Hello there. It's been awhile since I dabbled in the Puppies. I feel so bad I've been at a stand-still with Black and Lupin: School Days, it's just, well I really think I'm going to take it down and look into redoing it some time.

However, I wrote this one shot and though I ought to post it. I am also dabbling with a new chapter fic idea but I won't post it unless I get it done.

Anyway this little story is told by Sirius, James and Remus in that order and it's about what the boys were going through after Sirius told Snape about the Willow. Pairings: Remus/Sirius—what else would I write? ;)

Enjoy.

After The Incident That Must Never Be Mentioned

Sirius

I am the world's biggest idiot—no, strike that, the universe's biggest idiot. What had I been thinking? No, that's right, I hadn't been thinking. I seem to have a problem with that. But in my defence, I didn't think Snape would actually listen to me. He never listened to me. See, I figured he'd think it was a set up for a prank and therefor he wouldn't go down there. Merlin dammit.

When I realised Snape actually intended to go down there, I started to go in shock.

"There you are" James came up to me "we should get going. We should explore the…Padfoot, what's wrong? You look like you just drank rancid pumpkin juice."

I swallowed "We may have a problem."

James and Peter both looked concerned "What?" they said.

"Snape just followed Remus to the Willow."

"Well he's not gonna know how to get in right?" said Peter "the tree will get him before he figures it out, right?"

James looked me square in the eye "Sirius?"

I swallowed again "Um…"

"You didn't?"

"Um…"

James shoved me against the wall "You idiot! Peter keep an eye on him, I'm going after Snape."

"Shouldn't I help?" I said weakly.

"Help? You'd help Snape right into Moony's jaws. You've done enough damage" with that he took off running.

"What were you thinking, Sirius?" Peter asked.

"Well," I thought quickly "he deserved it, he's always sneaking around, trying to get us expelled. It's no great loss if Remus kills him."

He slapped me, Peter actually slapped me "And do you know what will happen to Remus if he does?"

Professor McGonagall chose at that time to come around the corner "Black, Pettigrew, what was that I just heard?" Oh hell.

Quivering under the harsh gaze of McGonagall, Peter told her what happened.

"He saw Pomfrey take Remus across the grounds" I said, still trying to defend my actions "what else was I supposed to do?"

McGonagall turned her angry glare on me "Not another word out of you Mr Black. Mr Pettigrew, run for the Headmaster and you Mr Black will not move from this spot" she transformed into her cat form and ran towards the Whomping Willow.

I couldn't move even if I wanted to, Peter's words were finally starting to reverberate through my head and do you know what will happen to Remus if he does?

By risking Snape's life, I was risking Remus's too and now James. What had I done? I could be responsible for the deaths of my best friend and…what was Remus to me? He was one of my best friends, sure but I have had feelings for him for some time by this point, strong feelings. In fact I was starting to think I was in love with him. And I had just betrayed him. I just betrayed the boy I loved. What the hell was wrong with me?

The next thing I knew, I was sitting in Dumbledore's office with him looking at me from the other side of his desk. I blinked "What happened?" my voice sounded miles away even to myself.

"Ah back with us Mr Black, you were in shock" there was none of the usual sparkle in his eyes. We were the only two in his office.

"Where is everyone? Are James and Remus all right?"

Dumbledore nodded "Yes, no one was hurt and Mr Snape has promised not speak of Mr Lupin's secret."

"That's good" I said miserably "does Remus know what happened?"

Dumbledore shook his head "The sun has not yet risen."

"Do we have to tell him?"

"I think we must."

"He's going to hate me."

"I believe that the young Mr Lupin is incapable of such an emotion, at least when it comes to his friends."

I looked down at my hands "Why am I in here? Shouldn't I be arrested for attempted murder or something?"

"Is that what you intended, Mr Black?"

"No, of course not."

"Why did you tell Mr Snape how to get into the tunnel?"

I took a shuddering breath "I don't know. I didn't think he'd actually listen or that he wouldn't get close enough to press the knot."

"Mr Black, why did you tell him?"

"Because he's always sneaking around and trying to get us expelled. He's a typical Slytherin."

Dumbledore put his fingertips together "Tell me Sirius Black, by using one of your best friends to possibly harm one of your rivals, what does that make you?"

I stared at him "But I wasn't using…I didn't mean to…" my eyes burned, oh dear God. He was right, by telling Snape where to find Remus, I was acting like a Slytherin, I was acting like my family. "You're right, sir. You should just kill me and be done with it."

Dumbledore sighed "I do not think it should come to that, Sirius. You have the heart of a Gryffindor."

I shook my head "No, that's James, he's a true Gryffindor."

"I have no doubt of that, but you have a heart that is just as good."

"I'm a terrible person."

"You made a mistake, I know that. You will apologise to Remus."

"As soon as I see him."

"Now as for your punishment…"

"I thought you said I made a mistake."

"Yes and we shall pretend this incident never happened but you must still be punished, do you not agree?"

I took a breath "Yes, you're right."

"You shall have detention with Mr Filch for the rest of the school year and the beginning of next. You will also have your Hogsmeade privileges revoked till I say otherwise."

I blinked and my mouth fell open. Detention with Filch and no Hogsmeade weekends. It could be worse.

"And you shall apologise to Mr Snape."

It just got worse.

…

I walked back to Gryffindor tower in the predawn hours, not looking forward to when I'd have to talk to Snape and dreading when Remus got back to the dormitory when the full moon was done. At least I had two more days to worry about that.

I kicked at the air "Stupid idiot, next time just say Remus is chronically anaemic and he goes for treatment every month. Oh sure, NOW you think of that one."

When I returned to the dorm room Peter was asleep but James was waiting for me "I'm going to tell Remus what happened, I'm going to go down with Dumbledore at lunch time. I thought you should know."

"James, I'm sorry, I…"

He cut me off by slugging me and I fell back on my bed "You deserved that. Do you have any idea of what could have happened? Snape and I could have been killed and Remus would have been killed for killing us and you would have been thrown in Azkaban for murder by werewolf! Merlin, Sirius don't you ever think about these things? No, that's right, you don't think!"

I didn't dispute him because every word was true.

James took a breath, "I'm not going to be speaking to you for a while, just so you know and I doubt Remus will either." With that he went into the bathroom and closed the door with a snap.

I closed my bed curtains and lay down. I just stared up at the canopy, trying not to think—though not thinking is what got me into trouble in the first place. A little later I heard James leave the room and a little after that Peter got up.

After he finished in the bathroom he said "Are you coming to breakfast Sirius?" at least he was talking to me.

"Not hungry." I didn't think I'd ever be hungry again. I only went to class because after breakfast, Peter came back and told me that missing class would only get me in more trouble. I didn't pay any attention to lessons though.

After Potions I caught Snape in the hall, might as well get this over with "Snape, wait, uh, Severus."

He regarded me "Come to finish me off, Black?" he sneered.

I bit back a retort "No, I…would like to…apol—look, I'm sorry all right. I didn't mean anything by it."

"A likely story" he turned on his heel and walked away.

"Fine don't believe it! Don't say I didn't try" I turned in the opposite direction "ungrateful slimeball."

James was in step beside me "I'm breaking my not-talking-to-you-for-a-while resolve for a moment to concur, he is an ungrateful slimeball. I saved his life and he didn't even say thanks, thought I was in on your little prank."

"It wasn't a prank."

"No, it was just attempted murder" he stormed off.

I officially hated my life.

I didn't go to lunch, I still wasn't hungry. Instead I went to the library. I know, I know, Sirius Black going to the library willingly but I didn't know what else to do. I grabbed a book at random and started reading. I was ten pages in before I realised it was a work of fiction as opposed to the crap we have to study out of. So far it was about two best friends who harboured feelings for each other but neither one of them would admit it. Was it some sick twist of fate that I should choose that book? It was about two blokes too.

It was weird, for the first twelve years of my life I didn't even know such relationships existed—my parents never spoke of it. Then James accused me of fancying Remus, I brushed him off at the time. Then when we started second year Remus told us that his uncle was gay and had a boyfriend. Apparently same sex relationships were fairly common in the wizard world—at least more accepted than in the muggle world anyway.

I looked at the book's title, it was called The Flames That Burn and it was written by a Brian Twinkle-Socks. I figured it must be a pseudonym; what kind of a name was Brian? I signed it out anyway, I could use a good cry and Sirius Black just didn't cry.

Then I went to Transfiguration and I got there half an hour early, even before McGonagall so I just sat in my seat and read my book. I got rather engrossed in it.

"Mr Black?" McGonagall entered the room.

I stuck a piece of scrap paper in the book to hold my place and set it down "Oh hullo, Professor McGonagall, how are you this afternoon?"

She stared at me in surprise "I am well. How are you feeling, Mr Black?"

"I imagine I'll feel worse after I talk to Remus. I expect he'll be very angry with me."

"Yes, I imagine so but I don't expect he will be angry for very long."

I would have said something but the other students started arriving then. When James and Peter got there, they sat behind me.

The next couple of days I still didn't eat, I didn't sleep either, I didn't want to. Instead I read The Flames That Burn and I studied—I had nothing else to do after all, with James not talking to me and Peter only talking to pass messages and ask me if I was hungry—which I wasn't.

On the morning Remus returned to the dorm, James and Peter had gone to meet him. I sat on my bed waiting and my heart was pounding.

"Remus" I stood up as soon as he entered the room.

He just looked at me, hurt and betrayal in his amber eyes "I don't even know what to say to you" his voice was hoarse and shaky.

James and Peter went to their beds and just watched us.

"You don't have to say anything" I said, own voice shaking "Just listen, please. Remus, I'm so sorry. I didn't think Snape would actually listen…"

"That's just it, Sirius" he snapped "you never think, do you?"

"No, no I don't…"

"You promised you would never tell anyone my secret and you told Severus how to get in the tunnel. How could you do that, Sirius? James and Severus could have been hurt or worse…" there were tears on his cheeks.

"I know and I'm sorry, Remus, I—I don't expect you to forgive me…"

"Just don't talk to me for a while, okay? I need to think about this." He got into his bed and shut the curtains. James and Peter shut their curtains too.

I grabbed my book and went down into the common room. I was about halfway done with the book, so far the main characters were blind stupid idiots, they didn't see that they had something good right in front of them. I was hoping for a happy ending.

After breakfast time, I was called into McGonagall's office.

"Have a seat, Mr Black" she said when I got there.

I sat in the visitor's chair "Yes Professor McGonagall, you wanted to see me?"

She stared at me over her spectacles, she seemed worried "Have you been getting much sleep?"

I blinked "Why do you ask, Professor?"

"There are bruises under your eyes."

I blinked again, were there? I hadn't noticed, mainly because I hadn't looked in a mirror. "What do you mean?"

She sighed, "Sirius, I'm worried. You haven't called me Minnie in three days."

"It's disrespectful to call you that, ma'am."

She came around her desk and put a hand on my forehead "You don't have a fever. I haven't seen you in the Great Hall, have you been eating?"

"Of course I have" I lied.

"Finally, a lie. Why haven't you been eating?"

"James and Remus aren't speaking to me. Not that I blame them."

"That is no reason to starve yourself, Sirius" she must be concerned if she was calling me Sirius.

"I haven't been hungry."

She marched me to the kitchens and sat me down at a table. She ordered the house elves to give me a plate of breakfast "I am not letting you out of my sight till you eat every last bite of that."

Knowing I couldn't get out of this I ate the eggs, toast and bacon. I told McGonagall I would eat and when she was satisfied she let me go. I found an empty bathroom and stuck a finger down my throat. I'd eat to keep people from questioning me but I wouldn't keep it down—I didn't deserve to.

I ate a lot at lunch, more than I intended to but it made me feel good for some reason and Peter looked relieved to see me eat. James and Remus still weren't speaking to me though. I waited till after dinner to vomit again—I couldn't find an empty bathroom after lunch.

I doubted anyone noticed over the next week and if they had they didn't say anything to me. I finished The Flames That Burn and started it over—I know Sirius Black re-reading a book, blasphemous. I still wasn't sleeping at night and I started to fall asleep in class—which wasn't unusual. But then I started to bump into things, like walls and columns and more than once I pushed on a door that was supposed to be pulled.

I had a feeling something was wrong but I didn't care, not about myself anyway. I noticed that Remus wasn't eating much either, in fact he was just picking at his food and pushing it around on his plate. I was paying close attention to him and he looked like he hadn't been sleeping much either and there was the beginnings of a beard on his face—he hadn't bothered to shave, which he'd been doing since he was fourteen, even when it wasn't a full moon. I was growing something of a beard too, sort of. When Blacks grow facial hair, it always ends up in an evil looking goatee and moustache, like my stupid hair; whenever it was short it was always perfect. I have to keep it trimmed because it grows fast but I hadn't been bothering so it was growing too.

But I was more concerned about Remus; he was miserable and it was my fault. I caused him pain and it killed me.

James

Both my dogs were idiots, can I just say? I knew Sirius regretted what he'd done but I still felt he needed to be punished so I resisted speaking to him.

Remus, Peter and I were sitting on one side of the common room and Sirius was on the other, reading some book about burning flames. What else do flames do?

"He's reading" Peter said "he's actually reading. Are you two gonna start talking to him again soon? It's been more than a week."

Remus shrugged "James can talk to him whenever he wants."

I shook my head "Nope, Moony I'm siding with you on this one. When you talk to him, I will talk to him. Sirius needs to learn how to think about consequences."

"It looks like he's punishing himself" Peter said.

"I know" I said "he hasn't been sleeping either."

Remus blinked "Either?"

I rolled my eyes "Considering you also stay up all night, I'm surprised you haven't noticed that Sirius is also awake. At least you don't fall asleep in class. And you're both losing weight but unlike you Sirius has been eating, it doesn't make sense."

"Maybe Sirius is bulimic" Peter suggested.

"Only girls get bulimic" I said.

"Not true" Remus said "it can happen to anyone but I'm sure he's fine. Maybe his metabolism speeds up when he's unhappy."

"Yeah," I agreed, "everyone in his family is super skinny." This was unprecedented, Remus and I almost never agree on anything, he usually only agrees when Sirius agrees and looks at him with puppy eyes.

Despite that I made a note to follow Sirius after dinner that night, just in case Peter was right. He rarely was, mind you but he had his moments; he was smarter than he looked after all. I had my Invisibility Cloak in my robes during dinner. Sirius stuffed his face like normal but there was no light in his eyes.

I got up from the table first "Well lads, I'm off, I've got a plan to get Evans to go out with me and it needs sorting" I left the Great Hall, checked the hallway outside, made sure no one was watching and I slipped on the cloak. I waited for Sirius to leave and I followed him to a rarely used boys' bathroom on the third floor. I managed to slip in before the door swung closed.

Sirius checked all the stalls and then he went into the one farthest from the door. Less than a minute later I heard him gag and throw up. Sometimes I hate it when Peter's right. I thought about confronting Sirius about it but figured he'd deny it and say he was fine.

This was just great, Sirius was eating but throwing up and Remus wasn't eating at all and they were both losing weight. I had an anorexic werewolf and a bulimic animagus on my hands—and they were both boys! By now I knew they were both gay as Dumbledore's choice in fashion but they didn't know I knew and Remus would probably deny it 'cos he was a chicken. I also knew they fancied each other but didn't know if they knew it. But it would explain why they were so miserable. It was time to fix it before one of them did something stupid—well, stupider.

I was going against Marauders' code but in light of the circumstances I felt it had to be done.

"Thank you for taking the time to see me, Headmaster" yes, James Potter has manners. Are you done being surprised now? Thank you.

Dumbledore nodded "Not at all, Mr Potter, what can I do for you?"

"For starters, Remus and I haven't been talking to Sirius because he needs to think about his problem with not thinking. That being said, I'm worried about them both. Remus hasn't been eating and Sirius has been throwing up what he's been eating and neither one of them have shaved—and Sirius is almost as narcissistic as Lockhart."

"Yes I have noticed Mr Lupin and Mr Black's change in appearance. I'm very concerned as well. Have you tried talking to them?"

"I said I wasn't speaking to Sirius and could you call him Sirius? He really hates being called Mr Black, I think he's gonna change his name as soon as he gets a chance. And you know how Remus can be, he's very stubborn, like, like something that's very stubborn. Also I think they're both gay and fancy each other, which is why they're so miserable." Okay, I pulled a Sirius on that last bit and spoke without thinking.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled "Indeed? Do you think so?"

"Well yeah, but that's not important right now. I don't understand how a person can lose so much weight in less than two weeks."

"You'd be surprised what the human body is capable of, Mr Potter."

"What do you think I should do about them being sick?"

"I suggest you speak to Remus first and I will see what can be done about Sirius. But Mr Potter, you must know that you will not be able to help them unless they want to be helped."

…

The next morning Sirius got summoned to McGonagall's office.

"Good" I whispered to the others "she'll take him to Poppy."

"Why would he need to see Madam Pomfrey?" Remus asked.

I stared at him "Because Peter's right, Sirius has been throwing up his food. You should see Poppy too, Sirius isn't the only one who's been falling over himself."

"I'm fine, James" he didn't look at me.

I sighed "Peter, you agree with me, don't you?"

"Yes; James is right, Remus. You haven't been eating, it's not healthy."

"I'm fine" Remus repeated firmly.

"Remus" I said "I know you're upset with him, so am I but I don't think Sirius meant for anyone to get hurt. He really didn't think Snape would listen to him, probably thought Snape would think it was a set up for a prank and wouldn't go. Blame Snape for being stupid enough to listen to Sirius."

Remus sighed and looked down at his untouched breakfast, "Maybe you're right but I need more time" he got up and left the Great Hall.

I rubbed my temples "This doesn't look good, Wormtail. Merlin, what are we gonna do with those two stupid dogs?"

"Put them out to pasture?"

"Dogs, Peter not horses."

…

Remus

I was in love with Sirius, had been for some time, I just didn't like to think about it because I didn't think the feeling would be returned. Then there was what my father would think—but that has nothing to do with this. I loved Sirius and that's why I felt so betrayed by what he'd done, he hadn't acted like who I thought he was. I felt terrible about it.

But to see him so obviously guilt ridden and the way he was harming himself, that made it worse. He wasn't happy, I wasn't happy either. I lost my appetite, I couldn't sleep and a depressed werewolf is just no fun to be around but Sirius was really worrying me.

He was studying, going to the library willingly and reading a book called The Flames That Burn. I had read it before, it was pretty good if you like romances. People think I like them but I don't, stuff like that doesn't happen in real life.

Maybe it was time to talk to him, about more than just what happened. I resolved to do it after supper.

"Okay" I told James and Peter when I got to the Great Hall that evening "we should talk to him."

At that moment Sirius's younger brother Regulus approached us. "What's wrong with my brother?"

"Why do you care?" James asked.

Regulus sighed "Just because I don't like him, Potter doesn't mean I want him dead."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes "You Gryffindors are so stupid. He's got to be suicidal."

"Why do you say that, Reg?" James was the only one of Sirius's friends who could call him that without getting hexed.

He got closer and whispered "He just hugged me and told me he loved me."

James, Peter and I all shot to our feet "Don't worry, Reg" James said "we'll take care of it."

We first ran to the Hospital Wing "Poppy!" James said "where's Sirius?"

"That is exactly what I want to know" she tsked "he's not at all well but he slipped out of here an hour ago. Why Mr Lupin!" she gasped "you don't look well either, you'd better stay here."

"Later Madam Pomfrey" I told her "we need to find Sirius first." The three of us raced out of there and up to Gryffindor Tower.

We tore apart our dorm room looking for any clue as to where Sirius could have gone.

"There isn't a note" Peter said with a squeak "Isn't there supposed to be a suicide note?"

"Telling his brother he loved him was the suicide note!" James snapped then he took a breath "okay we have to think. You two look in the castle, I'll take my broom and look outside."

Peter and I split up, he took the lower levels and I took the upper ones. Suddenly I stopped and tried to think like Sirius. If Sirius did intend to kill himself, how would he do it?

Slit his wrists? No, he wouldn't want me to deal with the mess. Poison? No, that's what Severus would do. Jump? Yes, Sirius would jump, it would be the easiest thing for him. But where? Then I remembered I was a werewolf and could track his scent. I raced up to the Astronomy Tower—no one would be there this time of the evening. No one would be there to stop him.

I yelled his name all the way up the stairs and prayed I wouldn't be too late. If I lost him, I don't know what I'd do…probably jump after him.

"Sirius!" I burst through the door and out onto the roof.

Sirius was standing on the ledge, staring out over the grounds.

There was a stich in my side but I ignored it "Sirius, think about what you're doing."

He turned to look at me but stayed on the ledge "How'd you know I was up here?"

"Followed my nose. Regulus told us what you told him, that's how we knew to look for you."

His brows furrowed "why'd he tell you?"

"He's worried about you, Sirius. We all are. Why are you doing this? Why have you been throwing up?"

"You know why. I hurt you, Remus. I don't deserve to live." His voice sounded far away and his usually sparkly eyes were dull.

That broke my heart "Sirius, yes you did hurt me but I know you didn't mean to. I forgive you and I'm sorry I made you feel like this."

"You don't have to be sorry, Remus. It's my fault."

I stepped closer to him, "Sirius, please come down from there so we can talk" my eyes stung "there's so much we need to talk about."

"But Remus…"

I took another step and reached out towards him "I love you Sirius and if you jump I will jump right after you."

Sirius's eyes widened "You…" he moved as if he was going to step off but he was so weak he stepped wrong and fell backwards.

"Sirius!" I ran to the ledge thinking I'd see him lying broken on the ground but instead James was holding him by the ankle, it looked like he caught him just before he hit the ground. "Thank God."

James flew up to the tower and dropped Sirius on top of me "Why do I always have to save your arse?" he landed and looked down at us "Good thing my broom's got good acceleration otherwise I'd never have caught you 'cos I wouldn't have had time to think of a spell. You stupid canine."

Sirius got off me and we got to our feet. "Thank you James" Sirius said.

"Don't mention it. Seriously, we won't speak of this again. Now, you are both going to the Hospital Wing and you're going to stay there till Madam Pomfrey releases you!" There was no arguing with him when he took that tone.

…

Sirius and I got lectures from Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall and we were sentenced to the hospital wing for a week.

"A liquid diet? Really, Poppy?"

"Yes Mr Black."

"But I promise I won't throw up anymore, I'm really hungry."

"And I could eat a horse" I said "I wouldn't though, just saying I could."

"And you both will drink this potion to replenish your missing nutrients till I say otherwise."

"Are you going to allow this, Minnie?"

Professor McGonagall sighed but she seemed rather relieved "Yes, Mr Black. Now, both you get some rest and think about just how foolish you were." She left the hospital wing, leaving us alone with Madam Pomfrey.

Madam Pomfrey stood over our beds "I want both you to sleep tonight but if you can't, let me know and I'll give you a sleeping draught. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am" we said and drank the nutrient potion she gave us.

"I'll be in my office, let me know if you need anything." She went into her office.

"Amazing luck we're the only ones in here" Sirius said as he got out of his bed and sat on the edge of mine. "What you said up there, how did you mean it?"

Part of me hoped he wouldn't bring it up because the feelings scared the hell out of me. I took a breath "I'm not sure. I think it's more than platonic but I never thought a sixteen year old could feel feelings this strong. Does that make sense?"

He nodded "I know the feeling. I feel the same about you Remus."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I realised sometime last year that I was definitely gay but I've always been attracted to you. Are you gay by chance? 'Cos I've thought so but…"

I put a finger to his lips to shush him "Yes, known for a while but considering how my father feels I didn't want to talk about it. And I've always been attracted to you too."

He took hold of the hand that was near his mouth "So maybe we can explore these feelings together?"

I thought about it and as terrified as I was, I wasn't about to cause Sirius anymore pain "I'd like that."

In response he kissed me and I knew in that instant there was no going back. He was the one.

Please let me know if you like it. Reviews make my day.

As for the chapter fic I'm working on, well it's about James mainly but Remus and Sirius will be a couple. Wish me luck that I get it finished and am able to post it.

TTFN