Hey guys, this is my first attempt at a fanfic

I just need some good old angst with my Bleach OTP

So far, its just Ichigo looking back on the past, but once that parts over (Next chapter) I'll get back to the present

And I'll probably be switching back and forth from Ichigo's to Grimmjow's perspective every now and then

(Anyone wanna beta for me?)

8 years

Since he had first laid eyes on the strangest hair he had ever seen

5 years

Since he had realized that what he felt went beyond friendship

3 years

Since they had started dating

3 weeks

Since their anniversary

And 5 hours since he walked in on his boyfriend

Half naked with someone who wasn't him in his lap

Their relationship had always been a little chaotic.

It had started with a punch, both immediately disliking the other.

He remembered how much he had hated the guy, with his cocky smirk and tousled teal hair that refused to be ignored, practically calling out 'LOOK AT ME'.

If he hadn't noticed him by the hair, he sure would've at the sound of his voice

Loud and deep, seeming to already passed the voice cracking stage of puberty

His first instinct had been to pound the guy's face in

Looking back, it was stupid. He had hated the guy for his hair colour and attitude. Much like how others had picked on him for his own bright hair and personality.

It didn't matter back then, the irony of the situation.

And it didn't last long. All it took was 4 months of fighting, and they had somehow slipped from being enemies to being friends

They were so alike in a lot of ways, both of them easily provoked, and both too prideful to back down from a fight. But they were different enough to understand each other. To understand that you didn't bring up Grimmjow's dad, or disrespect his mother. Enough to understand when to push for a response, and when to shut up and just be there. Enough to know never to mention it, to put it in words, because that was so unbelievable gay.

And what started as enemies and turned to friends slowly became best friends.

Inseparatable

Throughout the rest of elementary, Ichigo and Grimmjow had been in each other's classes, through luck and pure stubbornness. They talked, joked, and hung out all the time. They had other friends, but it was well known that the first priority for Ichigo was always Grimmjow, and vice versa, that there was no hope of anyone coming between them.

Then high school came.

And they changed.

Ichigo shot up a couple inches, while Grimmjow kept on growing. They started classes without the other, and while they were still best friends, they also made other friends.

But what changed the most wasn't their height, or groups.

It was themselves.

Girls flocked around Grimmjow, attracted to the sexy attitude, well built body and bad boy aura. Girls came to Ichigo to learn more about how to get closer to the blue haired stud.

Ichigo didn't know why it irritated him, because he should be happy that his friend was popular. He should be happy for him that he was dating all these girls, regardless of how long they actually lasted.

But he wasn't.

He was angry.

At Grimmjow for blowing videogame night off for a date

At the girls for managing to come between them

At himself for being bothered by it all

He wasn't usually possessive, but Grimmjow had been the constant in his life in elementary.

And it upset him to see it all change.

It wasn't until 10th grade when he was finally able to put a name to the feeling.

Jealousy

Not of his best friend

But of the girls

Because Ichigo may have been Grimmjow's best friend for years, and may have known more about the guy than anyone, but he would never know some things.

Like how Grimmjow acted on a date

Or how he kissed, if it was soft and tender or rough and passionate

And that was when he realized he was in love

With his best fucking friend

Maybe he was always a little in love with him, even from the start. Maybe it wasn't till now that he recognized his feelings weren't of friendship, but of more

And coming to terms with something like that hurt

But not as much pretending they weren't there

Not as much as Grimmjow go through girls, another one at his side every few weeks. Not of him canceling on their plans.

But as bad as it was at school, it was worse when they were alone.

Because when they were in Grimmjow's room, all he thought about was telling him. Of leaning over and catching him in a kiss to wipe the smirk off his face. To get him to stop recounting the events of his last date. To just get it over and done with. To see if maybe, just maybe, Grimmjow felt that way about him too.

But he didn't

Because it would be the stupidest thing he'd ever done, to confess to his best friend, who was without a doubt straight.

But no one ever said Ichigo was smart.

It was the day before summer break, and Ichigo was over at Grimmjow's house, watching TV. They had a habit of watching bad soap operas, and ridiculing the characters the whole time. Some man had just declared his undying love for his brother's wife on screen, as Grimmjow turned to Ichigo and mimicked the actions, professing his love. And as Grimmjow kneeled before him and held his hand in a mock gesture, Ichigo bent down and kissed him, and confessed his feelings.

It was barely a kiss, just a brush of lips, before he was pushed off.

"WHAT THE HELL MAN? GET OUT"

He had run home that night, and cried.

Because he had just lost the one thing he had always had

He should've been happy being by his side, content with knowing that Grimmjow was happy. His feelings toward his friend shouldn't have changed anything.

And he fell asleep wondering what the hell was going to happen now.

What happened was 7 months of silence.

3 of unawnsered phone calls, and 4 of tense silences

Where there used to be talking and laughing were replaced by silence

It wasn't until Christmas break when Grimmjow had come by and said that while he was flattered by Ichigo's feelings, he couldn't return them, but that he wanted them to go back to friends.

Ichigo had laughed, relieved to have his friend back, and assured him that it would never happen again, that he was confused at the time about his sexuality, and who better to confirm that then his best friend.

He laughed even if inside he was dying a little

Because he wasn't sure which was worse; Unrequited love, or rejection.

Not that there had been much hope in the first place

So, what do you think?

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