..::HOGWARTS HOODWINKS::..
Edited by: Agent Joe King
Quidditch results for the week:
Hufflepuff VS Gryffindor: 200-90
Ravenclaw VS Slytherin (cheating involved): 0-30000
Ravenclaw VS Slytherin (no cheating involved): 190-210
Headlines:
GINNY WEASLEY LAUNCHES FASHION SHOW
By Lavender Brown teehee
If you hear faint rock music coming from the Gryffindor common room, you can bet it's Ginny Weasley's recently launched fashion show. This very talented Fifth Year roped in a whole group of models (unprofessional ones, of course) to pose for Instant Portraits decked out in funky and colourful clothing designed by Ginny herself.
Says Ginny, "I organized this fashion show because people always seem to think of Hogwarts as an old-fashioned school. But that's not true! We are really young and bursting with energy (yes, even Dumbledore)! I (and my models, Pansy Parkinson and Lavender Brown) intend to sweep our audience right off their feet!"
I totally agree with her. But, I hear you ask, isn't Pansy Parkinson in Slytherin? Why is she willing to cooperate with Ginny?
"Well," the girly double-pig-tailed girl replies, "I don't care, as long as I get to be famous!"
However, some people are not for the idea. The other Gryffindors, for example, are complaining that the fashion show is taking up too much space in the common room.
"It's seriously annoying," Harry Potter (yes, First Years, THE Harry Potter) grumbles. "And I hate rock music. Especially if it's by the Weird Sisters."
"I don't mind, really," another Gryffindor, who chooses to remain anonymous, says. "As long as they let me stay and study for my exams. And let me carry on with my knitting."
Some seriously stuffy people in other houses have something to say too.
Says...er, excuse me, I meant snaps Draco Malfoy from Slytherin, "Famous? The only thing Pansy's being famous for is making a complete fool of herself. Or should I say, pug of herself? And that Virginia Weasley – well, there's only one thing I can say about her. She has really bad taste in clothes. But then again, she is a Weasley."
But, others are excited! (Me included!)
Neville Longbottom, "Well...I...erm...what I mean is...ah...it's hard to say."
The fashion show had probably left him speechless, so I continued his sentence for him. "You're astounded, aren't you? Took your breath away, didn't it? Of course! Thank you for your opinion."
Well, don't miss the next show, in the Gryffindor common room. In fact...it's tomorrow! I can't wait! This is Agent Lavender Brown, signing off!
..::SNAPE – REVEALED!!!::..
By Ron Weasley
Just last week, I caught probably the scariest sight in the wizarding world (or maybe even the Muggle world as well) on my camera! There I was, trudging to the Potions Dungeon, all ready for detention (which Snape had given me just for calling Millicent Bulstrode a Bludger with hair). I knew that Snape would prepare some sort of torture just for me when I arrived, but what I was about to experience was far worse than any sort of torture.
This was what happened: just as I stepped into the dungeon, I saw Snape hunched up in front of a mirror. I found it strange so I took another step to get a closer look. Bad move – Snape suddenly whirled around and I saw that he was wearing the weirdest garb ever: a pointed hat (I thought only Dumbledore wore things like that!), sunglasses that would make even dear old Helga Hufflepuff look evil and robes covered in polka-dots. It was enough to give me nightmares! Holy House-elf!
Coincidently, the Halloween Masquerade is just round the corner. This outfit would be perfect. In fact, I think he'd win the Most Creative Costume Award –for coming as himself! Ha. Ha.
"Who's there!" snapped a very angry Snape. It was more of a command than a question.
Quick as a flash, I snapped a picture of him. There was a loud puff of smoke and Snape started blinking rapidly.
However, in spite of his fury, Snape seemed quite in the mood to chat. He said, "This isn't my Halloween outfit. This is one of Ginny Weasley's designs. She approached me the day before asking if I would like to participate in her next fashion show. She claimed that after the fashion show, people would think I am cool and fashionable. So I agreed!"
So, fans of Ginny Weasley, don't get the wrong idea. This garb isn't a Halloween costume but Ginny's latest design. Yours traumatizedly, Agent Ron Weasley.
By the way, do they distribute copies of Hogwarts Hoodwinks to the staff???
..::LETTERS TO THE NEWSPAPER::.. Edited by Justin Finch-Fletchley
Ron Weasley Hogwarts Hoodwinks Press
Dear Ron Weasley,
I refer to your seemingly bogus article, "CLOWNS AT HOGWARTS," from last week's issue of Hogwarts Hoodwinks.
It is extremely rude of you to spread rumours about the clothes I design. In your article, you stated that, shortly after I joined the Costume Design Club, I had forced three Fifth Years to dress in the clothes I had designed, which, according to you, were clothes a clown might wear: polka- dotted shirts from the fifties, multi-coloured suspenders and bright orange flared pants.
I am writing to you today to tell all readers of Hogwarts Hoodwinks and viewers of my fashion show that these are all not true!!! All the articles written by Ron Weasley actually belong to the Gossip section of the newspaper. I checked with the Press.
And, I presume that Ron has already printed another sham article in this week's issue as well, also about the clothes I design. Let me tell you, Ronald Weasley, no one, I repeat, NO ONE will stop me from organizing my fashion show.
So there.
Insincerely yours,
GINNY WEASLEY
Gryffindor Fifth Year
..::BARGLES HAVE BAD BREATH::.. By Luna Lovegood
Dear Luna,
HELP! My brother, Peter Green (name changed for privacy) is bent on forming a choir! Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard? Well, I tried to talk him out of it, but he says that from his cradle his greatest wish is to sing in a choir. Oh, and he says that he will be expecting millions of people lining up just to audition for his new choir! Please help me!!! No, help my air-headed brother!
From a Mysterious Person
Dear Mysterious Person,
Would you mind telling me all about this choir? Just give me a roar on my Mufasa hat, will you, and maybe I'll arrange for an interview with this Peter Green. It'll be interesting to have choir auditions. And why Peter Green, anyway? Did the name just pop into your head like the name "The Hobgoblins" popped into Stubby Boardman's head during his acupuncture session?
From Agent Luna Lovegood
For more details, refer to The Quibbler, page forty-seven.
..::IT'S AD TIME::.. cheesy presenter voice
Descriptions by Joe King
GREAT DEALS AT THE HOGWARTS GIFT SHOP!
A CONCISE ENGLISH-PARSELTONGUE DICTIONARY
Ha-syyyyy-errr. Ha-saaaaa-shiiiiiiiii. This leather-bound dictionary contains everything you want to know about Parseltongue. It is believed to have belonged to You-Know-Who. I wouldn't take it if I knew what's good for me. For one thing, it has venomous fangs that try to bite you. Price: Free of Charge (If any injury is caused, the compensation is 1 galleon.)
VOICE ENHANCER
WOWEE!!! Now even I can sing with this superb new product designed by the Weird Sisters (who probably use it often). This Voice Enhancer enables ANYONE to sing like...like...er, sing! Price: Twenty Galleons
S.P.E.W. BADGES
These beautifully crafted badges by Hermione Granger are dedicated to the welfare of House-elves, especially those which...er, who are held against their will. Well, according to Hermione, most House-elves would rather be in the wild although that may seem to be the last thing they want. I don't know how true is that. Hey, you be the judge. Price: "Free-of-charge," says Hermione generously. "It's the thought that counts."
END OF HOGWARTS HOODWINKS, ISSUE TWENTY-FOUR
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HOGWARTS HOODWINKS, ISSUE TWENTY-FIVE
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