In the tiniest incidences Emily concludes Ali can do something bizarrely conflicting with everything Ali posts to be. Beyond anything people ponder to be Ali's capacity...She contemplated sometimes in those dusky cobalt eyes for a brief happening, no longer than half a second...She could love. Sure you could chalk it up to hopeful thinking, and most of the time she did. Spencer loved to say "Hope breathes eternal misery." She thinks maybe she breathes that too, the unattainable fluke of being unconditionally loved.
It was like the cosmos would catapult all it clasped at her. A hurricane and the only break she acquired was in the eye of the assault, recognizing the worst was still on the horizon. She had ceaseless storms in her life but nothing as impactful as the one with blonde curls, scarlet lips, and the magnetizing essence that was Alison. She was Emily's biggest downfall. She blamelessly credited on her darkest of days they were cloaked in all type of layers of Alison. She was the one thing that could ruin her. The way Alison let Emily witness inside her beautiful mind, a habitat intangible to the rest of the world, only to be kicked out once Ali recalled who she was and her eyes polished over in detachment along with callousness.
Alison was Emily's ending as well as beginning. She is in a enduring battle of drowning in her unrequited love for her, she was enveloped by it entirely, and every second pulped her lungs harder and harder making it demanding to exhale. Emily can't help her eyes will always be engorged of hope, she can fill her voice with mourning all she craves but hope will everlastingly linger in the entryway to her soul. She can't pinpoint the landmark she considered Alison was capable of being human. It wasn't in one picture perfect untouched moment, but in a deficient assembly of blemished seconds quenched of deficiencies that accumulated up to the "what if" Emily had fastened to.
It was the time Emily and Ali were in Alison's room after school one day. Nobody home just the two of them dissolved in their world. Nobody else would ever accept their world and Emily believed they both appreciated it that manner. They were plainly laying on Ali's double bed flipping through aged photo albums of themselves from years past. Pictures where Ali's eyes still clutched the faintest flickers of bareness. Pictures of Emily lost in the gracefulness of her best friend. Pictures that spoke much more than a thousand words. They are thoughtless and the room is stuffed of laugher, their faces gratified of smiles. Emily wishes she could endlessly have this Alison. But, like every other time Emily is disheartened. Ali is off in her closet putting on a pink cotton dress for some boy. The easygoingness expires. Emily comprehends she holds no logic to be disturbed but she is and she can't help it. She can't stop herself from retaining these sensations and it's literally doing away with her. Alison is furrowing her sword an inch deeper into her heart. Emily longs she would just briskly cleave the sword away and be done with this cursed game of theirs. "I have to leave, Em. I'm going to be late for my mystery guy." Alison lectured as she beamed a counterfeit grin. Emily holds herself together long enough to nod." You can let yourself out right?" Ali asks her. Emily doesn't answer not due to lost of words but lack of lure, she just nods again. Ali must of detected the friction firing off Emily because she was now knelt down in front of her. She attentively lifted her chin with her fingertips and locked eyes with Emily. "You will always be my favorite." She says poetically and for half a second it's adequate. Before she could respond Ali is out of the room and all she can do is flop down on the bed and let out a sign.
These bursts of ecstasy made for the game to develop deeper and sicker. Ali was the puppet master and she adored toying with the love string on Emily. Emily reflects on their first encounter that corked her into the poison that was Alison. Aria, Hanna,Spencer,and herself were at the lake for the fourth of July fireworks.
The air was feverish and accepting, the sun was steering down over the brilliant aquamarine water of the lake. Everyone was gathered on towels on the beach. Boyfriends and girlfriends nuzzles close to one another, families appreciating time together. Hanna and Spencer were sitting on a towel together, and Aria was off with her family. Emily was deserted to cheer alone. It was then that a duo of hands found purchase on her hand and she was being jerked away from the beach into the woods all she could see was the whipping motion of long straight blonde locks, and smell the fragrance of peach.
When they finally freeze they are at this rock in the core of this modest opening in the forest. She fascinations what this is, then it bombards her this is the kissing rock. The rock people went to to be proximate and experience a kiss that was contrary than any other. This was a hallmark emplacement. Alison sitting on the rock patting the position next to her for Emily to sit. "I see you looking at me." Ali says all too fearless and canny. She endures "I see you looking at me, I see you wanting me." Ali remarks eyeing Emily the whole time making sure the emotion of anxiety is exhaustively enforced in Emily's interior. "I don't know what you're talking about." Emily comes back with. She understands it came off like lie and it was. She prys her eyes elsewhere from the blonde. "If you want something Emily, you can't be weak. You need to take it." Alison says. Emily senses like perchance Ali was looking at her and wanting her in the way she wants to be looked at and wanted. So when Alison slowly flows forward and pauses less than an inch from Emily and exhales out on her burning lips, Emily seals the divide. She is kissing Ali like every transition of her lips was a love confession. Ali lips are feminine and seducing, they are electric and addicting, they are everything she never expected. When they detach her chest is heaving heavily and her fingers are dancing on her lips. "See, if you want something go for it. But for me this isn't something I want." She discusses gesturing between her and Emily. "I like boys." She says frostily. Emily's high was over and was back in the world of immortal bleakness at the hands of Ali. She hiked away briskly not even waiting for Emily to follow. Emily can't help but think somehow even though she lost, she kind of won because she did kiss Alison. Emily understanding in their diseased game even when she's losing she's winning and vice versa.
Emily conceives she may truly have been Ali's favorite. It's the brief things that make her accept so. It is when at lunch at the cafeteria and Hanna and Emily are both about to sit down next to Ali. Ali trashes Hanna with malicious brutal words about how she will break the bench sitting next to her. So Hanna slumps gloomily down next to Spencer on the other side of the table and Ali pats the spot next to her with a sugary smile. It's when Ali allows her to behold her with no makeup and her hair in a chaotic bun and her eyes red from lack of sleep. It's the image when they are out at the movie just the two of them and Ali relaxes her head on her Shoulder. It's when Emily is on Alison's phone when she goes through the contacts one day to order a pizza and she see's her name with a heart next to it, no other names had a heart. It was when the earth was deceased at nighttime and they were bundled up in Emily's bed and they were entangled in a disarray of limbs.
She relives when their game defied the line into the red zone and shifted into a whole other tier of obscurity. Ali's older brother Jason threw a animalistic party filled with beer and asinine guys. Emily was spending the night next door at Spencer's. When the party was at it's wildest she went to check on Ali. She foraged high and low, inside the house and outside and no sign of the blonde beauty.
But when she made it to the creamy door of Ali's room. Emily mindfully cast the door open slowly not wanting to arouse the girl if she asleep. A slim figure was laying in a ball facing the wall her back to Emily."Ali." She called out needing to see the girl. "Alison." She called out once more even more needy. Alison prevails facing the wall.
Emily imagines its probably the better idea to walk out the room and close the door behind her and never speak a word of this. But she wasn't ever going to walk out on Alison. She creeps closer to the bed and lays speechlessly next to girl. She recognizes the ordinances of the game, you don't touch Alison unless she instigates it. But as she slips her arms around the broken girl, she doesn't fight her.
Some time goes by before Ali turns around to face Emily on the bed. Alison is just stares into her eyes. Tears are jetting down her porcelain cheeks additionally shes heavily sniffling. Emily cleanses the tears on the girl's face. Emily doesn't ask what happened she knows better than to ask Ali questions. Alison just lays in her arms crying her dazzling ocean eyes out. Emily didn't say a word just held the broken girl in her arms, like if she let go Alison would shatter in a million pieces.
After what feels like hours in this intense position Alison asks her "Do you love me?" it came off skeptical also fragile. Things Ali never was. Emily beholden the girls with her eyes and emancipated her with the truth "Yes." Ali didn't smile or say it back, but her tears were now just threatening.
Alison dragged Emily even closer, before she could think Alison was kissing up and down her neck leaving a trail of goose bumps in her route. Emily eyes rolls back in her head at the unanticipated contact. "Ali." Emily embarks to babble before she is cut off by Alison's lips on hers. "No talking. Please Em. I need this." Ali says and Emily thinks she needs this too.
This kiss is vastly different than prior its desperate,thirsting, and brazen. Ali isn't recanting anything, she is kissing her without a camouflaged endeavor. Tears are melding in the flavor of their kiss, it's dirtied with the taste of salt tugging them to reality. Pale hands are drawing Emily's shirt over her head. Emily laughs to herself she reasons Alison is pure crazy and Emily is just out of her own damn mind. But right now she giving all of herself to Alison, and for this rare occasion Ali is doing the identical thing. Alison kisses her way down her neck to the skin flaunted on stomach pecking adoringly. Soon all clothing is in a council on the floor.
That night was a night of gambling it all, it was night full of bruised lips, hands unearthing bodies, they were sheer fire. They were one that night. Emily considers that this was what making love was. She thinks if Alison couldn't love after this night she never would. Emily had authentically fabricated love in the those tussled sheets with Alison.
Emily wakes up first the next morning still disrobed from the night's lays in a deep slumber beside her also just covered by the white blanket. She looks at peace and flawless besides the mascara that had run down her face. Emily wipes it gently cautious not to rouse the dormant girl. Emily can feel the abrasions on her neck and chest, that are sure to bruise each acknowledging she belonged to Alison. Ali wakes up and beams at the sight of Emily. But they don't regress back to the night events. Alison is showered and dressed before she can blink saying how she has to go.
Emily thinks all Ali ever did was leave. She left every time after she gave Emily the simplest of hopes. And here she stood knowing that after all this time Ali was indeed alive. She decays on her bed. She had just seen the girl who was all of her first. Her first crush, first kiss, first time, her first love. Alison was truly her ending and her beginning. Spencer had ruin a moment of hope. Emily thinks maybe it was for the better. Then she spots a pink note on her desk that wasn't there before she left. It read.
Dear Em,
I will never forget. It was always real. You will always be the person in my head and my heart.
P.S. You are still my favorite.
Alison
There was no confession of love. There was no promise of the future. No. Not in words. But in the interpretation it said everything Emily ever needed to hear. Alison was letting her in, she was giving herself to Emily. This was the moment Emily knew Alison was only human but maybe didn't love...Emily was the exception.