Disclaimer: It is I, JK Rowling, because of course I'm an anonymous writer on the internet with nothing better to do than make crappy fanfiction about her own book.
I hereby dedicate this story to IamSavvy, who is damn hypocrite because she has yet to write a single fanfiction but has been bitching me to do so for several days now.
I heard the last of the nightly ritual of Pompous Brother and Audacious Brother in the washroom and was positively ecstatic when the lights finally went out for the night. It meant undisturbed practice time and no fighting, but then again it also meant no goats or socks or sweets until tomorrow. So to say I was feeling conflicted when I slipped into Pompous Brother's room and nicked his wand was an understatement. But since this was the only time I could rehearse my wand work and the only time a day when there was no tension in our household, I was somewhat content on waiting for sweets and goats and socks.
Down the stairs I crept, silent and waiting for just the right moment to slip out unnoticed to the old shed behind our house. When I determined that yes, it really is safe now; I sprinted across the kitchen and out the back door, over the yard's uneven terrain and to the shed.
I was inspired by Strange Boy telling me I could be anything I wanted to be if I only sacrificed everything I had ever wanted to do for it. And right in that moment, I knew I had to learn how to magic things and be a part of the world that my brothers took so for granted. And so here I was, taking Strange Boy's advice and learning to magic things just like he had suggested. Even if it meant risking Audacious Brother finding out and insisting that I stay in the house all the time.
Why did Audacious Brother hate Strange Boy so much anyways? I know that Pompous Brother likes him a lot and they talk about their dreams and goals. Maybe Audacious Brother is just jealous and doesn't like how smart they are. How they so easily talk over his head, which I guess I can understand, because it frustrates me, too, when people talk about me like I'm not even there.
Strange boy is strange because he's different than the rest of this town-he speaks with an odd accent and talks about things only Pompous Brother and the Nice Lady could hope to understand, and sometimes, I catch him and Pompous brother under the willow, doing things they shouldn't be doing since they're both boys, which offends Audacious Brother a lot, even though Strange Boy insists that him and Pompous Brother are only business partners and are doing things in a wholly casual way. But I like Strange Boy, even when he's angry and even though he once said he does not like girls, because he's a nice change of pace to this unexciting little town. I'll be the first to admit that his presence and eccentricity makes my loneliness and boredom a little more bearable. This is why I like to engage in casual conversation with him and prefer his advice over that of either of my brothers.
And so this is why I am prowling about in the dark, attempting to find my way to an old shed. And this is why when I finally get there, I pull out the pin holding my cloak in place and allow it to fall to the floor and draw the wand.
I have been practicing this particular charm, the Patronus Charm, for quite some time now, and I can feel it's almost ready. I feel it in my bones that I will be able to do it tonight, that I'll finally be a part of the world I've wanted for so long now. When I finally do raise the tool and mutter the incantation, I feel a kind of rush as I focus on the one happy thought I can grasp completely.
I see Pompous Brother and Audacious Brother and myself standing with our parents, smiling. Pompous Brother and Audacious Brother aren't fighting anymore and Mother and Father are kissing and I am holding flowers and the whole family is so happy I can hardly stand it and then-
It shoots out of the tip of the wand and it's little more than a wisp of smoke, but it was there and it was real and it was all for me, for keeps. I hardly waited to for it to disappear before I was again raising my wand and trying again. I feel the magic rushing through me again and I focused once more on the beautiful delusion I had conjured up in my mind before. Then I could feel the tingling sensation I felt before and it's so wonderful, I'm almost disappointed when I can no longer feel it. But the sensation of seeing the figure before me is much more wonderful.
It's barely even there and it's almost illegible in terms of species. And when I reach out to it, it dissolves almost instantly. I almost cry with relief and happiness when I see it, and I decide to name it Bapa, right after my late grandfather.
The whole night goes like this, and by the time the sun is due to rise, I can feel my mind fogging over with a mist of drowsiness before I remember that I'm in a shed, practicing illegal magic with someone else's wand, and Audacious Brother should be up and feeding the goats soon, so I pinned my cloak around my neck yet again, and set out for my miserable home life where there are fights and brothers who pay no mind to you and strange boys with odd accents. And when I arrive, I feel a sort of rush and can't help but feel like it's only a matter of time before I can magic things just like my brothers can. And with that wonderful possibility in mind, I replaced Pompous Brother's wand on his night stand before creeping down the hallway back to my own room. And when I close my eyes, I can almost fool myself into believing that the beautiful delusion and the wisp of magical smoke actually made a difference.
SRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSR SRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSR SRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSR
When I wake up the next morning, Pompous Brother has already made breakfast, and Strange Boy is in the kitchen animatedly speaking with him. I begin to notice the little things, like how Pompous Brother's face will flush when their hands touch and how he shifts awkwardly whenever Strange Boy leans in to make his point, and I realize that maybe Pompous Brother likes Strange Boy a little more than he likes to let on. And though Strange Boy is really smart, he is painfully oblivious, so I make a mental note to help them along a bit. After all, Strange Boy once said that Pompous Brother is his only equal in a world of idiotic politicians, so who else could possibly be better?
I decide that I've thought enough for the moment, so I slip into the kitchen. They finally seem to notice me, and I can hear Strange Boy sigh and curse under his breath in the Strange Language. I open my mouth to say something, but before I can speak, I see Pompous Brother smack him playfully and reprimand him for using those words. And of course, Strange Boy has to make a lewd comment about him not being any better about his language when they were "together at night". And I can't help but notice that Pompous Brother's smile doesn't quite reach his eyes when he laughs, and how his eyes suddenly look like they might start leaking tears at any moment.
And then I can see, truly see, how badly he wants this. How badly he needs Strange Boy to love him as more than a good friend, or a lover at night, and how much he wants this to be more than the occasional nightly fling under sweaty sheets.
But then Audacious Brother walks in, and grumbles about it being much too early for breakfast on a Sunday, and Pompous Brother's eyes and lips go back to normal, and Strange Boy goes back to chatting with him, and Audacious Brother is half asleep, and I decide to stop thinking too hard this early. And though I want to very badly, when Pompous Brother asks if I want any eggs, I don't ask him if he loves Strange Boy a lot, and instead say, yes, I would very much like some eggs.
And when Strange Boy and Pompous Brother go off to discuss intelligent things, and Audacious Brother goes to feed the goats, I am alone in the kitchen and wishing I could fix everything between everybody. But life, for whatever reasons, will never be that simple, and I instead start planning when I will sneak out to practice tonight.
The next time I see Pompous Brother and Strange Boy, they're arguing under the willow.
"Why not, Gellert? We wouldn't have to tell anybody, and when we're in charge, we won't have to hide!" Strange Boy-Called-Gellert looked angry and exasperated.
"Because the consequences far out-weigh the rewards, Albus! What do you want me to do, run down the streets, screaming for the world to hear that I like men? That I'm with you? They would hate us, put us in prison, maybe even kill us! Is that what you really want, dear? How are we supposed to accomplish anything when we're dead or in jail? What of the greater good? What of the Hallows-" Strange Boy spat the term of endearment like it was poison on his tongue, like bile in his throat.
"What of the Hallows, Gellert? What of us, dearest?! I'm sick and tired of being used like a common whore and then pushed aside. I want to be with you, but I will be no one's dirty little secret, Gellert!" By now Brother is heaving with dry sobs and choking on his words, something I had never seen him do before.
"Ja, of course you aren't a whore, Albus, because it's not like you love every second of it! You know love when I make you spread your legs for me! Don't pretend you don't love the feeling of sneaking around at night, having to watch out for other people, having to think on your feet when people ask why you're out late-"
"Do you love me, Gellert?" Brother deadpans.
And I suddenly feel like I am violating their privacy, and I turn to go. As I head for the house, I can hear the end of the fight.
Strange Boy's voice was cold and unfeeling when he hissed one of the cruelest things I had ever heard him say.
"No. I only reason I even keep you around is because I feel sorry for you, and for the sex. You mean nothing, less than nothing to me," And suddenly Brother is choking back sobs and running away, and he runs past me, and our eyes meet, and he looks like he'll never be happy again. And I really don't know what to say, because no amount of reassurance could fix what just happened. So instead I say three words that don't help, but that he might like to hear.
"I'm so sorry,"
He looks surprised, because I rarely speak with anyone at all. And neither of us know if I'm talking about me eavesdropping or about the fight or about how I've been learning magic behind his back, but somehow, in this moment, it's enough.
He hugs me, something he rarely does, and he sobs into my shirt, and I realize that my brother deserves to break down and not be strong for once. And as we sink to the forest floor, I let him cry for God knows how long and sit there, intensely hating Strange Boy for doing this to my brother.
And in that moment, I realize that life will never be fair and that Pompous Brother may never truly be happy ever again.