Friends
He eased himself down slowly unto the couch, careful not to jostle his ribs, because he knew the pain might just make him pass out. And he had been unconscious enough on this assignment. He was paying so much attention to protecting his ribs that he forgot to watch out for the coffee table. His injured knee smashed into the corner, causing him to drop the rest of the way down onto the couch. He cried out sharply as pain spasms racked his body and he sucked in his breath as he waited for them to pass.
Shit! This whole assignment had been shit and now that it was over he had all these great souvenirs to deal with. Shit! The word seemed appropriate at the moment and it filled his mind.
He wished he could just lie down and sleep, but he hadn't been able to do that for a couple of days. Apparently being unconscious didn't make up for lack of sleep. He hadn't looked in the mirror yet, afraid of what he must look like. Being thrown out of a moving car certainly hadn't improved his looks. He wasn't sure anyone would even recognize him since the center of his face was cover by the bandage over his broken nose. Both his eyes were surrounded by black and blue-green bruises and his split lip made it hard to have a beer, which was one of the few things he craved right now.
Now that he was home, though, he felt his body start to relax and his mind slowed down as he tried to return to his own personality. He also felt a deepening of the depression that had come over him at the end of the assignment, when he'd had to watch two opposing gangs shoot each other to pieces over drugs. He realized he was lucky to have survived, but it had cost the life of a fellow undercover cop along the way and he was still having trouble coming to terms with what had happened.
He jumped when the phone rang, sending another stab of pain through his body. Shit! His special word of the day, hell, of the month. He certainly didn't want to talk to anyone, not even Kensi. He simply wasn't in the mood to be around people. He felt despondency cloud his mind as the phone continued to ring, causing him to finally grab it and throw it across the room. When it hit the wall, all his emotions and regrets about the operation crashed down on him and he felt himself starting to lose it. If he had been able to get up from the couch, he would have punched a hole in the nearest wall, but that was out of the question now. Now he could barely move, so he slouched down and tried to get comfortable enough to sleep a little. Hopefully the nightmares would stay away this time.
Just as he dozed off, the phone rang again. SHIT! Who the hell wanted to talk to him this bad? Now he wished he hadn't thrown the phone across the room. He would rather be able to tell whoever it was what they could do to themselves. Suddenly his mind filled with flashing images of last week and he felt himself quiver with dread as he recalled everything that had happened. How was he going to get past this, he wondered. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't surf, he could hardly eat and he was stuck on this couch with some of the worst memories of his career. He hadn't felt this alone in a couple of years. But, he needed to be by himself so he could work through all the emotions that were assailing him right now. He wouldn't be good company for anyone and no one would want him around anyway, considering the way he looked and his poor state of mind.
Again the phone rang and he closed his eyes and tried to blot out the annoying sound.
"SHUT UP!" He finally screamed and was immediately sorry as his ribs screamed back. He gasped at the fiery pain and dug his fingers into the arm of the couch.
"Deeks! Open the door!" It was Sam's voice and he sounded pissed.
Great! Just who I needed bugging me right now, a pissed off SEAL, he thought.
"Go away, Sam," he yelled back and felt his anger rising. Why was he here and how did he know I was back?
"It's me too, Deeks," Kensi didn't sound as angry as Sam, but there was a hint of worry that seemed to linger in her voice.
"Remember, she can pick the lock in seconds, Deeks," Callen chimed in and Deeks just sat in silence shaking his head.
He found he couldn't speak as his mood darkened at the interruption. Let her pick the lock, he didn't care anymore. As soon as they saw him, they would make small talk and leave and maybe then he could sleep a little. He listened closely as the doorknob was easily breached and the three of them came into the room. He hadn't bothered to turn on any lights when he came in and the room was steeped in gloom.
"Why are you sitting in the dark?" Kensi asked. He heard her moving toward the couch and he finally reached up and turned on the lamp, illuminating his body and his damaged face. He heard the quick intake of breath from all of them as they saw the condition he was in.
"What do you want?" He barely masked the irritation he was feeling as they all gathered around him.
"You didn't answer your phone or Kensi's question," Callen sat down in a chair across from him and his voice sounded soft and quiet. "Why are you sitting alone in the dark?"
"It's my apartment, I don't need a light to know where I'm going." He sounded surly and he wanted them to leave so he wasn't about to pretend he wanted them here.
"You don't look like you could go anywhere if you wanted to," Sam sat down next to him and looked him up and down, taking in his bandaged face and swollen knee. The cast on his right arm ran from his elbow to his hand and his clothes were still torn up since he didn't have the strength to change them by himself.
"Deeks, why didn't you call us?" Kensi asked as she sat down on the coffee table in front of him. "We can help."
"I don't need your help, Kensi, I just need a little sleep," He tried to get up, but a blinding pain sliced through his midsection and he gasped and pressed his back into the couch trying to catch his breath.
"How many broken ribs?" Callen asked lightly.
"Three," he answered through gritted teeth. "Two cracked."
"Punch or something else?" Sam asked pointing at his nose.
"Thrown out of a moving car," he said haltingly as the pain subsided.
"Concussion?" Callen thought that was probably why the lights were off.
Deeks nodded slightly.
"Why aren't you in the hospital?" Kensi asked as she rested her hand on his other knee.
"Too many people," he mumbled and closed his eyes.
"How many days since you slept?" Sam asked as he picked up a vial of pain meds from the coffee table. He motioned for Callen to bring a bottle of water as he poured out a double dose of pills.
"Two days, maybe more," His voice was low and totally without energy. Sam and Callen looked at each other and they each could see the concern in the other's eyes.
"Deeks, take these." Sam handed him the pills and the bottled water and they saw him wince as he tried to drink through his busted lip. He managed though and smiled briefly as his head dropped back on the couch.
"Have you eaten?" Kensi began stroking his leg and she noticed it tremble. He was exhausted.
"Too hard," he said pointing at his mouth. "Stitches inside."
He didn't know why he was answering all their questions, but they were short and to the point and came from people who understood and who only needed short answers. He started to feel comforted by their presence in the room. Some of the residual fear from the past week was pushed away as they quietly questioned him. They made him feel safe and he hadn't felt that way in a month. The tension slowly drained from his body as Kensi covered him with a blanket and the pain meds began to take the edge off the pain. Sleep tugged at his weary body and a gray fog filled his mind as he slowly drifted into a restless sleep.
...
The nightmare woke him and he sat bolt upright, moaning loudly as the pain hit him. Sam was next to him in an instant, holding his shoulder and supporting his back as the pain rolled through his ribcage.
"You want to try for the bed?" Sam asked quietly. "Lying flat will be easier on your ribs."
Deeks nodded and then gasped as Callen and Sam took his arms and slowly lifted him to his feet.
"Shit!" he said under his breath. They supported him as the three of them made their way to the bedroom. Kensi had turned down the covers and as he sat on the edge of the bed they helped him remove his tattered shirt. He heard Kensi catch her breath a she saw the bruises that covered his body. The scrapes he suffered when he rolled across the asphalt after the drug dealers threw him out of the car were vivid and raw. He managed to lie down without too much agony and then Kensi started to unzipped his pants.
"I knew you missed me," he whispered as she started to pull his pants past his hips. They all saw the lopsided grin appear for the first time that night and they all relaxed a little.
"You want to try to shower, Deeks?" Sam asked as he saw the raw cuts around his knee and the dirt that surrounded it and looked ground into his skin.
"I don't think I could stand up that long," Deeks said wearily.
"I could hold you up," Kensi offered with a smile.
"I couldn't stand the excitement, Kens," Deeks laughed softly.
"That wound could get infected. Why didn't they clean it at the hospital?" Sam asked as he walked into the bathroom to look for disinfectant.
"I left early," he said with a soft look of embarrassment on his face.
Sam cleaned and bandaged the knee and several other contusions on his body. No one spoke and Deeks started to choke up at the kindness the three agents were showing him. They weren't rushing or making a big deal out of it; they were just there for him like they had nothing better to do. He expected it from Kensi, but not from Callen and Sam. It calmed him down, having them here, he thought.
He was used to coming down by himself after an undercover assignment and he thought this time would be no different. Except it had been different. It had been a hard month and he had come close to death a couple of times. That he had survived when his fellow officer hadn't still tore at his mind and was the main reason for his nightmares. He had worried that he couldn't pull himself back from this alias and he wasn't sure how he would have made it through this night if the team hadn't shown up tonight.
When Sam finished, they got him under the covers and the two senior agents walked back and stood by the door. Kensi tucked him in and gave him a goodnight kiss like he was a little kid and it made him smile to feel so taken care of. He couldn't remember having such a feeling since he was quite small.
"Thank you," he said as sleep pulled at him. "I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how I'm doing."
"We're not going anywhere Deeks," Callen said quietly. "You've got a concussion so we'll take turns sitting with you through the night."
"I don't know how to thank you," he murmured as his eyes struggled to stay open.
"You can thank us tomorrow, Deeks," Sam said softly smiling. " It's Thanksgiving."
"If you're up for it, Hetty has invited us all over for dinner," Kensi told him as she brushed his wild hair off of his forehead. "That's why we came over tonight, to invite you to Thanksgiving dinner."
"I'm thankful for good friends like you," Deeks voice was barely above a whisper as he slipped into sleep.
"And we're thankful you're home safe, Marty," Kensi whispered as Sam turned out the light.
...
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.