A/N- this takes place shortly after the death of Tailgate in "Predatory". I'm not sure exactly when Bumblebee lost his voice so I'm just assuming that at this time he could still talk.
Arcee sat in the corner by the door, curled up in a ball on the floor. Coolant poured from her optics and it wasn't long before her silver faceplate was smudged in tears. She couldn't stand crying-therefore she never did. Her usual strong and battle-ready composure was shattered like thin glass in all of two seconds. Arcee never did like the Decepticon faction (that's why she fought in the war to begin with) but now she had a reason to hate them.
She pulled her knees up to her chest and wailed into her legs, hugging a holodisc to her chest. After a few moments, Arcee pulled her head up for air and set the holodisc on the cold, metal floor in front of her and clicked it on. A projection of Tailgate hovered in the air over the small, glowing, blue circle. He had a casual, yet playful, smirk on his face and some cheesy two-fingered salute.
"I-I'm sorry," Arcee whispered to the image.
But her voice broke and she only started crying again. She leaned her head back against the metal wall with a quiet clink and let the coolant fall out of her optics like mini waterfalls. Arcee reached over, clicked the holodisc off and set it on the berth next to her. It went on like this for about five minutes.
I couldn't save him..! I couldn't save my partner!
The memory replayed in her processor and each syllable made her spark sting more and more with guilt and sadness. Arcee managed to stop crying for long enough to catch her breath. Her vents rattled with each shaky breathe. She turned her left arm over and stared at her silver wrists. Her signature blades were on the opposite side of her slender plating. She stared at her wrists for a few seconds before tears welled up on the brim of her optics again. A drop of coolant fell onto her servo and something inside her caused a wave of anger and hatred to drown out her depression.
Arcee clenched her servos into tight fists. One of her blades flew out of her right forearm. Arcee stared at her reflection in the weapon. Everyone said she was tough and invulnerable. How she could probably make it through the whole war without a scratch on her...but all she saw was a broken little sparkling with dried tears on her faceplate. Arcee turned the blade towards her arm and closed her eyes.
"Damn it!" she screamed as she slashed the blade across her own wrist.
Energon ran from the fresh gash and streamed down her arm. A glowing blue puddle soon circled around her body. Pain throbbed through her processor but it wasn't like she cared. She raised her arm again and slashed once more. And again, again, again, again, again. Each slash allowed her to release a fraction of her anger.
"Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!"
The sound of clashing metal, screaming, and crying ricocheted throughout the small room. Energon gushed from Arcee's wrist and left her sitting in a pool of her own Energon. Cuts marred her arm at various angles and depths. Now Arcee was crying for two kinds of pain. The Energon began to slowly gravitate towards the crack under the door and threatened to escape. Two small shadows congregated in its path. A knock broke through Arcee's pain.
"You okay in there, 'Cee?' a familiar, yet concerned and friendly, voice asked.
"Bumblebee..? Yeah...I'm fine. Just had a bad dream," she lied as she gingerly laid a hand over her arm. Arcee's eyes flicked to the door where the freshly spilled Energon was beginning to crawl out through the thin crack at the bottom.
"You sound like you've been crying. Are you sure you're alright?" Bumblebee looked down at his feet when he felt something wet, "oh shit! Arcee open the door!"
Arcee took another deep breath to calm herself down. With her good arm she reached up and pushed a little green button on the room's control panel. A little blue smear stayed behind. The door silently slid open, Bumblebee ran in, and the door slid shut. He knelt on the ground next to her and took her arm in his hands. A look of shame covered Arcee's face.
"Some dream. What happened to you?"
Arcee was silent but summoned the blade from her right arm. It still had dried Energon on it.
"Why'd you do all this, huh? Primus knows what excuse you'll come up with," Bumblebee mused irritably to himself as he stood up an pushed a panel on the wall.
A hidden drawer popped out and he pulled out a small first-aid kit and a large blanket. He helped the small femme stand up, guided her over to the berth and sat her down on the edge.
"You should probably go clean up the floor, Bee. Ya know...before someone else sees," Arcee murmured.
Bumblebee nodded and handed Arcee a small rag to hold against her bleeding arm. Then he took the blanket over to the Energon puddle. It only took a couple of minutes before the blanket was thoroughly soiled, but on the bright side the floor was clean except for some faint blue stains. Bumblebee went back and sat next to Arcee on the berth. He pulled the rag off Arcee's arm and brought out a small medical welder.
"You never told me why you did this to yourself. Where you trying to kill yourself?" Bumblebee asked firmly as he clicked the welder on and gently began to close Arcee's wounds, "and be honest, 'Cee."
"No. I just..." she reached over and picked the holodisc up.
The action made her wince, but Arcee brushed it off and handed the small disc to Bumblebee. The mech stopped his work and took it.
"What...all of this for some stupid holodisc?" he scoffed.
"It's not stupid!" Arcee blurted as fresh coolant rolled down her cheeks and she snatched the holodisc from Bumblebee. Her vents rattled as she tried to take a deep breath and gather herself. After a few seconds she resorted back to a whisper, "it's all I have left of him. Of Tailgate."
"Oh...I didn't know," Bumblebee admitted as he finished welding the last of Arcee's cuts. He set the small welder back in the kit and guiltily looked at Arcee, "you got a buffer? Or do you want to smooth it out yourself?"
"I'll...do it myself in the morning. Thanks," Arcee kept her head down and pulled her arm back.
"No problem," Bumblebee got up and put the first-aid kit back in its drawer in the wall and reached for the button to open the door.
"Wait. Can...can you stay with me, Bee? I need someone to talk..." her voice caught and she started crying again.
Bumblebee walked over and sat back down next to Arcee. The second he hit the berth she threw her arms around him and sobbed into Bumblebee's chestplates. The mech stared down at her for a few seconds before tentatively closing his arms around the sobbing femme.
"I couldn't save him...I couldn't save my partner!" Arcee sobbed, "and now here I am bawling my optics out like some slag-headed sparkling."
Bumblebee held her in his arms and did his best to calm her down. It took an hour or so, but Arcee finally managed to fall asleep. The two sat there in the near silence listening to the quiet hum of the two sparks. Bumblebee gingerly traced over the welding scars on Arcee's arm. She twitched in her sleep.
Bumblebee laid her down on the bed and picked the holodisc up off the nightstand. He set it down next to Arcee on the berth and walked out silently.