Starting to do correct spellings and grammar mistakes as I made them wrong first time round. Then afterwards a chapter will probs come.
Full Summary: Bella & Edward are married and have been for several years. They are planning on having children, but with the problems of getting pregnant - out comes a secret that threatens to end their well-strong marriage and future. What will happen?
Why Edward? Why?
Chapter 1: Loss
My phone rang - I answered it and find it's the doctors...again. I put it on loudspeaker and I sit next to Edward. He holds my hand in his as we wait with bated breath.
"There is a slight problem in the test results, Mr & Mrs Cullen" Dr Irina said through the phone, "Apparently, seeing as your menstrual cycle is lessened this month, Mrs Cullen - you've lost your baby. I am deeply sorry. Goodbye." and she hung up.
It was silent for ages. Edward and I just sat there.
Mesmerised by what had just been said.
Failed! I screamed at myself. That's the fucking 4th time already! You're never going to be a mother! You don't deserve to be a mom when your body isn't able too!
Edward's voice came out of my thoughts as well. He wasn't yelling, just pitiful. Bella, love - why are you letting me down? You know how much I wish to be a father and that cannot ever happen again - you hear me?
I gulped. It was only then, that I realised that I was quietly crying. Edward had his arm round my waist and I felt the same feeling again. Rejection.
My body seemed to hate me. Why? Why couldn't I produce a child? I yearned to be a mother and this is how Mother Nature repays me for a being a vegetarian all my life and recycling?
I got up and decided I had to be strong and get over this. I walked into the kitchen and stopped as soon as I spotted the photo on the fridge.
It was my first ultra-sound photo, which we'd had just last weekend. My tears came thicker and I couldn't see. I grabbed some kitchen roll and dabbed at my eyes. I was the problem; I was the person not being able to contain a child. This was so unfair!
I sensed him behind me, but didn't turn. He'd still have the same dejected face which would make him feel and looks like my imaginary Edward. Nothing could replace the real Edward but they matched so easily. He snaked his arms round my waist.
"Shh" she said, hushing me. I turned round and cried into his shoulder.
He lifted me up and sat me on the counter top. He then started to silently cry. I hated seeing him cry. I brushed his tears away but loads more followed.
At this point I could barely see at all. I yanked the kitchen towel so much, that a whole roll fell out and along the floor. I groaned and clung to Edward.
"Bella - you must understand that I don't blame you at all" He whispered, passionately. I nodded my head.
He pressed me into him and I breathed in his sweet honey and freesia scent. Again, a long silence followed. Then I had a bad thought.
"What..what about...about...your parents and...Alice...Rosalie and Emmett and even Jasper and...my parents!" I wailed.
They would be disappointed as we were. I knew that silently my parents honestly were angry that my being wasn't bringing them a grandchild.
Renee, my own mother had even said it. They weren't as forgiving as the Cullens or Edward was. That just shows how much they cared.
Carlisle, Edward's dad was a doctor himself and understood it completely and comforted me without getting bored or tired.
They cared about me.
My parents just wanted a grandchild to bribe as I wasn't "loyal" enough to them anymore.
"I love you, Edward" I whispered.
He kissed my cheek. "So do I, love. We need to find a better way of coping with the loss easier. It scares me seeing so weak-looking like that. It's not your fault, just...something isn't ready in your system and when it is, we'll know about it. Ok? Please calm down Bella, sweetheart."
He stroked my hair and kept me close to him. I slid of the counter, but stayed attached to him. I kissed him on the lips and he responded.
His lips weren't hungry, just comforting as they usually were in this situation. He moved his lips, in with mine and gently and slowly, calmed my sobs until they were almost gone.
We broke out of the kiss and I hiccupped. He grinned but it didn't reach his emerald green eyes. He stroked my cheek and kissed me again. He soothed the stress out of me and held me even closer. I felt him wanting to come out, but I pushed him down.
"Not tonight Edward, I'm sorry." and I was. His erection was hard to say no to, but what if I got "pregnant" again? I'd probably loose it, knowing my luck and start again in some kind of cycle.
He continued to stroke my cheek. "I know, Bella love - he's wanted to make you a baby for so long." I giggled quietly. I needed to cheer up. I kissed him once more.
"Thank you Edward. Let's go to sleep and forget this for now."
He carried me to our bedroom and started stripping to his boxers. I got out of my clothes, stepped in the shower, washed my hair quickly and changed into my favourite bright blue nightdress.
It was short and sexy to Edward and he liked to know it was really me he was sleeping next to at night. He used to sleep badly when we first moved it, paranoid he'd hear something.
So I wore the nightdress to bed. It was silky and if he woke up, he'd feel about and feel my nightdress, knowing it was me and relaxed.
He stopped doing it now, but I wore it just in case. He used to wake me up when I had important meetings the next morning, never making me a happy bunny.
I came out of the en suite to find him, in bed and waiting for me. I snuggled into bed - crawled over to him and rested myself against his glorious, muscular chest. He stroked my hair and before we knew it, we were both sound asleep.