The moment she saw Olivia, Amanda knew something was wrong.
She couldn't quite pinpoint it. Something in her eyes, in her forced smile. Or maybe it was the way she only opened the door a crack like she only had a moment, like she wasn't the woman who would drop everything if Amanda came to her with a development in a case or a problem.
The blonde detective held out Olivia's phone. "You left this on your desk. Thought I'd drop it off on my way home."
"Thank you." Olivia reached for the phone, her hand lingering on Amanda's a little too long. They made eye contact, and then Olivia swept her gaze down to Amanda's hip. The blonde handed over the phone and reached for her holster. "I would invite you in, but…"
Amanda kept her voice cheery as she pulled out the gun. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure you're exhausted. I know I am."
Olivia smiled, and this time it looked almost genuine. "Thanks for understanding. Have a good night."
Amanda took a deep breath, not even bothering to try to imagine what she was walking into, what could actually scare Olivia Benson. She shouldered the door open, raising her gun to find William Lewis on the other side, his own gun trained on Olivia.
"Go or I'll shoot her," he said with that awful smile of his, the smile of a man who had gotten away with everything his whole life.
If it had been anyone else, Amanda would have followed protocol. She would have tried to talk him down, waited for him to make some sort of move before she acted. But all she could think about was that day in court, the anger she'd felt when he walked away a free man. All of the pictures on the board in the squad room, the terrible things he'd done, the terrible things he'd be doing to Olivia right now if she hadn't shown up. And that smile.
Without a word, she pulled the trigger.
Amanda dragged herself up from the couch at the sound of the doorbell, praying it wasn't anyone from the department. She was still in her pajamas, her hair tied back in a messy ponytail, and she was pretty sure she looked like she hadn't slept in days, seeing as she hadn't slept in days. When she saw Olivia through the peephole, she wasn't sure if that was better or worse than others from work, but she didn't hesitate to open the door. Olivia looked just as tired if a little more put together.
"I realized I hadn't really thanked you properly," Olivia said, holding up a bottle of wine. "I'm not really sure what's the appropriate 'Thanks for saving me' gift."
Amanda smiled, nodding for Olivia to come in. "How are you doing?"
Olivia didn't comment on the mess, just sat down on the couch and waited for the blonde to join her. "I haven't been home, and I haven't been sleeping well, but all things considered…" She shrugged. "I just think about how lucky I am and that helps."
Amanda set two glasses on the table and poured the wine, curling up on the side of the couch with her legs tucked under her and cupping her glass between her hands. "You're going to be all right," she said. If anyone could get through the attack, it would be Olivia.
The brunette nodded. "How about you? Are you okay?"
Amanda recognized the look Olivia was giving her, the same expression she used for talking to victims. She tried to shrug it off, feeling guilty for the pajamas and the messy apartment and the days of moping. Olivia was the one who had been held at gunpoint by a serial rapist, not Amanda. "I'm good," she said, wishing she could be the strong one.
"I'm taking some time off, but I talked to Cragen." Olivia turned on the couch to face her better, setting a hand between them. "IAB's getting on your case? They want a statement from me."
Amanda sighed, leaning her head against the back of the couch. "Lewis's crazy lawyer is making a fuss about the shooting. Saying that I clearly had it out for him from the moment I arrested him."
Olivia smiled sympathetically. "You know you didn't do anything wrong."
"Do I?" Amanda set her glass down on the table loudly. "I don't think I've ever hated a perp that much."
Olivia slipped closer, resting her hand gently on Amanda's shoulder. "Well, I'm going to tell them the truth. I'm going to tell them that getting rid of you would be a huge mistake, because you are the best detective we've had in years."
Amanda rolled her eyes, reaching for her glass, but Olivia caught her hand and waited until the blonde looked at her again.
"I mean it. You see things that no one else does." Olivia squeezed her hand gently. "If it wasn't for your intuition, Lewis would still be out there and we wouldn't even know."
Totally unprofessional and totally weak, Amanda knew, but she closed the gap between them, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder and letting the brunette hold her. "You're crazy, but that means a lot coming from you."
Olivia stroked a hand up and down her back. "It's not just me. It's all of us, Rollins." She paused for a moment, considering their position, and corrected herself. "Amanda."
Amanda looped her arms around Olivia's waist. "Even if I lose my job, it's worth it. You're safe." She lifted her head up to meet Olivia's eyes. "I'd do it again. Even if I lose my job and my apartment and have to go back to Atlanta and work at Burger King, I'd do it."
Olivia shook her head and smiled. "You're not going anywhere." She leaned down and kissed Amanda, the blonde tightening her hold on Olivia's waist.
"Are you going to adopt me when I'm broke, then?" Amanda tucked her head down to Olivia's neck.
Olivia glanced around. "Maybe I'll move here. It's a nice place if you ignore the mess." She sighed, pressing a kiss to Amanda's hair. "Although I know I shouldn't keep running away. I have to go home sometime."
Amanda brought a hand up to Olivia's cheek, meeting her in another kiss. "You're not going anywhere."