And the darkness of night fades away in sunlight.
As the garden you live in is bathed by soft daylight.
I see only you and me"
Alice laid in the wet, sunkissed grass, calmly listening to the songs that defined her life. How she loved those words so much. The sound of the music behind them made her feel like she was someplace else, and she loved that feeling. "The people who write this music must be perfect" She though, hopeful of even catching a faint glimpse of someone so beautiful. The thought of how great she would feel brought tears to her eyes. It saddened her so much that her summer is spent all alone, laying in fields, wishing hard to be anywhere else, to be anyone else. But here she was, alone in the most uptight town - the shy girl in class, too scared to feel free.
She blinked the tears away, longing to meet the love of her life. She couldn't imagine how she would feel without him, and every so often reality sets in, and she knows she is alone. It pains her so much to know that the man she loves is only there in her dreams.
A drop of rain falls on her forehead. She cried, synchronized with the rain. She felt like she was one with the rain. Each cold drop that fell on her felt like a hug from a comforting friend, reminding her that she is not alone. She was liberated. She twirled and danced in the rain, completely carefree. She loved how it felt just to live in the moment, never looking ahead or behind. In that moment, she was exactly where she wanted to be - who she is, even though she was alone.
As it grew darker, Alice thought she should make her way home. Her mother had no idea she had left, and she would hate to get scolded. She floated home, feeling nothing short of perfect. Each step she took made her more grateful to return to her house.
She opened the door to her small house in the middle of the forest. "Alice!" Her mother called, sounding angry. "Where were you?" she asked. The alarmed look on her face frightened Alice. "I ... just... went for a walk." Alice was nervous, and didn't want to anger her mom.
"You leave all the time! I am sick of it!" Her mom scolded.
"Mom, that's not fair! You are so --" Alice's mom interupted her "Don't you dare disrespect me! Give me your CD player." She demanded.
Alice was crushed. Her music was all she had. "Mom, anything but that. Please?" She pleaded.
"Give me it!" Alice reluctantly handed it over, with tears in her big blue eyes. "How can a mother see their child like this?" She thought.
"That sickening music you listen to is making you depressed!" Alice was so angry. She stormed off, crying so hard she was shaking.
She shut and locked the door in her room, plopped herself on her bed, and cried. She thought about what made her mom that way, and how much she wanted to find her love, and how she was no one special - just Alice. The shy girl who only wanted to mean something to someone.
"Alice! Alice!" A voice softly called. She wiped her tears and tried to force her eyes open. "Alice!" It whispered again. "Hello?" She cooed. Looking around, she saw a river full of fishes, pretty flowers and it was so bright and beautiful out. She felt the sun beaming on her hair, and smelled the roses that said beside her. "Welcome to Gardenia" A faerie with a purple dress and sparkling wings landed on Alice's shaking leg. "Gardenia?" Alice asked in disbelief. "This is a perfect world. There is no sorrow, no letdowns, only perfection. I welcome you here" The faerie said. That sounded so wonderful. Alice knew she was going to be so happy here. "I will let you explore, and at the end of the day, I will visit you" The faerie explained, "and you must tell me if you would like to stay here for eternity and never die - or return to your normal life, and forget all of this. Don't act on impulse. This will be forever"
"Wait! You mean--" The fairy disappeared. Alice was burdened by such a decision. She loved the world, but she wasn't ready to commit to it forever.
Alice wandered around, looking at the beautiful sites and trying to see what this place was all about. She passed by a small house on top of a hill. "Hello, Alice. Welcome to Gardenia" a little elf said as he sat outside, listening to the song birds make beautiful music. She felt like she belonged. She felt liberated and carefree.
As she walked around, feeling so happy to be there, she saw a man with his back turned and his head in his hands. Curious, she walked closer to him, and heard he was crying.
"Excuse me, but are you okay?" She asked as she sat down next to him. No reply. Instead, his sobs got harder. She placed her arm around his shoulder, "what's wrong? I hope there is something I can do to help." The man looked up. He was so beautiful. His black hair gleamed and his brown eyes sparkled. He was one of those people that were too beautiful to cry. "Don't... stay here..." He said between sobs.
Alice was confused. She moved away from him to see him when he talks. "Why not?" She asked, wondering what isn't great about a perfect world.
"We live forever and never die...." He sobbed, "everything is too perfect." He said. Alice raised her eyebrow, "what's wrong with that?" The man wiped his tears away, "nothing at all. Well, nothing at all if you don't live forever" He looked in her eyes, and she felt so sad. She hated to see him like that, even though she didn't know him. He was just so perfect to her. "You see, ummm...."
"Alice." She said. "My name is Alice, and you are?" He smiled a very faint smile, but that made Alice feel a bit better. "I am Mana" he said.
"The beauty of life can not be appreciated fully without malice and misery" He continued. "The perfect world is great to escape sorrow, but the happiness turns to emptiness when you crave something more" Alice thought about this, and how beautiful - inside and out - this guy was.
"Gardenia...my sweet darling, deep in your cherib's eyes I see Everything I ever held dear to me I'll take you somewhere new with me, and together we'll always be Enfolded in my arms so gently...I'll never let go"
The lyrics flew through her mind. She finally understood what made life so nice. It wasn't perfection. It wasn't beauty. It was how beauty compares to sorrow, and how great it feels to be happy again - not happy to start with.
"They are doing something evil here" Mana said, "they are only taking people who dream of a perfect world, and bringing them here. They think perfect is good, and that they will love it, so they choose to stay forever." Alice was confused. "Why would they want to do that?" She asked, "because, each person here who becomes miserable adds to the misery of the people in the normal world. They need misery there. Despite the misery, the normal world is a better place. They need the misery for the people to be truly happy. I would give anything to have done things differently. I would have never chose to live in this perfect world 510 years ago, because I want to grow old. I want to see the sun set on a bad day, and know that is all I need to feel truly happy. Everlasting happiness is not happy when it doesn't end" Mana pulled Alice closer and ran his fingers through her hair. She understood how miserably he was, being there, but she still wanted to stay.
"Mana, if I don't choose to stay, what will happen to you?" She asked. "Don't worry about me. I deserve what I got." He replied as he kissed her forehead. She began to cry. The man of her dreams, in a perfect world. How could she say no?
"Mana, I want to be with you!" She said. Mana looked lovingly at her and smiled. "You are the girl I dream of. The one I write about. But it would pain me to see you as sorrowed as I am. Also, there is no love here. Love dies when you do, and when you sacrifice yourself for eternal life, you are dead inside. We all are. We don't feel anything but happiness. We can't feel love, because we don't remember how it feels to be hated." he replied, leaning in to kiss her lips. "Mana --" His soft lips pressed against her's. She lightly kissed back, "I love you."
~to be continued~