Dear Jamie,

Guess who got a fancy ass laptop for Christmas? This bastard right here. Oh yeah. It's personalized, none of that shitty stuff you see in Best Buy or Fry's Electronics. North has an engineering team that made a Jack Frost inspired design. I'll bring it over tomorrow to show you. It's frost resistant and has wicked quick internet access. It doesn't even need to reboot. You push the power button and it's ready to go in three seconds, which doesn't count as a reboot because it's so freaking quick. I think North is having one made for you too so you can go to college with a wicked cool laptop.

But I'm also grounded. I froze a small army of Bunny's eggs because they didn't obey my command. I overthrew their dictator Bunny by telling him about Sophie's date with that punk kid. He got so pissed. You know how he is with Sophie. He treats her like his own kid and he does not approve of Nick. So he left with Baby Tooth (she loves Sophie as much as Tooth does) and spied on them. So with dictator Bunny gone I freed the eggs from having to sacrifice their bodies for Easter. It's really disgusting though. I mean, why would you create this cute little egg things and then force them to decorate themselves only to be treated like toys in the end? Kids crack them to get the stuff out. (What is the stuff anyways? Is it candy or yolk or Peeps? I don't understand why kids would hunt for painted eggs that have yolk in them. That's hecka boring.) The eggs were so brainwashed by Bunny that they said they wanted their freedom to be sacrificed for Easter. NOT COOL. So I took some of them out and let them free. Then a renegade group of eggs against my vision of freedom attacked me and the sentinel eggs too. They threw eggs at me. Using their own people's bodies to attack me! So I froze like fifty or sixty of them. Then I threw up because I was drunk and holy cow it was not good. I threw up in the coloring pool so you can imagine what it was like for Bunny to walk in on my unconscious body at the shore of the pool with vomit everywhere.

Then Bunny told me that I got it all wrong. I was hallucinating or something because eggs don't throw themselves at people as targets. In other words I was so drunk I was imagining kamikaze eggs. Do you know how bad that is for me? Not much because I'm immortal so I have an unlimited amount of brain cells.

So I'm grounded and I have to clean up the Warren of my vomit and help decorate more eggs. Bunny let some of the eggs play with my staff and they almost got it in the coloring pool. Can you imagine me with a rainbow staff? I'd be like Jack Frost the master of winter and gay staffs.

Anyways. I'll come to you with the laptop and maybe I'll sneak out Sam and Daisy too. They miss you a lot.

Jack

#

"Were you drunk when you wrote this?" Jamie folded the letter up carefully and slid it back into its envelope that strangely smelled like beer.

"I don't think so. I should've been sober."

"Well gee, Jack. Sounds like you had one hell of a time at the Warren." Jamie had never been around a drunk Jack before. He didn't even think Jack liked to get drunk. He was always complaining about the killer headaches that followed, and that one time drinking was enough to put him off.

"It wasn't even alcohol! It was this weird thing that Bunny had in his treehouse." Jack whimpered. "It was labeled punch and there were quotations around it but I thought that was the MLA format or something."

"MLA format?"

"Correct grammar. Whatever! Shit. Suddenly I don't feel so good." Jack limped to Jamie's bed and crawled on it with another whimper.

"If you barf on my bed I will kick. You. Out."

"I'll be out before I do. No worries, sweetheart." Jack flopped onto his stomach and brought a leg up to his chest. "So how's Sophie and Nick?"

"Nick's a sweetie. He's not like your stereotypical punks."

"I'll bet. Did he buy her flowers?"

"You bet." Jamie casually cleared the path to the window so Jack wouldn't trip over anything when he finally decided to vomit. "He didn't paint them black either."

"That's -" Jack's eyes widened comically before he turned his head and vomited on Jamie's pillow.

Jamie flung himself against his desk and clutched its edge. "JACK YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

"Don' worry! Your mom won' be'ble to see it 'cause she doesn' believ-" Jack tried to smile but vomited again. It came out in colorful streams of red and blue and purple - all the colors of the rainbow. "Fuggin' kang'roo," Jack said before toppling off Jamie's bed and smearing his rainbow stained mouth on the ground.

A/N: I'm having a really shitty day. That's why I ended it so short. Where the hell is my fucking karma? I'm nice to people. Why aren't people nice to me? Not you guys. You guys online are sweethearts .The people in real life aren't.