A/N - Just incase anyone wants to know, in this story Dean would be 39, Haley 37 and Sam 35.
Hope you like and thank you for reading :-)
It had started out as a normal night. There had been nothing strange or out of the ordinary about it, in fact, the biggest concern that played on Haley's mind at that point was what she was going to wear for work the next day. She sighed lightly and continued to flick through the different channels on the tv, not particularly paying too much attention to what was on them, before a quiet knocking on her front door pulled her from her thoughts. She frowned and glanced down at her watch, 01:12AM.
Having someone knocking at her door at such an odd time made her feel a little uneasy, whether that was down to the years she had spent hunting with her brothers or just a general concern at the abnormality of it she wasn't sure, but something about it all made her nervous. In the many years she had spent hunting ghosts and demons and monsters with her brothers, the idea of something coming back for her was one that had never left. There was always something out there that was going to want revenge, there would always be some creature somewhere in the depths of hell that held a grudge against the siblings that sent it there, and one day she assumed that something would come for her. It was inevitable.
That had been one of the main reasons that she had never wanted to get out of hunting, she had always expected that she would die with a gun in her hand, that she would eventually be beaten by something supernatural and that would be the end of it, she had accepted that. But fate wouldn't seem to have it. By the time she had gotten to the age of thirty-two, just two years after the apocalypse, once everything seemed to have gotten back to normal, she had gotten herself pregnant. It had been an innocent night out to a bar with Dean, a little too much alcohol and a drunken one night stand later, she had sealed her own fate. She hadn't meant for it to happen, she hadn't wanted it, but it was something that she couldn't have taken back. And being truthful, after six years with her son, she wouldn't have changed it for the world. So she had left the job, unable to give up her baby, and made a life for herself. And in the six years that she had been there, it had been without any trouble.
There was another knock at the door, this time slightly louder, pushing her to warily get up and open it out of curiosity. The cold air hit her at once as she pulled it open, but that wasn't the thing that hit her the hardest. The sight on the other side was something that she could have never prepared herself for. Because the only thing that she feared more in the world than the sight of something evil on the other side of her front door, was the sight of one of her brothers looking the way that Dean did right there. There were two types of people in the world, the ones who preferred to cry with others, and the ones who would rather cry alone - and then there was Dean, the one who had almost always been able to hide his pain. But at that point, he was failing miserably. Sometimes, when it was obvious how hard he was trying to hide the tears shining in his eyes, Haley would do the gracious thing and pretend not to notice, because she knew that was what he wanted - but there was no ignoring the look on his face. Not this time.
"Dean?" She whispered, her voice cracked slightly as she said his name.
It had only been five short weeks since the last time he and Sam had stopped by to see them, and everything had been fine. They had shown up with grins on their faces, they had been relatively happy, they were both healthy and there was nothing majorly evil hunting anyone down - everything had seemed okay. But there was something in Dean's eyes this time that told a completely different story. He looked more broken than she had ever seen him look before. And that physically hurt her to see.
Dean looked up at her, his eyes were slightly bloodshot with dark circles set beneath them, making him appear as though he hadn't slept in about a month. The green in his eyes shone with unshed tears, the water brimming at his lashes. She couldn't say for sure what had happened to him, but she was starting to get a pretty sickening idea.
"Hey, Hales." He choked out, his words quiet and etched with sorrow, like he had struggled to even get them out in the first place.
"Dean," She tried again, looking over him slowly. She wasn't sure where she was supposed to start, the only thing that she could think to do at that point was take a step to the side and give a small nod to him. "Come in." She coaxed softly, thinking it better to get him out of the freezing winter's weather.
Dean nodded briefly and entered her house. He moved like a ghost, his eyes were fixed on the floor and his movements slow, as though he were unsure about what he was doing. She hadn't seen him look that way in a long, long time, and honestly it scared her. It scared her to think what had happened to him to make him look the way he did, she didn't really want to think about it.
"What's happened?" She pressed. It wasn't like she really wanted to know, but she knew that she was going to have to hear it eventually, however hard it was going to be.
Dean's face faltered for a second. The pain and angst changed to a look of pure anger, a look that made her stomach twinge in fear. She didn't think that she had ever seen him look so livid in her entire life. It was pure, unadulterated venom. He turned from her and headed through to the kitchen, wasting no time in taking a bottle of whiskey from the cupboard and opening it up.
Haley followed him and paused in the doorway, watching his actions cautiously. "Dean." She pushed, a little sterner, making some attempt to get through to him. "What's happened?" She asked again.
Dean lowered the bottle from his lips and placed it down on the counter forcefully, she wouldn't have been surprised if it would have smashed with the impact, and looked up at her, his face blank. "He's dead." He answered quietly. "Sam's dead."
The two words hit her like a punch to the face, physically knocking her back to lean against the door frame. For a second she thought that she were going to be sick, that she needed to scream, but she couldn't. She couldn't even form a straight thought in her head. It felt as though the world around her had stopped and come crashing down around the words, that a part of her had been ripped out and that there was something vital missing from her existence.
"I let him die." Dean went on before she could even think up a response, his voice was spiteful of no one but himself. "You know, I spent so many years telling him that I'd keep him safe, that I wouldn't let anything get him.. I promised him, I promised Dad, I even promised you - and look what I go and do." His voice was steadily rising with everything he said, a detestation in it that she assumed was made only for him.
"Dean," Haley went to say something, finally finding her voice again, but Dean was only becoming more and more angry at himself.
"I should have saved him, Haley!" He snapped, cutting her off. She got the impression that he had been drinking long before he had arrived there. "He's dead because I failed him!"
"Dean," She tried again helplessly. There was nothing that she could think to say, there weren't words to make anything better. "Just, calm down, okay?"
He turned on her and looked on at her in disbelief, shaking his head slowly. "Calm down?" He repeated incredulously, as though he couldn't believe the words had just left her mouth at all. "You're telling me to calm down? Are you kidding me, Haley?! Sam is dead!"
"Dean," Haley took a step forwards, her voice hard. "I have a six-year-old sleeping upstairs, please." Tears filled up in her eyes at the words, the same thought that was in her head at that moment seemed to crash right down on Dean.
The momentary anger immediately faded from his face, replaced by a look on sickness and remorse. He had loved Sam, he had worshipped them both. As far as her son was concerned, uncle Sam and Dean were his heroes, the only two men in his life that he had ever shown so much respect and admiration for, and they all knew it. She couldn't even begin to think how she was supposed to tell him what had happened.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. "Haley," He looked up at her and shook his head remorsefully. "I'm sorry."
Haley cleared her throat and looked down, unable to face him. "Dean, it wasn't your fault." She whispered. "It's gonna be okay."
Dean scoffed at her comment. "How?" He retorted. Haley just continued to stare at the tiled floor, she couldn't answer him. "You tell me how this can possibly be okay."
Haley glanced up and narrowed her eyes at him. "You can't give up, Dean."
There was a look in his eyes, he looked completely shattered. He looked like he had lost all hope and meaning, like he had forgotten the reason he had to keep on going. The one person that he had spent almost every day of his life with was gone, and he knew he wasn't going to come back this time. She could see the blame in his eyes, even when she was more than sure that whatever had happened wasn't his fault, that Dean had fought for Sam's life to the end, she could see the self loathing and the pain. He looked nothing but broken. He looked like someone who was at the end, someone who wanted to give it all up.
"You have so much courage, Dean, and you're so strong." Dean looked away from her, shaking his head. "Pulling through is what you're good at. It's not right, but it's true. It's all you've ever done."
It was a side of him that Haley had seen all too often. She had seen him hide away and push down so much pain over the years, since they were kids, she couldn't count the amount of times she had wondered to herself how he managed to do it, how he managed to stay so courageous. There was a bravery in him that she had never seen in another human being before, it consumed him, an unquestionable strength that only he possessed, and she didn't know how he managed it.
"I always admired you courage." She murmured, more to herself than to him, something that vaguely slipped through her lips before she could catch it.
Dean looked up at her, his head tilted to the side slightly. "Then you obviously have no idea who you're dealing with." He repeated simply.
Haley looked up at him, he really didn't understand how brave he was, how much he had been through and made it past. How many times he could have taken the easy option and chosen not to fight, but he never gave up, ever. She had never once seen him back down from a fight, she had never seen him turn his back on someone he loved, in fact he was the type of guy that would drive three states over without sleep because he'd had a call from his nephew to say he missed him. She had seen him risk his life time and time again for complete strangers who would never even know that he had existed.
"Courage means choices, Dean." She answered. Dean frowned at her, apparently unsure where she was going with it. "You know, you could have given up so many times, after Dad, after hell, after the apocalypse, you could have fallen apart and let it all beat you, but you didn't. You never have." She gave a small shrug. "You try and tell me that's not courage."
Dean squeezed his eyes closed and pulled a hand down his face. Sometimes he didn't understand her faith in him. "I don't know what to do, Hales." His voice wavered at his words, he sounded completely lost.
Haley nodded slowly, thinking through what she could say, because she really didn't think her brain could function many more sentences. "I know it hurts, Dean, believe me, I know." She took a deep breath and looked down for a second as she held back the tears. "And I know that there doesn't look to be a way out of this, but I'm in the same boat here, I'm right here with you."
He finally managed to look up at her again, realising then how hard she was fighting herself to keep it all together for him. Because he had shown up there in the state he had, she didn't want to break down in front of him. She had just found out that her little brother was dead, the same as him, and she was holding it together because she didn't want to make it harder on him.
Haley clenched her jaw, unable to even breathe anymore. Sam wasn't coming back, and as much as she tried to tell herself that he had done it before, and that there was always a chance, she knew that he wouldn't. She couldn't make the thoughts from her mind leave, she couldn't silence them or make them better, they were just there. She had lived the past six years in some weird denial about death, once she had left the life and she didn't see the evil in the world every day, she had talked herself into the idea that Sam and Dean would always be fine, she had lied to herself until it had gotten to a point that she had actually believed it. And now that whole lie had come crashing down around her.
Without warning, Dean took a couple of steps towards her and wrapped his arms around her tightly. She didn't even know which one of them he was trying to comfort, because he was just about as broken and lost in it all as she was. Haley slowly brought her arms up and wrapped them around him, gripping to the back of his jacket as she blinked the tears from her eyes and squeezed them closed, taking a deep breath.
"I wish I could help you." She whispered, not even sure where the comment had come from. She prayed that she could take away the pain, wishing that something could make it all go away and that they could be okay. But it was never that easy.
Dean nodded slowly. "You are." He mumbled into her shoulder. She could feel the tears against her shirt, but she said nothing as he tightened his hold of her. "More than you know."
Everything that they meant; I love you, I'm here for you, I've got you, I'll protect you, you're not alone - it was all said in that one action, without needing a single word. The message was there, if either of them needed to sit up all night and cry they wouldn't be doing it alone, there was nothing that was going to come between them. Nothing was ever going to separate or hurt them again - it was all promised without either of them needing to open their mouths. And that was the way it had always been. It might never be okay again, it might never stop hurting, but they would never have to hurt alone..