you alive and healty... I dont support seeing you hurt..."
"You are hurting me , now... dumb¨!
"Bye Dean..."
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And after that ... he leave his brother go , for two years... years in what Sammy seems to be very happy and healthy... but now, after that night in Palo Alto, all the things are in caos...
"You ask me if Im scare...?? The hell Im Sammy,..Im almost scare for all the people that come near to you... Im scare of that dammed vision, so painful, and scary and the worse is seeing you there writing in pain,clutching your head .. I feel so helpless and useless, I want to take the pain away for you... believe me brother I wil carry your burden if I can..."
Sam shifted in his sleep, and mumble something , Dean take a seat in Sam's bed and fix the blanket that cover his brother when he see a sligt tremors run over Sam's body...
Dean leave his hand over Sam's chest, just over his heart...Dean gives a profund sigh..."Sometimes I feel that I cant take anymore , you know, bro?, that stupid demon is after you, after your goodnes... I know you.. you dont have a single bad bone in your body, ...dammit Sam!!, why do you need to be so kind and naive... the bad seeks good... and you are one of the most good people I ever know...I need to teach you some bad moves... I need to teach to be a little bad... If I can make that... maybe the yellow eyed man, leave you alone..."
The young Winchester move again in bed and scrunch his forehead as in pain, murmurs escape his lips..."Sshh Sammy, its alright..."whispered Dean, while shooting his brother sleep, caressing his bangs out of his face..."Im so scare to loose you... I cant loose anymore...when Dad die, I feel like I cant breath...I dont care for life anymore... I cant understand how in the hell , HE can be dead... I mean Sam... he was Dad, he never quit a fight... Overall , I dint want to feel like the last person before you, I use to think that we can fight this battle together, fight for you as a family, but he leave us Sammy, and we are just us now...God!!.and then I try to throw you apart, pushing you out of my life... thats why I was an ass with you, I try to make you run, to force you to leave me...I dont want to love you anymore... If I dont love you... you cant hurt me ... but, what do you do, stubborn little head... as usual, you play martir and stay with me.. take all the crap that I throw to you... and even ask me to hurt you, if that make feel better... God Sammy, you dont understand that the things that hurt me most is seeing you in pain...I cant live without you... you are the only person that know me, and no matter what you see , you ever love me...You are my entire life... and that scares me a lot...
"But you know what I fear the most...Im scare of die... not for my... I got a good life...but I cant leave you knowing that something bad is after you,,,,, I know, perfectly that you can do everything to help, even give your own life for my... just that I can do for you... and that stuoid demon know that too... and is using against you... Im so scare of failing you Sam... I can take the look in your eyes, when you think i made something wrong..."My shadow" call you Dad, when you have 5 years,because you always was there behind me...and Dad tell me that I need to take care of the things I do... because you always will follow my way...Isf I jump you jump... I think that until now I feel in the same way... I dont want to made a mistake that dissapointed or hurt you...
...Stupid little brother... little bundle of stubborness... I love you so much...and the love is a very scary thing..."
"Dean?"...Sam mumble between sleep...
"What?"
"Im cold"...
"You cold , come on princess, what am I... your lover..." Say Dean while throwing another blanket over his tall brother..."You okay now??...Good night Sammy" and after patting Sam in the shoulder, Dean stretched in his bed... and clean the tears for his eyes, ready to sleep a little...
"...Yeah...love can be a very scary thing"Was his last tought before close his eyes.
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Ok...this is short... i hope you like it... I was thinking in this while I see the boys in "Croatan" and "Simon said"
Please review... that make very happy...