Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, but I DID coin the phrase "Aussie Pretzel". That's all me, baby!
A/N: So, this is something that I originally started writing for a challenge over on the Yogurt and Fun Livejounal community. The challenge was to find a picture of Sarah in one of her various spy outfits, or something she'd worn for cover, and to write a smutty fic about it. Well, I found a nice once from the Wienerlicious, and that's the one I decided to use. But the thing is, when I started writing, what came out was more comedy than smut. Oh, there's some smut, too. Enough to earn an M rating on FFnet. Probably a hard R rating over on Livejournal. Anyway, and also, it took WAY longer than it should have to write this, but I promised MXPW that I'd finish it, so I have done just that. One more thing: definite femslash warning. There's femslash aplenty in this story, so if that offends you, just click away, like now. So, yeah, I hope you guys enjoy the story, and please review. Thanks!
You Look Good In That Skirt:
Why the Wienerlicious Really Closed
"You what!" Graham boomed.
"Agent Walker, I thought we made it clear that you were not to jeopardize your cover after you were almost fired for missing too many days?" General Beckman added. "How are you supposed to keep tabs on the asset now?"
Sarah ducked her head in shame as she stood in front of the monitor in the home theater room of the Buy More. "I'm sorry sir, ma'am."
Graham sighed. "What happened, Sarah? We paid people off to make sure nothing happened to the restaurant."
The blonde agent paused for a moment, mulling over how to describe her predicament. "Well, I um, I was restrained, and I really couldn't prevent it from happening, but…"
The previous day…
When the bells on the door chimed, Sarah didn't even bother to look up from the IKEA catalogue that she'd been thumbing through all morning. Finally, she'd talked her superiors into giving her a more permanent residence. They'd agreed that living in a hotel didn't really fit her cover, and that it would make sense for her to move in with Chuck to further their cover relationship and increase his security.
There was also the matter of creating a new and better base of operations for the team. Because of that, it had been decided that a house would be built for the cover couple with a secret lair, called "Castle", hidden underneath.
Honestly, Sarah didn't even care that much about the spy stuff. She was just stoked that she was finally going to be able to move out of her hotel room, and as an added bonus, she'd be able to live with Chuck, who she could admit she'd fallen head over heels for. He was her best friend, too, which only added to her happiness. It would be the first time a home would feel like a "home" to her. That part excited Sarah, and she'd spent the past week coming up with ideas for decorating their new house. She only hoped Chuck would be as excited about the new living situation as she was when she finally broke the good news to him.
Still, despite her musings, she managed a half-hearted greeting for her new customer. "Guter nachmittag, und willkommen zu Wienerlicious," Sarah said distractedly.
"Wie behandelt langweilige Leben Sie?" asked a familiar voice.
Sarah smiled a little to herself. "Your grammar is kind of awful, but my life is just fine, thanks Carina."
"Meh," Carina said shrugging. "German never was my language."
"This is true," Sarah admitted. "So what brings you to my very boring corner of the globe?"
"Weeelll," Carina drawled. "I had a holdover in LA, and thought I'd come see my bestest buddy in the whole world while I was here. Plus, there is one other thing."
"That is?"
"You see, when I was here last, we were so caught up with work that I didn't really have time to tell you something very important, and I thought I'd correct that mistake," Carina said. She then paused for dramatic effect. "I forgot to tell you that you how good you look in that skirt."
"Carina," Sarah said warningly. "What do you want?"
"What do I want?" Carina repeated with a laugh. "Right to the point, I see."
"Carina!" Sarah gasped, surprised as Carina had moved to stand right next to her without Sarah even noticing. "Seriously, what can I get for you? A corndog? Fries?" the blonde asked nervously.
"Nah, not in the mood for any of that," Carina said. "I'm thinking I could really go for an Aussie Pretzel*, though."
Sarah's face paled. "Carina!" she whispered hoarsely. "We – I mean I – I mean, not here. Well, not just not here, we can't."
"Awww," Carina pouted. "Why not? Is it that nerdy analyst?"
Well, it certainly was about Chuck. Not that Sarah would admit it, even under torture, but she wasn't going to step out on him, even if what they had wasn't real. Especially now that she was so close to getting to live with him.
"No, it's not him," she lied. "I just can't risk blowing my cover."
"Fine," Carina huffed. "Then I'll do all the blowing."
Then without warning, Carina wrapped her arms around Sarah's waist and drew her in for a hard, forceful kiss. Sarah did her best to resist, but she knew that when Carina was in the mood to have something, she generally just took it.
"Stop fighting," Carina demanded between kisses. "If you're not really into the nerd, then stop fighting. You've never said no to me before, not even when you were with Bryce."
Sarah knew the other woman had her on that point. How would she explain herself away if she tuned Carina down now, when she'd always let the redhead have her way with her in the past? So Sarah relaxed into Carina's embrace, and allowed herself to get lost in the kiss, if only to quell Carina's questioning of Sarah's relationship with Chuck.
So lost was she in the kiss, in fact, that she barely registered the feel of cool steel against her wrist, and the sound of handcuffs being clicked into place.
Sarah's eyes shot open, and she found herself now secured to the counter.
"What the hell, Carina?" she asked.
Carina laughed. "Well, I figured I wouldn't give you a chance to back out this time. Call it my insurance policy."
"But, you know, we can't do this here!" Sarah protested.
"Oh, I assure you, we can. And we will," Carina replied.
He wasn't scheduled to come in, but while he was out running some errands, he figured he might as well check in at the shop. After all, Walker couldn't really be trusted to keep things up on her own. She'd already shown far too many times that she'd abandon her post for a little face time with her nerdy boy toy.
Still, Scooter was shocked by the sight before him as he walked through the doors of the Wienerlicious. Indeed Walker was once again partaking in some extracurricular activity while on the clock, but the Nerd Herder she usually spent her time necking with was nowhere to be seen.
Instead, Sarah was bent over the counter, her red skirt flipped up, panties around her ankles, with some other woman kneeling behind her. Scooter watched in wonder (he was after all still a man) for a moment as his employee thrashed about in ecstasy, completely oblivious to his presence, as her companion fucked her with her tongue.
Finally, Scooter was able to snap out of his momentary aroused stupor. "Walker?" he belted out. "What the hell is going on here?"
Both women immediately looked up at the acting manager, Sarah with a look of horror, Carina's expression more one of defiance.
"Um, Scooter, I, uh –"
"Save it, Blondie," Scooter said. "Know what? Just wait until I tell your boyfriend about this. I think that will be punishment enough."
Scooter turned to exit, but before he could, a knife went whizzing by his head, embedding itself in the door frame.
"You won't be telling anyone what you saw here," Carina threatened. "If you do, the next one won't miss."
"Miss, I'll have you know that I'm the manager, and –"
Carina pulled another knife from the sheath concealed high on Sarah's thigh, and pulled it back, preparing another throw.
Scooter swallowed, hard. "No, no. You're right. No one needs to know about this," he stammered, as he scurried out of the store.
"Now, where were we?" Carina asked with a feral grin.
With school finally adjourned for the day, Hunter Ellison, 13-year old extraordinaire, and his band of adolescent delinquents were making their daily after school stop: the Wienerlicious. There was just something about that blonde hotdog goddess, and her Bavarian charm that drew them in like flies to honey. Well, that something was probably the skirt, the frilly blouse, and her general hotness, but it sounded more epic if the details were left vague.
Only, this visit would be different, and altogether more rewarding than any of their previous trips. Even better than the time Sarah (and oh, they knew her name very well from that hotdog nametag perched proudly on her left breast) was throwing down with the pita girl.
For this time, when the entered the restaurant, there wasn't just one goddess to ogle, there were two. And one of them was completely naked. Naked, and perched on the counter, her legs spread wide, grabbing onto Sarah's pigtails, and forcefully holding the blonde's head between her legs.
They watched in wonder for several minutes as the two beautiful women, completely oblivious to their presence continued their encounter. Their very loud encounter. Dammit but the naked woman had a filthy mouth on her. And she hadn't let Sarah come up for air at all in the five minutes they watched.
"Enjoying your lunch break, Sarah?" Hunter finally asked, unable to keep his quiet any longer.
One of his cohorts joined in. "Yeah, I think I'll order the house special."
Sarah yanked away from Carina's grasp, looking at the boys in abject horror. "I thought you said you locked the door!" she bellowed.
Carina, for her part, didn't look at all fazed. "What can I say? I like an audience," she said with a shrug.
"Put that phone away, you little shit!" Sarah yelled.
Sure enough two of the boys had their phones out, taking pictures, or video, or whatever. Sarah didn't know, and didn't care. It was bad either way. This simply wouldn't do.
Carina sighed, picking up on Sarah's discomfort. "Sorry, boys. Show's over, for you. My lady likes her privacy. Now, you're going to be good boys, and keep everything you saw here to yourselves, right?"
"Why would we do that?" Hunter asked.
"Because," Carina said, coolly pulling her firearm from a stack of discarded clothes that sat right next to her on the counter, "if you don't, if video or photo evidence of what happened here pops up on the internet, I'm going to hold you personally responsible, and I'm going to track you down like dogs, and castrate you with my friendly pistol here."
Most of the boys paled at the imagery. Most of them were frightened. Hunter was not. "And how will you do that? You don't even know who I am."
Finally Sarah spoke up. Finally, her attention to detail, and needing to know everything about everyone she encountered on a daily basis would help. "You're Hunter Ellison. You're 13-years old, and you're in 8th Grade at St. Robert Bellarmine. You live with your mom and sister at –"
"How do you know all that!" Hunter demanded.
"My girl here is good," Carina said. "Very, very good."
The boys contemplated their situation for a moment before turning and high-tailing it out of the store.
"Huh, I guess this assignment isn't making you so soft after all, Walker," Carina said.
Sarah smiled proudly. "I told you."
"Know what though?"
"What's that?" Sarah asked.
"You're still my bitch," Carina said, sitting up to grab a hold of Sarah's pigtails once again, and planting the blonde's face back between her legs.
They were done. They were spent. Both of them. Three hours of non-stop fucking could do that to a person, even a trained agent. So the last interruption shouldn't have been an interruption at all. Had they only used their last bit of energy to get redressed, it wouldn't have even been an issue.
Unfortunately, they did not. So when the chimes on the door alerted another new presence, they were both caught unprepared.
Sarah was still splayed out across the counter. Carina hadn't been nice enough to uncuff her yet. The blonde looked up at the new visitor through hooded, tired eyes, not even bothering to try to cover up.
"My God! What's going on here!" the man asked.
"I, um," Sarah tried to come up with something. "I got nothing."
She looked ridiculous, what with her panties still around her ankles; her skirt still flipped up from where Carina had been perched behind her; her blouse ripped open exposing full, pert breasts; and her face flush with exhaustion and sexual contentment.
Carina was no help. She sat completely nude on the counter next to Sarah, back leaned against the register, smoking a cigarette. Her third. The redhead didn't even try to help her friend out this time.
"Well I have something," the man said. "I'm David Jacobson, city health inspector, and I'm closing this place down."
The man turned on his heel and began to walk away.
"No, wait! You can't!" Sarah demanded, trying to chase after him. Of course, being cuffed to the counter wouldn't really allow for any pursuit. "Carina, stop him!"
"Meh, why bother?" Carina asked, taking another drag from her smoke before extinguishing it in the Diet Coke she'd hardly touched. "Look at it this way: now you don't have to come to this ridiculous job anymore."
"But, but –"
"But nothing. I helped you out, Walker. Just like I always do," Carina said.
Sarah banged her head against the counter. A little too hard, in fact, and it hurt.
"So, wanna come back to my room for an encore?" Carina asked.
Sarah lifted her head to fix Carina with a heated gaze.
"I'll take that as a maybe later?"
Back to present day...
"Er, yeah, we're going to need to see that tape," Graham said, trying to maintain his professional air.
"Yeah, um, it could be vital to national security," Beckman added.
Sarah sighed. Why did everyone have to be such pervs? "Major Casey has it right now. He took the surveillance footage, and went home to 'evaluate' it. That was yesterday. I haven't seen him since."
"Ah, good man," Graham said. "We'll just, you know, get him to forward that over at his earliest convenience."
Okay, now it was just getting ridiculous, and obnoxious. Things needed to get back to business, and Sarah took it upon herself to do just that. "So, are there any updates on my house being built? I hoped to tell Chu- I mean, the asset about the new living situation today."
Graham laughed. "Oh, Sarah. That's not happening now. The Intersect project is important, but even this operation has a budget, and now that we have to create a new cover for you, the whole building a house thing is right out."
"But, but –"
"No buts, Agent Walker. Your little tryst with Agent Miller pretty much sealed your fate on this matter. I hope you enjoy living in your hotel," Beckman added.
Sarah walked out of the home theater room a defeated woman. All her hopes of getting to decorate a cute little house that she could share with her best friend had been blown right out of the water. All the hopes she had of potentially getting to bed her asset without the watchful eyes of Major Casey interfering were gone as well. She'd have to settle for cover snogging at Ellie's place.
She did brighten up a bit when Chuck approached her before she could exit the store, however. After all, even if they wouldn't be living together, it was still always nice to see a friend.
"Hi, Chuck," she said, before enjoying a little cover kiss.
"Hi," he answered in that distracted way he always spoke after kissing her. Damn, the boy really needed to get laid. Like, yesterday. And she could've handled that, had the incident not occurred.
Finally getting his wits about him, "I've been looking all over for you. You had some news for me?"
Sarah deflated again. She didn't have the news she wanted to deliver. "Yeah, um, I'm getting a new cover job."
"Yeah, what's up with that?" Chuck asked. "Why would they close the Wienerlicious?"
Sarah searched her brain for some excuse. "We, um, the economy?" she said lamely.
"Huh, well, that's sad," Chuck said wistfully. "I'll miss that place. So, any idea what your new cover will be?"
"Not sure yet," Sarah answered. "Though, Graham seems to think it's important that whatever it is, the uniform needs to include pants."
"That seems like an odd stipulation," Chuck observed.
"Yeah, odd…"
*For a definition of Aussie Pretzel, please consult the Urban Dictionary.
A/N: So that has to be like the most Cracktastic! smut fic I've ever written, don't you think? Still, it was fun to write. I hope everyone enjoyed it, and I look forward to your feedback. You guys are awesome. Peace.