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A Dean/Castiel fic.

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Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Supernatural. I'm not that awesome.

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A/N: Well, I'm happy that so many people have enjoyed my Dean/Cas fics so far.

I'll try to get this one up before tonight's episode ... I still have every party of my body crossed that Cas is not the "friend"/"beloved character" to die.

This was number 31 on my list of Dean/Cas fics to write.

It's more of a humor than a romance fic, but it's still Dean/Cas.

Well, let's get on with it, shall we?

As always, please read and review, I live for feedback!

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Dean sat on the bed, leaned back against the headboard, flipping through channels on the television set. Sam sat at the computer desk closer to the door of the motel room, emailing back and forth with a psychic he'd found online a couple days ago. Castiel sat on the bed beside his, staring at the TV but not really watching.

Nothing was really on - not even Dean's favorite soap, so he set it on a channel playing movie previews over and over. He sighed, stretching back against the headboard, contemplating taking a nap. He kicked off his shoes and tugged his shirt over his head, planning on enjoying a leisurely rest for an hour or so. The chances for such an opportunity were few and far between, so he latched onto it.

Castiel grunted in pain from beside him, causing Dean to glance over at him.

"You okay?" he wondered.

Castiel's eyes widened, bringing his legs up on the bed and glancing down with a confused and pained expression. "Something is wrong."

Dean quirked his eyebrows, sitting up on the bed. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not sure," Castiel replied. "It's hard ... to explain."

Sam glanced over his shoulder but Dean waved him off, letting him know he'd take care of it.

"Where does it hurt?" Dean asked, sliding into the caregiver role.

Castiel looked down again, wondering how to word it. "My, uh ... penis."

Dean blinked, hearing Sam whip back around in his seat. He tried very hard not to choke on his own breath, focusing his thoughts on the seriousness of the situation. "Um, what seems to be the problem?"

Castiel relayed his symptoms. "My heart rate has increased, my body temperature has risen by several degrees, my palms are sweaty, it is difficult for me to focus my thoughts, and my blood seems to be pooling in the lower half of my body."

After a second of sinking in Sam snorted, dropping his head on the desk as he tried to contain his laughter.

Castiel looked worriedly at Dean. "What's happening to me?"

Gritting his teeth, Dean chuckled a pillow from the couch at Sam's head. After a few more guffaws Sam excused himself from the room, mumbling something about going for a long walk. Dean stomped to the door after him, sticking his head out to yell, "Coward!" before slamming it and securing the deadbolt and chain.

"Did he leave because I am contagious?" Castiel asked nervously.

Dean rubbed a hand over his face, staring at his shoes. "No, Cas ... that's not why he left. He left 'cause he's a frickin' ass-face."

Castiel's expression grew even more confused and apprehensive.

"Look, Cas, what's happening to you ... it's perfectly, uh, natural. It happens to everyone. After you, uh ... deal with it, everything will go back to normal again," Dean told him, feeling his skin turning a little bit red. He sorely hoped the ex-angel didn't notice.

"I'm not dying?"

Dean shook his head, feeling bad for the guy. "No, you'll be fine."

Castiel nodded, feeling a little relief, but his body was still acting up. Literally. "Okay, good. But I don't know how to 'deal with' this problem. I've never experienced this before."

Dean nodded, his eyes flaring. "Yeah, I don't doubt that. Look, this is a little awkward to explain, but well ... what's happening to you, it's um, called 'arousal'. It means that something happened to, um ... turn you on, so to speak. I guess the technical term for that is, well ... dammit, Cas, you have an erection," Dean rushed out, wishing he'd been the first one out the door and left Sam to explain this all to him.

Castiel's eyes widened with the new information. "Oh."

Dean nodded. "So, just uh, I can go into the bathroom if you wanna take care of it, or you could go, or I could go for a walk or something ... you know, if you want some privacy."

Castiel looked down at his lap with a quizzical expression on his face. "Well, what am I supposed to do?"

Dean felt his stomach lurch a little. He so didn't want to teach Castiel the mechanics of masturbation. He scratched absentmindedly at his chest, wondering how to proceed.

Castiel groaned. "Please, Dean, could you hurry? It's getting worse."

Dean sighed, looking down at him. "Okay, well, first of all: when it gets, um 'worse', it's actually getting better. But it can be disorientating if it's your first time, I guess."

Castiel nodded, taking in the information.

Dean wanted to ask what had prompted this situation, what exactly had perked his arousal, but he decided later would be a better time. He turned, looking around for his bag. He remembered dropping it on the other side of his bed, so he moved around and leaned over the mattress to dig through it for his Vaseline. Castiel moaned a little behind him and he fought his own awkwardness at the situation. "Okay," he started, turning around. "First things first, when relieving yourself, never use a dry hand. You don't want to rub skin off, the key is gentle. Lube is your friend," he informed the ex-angel. "Now, sometimes all you need is a little friction, but that doesn't always do the trick. It helps to focus on the thing that aroused you in the first place. Do I need to go into the actual action required to bring around the ... end to your pain?"

Castiel looked a little embarrassed before he admitted, "Yes."

Dean sighed, sitting back on his bed. "Okay, well ... standard up-down movement should get it done for your first time. You take your, um ..."

"Penis?" Castiel supplied.

Dean shifted in his seat. "Uh, yeah. Well, you take it in your hand and, uh, move your fist up and down the length. Sometimes the quicker you go the better, but that's mostly if you just want a quick release. Are you still with me?" Dean asked him.

"I believe so," Castiel replied in a strained voice.

"Okay, so you take this Vaseline, put a dollop about the size of a quarter on your hand, and rub it along the ... shaft," Dean instructed. "You'll start feeling sensations all through your body, and it'll make you feel weird again, but it's a good feeling, so embrace it. Right before you ... release your burden ... you'll feel a tightening. That's normal too, it's just what happens. When it's over, um ... some stuff will come out of the tip of your ..."

"Penis?" Castiel offered again, with a slightly strained voice.

Dean nodded, clearing his throat. "Yeah ... don't freak out about that either. Unless it's red, in which case ... well, we'll talk about that later."

Castiel's face filled with fear again, but Dean shook his head.

"You'll be fine. I'm just gonna ... go in the bathroom now, and let you work stuff out. Give me a shout when you're done." Dean quickly retreated into the bathroom, closing the door and moving over to the sink. After a few seconds of heavy breathing he turned on the tap, splashing cold water on his face. He left the water on, not wanting to endure the sounds of Castiel bringing himself to release. He watched is cascade out of the tap, flowing like a contained waterfall, and as he watched it he started to feel his body's own reaction to the conversation he'd just had.

With a groan he shucked his pants, stepping into the shower and turning the water on warm. After soaping himself up he gripped himself and did just as he'd told Castiel to, feeling his heart speeding up in response. His legs were shaky, but he leaned against the wall of the shower when he needed to, bringing himself to a swift climax. It was over sooner than he would have liked, but it was better than exiting the bathroom sporting a raging bulge in his jeans.

Dean turned the water to cool, washing himself off and allowing himself to calm down before he shut off the water and grabbed a towel.

He waited around in the bathroom for at least fifteen minutes, wondering how long Castiel was going to take. After another five minutes had passed he stood and opened the door a crack, not enough to see anything, but so that he could hear and be heard. "Cas ... you doing okay in there?"

A shuffling pre-ceded Castiel's voice. "I believe so."

Cautiously, Dean stuck his head out the door. After the coast appeared to be clear he returned to his bed, standing awkwardly beside it. "So ... how'd it go?"

Castiel shrugged. "It didn't."

Dean furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I was about to try what you told me to do, but I started to feel the effects beginning to wear off, and thought it best to stay perfectly still until they went away," Castiel explained.

Dean couldn't believe his ears. Castiel had willingly staved off ejaculation. "Um, okay ... how do you feel now?"

Castiel answered honestly, "Weird. I believe the word you would use is ... unfulfilled."

Dean nodded, sitting back on his bed. "Yeah, no doubt. Well, now that that's done with ... I'm gonna take a nap." Castiel didn't respond, so Dean stretched out on the bed and closed his eyes. After a moment he heard a familiar groan.

"Oh no, not again," Castiel muttered, and Dean cracked an eye open.

"What?" he asked.

Castiel pouted. "It's back."

Dean shut his head, dropping his head further into the pillow before sitting up. When Castiel's eyes followed the movement of his chest he had a startling realization. The first time the ex-angel had mentioned his problem, Dean had just taken his shirt off. He remembered Castiel moaning when Dean had bent over the bed. But after he'd left the room, Castiel's arousal had waned, and he'd eventually been able to make it go away. Now that he was back, lying down on his bed, Castiel was flying at half-mast again. Oh, Dean realized with a blush.

"Why won't it just go away?" Castiel wanted to know.

He's not even aware of how his body is reacting to me. Dean was caught in a sticky situation. On the one hand, he'd be lying if he said he'd never wondered about it before. I mean, he's always standing like two inches away from me. But on the other hand, well ... there were many excuses he could use for not doing what he was about to do. "Look, Cas ... I'll make you a deal. I'll help you out with your problem ... but you can't tell Sam."

Castiel eyed him. "Why not?"

Dean shook his head. "'Cause he'd be a little girl about it. Do you want my help or not?"

After a moment and a gulp, Castiel nodded, sitting still on the bed.

Dean took a deep breath before approaching him, picking the Vaseline up off the bed. Without looking at Castiel he opened the lid a smeared a decent amount onto his fingers, working a little bit of it into his palms. "Um ... take off your pants."

Castiel complied, and Dean blinked several times, grateful that he'd already taken care of business in the shower. It still turned him on, but he was more discrete about it.

"Stand up," Dean ordered softly, waiting for Castiel to do as he was told.

He did swiftly.

Dean remained sitting on the bed, staring at the well-sized organ in front of him. Before he could talk himself out of it he reached his hand out, gripping him but not too hard.

Castiel gasped in response, his hips moving closer to Dean's hands.

Dean moved his along the shaft, feeling it harden underneath his capable fingers. Once he was about as hard as he could get, Dean increased his pace, running his other hand down to sink into Castiel's hair before his thumb flicked across the tip.

Castiel's entire body twitched, and a long moan escaped his lips. "I can see what you meant, Dean," he told the hunter. "It is definitely not a bad feeling."

Dean fought his own feelings of arousal, doing his best to get Castiel off quickly so he could return to the shower once again. A few minutes later he succeeded, and Castiel collapsed over top of him, falling into him and knocking him onto the bed. Dean lay underneath him, hoping Castiel couldn't feel the hardness that had come back to life through his jeans.

"Thank you, Dean," Castiel breathed, pushing himself up on his elbows to smile lopsidedly at him.

"Don't mention it," Dean forced out. "Literally ... remember, we're not telling Sam about this."

Castiel nodded, and was about to pull himself off of Dean when he stopped, looking down at their hips before meeting his eyes again. "Do you require my assistance?"

Dean swallowed heavily, honestly considering the offer.

When Sam came back to the room a half-hour later he was surprised to see the Do Not Disturb sign on the door. He tried the door, thinking Dean just wanted to get back at him for bailing on him earlier, but the deadbolt blocked his way. He put the key into the lock and turned it, removing the deadbolt from its confines. Trying the door once more, he was surprised to find the chain now preventing him from entering the room.

What the hell? Sam thought, peering into the room through the small opening to see what was going on. He sorely wished he hadn't. "Oh, god ... my eyes."

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The end.

So, what did you guys think?

Reviews are appreciated, flame if you must, but constructive criticism is much more useful.

Until next time ...!