HarryClara - Afraid / help (OTP BC Prompt)
For Laura on the BBC Sherlock Fanficiton Challenges Drabble Tag.
You are a mess. You argued with John again, you got fired from your job, Clara was mad at you, everything seemed to be going wrong for you. You can't take it anymore. The bottle is right there, it's calling to you, it's saying it can help you feel better, it can be you friend.
You know you shouldn't, you promised Clara and you promised John and you promised yourself that you would stop.
But you can't help it. You need to forget, you need to, even just for a moment, feel happy and the bottle is right there and it's calling to you so loud you can't resist.
Gingerly you reach for it, you are terrified that Clara will walk in the door and see you drinking. Last time, she came home from work and saw you unconscious from drinking so much. She swore she would leave you if she ever saw you drink again.
I can't take it anymore, she had said, with tears streaming down her face. You choose to drink instead of asking me for help, you choose the bottle over me again and it will be the last time you ever have to choose between us again because I'll be gone, Harry. I want to help you but I can't if I keep coming home and finding you drunk.
You had just stared at her in shock, you never imagined that she was capable of such an ultimatum.
Guilt and fear gnaw at you as you take your first swig. Oh it feels so good, you want more, you need more. You drink from the bottle again, leaning against the wall a feeling of numbness slowly filling you up. All your problems are forgotten. Yet one still remains.
Fear stabs at your heart every time you hear footsteps, or the sound of a door opening. Rational thinking would tell you that you live in an apartment block, it's just the neighbours but you were too drunk to think rationally. Every creak of a door, every squeak of shoes on the floor, every sound made you jump and you were overcome with fear that Clara would see you and she really would leave you forever and the only good thing in your life would disappear.
Clarity washed over you, sobering you up. You are unsteady on your feat, muttering about wanting to change, needing to change. You throw the bottle against the wall and break down into tears.
Clara is going to come home and she is going to leave you because you drank. You can't live without Clara. Your sobs increase as you think what a stupid idiot you are.
You stumble as you try to walk towards the phone to call Clara, and a pair of arms catches you around the waist and helps you back up to your feet. You look up and see that it is Clara.
A million apologies burst out of your mouth through your tears, more promises not to drink. This time you mean them. You are so scared, you have never felt more scared in your life, but you honestly don't think you can survive without Clara.
She hugs you to her chest, her soft lips pressed to the side of your head and she whispers two words that make you realize that she isn't going anywhere. "I know."