The Way We Are
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Summary: "Rather than growing stale with time, each 'I Love You' which spills from her lips is like a gem, something to be treasured and saved and committed to memory, because he doesn't know how much time he has left before their ambitions separate them forever." A Ted/Robin one-shot, set just before they break up. First HIMYM fanfic.
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"Kids, you know they say you never forget the woman you first love, the woman you see yourself settling down with, maybe having a couple of kids with. That exhilarating feeling you get every time you with her, the way your bodies move in sync automatically, like some kind of reflex... well, that's kind of hard to forget. You'll find out for yourselves way, way, way into the future what it's like, and then you'll be telling your own kids how you met their mother and/or father...Hopefully your tale will be shorter than mine, but it's all relevant, I swear.
For me, Robin was someone I honestly believed I'd make an honest woman out of some day, even if she never planned to get married. I guess we were in that place when we believed we had no expiration date, that all those bumps which separated other couples would be no trouble for us. For some – and by some, I am referring to your Uncle Barney – it might've seemed arrogant to think that, that we were being too complacent, but to us... well, we were in love, and that's all that mattered. Sooner or later kids, you have to face the bigger picture, face reality for what it is, but for us, the realisation we were going in two different directions didn't hit us for a while, and when it did hit us, it was one of the worst moments of my life. But more on that later..."
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He notes her breathing patterns when she's tucked in his arms, able to interpret her moods based on the pace of her breath. The more breaths she exhales, the more anxious she feels, and when those moments come, he holds her tighter, fighting back his own wave of anxiety.
He doesn't know when it'll happen, but at some point he'll lose this – her – forever. There'll be a time when he doesn't have her close enough to be able to count her eyelashes, or trace faint patterns along her skin, or kiss her so deeply it feels like the world could end around them and not even that would be enough to break them apart. He won't get to smell her hair as he embraces her, won't get to see his favourite smiles of hers on a regular basis – it's that sort of smile which has the potential to turn into a laugh, but never does, so the amusement is just frozen there like a photograph, one he could stare at for hours upon end.
She shifts in his arms, her attention on the screen. He forgets what movie they've put on – some romantic comedy – but it captures her attention, and when she laughs, her body rocks against his, a flood of emotions stirring inside him.
He's never been in this sort of relationship before, one which ultimately has an expiration date but which is so perfect to be a part of, he can't help but hope the future will change for them, but as long as she harbours the desire to travel the world, with marriage and children no more a part of her vision than exotic countries are a part of his, he knows at some point there'll be tears shed which, for once, aren't followed with a fierce entanglement of their bodies as they sweep into the process of reacquainting themselves with each other's bodies after a fierce argument seemingly detaches themselves as a couple as each maintain a particular stance within the argument itself.
But it's easy to forget about all that, particularly since right about now her hand is entwined with his as they lay along the couch together, her head resting under his chin, their legs entwined making it impossible for them to separate (not that they'd want to do that).
As he finally pays attention to what's playing on the screen, he manages to catch up with the plot within seconds, mostly because it's completely identifiable with his own life. Most of the movie matches perfectly with his own life, except of course, for the pre-written happy ending.
He has no idea whether his life is destined to have a happy ending, but he wants her to be in it if he has one.
Life should be savoured like a good book, with each page representing time which one should slowly consume and enjoy as it appears, rather than racing ahead to the ending page to see how it all ends, but he wishes he could get a sneak peek of his future, just to see if it all turns out okay.
"You're staring," she murmurs, tilting her head towards him, grinning playfully.
"You're my girlfriend. Staring at your beauty is just one of the many, many perks I get which you're not allowed to object to," he teases, leaning forward to kiss her lips.
"Mm-hm, that perk does come with conditions, you know."
"Like what?"
"Like if you want your pretty little eyes to remain where they are right now as opposed to, say, in a place where the sun is notorious for not shining, you keep your eyes around my head area," she teases, lightly nudging him. "There's a whole other world above my breasts you are more than welcome to take advantage of, and I encourage you to."
"You know Barney thinks you have me whipped, right?" he points out. "You setting out ground rules isn't going to convince him otherwise."
"Well, tough." She snuggles against him. "You might have stolen me a blue horn on our first date, but try anything I don't like, and you'll be tooting your own horn from now on, if you get what I mean."
She laughs at his expression and, so, to guard what's left of his pride, he attacks her lips fiercely, running his fingers through her soft, chestnut brown hair.
Pretty soon, things become heated, and the credits of the movie long since appear and then subsequently disappear as lips connect fiercely with lips (and then other body parts), with hands alternatively entwining to establish connection, and then quickly released to explore all the other areas they know so well by now.
It's not exactly an easygoing relationship, although it seems perfect on the outside. She's stubborn, has a tendency to shut down when certain topics crop up, and he hates certain habits of hers – her fascination with guns, the way she seems to regard her own personal problems as bigger than his, to name but a few – and he knows there are probably aspects of his life she resents too, but what seems to keep them together is this belief they can solider on through anything.
It might be denial they're living in right now, but it's better than the alternative – facing up to reality.
It surprises him too that each time she tells him she loves him, that familiar jolt to his heart still occurs, almost like he's surprised she's maintained that level of affection for him. Rather than growing stale with time, each 'I Love You' which spills from her lips is like a gem, something to be treasured and saved and committed to memory, because he doesn't know how much time he has left before their ambitions separate them forever.
He pushes that notion out of his mind.
He'd rather not dwell on the thought of tomorrow when the reality of today seems much brighter.
He loves Robin, and she loves him, and that for them has always been enough.