He came home from a long day at work. He was tired, done with the world. The more he tried, the more he crumbled. This man, his first love, rejected him for the last time.
That day was excruciating. It was hard to avoid him. It was hard to consider him as nothing more than a lower-ranked coworker. It was even harder to look at him. Every glaring dagger he made pierced the heart he feared may never heal again. He claimed his love for him too many times... but when will it be his turn to admit it?
He couldn't take it anymore. He contemplated.
How much longer?
How much longer will it take for you to finally confess to me until it's too late?
After a brief trip to the drugstore, he went to his room. Shut the door. A bottle in hand. Tears staining his clothes that he'll never let the world see. Not even him. He lay down in bed, not even thinking about dinner... nor tomorrow. He took a handful of pills. It was time. He felt it. He felt nothing left but the same soul-crushing despair he felt when Ritsu left him more than a decade ago. He had his say and his feelings weren't returned. So many people were pushed away by that tiny bit of hope he had for him to be the most important person in his life. It hurt even more to believe that... knowing Ritsu never felt the same way. There are many other men and women out there who knew the ten years of his life that he never got to know. What made him any different, he thought.
His hand was stiff with pills resting on the palm. The last image that roamed his mind was Ritsu smiling and declaring his love for him. It was nothing but a vision he yearned for. He left a note beforehand, confessing to his beloved one last time. He swallowed his handful of pills, then another, and another, until nothing was left but a bottle as empty as the hope he had left for him and his life. Not that he cared about his life.
If you truly love me, then you'd save my life. If not, then leave me to die here so I can finally watch you be happy.
And slowly he collapsed, drifting off to eternal sleep.
Ritsu began to worry about him. Takano, his boss, treated him like a complete stranger yesterday! What was with him? Could it be that he finally knocked the wind out of him? That can't be, Takano was persistent! Always harassing him on and off work, telling him he loves him.
Was it because he took things too far this time...?
Last time Takano tried to be intimate, Ritsu had a rough day and his feelings of doubt and his past resurfaced... forcing him to roughly shove Takano and create a scene, yelling "I don'tlove you and I never will! Now leave me alone!" before running off. He never meant to utter such harsh words. Normally Takano would forget it the day after but this time... he didn't.
Upon leaving his apartment, he noticed nothing but air waiting for him by the elevator. Takano wasn't outside his apartment waiting for him like he always did. He could've left early. After leaving a dozen text messages and phone calls, Ritsu received no response from either one. He called work in advanced, Hatori answering the phone. He asked where Takano was. Absent? How strange. Usually he's there early, and if not, with him on time.
His worry grew. Where is that idiot, he thought. He knocked on Takano's door, awaiting a response. Nothing.
"Takano-san, are you in here? Please answer or you're going to be late for work! I don't want to keep waiting for you," Ritsu called. Again, nothing. He twisted the knob, obviously it was locked. But he remembered Takano gave him a spare key.
Was it really worth 'breaking into' his apartment? The man might pull him in by surprise and claim him like he always does and the routine would go about as normal. But you know what, he'd much rather have that than be ignored. He hesitated, but reminded himself of Takano's recent ignorance. He hastily unlocked the door and let himself in. He took in the faint scent of used cigarettes in the room and noticed a pair of legs resting on the foot of Takano's bed. Ritsu ran towards it and there was his first love, sleeping peacefully next to the rising sun.
"Takano-san...?" Ritsu muttered. Before he could wake the man up, he noticed a note sitting by his nightstand.
Ritsu,
By the time you're reading this, I may have already left. Do not mourn for me. Do not declare your love for me when I could have been awake to see it. I know you'll find someone who deserves you more than I do, someone who will treat you better. At least you won't have to worry about anyone holding you back. You could finally be with the man who helped you go through your darkest moments - the man who knew the ten years of you that I don't, or you can finally reconsider marrying the woman whom you've been engaged with since you left. I hope my actions will set you free from my grasp once and for all, if that is what you truly desire. Judging from what I've seen, I think you're capable of living your life without me. I'm nothing more than a hindrance to you after all.
I wish I could be the one true love you wanted me to be from the beginning. I never meant to give you the wrong idea that morning after. Even after this, you will always be the most important person in my life. Whether in life or in death, I will always watch over you.
No matter what happens, you will always and forever be my first love.
- Masamune
Tears began to pool Ritsu's eyes.
No.
No.
No.
This isn't happening.
What have I done, he thought drastically.
Within seconds, the entire complex had Ritsu screaming his name... and sirens were heard.
=To be continued.=